Hello, there, can you hear me? Yes, yes you can. Good.

Greetings and salutations. I am the owner and proprietor of what some may call "The Velvet Room". It's gone under several names over the years, but I quite like the sound of that, yes? "The Velvet Room." Sounds classy, and mysterious. It's smashing. My name is, of course, of no importance, but for the purposes of convenience, let's have you call me… "John Smith." No, wait, no, "Igor!" Hunchbacked assistants are cool.

...what? They ARE cool, I mean, look at them! Their backs are nice and curved, it makes it easier to shield your head- it's practically a morphological evolution! How is that not cool? Evolution is cool, you must admit, what with adaptations, progress, all that nice, evolution-y... stuff.

Now, you're here because… no, wait, why are you here? How did you get here? That's… strange. Do tell me, oh, no, wait, let me guess… hmm… no, I'm sorry, I'm afraid I haven't quite gotten why you're here. Or how you got here, which, I think, is the more important question. I mean... Hmm. What a conundrum. Or is it a dilemma? I'm not quite certain, let me get back to you on that...

Well, how about this for a solution? You can stick around until you can remember why you're here. It's not like we're going anywhere, anyway- we're pretty stuck here for the moment- does that sound all right and good? Good, it does. Great. Um, do take a seat. Relax. I'll have my... unique companion here make you a cup of tea, or something. Tea is cool. Not when it's served hot, though, that'd be silly. Anyway, do try to make yourself comfortable. For the moment, you are a guest. And guests are generally nice people, from what I've heard.

Oh, and… ignore the bizarre whirring sounds you might hear. That's really nothing for you to be concerned about. And for Celestia's sake, don't touch anything. I swear, you'd think everypony would listen to you the first time you tell them...

Time never waits.

It delivers all equally to the same end.

You, who wish to protect the future,

however limited it may be,

You will be given one year;

Stand together as one,

and never forget that you are not alone.

Memini amici.