Welcome to the Madness that Occurs When You Mix LoadsOfRandomness with Nymphadora Andromeda Lupin

AN: We were swapping characters all over the place, so I can't for the life of me tell you who was who at any given time… hope you enjoy!

Part 1

James: Have you seen Evans lately?

Lily: Stay the hell away from me Potter, you creep!

James: That's not very nice now is it Evans!

Lily: Don't make me hex you!

James: Honestly Evans, what's got into you lately? All I did was hex your little boyfriend!

Lily: This is why you're going to enjoy the company of Madame Pomfrey for a while

James: -starts to back away- Evans... c'mon! You said yourself he was a prat... Evans... Evans... SHITE! -He'd tripped over-

Lily: -slowly advances- It doesn't matter! It was none of your business!

James: -he scrambles backward- Evans, Evans is this really necessary?

Lily: But of course, Potter. However will you learn if you are not punished for your misdeeds?

James: But what if I'm very, very sorry and promise not to do it again?

Lily: -sarcasm- Suuure. You'll find a new way of bugging me instead.

Sirius: Hey, James? Have you finished that thing you were going to surprise Lily with?

James: -smirks- I would too Evans, how WELL you know me. -Hisses at his friend- Padfoot! Shut up!

Lily: -glares- Just leave me alone Potter

Sirius: You heard the woman mate, leave her aloooooone

James: But I don't WANT to leave you alone Evans! Where's the fun for me in that? Oi mate! Since when did you get on with Evans?

Lily: -storms off-

Sirius: When she's holding that wand of hers in the direction of my balls, Prongs.

James: -sends Sirius a "What did I say?" look- Oh... Poor Padfoot -can't hold back a smirk-

Sirius: git

James: -smirks widens- You know it mate!

-A few days later Lily had SOMEHOW gotten a gun and was showing the Muggle Studies class how to load and fire it-

James: -bumps her elbow and whistles innocently-

Lily: -gun moves to face James-

James: HOLY SHITE Evans! Don't kill me!

Lily: As tempting as that is... I don't want to go to Azkaban -shoots gun. The bullet lands inches above James' head-

James: -had dropped to the ground with a shriek-

Lily: How manly

Remus: -walks over- why is James whimpering on the ground?

Sirius: Evans tried to shoot him mate.

James: -is still whimpering on the floor-

Remus: -blinks- okaaaaaaay

Lily: -prods James with toe-

Sirius: -nods- Yep...

James: -yells and curls in on himself "No! Don't kill me!"-

Remus: -to Sirius- Should we bring him to Pomfrey? -to Lily- come on Lily, I don't think you're helping much

Lily: fiiiine

Sirius: Nahhh... this is FUNNY!

James: -starts to rock back and forth-

Sirius: Okay... maybe we should...

Remus: -grabs James' legs-

Sirius: -grabs James' arms and helps Remus carry him-

Remus: How does he get himself into these messes?

Sirius: -shrugs and accidentally bangs James' head on a doorway- Oops

Remus: maybe that will knock some sense into him...

Sirius: I doubt it, but stranger things have happened

Peter: -runs up- what happened?

Sirius: Evans shot at Prongs, he then curled into a foetal position and started rocking back and forth so Moony and I picked him up and I may or may not have knocked him out on the doorway... that's about it really Wormy

Peter: How did Evans get a gun?

Sirius: -shrugs- Dunno... Moony?

Remus: she is a Muggleborn...

Peter: Huh?

Remus: It's a Muggle weapon but a gun is still near impossible to come by

Sirius: -sets James down gently and turns on Lily. "Evans!" he barks.

Lily: -glares- WHAT?

James: -is passed out-

Sirius: Where the HELL did you get this gun-thingy?

Lily: I'm not telling YOU that. Think of what could happen if Sirius Black knew where to get guns?

Remus: -snorts quietly- He causes enough mayhem on his OWN...

Lily: Exactly. Now, idiots and Remus, leave me alone -stomps off to join friends-

James: -stirs and mumbles "I love you Evans"-

Lily: -suddenly appears- POTTER! -slaps him-

James: -slurs "what was that for?" and passes out again-

Lily: I hate you -stomps off again-

James: -is passed out again-

Sirius: -glances at Remus as if to say "What just happened?"-

Remus: I have no idea. Although it looks like James can annoy Evans when he is knocked out.

Sirius: -looks down at their once-again unconscious friend and sighs- That takes some skill...

Remus: At least he can't brag about it. Let's hand him over to Pomfrey now, shall we?

Sirius: True... then we can get onto more important things! Like... pranking Snivelly!

Remus: Homework you mean

Sirius: -gasps and clutches at his throat- H-h-homework? Moony! Thought we'd agreed you wouldn't mention that word in my presence?

Remus: -raises eyebrow- Homework? No, I think we agreed that I would only mention it if you absolutely had to do it. McGonagall wanted a 2 scroll essay tomorrow, remember?

