It was a cold night by LA standards, and everyone was safe and warm in their beds at the Palmwoods, sleeping peacefully as it was past midnight. Everyone, that is, except one raven-haired boy, who was curled up on the lounge around the fire pit, the small orange glow giving him little warmth against the cold breeze. His small body shivered slightly and if you listened carefully, you could hear tiny sniffles as crystal tears rolled down pink cheeks and disappeared into the soft fabric of his hoodie.
This was becoming a nightly tradition for the lonely boy, as falling asleep was getting to be a harder and harder task for him each night. He was so tired of lying restlessly in his bed, listening to the content snores Kendall emitted during his sleep. So instead, he would tiptoe into the room across from his and make sure James and Carlos were sound asleep before sneaking down to the pool and starting a fire so he could stare at the flickering yellow and oranges flames while trying to sort out the confusing mess that was his feelings.
Logan Mitchell was crumbling, and nobody noticed. Or that's what he thought, at least. Gustavo laughed at him daily. He complained endlessly about his voice and even his hair. Logan subconsciously ran a hand through his short black layers. He liked his hair. But apparently it wasn't good enough. Along with his dancing, as every evening Gustavo would dismiss Kendall, James and Carlos but force Logan to stay a whole extra hour with Mr. X and practice. Even Mr. X was getting annoyed at how slow Logan was to pick up a new move, but it wasn't his fault. He tried, he tried so hard until his body was exhausted and sore but it was still never good enough.
His mother called him every few days, but not because she wanted to know how her son was doing out in LA, no. She called only to get a report from Mrs. Knight on how his grades were doing and if she had a complaint, she would nag him over the phone for minutes, sometimes hours, for the most miniscule of things. It gave Logan a sinking feeling inside his heart, to know that everything he did was wrong in his mother's eyes.
Logan never had any self-confidence what so ever. He would never admit it, but he felt just plain ugly next to his friends. James was beautiful and everyone knew it (especially James). Kendall was strikingly handsome. And Carlos, well Carlos had the cute factor going for him. He had the puppy dog eyes and the tiny bunny nose that everyone just cooed over. But Logan, well he thought he was just nerdy. Unlike his friends, he had no defined abs or perfect features and he wasn't tall (neither was Carlos but, again, cute factor).
It didn't help the fact any when he was at the pool earlier and he removed his t-shirt and a girl actually laughed at his build. She giggled and said "Why are you so skinny?" and even though Logan made a joke about it, he couldn't help to think about how much he hated being teased for being skinny all the time.
Everything that Logan did in his life was not good enough, simple as that. He wore a thousand pound weight on his shoulders made up of everyone's expectations that he would never live up to. The stress was weighing on his heart, squeezing until he was afraid it might shatter because every time he would do something positive, it was met with negative.
But Logan Mitchell was a people pleaser and when someone said "Jump!" He would ask "How high?" And then jump even higher, only to be dragged down and beat into the ground. But he kept getting up and he kept jumping, hoping that maybe one day his actions may be noticed.
It was like Logan wasn't even a person in anyone's eyes anymore. He was just an object that they used to take their anger or frustrations out on. As if he didn't have feelings, as if he didn't have a breaking point.
Only 3 other people could see what was happening to Logan. They could see the tears he hid so well behind his mask, they could see his porcelain exterior starting to crack. The pain inside those dark chocolate eyes may have gone unnoticed by everyone around but they were his brothers. So that's why tonight, they decided to follow Logan on his nightly excursions to the fire pit.
The 3 boys sat silently next to their crying friend, worried and anxious to find out what was wrong. But they knew that Logan would open up when he was ready too. Right now, he just needed their presence beside him.
Several minutes had passed by. The fire was just a dull flame slowly dying into burning embers and the wind was so chilly that they all scooted together for warmth, shoulders touching and heads resting against each other's.
"Why was I put here?" Logan asked in a whisper, startling the other boy's out of their deep thoughts. Logan wasn't even sure if he said it out loud or not, but he knew his friends heard him when Kendall swung an arm around him and asked,
"What do you mean, Logie?"
Logan looked up to see Kendall staring intently at him with concerned emerald eyes. "Why was I put on this earth, when all I do is cause more grief in everyone's life than joy? My parents hate me. All the adults in my life take advantage of me and boss me around. I try so hard to make everyone happy but it's never good enough. Everything is wrong about me. My hair, my brain, my life. I'm so tired of going to bed every night and being kept awake with constant thoughts of how I can do better and what I did wrong. I just… It's making me sick, guys. How hateful everyone is towards me, how they force me to strive for perfection. I'm just… I'm afraid they're going to knock me down one day and I won't get up, I won't be able too. It just hurts so bad. Tell me what I'm supposed to do. Tell me and I'll do it but I can't figure this out on my own."
Kendall's heart clenched with sadness. He was angry with anyone who made Logan feel like this. Logan didn't deserve to feel this way. "Logan… First off, you're never on your own. You have me, you have Carlos, and you have James and we are always right here for you. You don't have to keep it all in. Have you been feeling this way for a while?"
Logan nodded. "For months now. I never told you guys because I didn't want to bring you down, but I'm… I'm done, guys. I feel like I'm living someone else's life and I can't take it anymore. It's so claustrophobic. It's like I don't belong here, in this world. I'm an accident, a walking accident."
"No, don't talk that way," Carlos said, wrapping Logan into a tight hug. He didn't like the things Logan was saying, as if he didn't even want to be alive anymore. "You're not an accident. You belong here, with me at the Palmwoods and nowhere else, ok?"
"Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with your hair," James said (that was a huge compliment coming from him) "And there's nothing wrong with you, buddy. It's not fair how people treat you but you're our Logie and we will never hurt you like that. Never, ever think that you're not wanted here, because you are. All we need is each other, we don't need those jerks and bullies and what they say doesn't matter."
"James is right, for once in his life," Kendall said. "Dude, you have so much for you here. Just because Gustavo's a butt doesn't mean you can't sing and dance. Your grades are outstanding and your mom shouldn't be upset that you're in a band instead of a doctor at the moment. It's your life. And all those people that hurt you, they don't know you. They don't know what we see every day. We couldn't live without you, Logie. It would be an entirely different existence. You contribute so much to our band and our friendship. You keep us together bud."
"Yeah," Carlos agreed. "So please don't go away. I don't want you to die, Logan!"
Logan couldn't help but smirk at the innocent Latino. "Carlos, I'm not suicidal. It's just hard."
"I know, but you got us," James said. "We won't let you fall buddy."
"We love you bro!" Kendall chimed, grabbing Logan's cheek and bringing his head forward so he could plant a kiss on his bangs. Logan blushed, but he was no longer crying. In fact, he was out right grinning now. He suddenly didn't feel so alone in his world anymore. He felt loved.
A/N Poor Logan. I know exactly how he's feeling right now. Obviously, it was a suck butt of a day. Hope you liked. Reviews? They're the frosting to my cake (the chocolate kind. Yay.)
Ps, when Kendall said on Goom radio that he wanted to kiss Logan I fell off my seat and died and then I just had to put it in one of my stories so there ya go.