A/N: This is my second fan fic, so please, no flames.
I own nothing
This is a story about the Akatsuki's trip to Chuck E Cheese. What could go wrong?
Pain was looking over the teams reports. Unfortunately, most were failures. 'I need to do something about this' he thought. So he called a meeting.
"EVERYONE, EVERYONE COME QUICK, Leader-sama called us for a meeting. Oh and Tobi is a good boy." Tobi proclaimed, as he overheard Pain telling Konan about it.
At the Meeting
Well everyone, it is time to hand out team report cards," Pain said, as he began distributing rectangular pieces of paper. "Ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Kisame and Sasori said in unison. Ever since Leader-sama decided to change from leader grades to symbols, no one could really figure out how they were doing.
"Alright Deidara, here is your card," said Pain, as he handed him his card. Deidara quickly looked it over, and then got a strange smile on his face. "I got straight rainbowsssssssss, un" he said, as he then showed it to Sasori. "That's great," the puppet replied, in a very sarcastic un puppet like tone. "Whats yours say, un" the clay man said to his partner. "Umm, two pixies, a unicorn and two pots of gold, whatever that means," Sasori replied.
"Yo Tachi, what did you get?" Kisame asked his Uchiha teammate. "Four pixies and a unicorn," Itachi replied coldly. "I got straight pixies, weird huh," the fish man said.
"!" Kakuzu shouted! This shout earned him weird looks from the rest of the team. "Straight pots o gold, I'm rich baby!" He shouted once again. "Kakuzu shut the ***** up," stated a Jashinist who got straight pixies. "Tobi got straight unicorns, he is a good boy," said Tobi. "I got four unicorns and a pixie," Zetsu said. "Why didn't we get straight unicorns? Someone is gonna pay for this," the black Zetsu said.
"Settle down, settle down everyone. Now I have to say I am very disappointed in you, you all should have scored higher. But since everyone is alive at least, I have decided to give you all a little vacation for today. We need to agree on a place to go, and then go enjoy ourselves. Now, any suggestions?" Pain asked the group, figuring it might boost their moral.
"I say, we visit a bank," the miser of the group said. "No, un, let's go to an art supply store, un," Deidara stated. "We should visit the aquarium," Kisame announced. "Let's go stalk my little brother," Itachi said, earning him weird looks from the rest of the group, and Kisame and Deidara (both sitting next to him) to move their chairs about two feet. "How about a garden?" asked Zetsu? "Or a public area with people I can kill?" Hidan brought up. "Oh Tobi knows, Tobi knows, pick Tobi Leader-sama!" Tobi yelled. "Alright Tobi, let's hear your idea," Konan said. "Tobi thinks we should go to Chuck E Cheese," the masked man said. Everyone was silent, until Pain spoke up "That's a wonderful idea Tobi, let's do that." So, the Akatsuki went out to their cars, and were getting ready to shove off.
"Leader-sama, we can't all fit in Konan's mom van, how are we all gonna get their?" the blonde bomber asked? "What did you say about my van!" Konan shouted, as paper began to fly around her. "NOTHING, I I I mean nothing Konan, just we all can't fit in it," Deidara said as he sweat dropped. "Deidara's right, dear," Pain told Konan, "Itachi, Kisame and I will all ride with Hidan in his car." "WHAT!" Kisame and Itachi shouted in unison. "What, you ****** to ***** too drive with me?" Hidan said, with quite a sailor mouth at that. "Its fine boys," Pain whispered to them, "Hidan is actually a great driver." "Alright," they said, defeated. So Pain, Itachi, Kisame, and Hidan walked over to Hidan's jeep and got in. Now, you might be thinking, what kind of music do dangerous sociopaths with histories of violence listen to? That's right, you guessed it.
They listened to Smooth Jazz. The whole ride there was full of closed eyes and snapping to Kenny G. Well except for Hidan, he takes great care in driving.
While in Konan's car, the S-ranked Missing Nin's were bickering over what music to listen to. "I say Pop, un," Deidara said. "No, R and B," Sasori put in. "Yodeling to the Oldies," was Kakuzu's vote. "No music at all, I messes up my photosynthesis," Zetsu told them. "We should listen to country," Konan told them. All the while, Tobi (who is riding shot gun) was playing with the stations, looking for his favorite. The team kept bickering until they heard a "!" come from the stereo at full blast. "Tobi loves this song," Tobi said as he began snapping his fingers. Everyone else was to stunned from the fact that Tobi listened to Heavy Metal Screamo to speak for the rest of the ride.