Sirius: Tomorrow? No... can't be! It's due NEXT Thursday... I distinctly remember!

Remus: -pats on head- of COURSE it is...

Sirius: -scowls and swipes at his hand-

Remus:-confused look-

Sirius: Don't DO that!

Remus: -pats on head- 'kay

Sirius: -glares-

Remus: -smiles like Dumbledore-

Sirius: -pulls a face at his friend-

Remus: If you're going to be like that... -drops James-

Sirius: Be like what? -innocent smirk-

Remus: Annoying -walks away-

Sirius: Moony! Don't be like that! -lays James down and trots after their friend-

Remus: -smirks and disappears-

Sirius: -curses and shrugs, going back to sit next to James-

James: Waz the time? –slurred-

Sirius: -jumps not having realised that James was awake- Uh... late?

James: ish Evans here?

Sirius: Evans? Nah mate... she left a while back now... you kinda said... something and she slapped you and ran off

James: How many times does that slap make it then?

Sirius: Which time Prongs? This week... today?

James: This year

Sirius: Well... -thinks- A LOT

James: where're Moony and Wormy?

Sirius: They left

James: Wha'... why?

Sirius: 'Cause I annoyed Moony and I can't remember why Wormtail left...

James: -shrugs- I uh... I didn't say anything to Evans while I was half-passed out did I?

Sirius: You might've said something along the lines of 'I love you Evans'

James: -mortified- Oh... please tell me I didn't?

Sirius: -nods sympathetically-

James: Oh Merlin... -buries his face in his hands-

Sirius: She'll get over it... she's already slapped you

James: -sighs- True...

Sirius: Sooo. What now?

James: Food?

Sirius: good plan -jogs off to Great Hall

James: -follows at a slower pace-

-Later that day-

Remus: You're actually alive James?

James: Amazing isn't it Moons?

Remus: Yeah, especially since Lily has that look on her face that she's planning your doom. Again.

James: -pales- Hide me Moons!

Remus: I am not getting in Lily's way this time. My pinky finger still has a nervous tick from second year

James: -moans- She's going to kill me... I'm too handsome to die!

Remus: -Blank stare-

James: M-maybe Pads'll hide me... yeah...

Remus: Um...

James: What? WHAT!

Remus: Lily ... sort of... took care of him

James: -eyes widen- Oh. Oh... dear...

Remus: Yes. Indeed. Now I was going to ask you for the map and hopefully we can hide somewhere

James: Yeah... s... wait... why're YOU hiding?

Remus: She's already picked off Sirius, was last see stalking Peter, her main target is you. I don't want to be next simply for associating myself with you.

James: Oooh fair enough. -pulls out the Map- SHITE! She's coming this way! -whips out Cloak and throws it over them-

Lily: -mutters- I'm sure I heard them here...

James: -feels behind them for the opening to the secret passageway and finally manages to grab the disguised door knob-

Remus: -falls through with James-

James: -swings the door shut with barely a squeak, thanking Merlin that this was one of the passages they used regularly so they made sure the hinges were oiled-

Lily: What was that?

James: -both boys hardly dare to breathe, this was one of the easier found passageways... all you had to do was get the right stone in the wall...-

Lily: -leans against wall and passage opens- WAA- what? POTTTER! LUPIN!

James: -he'd taken the Cloak off and shoved it in his pocket... a stupid move- RUN MOONY! -takes off down the hallway-

Lily: -advances-

Remus: oh shite! -runs-

James: RUN mate... RUN! -skids out of the passageway and into the hall, attempting to mix in with the flow of students heading up from dinner-

Remus: -follows James- Let's hope one of Lily's friends will stop her...

James: -sends a slightly deranged look his way- Do you REALLY think that?

Remus: I'm trying to be optimistic for once

James: Mate... we're doomed... if only we had the Map!

Remus: Did you not already have it?

James: No! Padfoot's got it! He wanted it for... actually, I don't know what he wanted it for... -spots a flash of red-hair and legs it-

Remus: Idiot -runs as wells-

Lily: WHERE ARE THEY

James: -pants to Moony while casting around for a place to hide- She's going to legitimately kill us mate... I think we're doomed...

Remus: Not yet we aren't -stands near teachers-

Lily: WELL?

Random second year: O-o-over t-there

James: -shrieks like a little girl- She's COMING!

Remus: What happened to your invisibility cloak?

James: -slaps himself on the forehead and rips it out of his pocket, throwing it hastily over them both-

Remus: -hisses- good

Lily: -still searching-

James: -hisses to Remus- We have to move... now!

Remus: agreed, now if we move over here and chuck a stone or something over there we should be safe...

James: -raises an eyebrow incredulously- Chuck a stone or something? Mate... if I'd wanted useless advice I would have brought Pete...