Disclaimer: I don't own Maria Holic at all.

Hey everybody! So MoodyAura's and Karin Ochibi-chan's Maria Holic fics inspired me to write this fanfic. Like they said, there aren't many fanfics for this series, but I personally wanted more Maria Holic style romance (quite different from normal romance of course) and crazy events, so I figured why wait for someone else to do it if you can do it yourself?

So I wrote this mostly out of my American school experience, so if there are parts that don't fit in with the Japanese school system I apologize. Also I chose Okinawa because well I heard there are beaches there and I wanted to have them go on a classic slice of life style beach trip because well awesome things tend to happen in those episodes :).

Also I've been reading the manga from the beginning in order to remind myself of different character's personalities and how they address each other. So I did my best to write them in character, but I may have failed. If I got the way they address each other wrong, ie -san, -chan, nicknames let me know and I'll fix it.


"Sigh…"

"URUSU!" Mariya shouted as he chucked one of the treats of the day at Kanako's face. Today's treat was chocolate cake.

It was hard enough for Kanako to resist the treats as Ryuuken-sama and the dorm mistress downed them, but now that its sweet waft filled her nostrils from the proximity of her left cheek, she caved and wiped the chocolately concoction into her mouth, swallowing it in one bite.

"Damn it Mariya you know I'm on a diet! Are you trying to make this school trip more miserable for me than it already is?"

"Hey it's not like I'm happy about having to share a room with you either. Even if it's a vacation, I still can't trust you not to give away my secret. It'll be hard enough keeping it without you making things worse."

"Oh yeah that's right. How are you going wiggle out of exposing your true nature this time? Hard to hide your fake chest in a swimsuit and Shizu's not going to be able to cover for you since the boys' school has exams this week." Perhaps this time I'll succeed in revealing the evil demon to the world.

"Don't get your hopes up, pervert" Mariya responded to her thoughts. He then smirked and flicked his nose with his thumb. "Heh. Who said I was going to hide my chest? When we get there I'll tell the teacher I'm severely nauseated from car sickness and need to rest in my hotel room. If that doesn't work, I have a doctor's note saying my skin's too sensitive to prolonged exposure to the sun. With an excuse for my absence, I can enjoy the beach as Shizu, a local student on a date with his girlfriend."

"…Girlfriend!" Figures Mariya would get a girlfriend before I ever did, even if it is pretend.

"Pleased to meet you Kanako-san, my name's Rika Matsuda." Matsurika said, giving a small bow to Kanako at Mariya's side. "My 'boyfriend' Sandy here couldn't possibly get a real girlfriend even if he tried. They'd flee after finding out he's actually a cross-dressing sicko." After finishing her introduction, Matsurika leapt forward, dodging the swing of her "boyfriend's" pillow.

His red eyes sparked flames as he glared at Matsurika, "You'll pay for that!" Grabbing another piece of cake, he flung it towards Matsurika who deftly dodged, giving Kanako more brown blush, this time on her right cheek. The ends of silver pigtails disappeared behind the bathroom door, followed by a brown splatter.

Kanako gave a satisfied, yet disgruntled exhale after quickly devouring the second piece of chocolate cake. Dear mother in heaven, please don't let this chocolate go straight to my hips, Kanako prayed with tears streaming down her face. After all she had been dieting for months in preparation for the school trip to Okinawa. It was worth all the suffering in order to impress beach babes. Blood gushed forth as she pictured the sun-kissed maidens.

"Besides you should be less worried about me and more about yourself. I'm pretty sure your nose is going to spew a waterfall of blood into the ocean, attracting every shark in a 50-mile radius." Mariya quipped, having calmed down and returned to his usual cold-hearted self.

"Heh. You're not the only one with a plan. I finally get to kiss my Kiesselbach problems goodbye! Behold!" Kanako triumphantly holds up two tampons and ceremoniously shoves them up her nose. "I got the idea after watching She's the Man. That show also gave me another great idea…" Kanako's tampons started turning red as Mariya face palms in aggravation.

"…You look like a retarded walrus."

"Looks like? With all this blubber she could very well be one." Matsurika added, pinching the side of Kanako's tummy, causing her to yelp like a walrus in surprise.

