First -Man thing. Enjoy!
There was something terribly painful about realising her mistakes regarding Allen. She really shouldn't have thought about it, she realizes now, but she did. The pain was stabbing, and she knew she needed to be alone as soon as possible. She decided the room she never uses, the one Komui decorated for her, will suit her needs. No one would think to check the 'storage room', as she had dubbed it.
She was numb on the way there, afraid to let go and delve into her feelings too deeply. It wouldn't help anyone if she was a mess, especially Johnny, who placed so much faith in Allen and tried his hardest to develop his traits of unending love and care and strength. How would Johnny react to Allen's 'traitorous' actions? Of course, Lenalee didn't truly believe he had left to join the Noah's side, no one did. Except maybe Leverrier.
The soft squish of her bed seemed to unlock the gates holding in her tears and memories, and both came flooding out, unstoppable.
He was… he was gone. And she had said nothing to stop him.
She was the only one there, the only one he would turn to say goodbye to when something was so desperately urgent, and she had given away the only chance anyone who loved him had to keep him there, with them, like it was an old toy she's had as a child and no longer used. She should've kept him there.
That was her duty, wasn't it? To hold her comrades, her family, her world together in this broken existence of destruction and pain and loneliness. It was what kept them all smiling, knowing that back in the big, cold building so many people knew the same feelings you did, and most were ready to discuss it with you if you couldn't handle it anymore. They were a support net for each other, strong enough to hold for this long. But that was just it.
Everyone could feel it, or at least everyone who knew it was there in the first place. This net that had held them all for so long was ready to break, and Allen's leaving had certainly done it no good. In truth, they were weak.
This was the darker side of the order, the side they tried their hardest to hide from Central's prying eyes. Should Leverrier catch wind of their attachment he would surely have something to say about it, and would probably suggest many a reassignment for the Exorcists who had come to call it Home. Lenalee was the base of this family. When she had joined, as a real, willing member, she had shown the rest of the members how lively the cold stone building could be, should you fill it with the energies akin to those of people who hadn't suffered as much as they did every day. She was the one who welcomed the tired, injured Exorcists and Finders back home and lifted their spirits again. She made sure they were fed and bathed, emotional wounds bound and clean. She tied them all together, kept them all together.
This was her job, and she had failed.
It wasn't like she could fix it now, not until he came back. Traipsing off into the Noah's hideout at all was suicide, but alone... and there was no one she could ask, anyways. Kanda was dead, Lavi was imprisoned, the Generals would never agree, Miranda and Krory, she couldn't do that to them. Neither was strong enough.
She would need to wait, and as hard and testing as it would be, wait she did.
And on her last day of waiting, she couldn't help but throw herself at him, pushing them to the ground and getting dirt in their hair, though if asked, neither would say they cared. He was home. Her world was in one piece. And everything was back to normal for now. Because nothing was permanent when you were an apostle of God.
And that was enough
Shortshortshort but whatever it's something. This will probably be an archive to dump all of my DGM oneshots, so feel free to add it to your story alert if you want to read more!
Thankyou for reading, you know that special little button down there only takes a second to click~