PLOT HOLES, ANNOYANCES, AND STUPIDITIES IN TWILIGHT, OR AS MANY AS I CAN THINK OF.
KEEP IN MIND, TWILIGHT SUCKS.
(Then why do you write fanfiction for it? BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO!)
1. The whole "vegetarian" thing. Over-used, much? Can't we just have a good ol' fashion human eating vampire?
2. What's with all the big words? Keep in mind, I'm pretty smart. I'm in all honors, but to understand half of the things said in this book, you need a dictionary. What? Was a thesaurus her best friend while writing this?
3. Purple Prose. "Purple prose is a term of literary criticism used to describe passages, or sometimes entire literary works, written in prose so extravagant, ornate, or flowery as to break the flow and draw attention to itself. Purple prose is sensually evocative beyond the requirements of its context. It also refers to writing that employs certain rhetorical effects such as exaggerated sentiment or paths in an attempt to manipulate a reader's response." Straight from Wiki.
4. The sparkle thing. So many people were crazy about it. Whether it be, "LIEK, OMG HE'S SOOOO HAWT!" or "WHAT THE FUCK? VAMPIRE? MORE LIKE FAIRY!" But I get it, I do. The whole indestructible, like diamonds. Make 'em sparkle like diamonds, too! But, you see, Stephenie, for vampires to sparkle in the sun, they would sparkle ALL the time. All the time. Sunlight never really disappears. In order for them not to sparkle, it would have to be pitch black.
5. The whole venom thing. Are they snakes? Wait, no, snakes have fangs. These vampires don't.
6. What's with Edward being such a good kisser? He's a virgin, in EVERY sense of the word. (I don't even think he's had sex with himself before).
7. The angst. And not even good angst.
"I love you Edward."
"We can't be together. I'm dangerous. My sparkles might kill you."
"Okay. We shouldn't be together, anymore, then."
"Wait, I love you!"
"Oh, I love you too, Edward."
"No, we can't be together. I'm no good for you."
8. You were ALL waiting for it. He's climbin' in yo' window, he's snatchin' yo people up. Tryin' to rape 'em, so ya'll need to hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, and hide yo' husband 'cause they rapin' everybody up here. Seriously, Edward? You don't watch women sleep. Seriously, Bella? It's not endearing. It's not romantic. It's creepy. Get a restraining order.