"You guys are heartless, cruel jerks you know that?" Kanako stated bitterly, discarding her now bloodied tampons from her nose. "Anyway we're going to be late for the bus. Let's go."


During the bus trip, Kanako formulated a couple of goals. Of course, the main goal would be to ogle all the beautiful women on the beach and get a few pictures for the new album she had to start thanks to Mariya, but it didn't hurt to aim for higher ones. Wait a minute. Kanako searched frantically through the bags for her camera, only to come up with nothing. Of course Mariya would take her camera and knew her intentions were to capture mammaries, not memories.

After turning back to give Mariya the stink eye, she took her mind off the minor setback by putting her other goals in degrees of likelihood. The one she could most easily accomplish was getting one of her classmates to rub sun tan lotion on her back. She only hoped she wouldn't go unconscious like the time Honoka Tsutsui combed her hair.

Next was the one she definitely had to pull off somehow: an accidental boob squeeze, or better yet, accidentally falling into someone's boobs. The latter would be hard since she was much taller than most girls.

Lastly, if she could pull off this last goal, it would be absolute bliss. Pretend to drown and get the forbidden mouth-to-mouth by a sexy lifeguard who knew CPR. Or better yet, maybe Ryuuken would be her savior; she definitely seemed to be the type of person who would know that kind of thing. She got a nosebleed just thinking about it.

After a long trip by bus, and a short ferry ride, they finally arrived at Okinawa. They all dropped their suitcases off at the hotel then headed for the beach; well everyone except Mariya, whose car sickness excuse worked like a charm. How could it not when Mariya's charisma was so off the charts that it still manages to work on Kanako sometimes. Manipulative gorgeous bastard. Oh well hopefully it'll give her a little time to enjoy the beach without Mariya somehow thwarting her happiness.

Kanako descended on the beach with her friends Sachi, Yuzuru, and Kiri, who were all still wearing their clothes, but had their swimsuits on underneath. She wasn't disappointed about this fact though because it would be like having a mini strip tease. Thank you Father Kanae, she thought immediately in order to stop the coming nosebleed. Lots of blood was sure to be lost today, so she had to cut her fantasies short where she could. If she didn't, she'd pass out from blood loss, and the thought of missing a wardrobe malfunction was not ok. She didn't think she would ever use those words again regarding Father Kanae, but it was thanks to him that everyone didn't have to wear ugly one piece swimsuits. He argued vehemently against the school issued suits, saying that it would hinder their ability to blend in with the rest of the visitors.

After laying her towel out and setting up an umbrella alongside the others, she threw her clothes off in one fell swoop, revealing a plain dark blue bikini and a water-proof fanny pack. Unfashionable sure, but how else was she going to carry her tampon reserves? Also tucked away inside were goggles, necessary for observing the human body suspended in water. It's truly a sight to behold, after all every feature is magnified to pleasing proportions, especially boobs. With everything accounted for, she turned her attention to her friends, who were starting to take their clothes off. Dear mother in heaven, life is good!

"Isn't it beautiful you guys? The shining sun, the warm sand, the ebbing tide!" Sachi exclaimed.

"Yes the view is certainly fantastic." Kanako mused absently, her mouth ajar as she watched Sachi pull her short-shorts down slowly, revealing a yellow and red stripped bikini bottoms.

"It's certainly fortunate we get to go on such an amazing school trip. There's not much wind either, perfect for beach ball or Frisbee." Yuzuru added, pulling her top over her head, uncovering a white bikini top with pink polka dots containing her unrivaled cleavage.

Kiri nodded, unbuttoning her blouse and revealing part of her petite chest and green bikini top matching the color of her eyes perfectly. "I'm looking forward to seeing all the sea life. You can find some interesting creatures in tide pools or on the ocean floor. Like that thing." Kiri said, pointing towards the seashore. Looking in the direction she pointed, there was a small pile of seaweed, and it was moving—towards them!

Kanako eyes went wide with horror, "Waaaaagh it's a seaweed monster! What did I ever do to deserve this? I'll never say anything bad about you again UMA in my school bag! Call it off, call it off!" Shaking, she dove for her towel, hiding under it the best she could. Sachi and Yuzuru held each other apprehensively, while Kiri just observed. The creature stopped in front of them and hopped a little as it started to grunt, which sounded like a broken hissing noise.

