A/N: Something I thought of after watching Ryan Higa's 'Ninja Hinja'. For those of you who don't know who that is, is a Youtube celebrity that does humor videos and is very funny. This might just be a one-shot, but if I feel like it or I'm inspired to do it (cough*reviews*cough) I'll make it into a longer story. Enjoy.
A five-year-old Naruto was having a good day. And by good day I mean he was able to get more scraps of food than usual, the kids were too busy playing to bully him, and the lady who owned the orphanage assigned him to sweeping rather than cleaning the floor with his toothbrush. So what normal kids would consider a bad day, this is a good day for him. So Naruto was happily humming to himself, sweeping for fun. For some reason he loved sweeping, it felt natural to him. It left him in his own little world. As he was sweeping, he heard a voice that came out of nowhere. "Little boy, I can see the will of the broom within you. Come to me so we can talk."
Naruto looked around, clearly confused. "Fright not, young one. I am here to help you. Grasp the broom tightly in your hand, and feel it's massive power as you hold on strong to its long and hard rod." For some reason Naruto felt violated.
"Well, people always did tell me to talk to strangers and do whatever they told me to. Ok, I'll come with you." Naruto squeezed tightly onto the broom and he was engulfed by light.
Naruto awakened to find himself in an area filled with thick mist. It was really hard to see; he could barely see his own hands. "Hello? Is anybody here?" questioned young Naruto. The mist started to clear up and it revealed a figure wearing the standard ninja outfit of old Japan. He also had a katana strapped to his back.
"Hello there, soon to be warrior. I am Ninja Hinja, great ninja that had the skills necessary to be the chosen one of the Broomstick Gods. And now it is your turn to be bestowed their eternal power. You show Great Spirit in your sweeping duties and now it is time for you to know that the way of the Broomstick is not for the art of sweeping alone. It can also be used to combat all those who oppose you. Allow me to show the amazing abilities that will be granted to you."
-(Look up Daily Life of Ninja Hinja on Youtube)-
Naruto was amazed at what he saw. He was going to be able to do something called parkour, he was gonna be really strong, have great speed, fight cool, and be able to talk without the words matching his mouth. What he was most amazed about, however, was the element of surprise, one of them being able to transform into inanimate objects."That was so cool! I can't wait to learn how to do all that! Teach me teach me teach me!"
"Well I am glad to see are enthusiastic about the ways of the Broomstick Gods. We shall learn right away, but first you must slay that the beast known as the orphanage lady. She will hinder our progress. Then you must go to a secluded area where we will train. Then you will be known throughout the land as the broomstick ninja. Many will envy your power and try to kill you. But you will be ready. Now go!"
-The real world-
Naruto found himself back at the orphanage. At first he had thought it was all a dream, but then he saw he broomstick glowing. He then smiled as he remembered his meeting with Ninja Hinja, and then he smirked when he remembered his assignment, gripping his broom tightly. He then heard the front door open, revealing the orphanage lady. "Alright demon-brat, playtime is over. Go and get your toothbrush!" she yelled. At first she expected him to obey her like he always did, but she was then surprised by the smirk he had on his face. "Didn't you here me, demon? Go and do what I say!" she yelled louder. Naruto's smirk widened as he gripped the broom even tighter.
-Later in the Hokage's office-wil
" So Naruto, let me get this straight," said a completely surprised Hiruzen. "You took the broom, started beating the crap of her, and shoved the broom up her ass, all in the name of Ninja Hinja, the Broomstick God? Am I correct?" asked the old man. Naruto nodded his head, the smile still on his face. 'Note to self: find out who laced Naruto's food or drink with weed and/or crack. If it was weed, ask for some of it. It sounds good.' Thought Hiruzen. "Can you tell me what both you and…Ninja Hinja…were talking about?"
"He said that he was gonna train me in the art of the Broomstick so I could be a great ninja." Said Naruto. Hiruzen massaged his temples, feeling a giant migraine coming on. He decided to play along with this.
"So, where exactly is he going to being training you?"
"Well I don't know yet. He didn't say where or when, but I know it's gonna happen. Can you believe it gramps? A GOD believes in me, and I won't fall him!" said an excited Naruto. Hiruzen had to force a smile on his face real hard in order to convince Naruto he believed in him.
'Why couldn't it have been Kami? At least it would have been somewhat believable? But a broomstick god? Whoops, forgot to capitalize the B and G, better fix that. But a Broomstick God? The fuck?'
"So are you gonna let me train, gramps? Please oh please oh please! If you do, from now on, I'll pay for my own ramen." Said Naruto. Hiruzen's eyes widened at the statement. All he heard were the words " Pay", "Own", and "Ramen". His hand suddenly went to his right side, as he patted his wallet. His pants leg started to get wet as his wallet started to cry tears of joy. But he had to weigh the Pros and Cons of this situation.
Naruto could die.
It could be a pedophile, or worse, Orochimaru.
This may make Naruto desire vengeance upon Konoha and turn evil to obtain that power.
Aw what the hell.
"Ok Naruto you can go. But you must return in three years in order to start the academy. You know me boy, I don't believe in special treatment. I cant just let you go and return just in time for the Genin exams, what kind of leader who do that (cough*fanfiction writers*cough)? "
"Ok gramps. Thanks! I'll come back even stronger, BELIEVE IT!" screamed Naruto. Suddenly a broom from the corner of the room came flying at him and hit him in the head.
He heard Ninja Hinja say "NEVER say that again!"
Later that day, Naruto went home and packed for his training trip. He was so exicted he couldn't wait. He arrived at the gate with a smile on his face Three long years, boy was this going to be exicting.
A/N: Should I continue this story? If so, should I add a paring? If so, who? Anyone except Hinata or Sakura, you guys know how it is.