This was pathetic.

"Well, well you finally realised that everything related to you especially your existence pretty much warrants a pathetic trademark sign" My mind spouted off at me.

I sighed, it was pathetic the way I was sinking so low just to find some semblence of control in my life.I wasn't sure that attending a BDSM play party was the right way to go for it, but I had no other options and to be honest the idea of the forbidden lifestyle did seem quite tempting and besides it was the first thing I was going to do that seemed risky.

This wasn't me but then again I didn't even know what was me.

The thing was that since the moment I has stumbled on that site I had been having countless fantasies and dreams of a faceless man wearing holding a riding crop or a paddle to tease and punish me for disobeying dreams left me feeling confused, longing and not to mention the countless pairs of panties I had ruined in the last week after I had realised that this could help me gain control of my life I had actually decided on going to this playparty.

For once in my life I wanted to do something that was risky and idea of someone controlling my every move and commanding to obey each and every demand of his flustered me.I too wanted some one who respected me, and who was possessive of me and wouldn't hesitate to control or punish me if I stepped out of line. A BDSM play party was the only way to go about it since there was hardly any chance of a normal guy wanting me when I had these fantasies and needs that couldn't be fulfilled by anyone other than the person who would control my every I wanted someone who would be kind-hearted and not some creep who got off on humiliating women.

I dressed conservatively for a party that will undoubtedly have throngs of naked men and women.I wore skinny jeans with a blue halter top and paired it with by blue flats.I hated makeup so the fact that I had actually bothered putting on eyeliner, mascara and lipgloss was quite an accomplisment.

I drove to the Victorian style house in Chicago's suburban area, no doubt whoever owned it was rolling in cash.

I had no idea that the man I was going to meet would alter my life completely and that I would be under his control whether I wanted to or not.