When the group got there, they noticed two people in jumpsuits handing out fliers. Join the Power of Youth, or The Power of Youth Wants You, were some of the things on the fliers. "I will teach them to hand out fliers of anything but Jashin," Hidan stated, and he rushed after them with his scythe. "Lee, that man seems to want to test the power of youth," said the taller jumpsuit man. "Let us show him are flames of youth, Guy sensei!" said Lee. While Hidan fought the Youthites, the others walked in.
"Welcome to Chuck E Cheese, I am gonna need to stamp your hand for entry," said a pink haired woman at the entrance. After a few muffled alrights, this is dumb, Tobi is a good boy, and I hope I don't catch ink poisonings, it was Itachi's turn. "Hey cutie, you want to have some fun when I get off?" she asked seductively. Itachi then pressed her against the wall, in a forceful kiss, all the while reaching into her fanny pack and pulling out fifty bucks. "Hn," was all he said afterword, as he walked away. "Call me!" she shouted at him.
"Itachi, what was that?" Kisame asked him. "I got fifty bucks," he unemotionally stated, "now go trade this for some smaller bills from Kakuzu so I can get some tokens, while I go use the bathroom." So Kisame took the bill and walked over to Kakuzu, who had taken a seat at a table. "Hey Kakuzu, can I get change for this fifty?" he asked. "I'll give you two tens for it," Kakuzu said. "Alright deal," Kisame said, taking the money. "Works every time," Kakuzu said as he began smelling the fifty. "Now everyone, we have five hours, go enjoy yourselves," Pain announced. The Akatsuki then split, going to their different activities.
Black is Black Zetsu, "is white"
Zetsu began to take notice to all of the fat kids eating pizza. It's like a buffet! "Yah I know" Look at that play structure, we should go hide in the slide, "and wait for kids to come down!, that's brilliant!" So Zetsu made his way over to the slide, and climbed up it. Luckily for him, a very round boy decided to go down. Mmmmmmmmmmmm, this is tasty "very". This continued for about, oh two hours. When he was done, he was one seriously fat plant.
Itachi and Kisame
"Kisame, did you get my change?" Itachi asked, as he had finished relieving himself. "Yep, two ten dollar bills, right here," Kisame said happily, as he handed Itachi the money. "Where is the other thirty dollars?" Itachi questioned. "Other thirty?" Kisame sweat dropped, "you only got a twenty dollar bill." "Did I?" he asked himself, "I really am going blind." Kisame sweat dropped again, thankful that Itachi hadn't noticed. So Itachi and Kisame bought tokens, and proceeded to the games. Itachi got the high score on every game, thanks to his Sharingan. Kisame, on the other hand, lost everything. 'I gotta play a game where I can beat Itachi' he thought. He looked over and saw a snowmobile racing game. 'Perfect'. "Itachi, let's go play that snowmobile game," Kisame asked his friend. "Alright, if I win you buy me pizza, if you win, I will buy you whatever you want from the ticket counter," the Uchiha said, upping the stakes. So they played. Let's just say Kisame had to suffer through watching Itachi eat an anchovy pizza.
Deidara and Sasori
"Sasori, what do you think is the best part of Chuck E Cheese, un?" Deidara asked his puppet friend. "I am gonna have to say the robotic mouse, he is going to make one heck of a puppet," Sasori said, as he got out his tool kit and started to head towards the robot Chuckie. "Mine is the pizza, un," Deidara said as his hands chowed down on the cheesy goodness. "Meh, I don't like it," Sasori replied as he was working on the mouse. "You say potato, I say po, well I say potato too. Come to think of it, does anyone say Potaato? Name one person who does, you can't, because no one says it. This is a mute point, un," Deidara answered. "It's moot," Sasori calmly stated. "You say potato, I say potato," Deidara said, then he walked away. Sasori shrugged, and then had his new Chuckie puppet attack little children and their parents.
