A Story From A Parallel Universe
Ura Tea Party
"I guess it's not really that surprisin'. This was a story for the more interestin' characters, after all," said Hideyoshi, slurring his words slightly. He'd drunk a fair amount of alcohol, and still more of it was inside the glass in his hands; just waiting to be drunk, and further reduce his speech to a heavy mess of his fake Kansai accent. "Still, it's kinda a shame I didn't get any screen time at all- though I guess that's just the way it goes, wahahaha!"
And with those melancholy words, he tipped his glass back, and drained it.
"D-dear, I don't think that's healthy," said Eva, as she rested a steadying hand on his shoulder. "And, anyway… hm, you're right. This really was a story for the younger children… ufufu~ We're well past the stage where we can look cool running around in ridiculous clothes fighting… a-and I left my high school years behind me a long time ago! Yes… I never want to repeat those… It's so boring, being surrounded by idiots, ufufu~ I'm definitely not a child anymore."
Eva-Beatrice, who was seated beside Eva in her school uniform, coughed pointedly.
Eva ignored her, and pushed her off her stool. Evatrice hit the floor with a small thud and a wail of, 'j-just give up and die!'
Not even you.
"Heh…" Hideyoshi smiled warmly. "Aaah, that's it… I guess yer right, Eva. I'm not really worried, wahahaha! A man like me knows when…" Hic. "When ta sit on the sidelines- an' cheer for the main characters… b-but still… I-I wish our George got a few more lines, too."
"Oh yes, that was a shame," said Eva. "I thought a nice, polite, lovely gentleman like our George would be popular with a young audience? Hmm… well, people just don't know what's good for them- like eating vegetables! That must be it!"
"Hahaha~ Don't worry, mom. Being in the background is something I've grown accustomed to as well," said George with a small smile. "For some reason, I'm not particularly popular- ah, but that doesn't matter. I think I'm too old to worry about a popularity contest now… and, ahaha… at least I have it slightly better than these guys. They weren't mentioned at all."
And with that, George motioned towards the other poor pieces in the 'lost property box', as it were, who hadn't been given a role to play in Beatrice's latest tale. Funnily enough, the 'lost property box' looked an awful lot like an old bar, and most of the characters who had found themselves inside it were all trying to drink away their sorrows- but that was neither here nor there.
A sea of sad, dejected faces looked up at George's words; all belonging to pieces who had been absent from the game boards for so long they'd started to grow dusty.
If you remember who all these utterly useless, pointless, shabby pieces are, I'll give you a cookie.
"Aaah… It's a crying shame that a man like me, who's been on that witch's game board since the very start, didn't have a role to play in her last tale… I-I could have been really cool… … In my youth, I was… really handsome… …" Kawabata bemoaned; supporting his aged head in his hands, as he tried to stem the flow of his bitter tears. "And I remember the good old days, when people used to pay me some attention; when they used to theorize that I was the culprit of Rokkenjima who'd carried out the murders… Ha… Ahahaha… Oh, those were the days!"
And, still trying to suppress his beautiful flow of hot, manly shounen tears of pain and anguish, the old sea captain, as Hideyoshi had before him, tried to drink away his sorrows.
Truly, these poor, lamenting pieces were all without purpose, just like pawns after they had been taken from a chess board- but these pawns had an ever sadder fate than that. They had never been put on the board at all. And they probably never would again.
It was because they were old.
They weren't attractive.
So, even though they were minor characters… they had their roles usurped by equally minor characters. That damn Cornelia; those bunny girls; the stakes… just because they were young and sexy, with revealing outfits, they got more screen time than all the others put together, even though they had the personalities of paper bags!
It wasn't fair!
Damn it, it wasn't fair!
"Oh ho ho~ Don't look so glum, son," said Kumasawa, smiling, as she tried to prize Sabakichi's glass of sake from him. "I'm used to be being pushed into the background myself- a decrepit old lady like me. I really am past the age of being a star in this kind of story… though in my youth, even I had a nice smile and a pair of bouncy breasts, ohohoho!~"
Sabakichi nearly choked on his sake- spitting it all down his shirt. His face contorting into a look of pain and agony, he shrieked, "M-mom… …! D-damn it, stop talking about your boobs!"
Kumasawa only chuckled- and Eva joined in with her.
"Hehe~ Even in a situation like this, you're still such a joker, Kumasawa. That really is admirable."
"Well, there's no sense being upset about something like this. Let the young enjoy the company of the young, ohohoho~"
"Aah… no, it's no use…" said Krauss miserably; curled up in the corner with his arms round his knees. "Useless, it's all useless! I-I at least wanted to have a scene where I perfected my moon tourism business! You can laugh, Kumasawa, but you weren't a great man like I was- a man with PROSPECTS!"
"No, you're right. I wasn't a man at all," said Kumasawa, laughing.
Krauss ignored her. "Uwaaaaaaaaah! I-I just wanted… to be mentioned, just once! I just wanted to be a success! What of my future now?"
"T-there, there, dear…" said Natsuhi, patting him on the head. "Please don't cry, you'll just set my headache off, a-and then-"
"Oh, that's so sad. How terrible for you. How sad you must all be feeling for being so left out. Well. At least you actually APPEARED on the game board at least ONCE! You're all a bunch of babies- crying over something so pathetic! Fuck! Why don't you all just die?"
That loud voice, accompanied by the sound of a fist hitting the counter of the bar, rattled through the box of unwanted pieces like a gunshot. Everybody jumped, almost in perfect unison. Evatrice, who had only just picked herself up (Eva's punches packed quite a blow) tipped over her own feet again, and (somehow) fell head first into Genji. Nanjo, meanwhile, who'd fallen asleep, awoke with a start, shouting something like, 'I-I don't want the scorpions to eat me!'
The person who possessed that voice… truly had a cause to be sad.
They had a cause to be miserable.
And that was why they'd drunk so much.
There was nothing but raw hatred in that voice, mutating it into a bark that instantly put all who heard it in fear of their lives.
Slowly, tremulously… all eyes turned to the corner of the room.
There she was.
There she sat.
The queen of unwanted, unused, useless pieces- nursing a glass of sake in one hand, her eyes narrowed and filled with the direst of loathing and cruelty.
It was Chiester 556.
"Fuck," she said again. "I hate you all. I just wanted a role… … for once! Aaaah… ahahaha… W-well… A-at least I got a character song! That's more than YOU'LL ever get!" she stabbed a finger at Sabakichi, a demented smile on her face that would've rivalled some of Beatrice's. "Pfft… ahaha… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
And with that, Chiester 556 slowly went insane.
a/n: And that's it! That's the whole story! ^^'' I apologize that it took so long for me to finish it- especially when it was all finished right form the start ;_; uguu… … If I make any more multi chaptered stories, I'll have to work harder… But I hope you all enjoyed it and its immense silliness regardless! ^^'' Thank you for reading!