ENTRY FOR "Born This Way Contest"
Summary: Jasper recounts his firsts with the love of his life.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. I do own the order in which these words are strung together. Robert Pattinson owns me.
The first time I set eyes on Edward Cullen was in eleventh grade art class. I remember it distinctly for two reasons. One, I never forget anything about Edward. Two, it also coincided with my first ever boner at school.
I slid in to the seat next to him and set my backpack in my lap. He spoke openly about his family's move to Forks from Seattle and how happy he was for a change, citing no real friends and lots of teasing at his old school directed his way as the reason.
I didn't press him for details, only offered my services as a guide to Forks and its surrounding areas. He was interested, he had said, and the innuendo did not escape my notice.
The first time I saw Edward naked was after basketball practice in the shower. Every inch of him was beautiful and I was scared to be caught staring. However, I couldn't help sneaking glances as much as possible out of the corner of my eye as he dressed himself.
I noticed that he wore colored briefs. He buttoned his shirt from the top to the bottom, not the other way around. I especially noticed the way he shimmied his ass when he pulled his jeans up over his hips. He walked to the sink and looked in the mirror, running his fingers through his hair instead of a comb.
Everything about him was different than what I had come to expect from other boys our age. He smiled a lot and was nice to everyone. He didn't hang with a certain clique and he was never rude or short with anyone. He cared about his schoolwork but didn't come off as a nerd. He played basketball but didn't hang with the team during lunch or after school. He didn't smoke and he didn't attend the weekend parties, even though all the girls invited him.
Yes, Edward Cullen was different and I found myself liking him very much.
The first time I figured out for sure that Edward was gay like me was three weeks later, when I found him crying under the bleachers after school. The team members had been picking on him he said, and he was sick of it.
When I finally convinced him it was all right to could confide in me, he explained that his family had moved because of constant pressure from his peers to be what they called normal. His family wanted him to keep his preference a secret but he didn't want to hide.
He felt he should be able to be himself without conflict. He didn't understand why people cared so much who he liked or wanted to sleep with. He wanted to go on dates and be kissed in the backseat of cars the same as every other high school student.
But obviously they did care very much, because he was back to being shoved and called names. He let it slip that the ringleader was, Mike Newton, and I didn't see Edward again for a week. I happen to get suspended an hour later for breaking Newton's nose.
The first time I dreamed of Edward I wasn't surprised. He was so fucking hot. I couldn't stop thinking about him. We had been eating lunch together every day. We never touched each other, but there was casual flirting and easy conversation. I had come to dread and hate weekends. He still hadn't said anything about going out together and I was too nervous to ask him.
The thing is I wanted to spend more time with him and I really, really wanted to touch him. So it was no wonder I dreamed of my hand on his cock, caressing and stroking him. In my dream he did a fuckawesome striptease and gave me an all access pass to his naked body. I woke up lying in a wet spot, a huge smile on my face, and a still hard dick.
I quickly got up and changed the sheets before jumping in the shower for a conscious wank. When I was sated and scrubbed, I still had the smile spread across my cheeks and I realized I had finally found the gumption to ask Edward on a date.
The first time I took Edward to the movies; we bought popcorn and teased each other during the trailers. We had decided on a horror flick and I was anxious to be alone in the dark with him. He wore a blue button down shirt and let me hold his hand during the scary part.
When the movie was over, I excused myself to the restroom. Edward smiled sweetly and said he'd wait for me by the doors. I took my time using the urinal, washing my hands and checking my appearance in the mirror. Really, I was working up the nerve to kiss him goodnight.
When I exited the bathroom looking for Edward, I found him right where he said he would be except he was surrounded by three huge dark skinned boys I recognized from the local Indian reservation. Edward was standing proudly and trying not to let them bother him but his green eyes fell on me and I could see the fear.
Striding over toward them, I caught the venom spewing from their mouths. Words like, "faggot" and phrases like, "Your kind don't belong here". When I am close enough, I reach my hand out and he takes it, smiling, ignoring the others as they make gagging noises. I pulled Edward toward me as I glared at the other boys.
One had the nerve to push Edward as he stepped to me, and my boy stumbled and fell to his knee. The boys from the reservation laughed at Edward's pain and I was livid. Edward begged me not to make things worse by fighting with them. So I helped him up and we walked out the doors.
The boys tried to follow us but were stopped by a security guard who said he had the entire encounter on videotape and that he'd be speaking with the authorities and the boys' parents. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the panic stricken look on their faces.