"Stupid Kisame," Kakuzu chucked, "I made thirty bucks. Kakuzu put his feet up, and grabbed a menu. "WHAT! How the heck can they sell terrible pizza at these prices?" Kakuzu then got up, marched straight to the manager's office, and banged extremely loudly on his door. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, I'm coming" was the answer he got. When the door opened, he came face to face with a three foot tall crab. "Ahoy, I'm Eugene Crabs, what can I do for ye?" asked the crab, apparently named Eugene. After he got over the shock of a crab talking to him (as he had seen much stranger things in his days as a fairy scout) he asked "how can you sell such terrible pizza at such high prices?" "Well," Eugene answered, "you seem like an educated man in the ways of money, come in and I will tell you my secrets." The two talked for hours, and after, Kakuzu had learned the secrets of a food/arcade place. All you need is an attractive front face, stupid games, tickets, and cheap food. He was already drawing plans for Itach E Ice Creams.
Hidan had battled the Youthites for a good portion of the time. By the time had he finished, he was covered in blood, sweat, and dirt. When he walked over to Chuck E Cheeses, the people at the front door wouldn't let him in. "What the ***** is your problem you ***** **************!" Hidan shouted at them. "I'm sorry sir, you either leave now, or I am calling the cops. "No, I can't go to jail, not again," he said as painful memories of a baby with a mask flooded his mind. So, he walked back to his car. "What the **** am I gonna do now?" he said to himself. Out of ideas, he grabbed his saxophone out of the back of his jeep. 'Hey, wasn't there some guy on Youtube that ran around playing a sax, yah, I think there was' Hidan then started to run around the building and parking lot, playing the intro to George Michael's Careless Whisper. The workers called the cops, and Hidan got sent back to baby Cookie. "Hii, Hidan, look who came back to his special baby friend." ", (pulls out mirror) ahah, !" Hidan shouted. When Pain got him later, he was scarred.
Pain and Konan
"Well hun, what do you want to do?" Pain asked his girlfriend. "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna hand out origami to the children," she said sweetly. "Alright, I will be playing skeeball if you need me," Pain said as he walked off. After about two hours of skeeball, Pain came back to find a worker flirting with Konan. "I don't normally work out, but I will grab a tree branch and do a couple of chin touches now and again," said the brown haired, pony tail wearing worker. "HOW DARE YOU FLIRT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND!" Pain exploded at the boy. "Pain, he just showed up demanding that I make him a sandwich," Konan told him, as she ran over and clung on to him. "No one flirts with my girlfriend," Pain stated as he summoned his other bodies. "All right boys, it's time to remove someone's soul," the Pains smiled as they grabbed the boy and disappeared. "Oh Pain, you're so strong," Konan said, as she pulled her boyfriend into a supply closet. At the ticked counter, a black haired boy asked a blonde "Dobe, where's Sokka?" "I'm pretty sure he's getting his soul ripped out Teme," the blonde answered. All he got was a glare. "Kidding, I think he's on break, gosh Sasuke take a joke."
Tobi was happy. He got a great report card, and Leader-sama had taken them to Chuck E Cheese. Everything was going his way. Tobi used his Space Time jutsu to bring out several hundred forty ticket certificates he got from playing online skeeball. "Oh worker, Tobi was a good boy and got all of these certificates and now Tobi wants a prize." The pinkette from earlier was now working the counter. "Ok, how many certificates do you have, two?" "Nope, Tobi has three hundred," Tobi answered. "THREE HUNDRED! All right, I will let you get prizes worth these tickets, because normally you can only have two, if you give me that cute guy from your groups number," the pinkette said. "Oky dokey, Tobi will do that, its 248-442-7090, now Tobi wants ten pencils, two air hammers, that giant weasel doll, and everything on the top shelf," Tobi said. The lady put everything in a box, then squealed as she put the number in her phone. Tobi was even happier than before. His happiness was only going to increase now though, because he saw a Whack the Mole game. Tobi + Two air hammers + plus Whack the Mole = Insanity.
"I'm sorry Mr. Crabs, here's four thousand dollars for the Whack the Mole machine," Pain said as he handed him the money. "You people are all banned from this place, well, except Kakuzu and Itachi. Now get outa here!"
Back at the Base
"Tobi, un, how did you destroy the whole place with two air hammers?" Deidara asked. "Because Tobi is a good boy," and with that, the Akatsuki went to their separate rooms, and thought about the day.
A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked it, it was quite fun to write. Please, no flames, but reviews are extremely welcome. And thanks to my good friend Genokiller for proofing this.