"Aaaah Yonakuni-san," a familiar voice drawled, "I told you to stay away from the seaweed. Now you're all tangled up." Peeking out to see who it was, Kanako saw the dorm mistress in a blue one-piece swimsuit. She bent down and started pulling the seaweed off, unraveling a Yonakuni-san wrapped like a sushi roll.

"Thank you God!" Kanako exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air.

"You're welcome, Miyamae-san," she replied, taking the last of the seaweed off. "Come on Yonakuni-san, let's go find some hidden treasure." Yonakuni agreed happily with a wheezy "yeah-yeah" as he walked away with his nose to the ground. His master followed behind him with a shovel over her shoulder as she sang, "When you see a whale, harpoon it in the neck, then drag it in a net as…" That's all Kanako could hear of the morbid song before it was out of earshot.

"Kanako-kun!" someone yelled, and Kanako turned to see Ryuuken running towards her in a purple and black striped bikini, with a wooden sword sticking through the bikini bottom's strap. Kanako's tampons that were bloody from the "strip show" earlier flew out of her nose as a geyser of blood erupted, getting all over her towel. This was definitely straight out of one of those scenes in Baywatch where a hot lifeguard's running in slow motion with a lifesaver tucked under her arm. Behind her was Honoka-san, who was in a brown bikini with white polka dots and a frilly trim. She was holding a swinging red bucket in her hand.

Upon arriving, Ryuuken put her hands on Kanako's shoulders and asked, "Are you alright Kanako-kun? I heard you screaming in fear. Oh no you're bleeding! Who did this to you?" Ryuuken grabbed her sword and swung it from left to right frantically looking for a suspicious looking character.

"It's ok Ryuuken-sama really, it's just a nosebleed. I get them all the time." Kanako assured her.

"We thought we were being attacked by a seaweed monster, but it turned out to be Yonakuni-san. If anything was wrong, I would take care of it for Miyamae-san," Kiri explained.

"O-of course, excuse my intrusion," Ryuuken said nervously, putting her sword away and giving Kiri a small bow.

"Anyway, what have you two been doing?" Sachi asked, chipper as ever despite the now-awkward atmosphere.

"Ah. Honoka-san asked me if I could help her gather seashells," Ryuuken answered.

Honoka held up the pail, "I'm using them to decorate cell phones, desks, hairpins, and other objects when we get back to school." Ah yes, Kanako recalled, the hair and glitter fad. "Well we should probably get going, see you guys later! Come on, Ryuuken-sama!" Before Ryuuken said anything, she was being pulled away by Honoka, who was hanging onto her arm. Of course it was more than collecting seashells for Honoka; it was probably a good excuse to have some alone time with Ryuuken-sama, Kanako thought.

As she watched them run off, she caught the sight of the discarded seaweed, which was rearranged to make a glaring face. Kanako jumped in surprise; she didn't see Honoka manipulate the seaweed, but she got the message loud and clear: Stay away from Ryuuken-sama, or else. She shuddered at the thought of what Honoka would do to her with a giant supply of seaweed on hand. Between her and the beetle-freak Hanabusa, Ryuuken was pretty much unavailable. So much for having Ryuuken-sama in my harem, Kanako sobbed. With her head downcast, Kanako noticed her towel was now covered in blood.

"Oh no my towel's ruined!" Kanako exclaimed, picking up her now red towel.

"Don't worry Kanako-chan, here have one of mine!" Sachi said, pulling a towel out of her bag.

"Thanks," Kanako replied as she accepted the new towel. Wait one? How many does she have on her? Leave it to Sachi to have an endless supply of whatever you could need. "Anyway how about we put some sun block on and go for a swim?"

"That's a great idea!" Sachi said, and the other two nodded in agreement. They each grabbed some sun block and started applying it. "I hope I can get a tan like yours Kanako-chan!" Kanako tilted her head confused then looked down at her arm to see that she indeed had a light tan.

"Ah, yeah I must've gotten it on the bus ride over here. I tan pretty quickly. Maybe I'll get as dark as Enjouzi-sensei." Kanako laughed, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment.

"That's how my tans usually end up." Kiri said. Kanako looked at her thoughtfully; it'd be a really nice look for Kiri actually. In fact, without the glasses she'd look a lot like Enjouzi-sensei, minus the magnificent breasts of course.