I took Edward home and he cried quietly the entire way while I held his hand, rubbing circles over his knuckles. He told me he still didn't want to hide, he wanted to be brave but some days it's daunting to take the entire world on at once. He said he realized that some people would never change their minds and accept him and that was their prerogative. He asked me why it makes people want to hurt him. That's what he couldn't understand.
I didn't have an answer for him and I didn't kiss him goodnight. Not that night. Not under those circumstances.
The first time that Edward called me on the phone was two days later. All the day's good deeds done by ten o'clock, I was lying in bed listening to the local rock station.
I answered the phone without looking at the screen figuring it was my sister calling from college. What happened when I heard his voice on the other end can only be described as insta-erection. My soldier went from completely at ease to rigid salute in a nanosecond.
"Jasper," he said out in a rush as if he had been holding his breath.
His voice was raspy, sexy, nervous, shy, but oh so brave. Everything that is just so Edwardly. It nearly put me into a lust induced coma as all my internal organs shut down to listen.
He wanted to know if I trusted him enough to go somewhere secluded with him.
I asked him if I needed to pack a bag.
The first time that Edward took me to the meadow was also the day I realized Edward was it for me and I was ruined for anyone else. He was leaning against a tree, his lips puckered as he whistled a tune, tapping his fingers in rhythm against his thigh.
My future was standing right in front of me and I decided not to waste any more time. I was going to claim him and do everything in my power to deserve him.
I stepped in front of him and placed my hand on his chest, walking my fingers upwards until I was cupping the back of his neck. I was pretty certain he wanted me as bad as I wanted him but I moved in slowly giving him plenty of time to stop me if he wanted. He didn't stop me.
Just before our mouths fused together I could have sworn I heard him mumble, "Finally." Then we were all teeth and tongues and hands roaming everywhere. It was sloppy, awkward and the best damn thing ever.
The first time that Edward and I made love was cliché and perfect. We went to prom together and much to my surprise I didn't have to snarl, growl, or break anyone's nose. Edward wore a black tux with a silver vest and a thin silver, silk scarf around his neck. I wore a silver tux with a black vest and a black fedora tilted sideways on my head.
We drank punch and laughed with a few close friends. We danced together and when I held him in my arms the band faded, the crowd disappeared, and the lights all seemed a little less bright next to him.
Afterward, we went to a party on the beach and laughed more with our friends, this time as we passed shots of vodka and an acoustic guitar around a fire. Unable to keep our hands off of each other, we snuck away early for the hotel room I had reserved.
I was giggly nervous. We had long since had the sex discussion of what was going where. We both wanted everything but I wanted to go first on the bottom. I needed to know how high the pain factor was before I could do that to Edward.
We kissed slowly and undressed slower. We had seen each other naked before but we both knew this was different. Lying on the bed, Edward crawled over me, teasing me mercilessly before taking me into his mouth. It wasn't long before he was using his fingers to stretch me then pulling lube and condoms out of his overnight bag.
The burning sting was bad until he was seated in me and I had adjusted. He kissed me deeply to distract from the pain but all I could focus on was the intimacy. The act itself was over quickly but the touching and kissing lasted for hours and was just as fulfilling.
The first night that Edward and I stayed in our apartment near the college we had a picnic on a blanket in the floor. Exhausted from hauling boxes, unpacking, and placating our mothers that we would be fine on our own we kissed them goodbye at the door and took showers.
A six pack of beer and a large sausage and mushroom pizza later, we settled back in our underwear and watched Pirate Radio on DVD. Edward crept closer, laying his cheek on my chest, his fingertips making figure eights on my thigh. It amused me that he was acting shy now that we were finally alone with no chance of interruption.
Lust kicked in and initiative took over as he straddled me. Lubed and protected he sighed out my name when he sank down on my erection. Not having to be sneaky and quiet has great advantages and we profited from them all. Holding back the inevitable, we varied our pace and spoke filthy words between us.
When we were finished and cleaned up, we turned off the lights and walked to our bedroom, climbing under the blankets together, with Edward pressed against my back, his arm slung over my waist and his breath fanning across my ear.
I fell asleep with a smile on my face and woke the same way the next morning deciding that this is life.
The first time Edward and I argued, it was so bad that he spent the night at a friend's, it was over the bread tie. I tended to leave it off and just wrap the plastic around and under. To hear Edward tell it, this is a crime. Funny how arguments over stupid shit like that gets blown out of proportion when you're under a lot of pressure and cramped into a tiny space.
Accusations were made, names were called, and threats were screamed. When he was gone, I proceeded to wreck the apartment and get shit faced drunk. When I woke face down on the sofa the next morning with a raging hangover, Edward was still not home.
