Hello Twi-fans and Twi-haters! Last year I published my 100 reasons why Twilight sucks, and got some very interesting responses. The vast majority of reviewers agreed with me, but some seemed to think my reasons were a bit dumb and irrelevant. So, I'm writing some new reasons that will hopefully be more acceptable.
Before we start, though: when I published the original version of this thing, some Twilight fans suggested that the reason why I don't like the series is that I'm just stupid. I'm willing to admit that I have many faults, but stupidity is not one of them. Right now I'm studying Speech Pathology at a very well-respected university, and I'm doing quite well, so obviously I must have some degree of intelligence. So if you want to insult me, you'll have to think of some other way to do it. Okay? Good. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, plotlines or setting of Twilight, and I also don't own any of the other series I've mentioned here.
Here's the first ten reasons. Enjoy… or don't enjoy, whichever suits you.
1. Bella Swan is the worst "heroine" ever created. She is the exact definition of a Mary-Sue; even though (as she constantly reminds us) she's far from perfect, almost everyone else seems to think she's the most amazing person in the universe. Bella was "chosen" by a hot guy who had supposedly been saving himself for over a century, and on top of that, she is inexplicably able to resist vampires' mental attacks. Despite this, she chooses to act like a stereotypical damsel in distress and wait for men to do everything for her, rather than actually being independent and taking control of her life. This is just one of the many reasons why she is a terrible role model.
2. Now that we've discussed the heroine, let's address the so-called "hero" of the story: Edward Cullen. Apparently he is supposed to be the perfect man. Why is this? I'm not sure, but I think it must be mostly due to his good looks, because his personality leaves a lot to be desired. Here are just a few of Edward's faults: he's bad-tempered, pessimistic, selfish, patronising, boring, possessive, over-protective, obsessive, creepy and sometimes just plain rude. I honestly cannot see how those personality traits can be construed as desirable, but if anyone wants to explain it to me, please go ahead.
3. Stephenie Meyer's writing is shockingly poor for someone who managed to pass a creative writing course and then become an award-winning author. She often uses grammar and punctuation incorrectly, she misuses words, and she writes sentences like this: "It was very difficult while he was touching me, to frame a coherent question." (Twilight, p299). No one who has studied creative writing should think that is an acceptable sentence. It's no surprise that Twilight was turned down by fourteen publishers; in fact, I think that Little, Brown and Company only agreed to publish Twilight because they knew it would sell no matter how poorly-written it was. I'm not even kidding. That sounds like a very plausible explanation.
4. Another issue with Stephenie's writing is her characterisation (or lack thereof). I found this quote from Laura Miller of : "The characters, such as they are, are stripped down to a minimum, lacking the texture and idiosyncrasies of actual people." Oddly, Stephenie seconded this when she told interviewers that Bella is supposed to be a "blank slate" for readers to project themselves onto. It is not skilful or clever to avoid character development; it is lazy.
5. The plotlines in the Twilight series often appear to be messy and illogical, like they weren't thought through very well. For example, Edward's trip to Italy at the end of New Moon seemed like it was just hastily added in as a way to bring him back into the story. The plot of Eclipse didn't make any sense either. Why was Victoria taking revenge on Edward when it was actually Emmett and Jasper who killed James? This was never explained or even mentioned (as far as I can remember) in the book.
6. Twilight is superficial. There's no denying that. The whole idea that becoming a vampire somehow removes all of your physical flaws and makes you incredibly beautiful is a very good example of this superficial attitude. Stephenie probably just added that trait in because she loved the idea of becoming inhumanly beautiful and then spending eternity like that. Bella even says this after she wakes up from her transformation into a vampire: "I guess my brain will never work properly. At least I'm pretty". Yeah, screw intelligence; beauty will get you anywhere you want to go.
7. On a similar note, Bella's constant raving about Edward's beauty does not do the book any favours. There are only so many times you can read about Edward's gorgeous golden eyes and his amazing body before it starts to get a bit monotonous.
8. The ending of the series is anticlimactic, cheesy and clichéd. It had a lot of potential, with the Volturi turning up to kill everyone, but instead of adding in an epic battle, Stephenie chose to make the bad guys leave the Cullens and their friends in peace (more or less). What happened to ending the book with a bang? Let's compare the awesome Battle of Hogwarts at the end of the final Harry Potter book to the ending of Breaking Dawn. Makes it seem kind of boring and unimaginative, doesn't it?
9. Bella has no life outside of Edward; without him, she doesn't exist. Seriously, just try to imagine what she would have done with her life if she hadn't met him. We have no way of knowing, because she never thinks about anything except Edward, and she never does anything without him. We're given no clue as to what course Bella would want to do at college, or what career she'd like to get into. She hasn't even got any hobbies or pastimes. It is not healthy to have your entire life revolve around your boyfriend; just look at what happened in New Moon.
10. Stephenie Meyer is the queen of horrible metaphors. Two good examples of that would be Edward comparing Bella to a meteor shooting across the sky of his life at the end of New Moon, and Bella comparing her life as a vampire to a beautiful, multi-coloured tapestry. That kind of thing is what we call "purple prose", and it isn't good writing.
Any thoughts or opinions so far? Feel free to review and tell me what you think; I'll probably reply, as long as I'm not too busy. The next ten reasons will be published as soon as I've finished with them.