"Really? I always get sunburned somewhere, so I have to apply sun block frequently." Yuzuru commented, frowning a little, "Hey Sachi can you help me cover my back?" Kanako's ears perked up. The moment has come, she thought to herself, and put in her tampons in preparation.

"Of course," Sachi replied cheerfully, spraying Sachi's back with sunscreen spray.

"Ah that's cold!" Yuzuru shuddered.

"Sorry, I guess I'll use the lotion then," with that, Sachi squirted lotion into her hands and started massaging Yuzuru's back. Not so much massaging, but that's what it looked like in Kanako's yuri vision. The lovely scene filled her mind with joy and her nose with blood. Oi wait Kanako what are you doing? Don't get distracted from your mission!

Forcing herself to look away from her two friends, Kanako turned to Kiri, "Hey Kiri-san, could you help me with my back as well?"

"Sure," Kiri replied simply, applying some sun tan lotion to her hands. Kanako turned around, squealing inside like a rabid fan-girl, and put new tampons to soak up the blood explosion. However as she looked out over the beach, she caught a glimpse of two people in the distance. They were both facing away, one behind the other, applying sunscreen by the looks of it. The former had blonde hair and the latter silver. That blonde hair looks familiar…Shizu? Wait not impossible Shizu's not here, so then…Mariya? Sure enough, upon squinting a little, Kanako saw that the blonde wasn't wearing a bikini top after all. What were the chances he'd be right next to her when he could've been anywhere else along the enormous coastline? He did say he'd be keeping an eye on her, so maybe he looked around the beach until he found her. Or maybe he has no idea she's here. Urgh this is so annoying! His very presence is tainting my yuri fantasy! Kanako's head started spinning as she considered what he could be scheming to make her miserable. Wait calm down Kanako, don't jump to conclusions. There's still a chance that he doesn't know you're here—

"Done." Kiri said, abruptly interrupting Kanako's paranoia. She blinked.

"Pardon?" Kanako asked, hoping she didn't just hear what she thought she heard.

"I'm done covering your back in sunscreen." Kiri clarified, closing the nozzle of the lotion and walking away. Kanako froze, horrified. She slowly moved her hand to a tampon in her nose and took it out. Shifting her gaze downward, she saw that it was as white as a lily.

No…it can't be. It's impossible! Her inner self started to have a meltdown; specifically running in circles, wailing, ripping her hair out, and bouncing off the walls of her brain. Meanwhile Kanako's outer self was still staring in disbelief. She couldn't believe it…how was it possible that Mariya of all people distracted her so much that she would ignore a lotion massage from Kiri? He may not even know I'm here and he's already making me miserable!

Before she could finish processing this development, Sachi snapped her out of her thoughts. "Kanako-chan, are you ready to go in the water yet?" she asked, not aware of the turmoil Kanako was suffering.

Shaking her head back and forth to clear her mind, Kanako stood up and turned to face Sachi and the others. "Yes, hurry let's go!" Kanako exclaimed, pulling Sachi along with her as she bolted for the seashore in determination. Gotta get away before Mariya sees me! He will not ruin any more of my vacation! I just have to ignore him and pray that he doesn't know I'm here. Dear mother in heaven, please don't let him find me!

Upon reaching the edge of the tide, Kanako and Sachi bent over and started panting. Now that she was further away from him, she felt better already. Yuzuru and Kiri caught up to them ten seconds later.

"Wow Kanako-san you ran so fast! Was there another sea monster or something?" Yuzuru asked.

More like the spawn of Satan himself. "No I'm just eager to swim is all. I used to be captain of the swim team in junior high you know!" she announced proudly. She was too young then to appreciate the beauty of the female body, but she still treasured the memories that she wouldn't have the chance to make again since she was banned from the school pool ever since 9th grade thanks to her chronic perverted-onset nosebleeds. Luckily though she wasn't banned from the beach!

"Wow I didn't know that! That's so cool!" Sachi said in awe.

"Well that was the past. It's time to enjoy the present! Let's go in the water." They took a couple of steps forward and the tide flowed above their ankles, causing them to wince.

"It's so cold!" Sachi squealed, frantically lifting one foot after the other out of the water.