I cleaned up and got dressed, took two aspirin and went to find Edward. I found him sitting on the apartment stairs. He couldn't remember why he had gotten so angry. All he knew was he had three papers due and two tests to study for, he missed his family, and somehow it all felt like my fault. By the time he realized he was being a dick, he was ashamed to come home.
I admitted to my part in the disaster, adding on my indiscretions after we parted ways the evening before. It was all settled with an apology and a kiss. We went back inside together hand in hand, everything forgiven and forgotten until he realized I broke his Pirate Radio DVD.
The first time I asked Edward to marry me, he said no. We had been at a fraternity party and practically carried each other home after playing beer pong with the guys. We collapsed in a heap inside the front door, laughing so hard we could barely breathe.
Finally he hauled himself up off the floor and went to the kitchen for some bottles of water. I just sat there watching his ass sway as he walked. He came back and handed me the water and two aspirin. I gulped them down as Edward started drunkenly stumbling out of clothes muttering about sleep.
"Marry me," I blurted out.
Edward's eyes snapped to mine in shock for one second before he dissolved into a fit of laughter, bent over and clutching at his stomach as he gasped for air.
I wasn't joking. I really did want to marry him, I realized. He was thoughtful and caring. He was sexy and fun and so brave and loyal. But I could see how he misunderstood my request for a joke. I had no right to ask him like that, in a haze of alcohol as he took off his clothes. He deserved better.
So I spent six months and a thousand dollars planning the perfect proposal. I reserved a private room for dinner in an upscale restaurant for his birthday and invited all our family and friends. When they wheeled the three the tiered cake in, I took the champagne glass from his hand, sitting it on the table, and dropped to one knee.
He said yes immediately, with tears in his eyes, to the wedding band in the Tiffany's box and made me the happiest man on the planet.
The first time Edward and I saw Arrow in the pet store window we knew we had to have him. He was cute and furry with tiny little puppy paws. We bought dog food, a water dish, and a squeak toy. Edward held him on his lap the whole way home. I had to put a stop to him sleeping in our bed though. Edward pouted but when I pointed out that if Arrow was in the bed he wouldn't be getting a blowjob he conceded quickly.
That dog cried half the night, I could still hear him with my pillow over my head. I had to get up three times to take him outside while Edward snored peaceful and warm in the bed. When he chewed up a newspaper all over the kitchen floor, I had to wonder if he was worth it. But as soon as my alarm went off for the day, Edward swiped him off the floor and they curled up together and I figured if he made Edward happy, he was worth it.
The first time we discussed starting our own magazine was during our third year of college. Actually we had an argument. He mentioned starting an upscale publication geared toward gay males. I laughed. Who would we sell it to? Everyone we knew was either in the closet or could write articles like he wanted. He said that was the point. Right before he got pissed and slammed out of the apartment.
He was gone for three hours and I nearly went insane. As soon as he stepped in the door, I was on my knees begging for forgiveness. Edward smirked and unzipped his pants.
In the end we followed through with Edward's idea. By the time we graduated from WSU, the whole thing was up and running. Those few good friends from high school and college were now our business associates. With Edward in charge of it all, the rest of us headed a department. Articles were written on political issues, news, and fashion, as well as sex toys and a spotlight on prominent and influential people in the gay community. Photographs were taken of models in the latest designs, all balanced with tasteful erotica.
We called it *Fortis, Latin for brave, and it was a success as soon as it hit the stands. That's the last time I will ever doubt him.
The first time Edward got a tattoo was right after graduation. I sat beside him as he had the tiny star engraved on his hip, in awe of his bravery.
What I didn't expect was to find it so damn sexy that I couldn't sit comfortably in the car on the way home. It was sore and he kept it covered. It annoyed me that I couldn't see it but just knowing it was there got me harder than ever and had me jerking off in the shower later that night.
When it was finally healed, I kissed the five points and traced the design with my tongue before taking him in my mouth and sucking until he screamed my name as he came down my throat.
Best fifty bucks we ever spent.
The first time that Edward and I attended a funeral, he practically carried me through the doors. I leaned on him heavily during the service for my mother. He was a rock.
He kept his hands on me, calming me as I shook and cried. He rubbed circles on my back or hip while he stood with me by the grave. He brought me a plate of food and a tumbler of scotch while people I couldn't see through my tears walked around our home telling stories and filling their bellies. He held me all night while I vomited the scotch and had terrible nightmares.
The first time that Edward and I went on vacation to an exotic locale was on our honeymoon. The trip was a wedding present from his parents. We were married in their backyard gazebo by the lake. My sister had helped decorate and it was a beautiful sunny day.
