A/N: Hey guys! I'm back with another oneshot! This one came to me today when I was in American Govt. My teacher was talking about the Declaration of Independence and how it could be seen like a break up letter between the colonies and Great Britain. I can't even remember what else we did in that class because my mind has been so preoccupied with this fic. I was originally going to write a break up letter, but then thought it would be funny if Alfred was originally going to write and send the Declaration of Independence to Britain and what it would probably say. And here we are! Just a few warnings before the fic.
I am completely aware that people didn't use the slang I'm using in this fic, this is merely for fun and a couple of laughs as we start off another week. Any flames will be used to toss the trolls in. : D Now on with the fic!
Disclaimer: I own nothing! If I did this would be canon!
Dear Britain, Screw you
Dude, I think its time to go our separate ways. It's not me, its you. You and your King. Here are a few reasons why I want to separate:
You're starting to abuse your power man! You're supposed to be protecting me and my people. But all you seem to care about is taxes and stuff. What happened man? We used to be cool…. In case you didn't know, the Government gets its power from the people! And they should also have the right to take it away. Fight the power dude!
Dude, your king refuses to follow any laws! It's so unfair! He can kill some one right in front of the authorities and they can't even say anything! Talk about double standards dude! EVERY citizen should be law abiding. Including those in charge.
He also doesn't give a shit about the colonists! My people. And yes, because I'm separating from you to become my own country, they're MY people now! He doesn't even let us make our own rules over here!
Your legal system is fucked up to! Your judges have to rely on the King to pay them! Meaning that if they go against his will, they won't be expecting a pay check this month, or any month for that matter!
If there is one thing I hate more than any of the other reasons, it's the Quartering Large bodies of Armed Troops! They are always coming in my house all high and mighty like a demanding a place to stay for the night. Dude! With all of the taxes I have to pay you, you'd think you could afford to build a few barracks for your soldiers! They are always eating me out of my house! Not to mention the fact that I can't even get the law on them because they are troops. Like I said before, all citizens should be law abiding. And it's making it hard for us to rebel with all of the soldiers in our homes to!
We don't even get trial by jury. Which means the Judge seals our fate and he works under the King. Dude, not cool.
Dude, four words, No Taxation Without Representation! Not only am I not allowed to trade with other countries but you're also taxing me way too much! It's gotten so bad that you're even taxing me on tea! I don't even like that stuff! So screw you, your King, and your tea! From this day on I'm not your obedient little colony any more! I'm going to be my own country with or without your support!
Alfred F. Jones
P.S. Did I say Screw you yet? It's going to be a big saying one day I can feel it!
"So what do you think?" Alfred asked as Thomas Jefferson finished reading the last few lines of the rough draft of what will soon be his declaration of independence from his big brother.
"Ummmm, well…." He said, looking over it one more time. "What on earth does 'Screw you' mean?" He asked a puzzled look on his face.
"It's an insult! Its going to get big one day I just know it!" The young soon to be nation said.
"I some what doubt that…" Jefferson said, going over the document one more time, just to make sure he really read what he just read, or if the flickering candle light of his study was playing tricks on him.
"But what do you think!" The excitable young colony in front of him asked yet again and for a moment wondered if he should be honest. However looking in those inhumanely big blue eyes of his made him change his mind instantly.
"Well…It's good but I think I should just make a few modifications to it before sending it on its way to Britain, if you don't mind of course."
"Well…I guess, just a check for spelling though! And make sure to keep the Screw you part! That's my favorite!" Alfred said, smiling widely at him.
He couldn't help but smile back, "I'll see what I can do, now go on and get some rest. We have a busy day ahead of us!" He said, shooing the boy out of his study with a quick good night. He sighed as he sat back down in his chair. He read the letter once again before letting out a more exhausted sigh as he rubbed his face with both of his hands.
He had a lot of revising to do if he was going to present this to the representatives of each state by morning.
A/N: And there you go! Needless to say, Britain definitely wouldn't have taken us seriously if Alfred wrote it! It would be a hell of a lot easier to understand though! ; D
You know, a lot of people seem to think that a lot of wars start only because of a few reasons, but war is a lot more complicated than that. The Revolutionary war didn't start just because of taxation without representation. All of the points mentioned above were really reasons America "Broke up" with Britain. It wasn't solely because of Taxes. I kinda wish my letter was more….terrible though! o.O Only so that it would be funnier though! XD Thanks for reading my fic and please review! I love them so much, I eat them for breakfast, along with my Bowl of Nails without milk! *Shot for SpongeBob reference* See ya! XD