"Yes, but after staying out in the sun for a while I'm sure the cold temperature will be most welcome." Kiri observed.

"I definitely prefer the temperature of this sand compared to the sand that isn't wet. It felt like I was running across hot coals." Yuzuru added, with Kiri and Sachi nodding in agreement. Kanako on the other hand was proverbially drooling out of her nose as she stared at her friends' nipples that were now showing through their swimsuit due to the sudden chill.

"Hey ladies, come on in, the water's fine!" a voice called out to them. Kanako knew that voice; it was the one voice she dreaded to hear.

She turned her head quickly, and sure enough, there he was jogging towards them. A ! appeared above her head, and her mind started playing encounter music. She looked back and forth for a place to hide, but where, how? If only stealth camouflage was real—heh she'd love to see the dumbfounded look on his face as she and her friends disappeared before his eyes. Unfortunately, the fact of the situation was he had spotted her after all, despite her haste.

As he got close enough to see them in detail, Mariya frowned. "…Kanako? Damn, I thought you were a hot, tanned beach babe." Kanako fell. He didn't know she was there after all! And I'm not ugly you little… Before she could retaliate, her friends spoke up first.

"Kanako-chan, you know this guy?" Sachi asked, smiling at the newcomer.

"You're so lucky!" Yuzuru exclaimed and started to blush.

"Odd, judging by his looks, he's out of your league," Kiri said bluntly, her eyes shifting up and down as she inspected his physique.

Gee thanks a lot Kiri, Kanako thought. It was apparent that they were all infatuated with his good looks, and she couldn't blame them. After all, she too was over the moon when she first met "him".

Mariya answered for her. "Kanako and I have been friends since junior high. We were on the swim team together."

Kanako looked skeptical, "If that's true, then why are you in Okinawa exactly?"

"Come on, don't tell me you don't recognize me Kanako-chan! It's me Shizu!" Actually she didn't recognize Mariya physically, since he now stood before her sans the wig and boobs. So she took a moment to take in his new appearance. His golden yellow hair was slicked back, since it was wet from having just gotten out of the water. This allowed emphasis to fall on his striking crimson eyes. His skin was milky white, and his well-defined chest had drops of water running down the length of his torso. He had no six-pack to speak of, but his abs were nicely sculpted. His swim trunks were dark red with a tropical flower pattern in a red color that matched his eyes. His arms and calves were toned, but surprisingly his legs were smooth and not hairy.

The way the droplets on his skin glittered in the sun, his build, and overall features reminded her of the sparkly vampire in that Twilight movie her friends made her go see. God damn he was gorgeous, male or female. Wait a minute…what the hell was she thinking? Was the heat frying her brain, or was the blood loss making her delusional?

"Ah still having nosebleeds I see. I remember you getting those a lot in our last year of junior high. Actually, you haven't changed a bit since junior high."

Nosebleed? Kanako touched her upper lip and inspected her hand and sure enough, there was a little bit of blood. Nowhere near as much as usual; probably the amount of one nostril's trickle, but still! What was wrong with her? This had to be a dream, no a nightmare…it's the only explanation.

"Apparently I've changed a lot since you don't recognize me. As for why I'm in Okinawa, I moved here after junior high. It's currently spring break at my high school, so I decided to spend it on the beach."

So this is the story she was suppose to play along with. First at school she had to pretend she didn't know he was a boy, now at the beach he is a boy and she has to pretend she doesn't know he's actually Mariya. Exactly when did her life become so topsy-turvy? Oh yeah, the moment she met the flip-flopping transvestite.

"Oh Shizu! I remember you now! It's been quite a long time. Good to see you again." Not.

"Wow Kanako-chan! What are the odds you'd run into one of your old friends in Okinawa?" Sachi said.

"Ah yes, my apologies ladies," Mariya took a little bow, "Kanako, why don't you introduce me to your friends?"

Always polite to everyone but me aren't you? "Oh right," Kanako gestured toward them in turn, "Shizu these are my friends Sachi Momoi, Yuzuru Inamori, and Nanami Kiri."

"Nice to meet you," they all said and gave a slight bow to Mariya.