Our families laughed and cried as we kissed, danced, and cut cake. Our friends cheered after we recited our vows to each other, passed out beers, and played music. What I remember most was slipping the ring on his finger and knowing he was mine forever.
We stayed on a tiny remote island near Fiji. Time held no bearing on whether we slept or played. We went horseback riding on the beach and swam in the ocean. We made love in every conceivable location in the cottage and surrounding area.
I think the hammock was my favorite. Forced to move ever so slightly so as not to topple over onto the ground. The cool breeze on my overheated skin, the sound of Edward's I-love-you's in my ears made for an intense and powerful experience.
The first time Edward and I received death threats for being gay we were eating dinner on a Saturday night. A strategically thrown brick crashed through the bay window of our condo, a rubber band wrapped note around it.
"We don't want you here. Go away queers," it read.
I ran out the door as fast as possible, seeing a small group of teenage boys rounding the block. I was too late to catch and stop them, unsure how I could have anyway when I was outnumbered. I walked back in the house and called the police while Edward got a broom and dustpan.
The cops showed up twenty minutes later and took our statements without surprise or concern. Our words were written down and cast aside as soon as they left our home. Edward and I both broke down that night. I was at a loss on how to protect my husband from something I didn't understand.
I turned on the news and saw a husband who had abused his wife so badly that she lay in a hospital bed in a coma. In the newspaper, there was an article about a husband who worked with the local youth group that had an affinity for thin twelve year old boys. These men can marry and remarry as many times as they like yet Edward and I, who contribute to the community and have a respectful, healthy marriage are persecuted.
I rocked Edward in my arms as we wept, eventually falling into an exhausted sleep.
The first time that Edward and I spent Christmas in our new home was last winter. We chose some property on the edge of town and designed the entire thing ourselves. Four bedrooms, a personal studio, and huge backyard make it a beautiful house. Edward makes it home.
Our friends and family came to us for the holiday. Wine bottles and dirty dishes were plentiful as our guest rooms were divvied up. We sang carols, ate too many sweets and kissed under the mistletoe. We exchanged gifts, a leather bound journal for him, gold cufflinks for me, engraved with WC for our combined last names.
Edward seemed a tad disappointed in his gift but I didn't let it bother me because I was hiding a surprise in the drawer by our bed. It's A Wonderful Life plays on the big screen television as we munched on popcorn and sipped eggnog.
Soon everyone was lulled to sleep and I took Edward's hand leading him to our room. He sat on the edge of the bed and I handed him another book. To be specific, a coffee table book of photographs. Tasteful nudes, I believe it's called. The photos were of me in various poses and costumes.
He smiles touching the pictures with his fingertip and I admitted to having help from friends at work. Edward said his favorite was the one of me by the river wearing only a cowboy hat and boots. He asked if I kept any of the costumes and I asked if I could see the new tattoo again.
He obliged, unbuttoning his shirt to show the Cullen family crest on the back of his shoulder. With a full smile and erection, I pulled the hat and boots off the shelf in the closet.
The first time I was asked to write this article, a perspective on the life of a happily married gay couple, I was in no way interested. I avoided a decision and the topic. I prefer to express myself from behind the camera rather than put pencil to paper.
When Edward came to me and asked me to brave and do this for him, I relented. So this is for you Edward, happy anniversary. There may not be any actual firsts tonight, but this is no less special. Every day of my life has been enhanced by your presence. You've made me a better man, more compassionate and less quick to judge. You've taught me how to love freely and truly depend on another person without fear.
You were my first kiss, my first date, my first love and I am so thankful for the memories we have made. I'm thankful, too, for everyday God grants us the chance to repeat them. Kissing you is still the best part of my day and making love with you still makes me feel young and liberated. Thank you for being my best friend, my business partner, my lover, my world.
Some of you may think of me as pansy, a pussy, but I say I'm lucky. I'm a man in love with a man who makes me happy beyond belief. I've never hit him; I've never cheated. Everyday with him is better than the last. This is the brave new world we should all seek. Let's embrace the love and do away with the violence and infidelity, instead of concerning ourselves with gender specifications.
For any of you out there reading this who does not believe that young love can last a lifetime, for anyone who doesn't think that gay men don't love just as hard as any other couple, we are living proof that you are wrong. For anyone who thinks it is alright to belittle and destroy a person or belongings because you don't agree with the way they live, I have no regrets reminding you that narrow minded hatred will leave you lonely and bitter throughout your life. For those who fail to listen to reason and allow no acceptance in their hearts, you can all kiss my white homosexual ass.