A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, I would have included in Rpattz's contract that he had to spend one day a month with me, for the rest of his life. :) Doing whatever I wanted him to do. :) :) Each chapter I'll tell you something I'd have him do. And no, these won't all be lemony or M rated... Though that does sound fun. :D This time he'd be folding my laundry 'cause ugh...those hands he has...

This is my first attempt at a drabble-ish type story. I'm wordy, you know it's still gonna be long. Chapters will alternate between Bella and Edward's POV. The banner for this is linked on my profile here. It's simple and gives a couple hints to this story. I like it...

This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Just like in real life...according to my children. Whatever.

This is for my wifey, Mrs.Robward. She's writing me the most angsty, hot, wonderful drabble fic, so I'm writing this for her. Check out her story Might Have Been, if you haven't already. And make sure to tell her how much you love it. It's so good...exactly my brand of angstiness. :D Stacy, I hope I can make you swoon and maybe blush a little bit...the way you always do to me. I love you, more than you know. You're my angsty, black hearted twin...my fan fic soulmate...crazy girl... :)

Thanks to Luxure for prereading this and encouraging me. She says it's not horrible crap, and it might be one of her favorite things ever. I hope so...

**disclaimer **

This fic deals with some taboo subjects. Please beware and if it's not your thing, don't read it. No blood, no foul. Also, Edward is 18 in the beginning of this, and nothing is done with him when he's still underage. Don't worry about that. :)


Chapter One - Laugh … Bella …


Hymns waft through the air, a choir singing their praises.

He sits on the stand, looking out over his congregation. His flock.

He's a good leader, shepherd. Responsible. True.

I should be happy with him. Everyone thinks I am, that's what they say. That's what they see.

I glance down the row next to me, shushing my youngest, making him still and silent. That's when I see her face, the way she's watching something.

It's you.

At the front of the room, you stand alongside the other altar boys, so caught up in your duty. The way he is.

Her face blushes with adoration, longing, love. Or what she thinks is love. I know better. She's only 17, she doesn't know enough yet.

She catches your eye.

I catch my breath.

You caught my heart, and you don't even know it.


Squirming in my seat, I feel the hard bench beneath me. I wish it was you hard beneath me.

Your eyes sweep past me, pausing to lock on my face. I look down.

It's wrong, but I can't stop.

When services end, she goes to you, leans into you.

Your arm is around her shoulders, as you laugh with her and the others near you. I want to be near you, to laugh with you. Instead I stand with him.

I never laugh with him, not anymore.

Smiling, I keep up the charade for one more week. Gossipy old women walk past, satisfied that things are good, right, perfect as they think they should be.

Perfect isn't this.

Perfect is you.

Perfect is you with me, and no one else knowing.

Perfect is what I dream of, what I want most. What I long for.

Perfect was last night at my father's old barn, with you buried inside of me while I screamed.

I don't worship in a church, I worship in a field, with you all around me.

You are perfection, and I'm blinded by you.


A/N: Another chapter tonight. We'll hear from Edward. Hope you're ready... :)

Reviews are better than altar boys (though don't tell EdwardsBloodType that).

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