Mariya walked over to them, "I assure you, the pleasure's all mine." He then proceeded to kiss each of them on the hand, causing them all to blush. Kanako's jaw dropped—did Mariya seriously just kiss her friends on the hand? That slimy cur. She was getting minor hives on her hand just watching the act. He wasn't going to get away with this; Kanako wasn't going to stand for a man's lips tainting beautiful maidens' hands!

"Hey Shizu! Last I heard you had a girlfriend. Why isn't she here with you?"

"Ah yes Rika. She is," Mariya pointed his thumb over his shoulder, and sure enough "Rika" was busy building an enormous sandcastle. Kanako also noticed she had her hair in a ponytail and was wearing black bikini with white lace adorning the bottom of the two pieces. "I wasn't interested in building a sandcastle, so I decided to go for a swim. Would you and your friends like to join me, Kanako?"

"Are you sure your girlfriend's ok with you hanging out with a bunch of girls?" Kanako asked. Ha, so much for your chivalrous image! How are you going to justify this one, "Shizu"?

Mariya kept his expression neutral, but his teeth were gritted in annoyance. He didn't expect Kanako to actually be smart enough to use this against him. It's an extremely hard situation to justify even for a master of manipulation like him. Here goes nothing.

"...Nanami Kiri was it? My girlfriend Rika Matsuda went to elementary school with you here in Okinawa."

"Hm really? I wasn't aware."

"She's told me about how responsible you are and I'm sure if she knows you're around, she can count on there being no funny business. You'll keep an eye on me for her won't you? Not that I plan to cheat on my girlfriend."

"Of course." Uh oh Mariya what have you done? Hopefully this won't turn out to go to the lengths that Kiri went to for her promise to Kumagai sensei.

Heh this is going to be fun, Mariya thought to himself, Kanako isn't going to let me get away with any harmless flirting with her precious "harem". The flirting's just a ruse anyway...there's little I enjoy more than messing with people, especially Kanako. Her reactions are always over the top and entertaining.

"Excellent. Excuse me then ladies, I'll be back before you know it!" Mariya started jogging toward Matsurika, waving behind him and giving them a wink.

"I should've known he was taken." Yuzuru sighed.

"Yeah it's too bad. At least we get to hang out with him though. Maybe he has some cute friends!" Sachi said, trying to look on the bright side.

"It's just as well, he lives in Okinawa after all, and most long distance relationships fail." Kiri stated matter-of-factly.

Kanako felt a little bad about crushing their, well, crush, but she knew his true nature and her friends were better off not getting their hopes up. There was nothing else she could do—she was stuck with Mariya the rest of the day. Things couldn't get any worse than they already have been…right?


Holy crap you have no idea how hard it was to think of a good excuse for Mariya to hang out with other hot girls. Thankfully Kiri's from Okinawa, so it made things easier. Mariya knows this because he's got data on everyone in the school. I'm justifying it as believable because I think Kanako's friends are more disappointed about finding out that he's taken rather than really thinking about the implications of a man with a girlfriend hanging out with other girls without his girlfriend.

I also realize the excuse to not have Shizu switch with Mariya is a little weak as well, but shh just go with it. Also Matsurika nicknamed Mariya, well I guess Shizu, Sandy because well he has sandy blonde hair and they're going to the beach :P. And I had to throw in a Metal Gear Solid reference in there because I love that series and well, Maria Holic's all about random references. I know technically it'd be Mariya having an exclamation mark appear above his head, since Kanako's doing the sneaking, but well...artistic license. As for when Kanako's describing Mariya and nose bleeding a bit, I realize that's a bit OOC without a good reason, but perhaps Mariya's still feminine looking enough that it was able to trigger a reaction.

So let me know if it's super OOC or AU and I'll modify the description to reflect it. I have a hard time figuring out if it is or not. Anyway criticisms and suggestions welcome, but don't be too harsh, I have an inferiority complex when it comes to writing. I probably am aware of the flaws; everyone's their own worst critic after all. For instance, I feel like my sentences are a bit simple, but I hope it's still ok to read despite that. If people are having a really hard time, I'll do my best to edit it to be more pro. I'm kind of a writing novice in the fiction department. I'm just eager to get it up though. It's strange, when writing it I had the same impatience I have when I'm waiting for another fanfic writer to update their fic.

Anyway things are going to heat up some more next chapter though I promise ;).