A/N: This chapter is sort of long, but so is the closing A/N. Am I the only one who misses Brad and the other annoying kids? They're fun to mess with. I really wanted to put them in the chapter, but they're irrelevant and I had actual plot to : sorry for the 2 typos in the first draft of this chapter. I have fixed them. I have learned that proofreading at midnight is not smart.
"Ugh, finally." Laurie screwed the cap onto her bottle of nail polish and opened the car door. Home sweet home, and not a moment too soon. The members of the Forman family were all a bit fed up with each other.
Eric snuck inside while his parents were busy chattering. It was illogical to avoid them, since Red had taken out his wrath on him at the hotel (while Kitty got very drunk downstairs, ironically, to drown out the memory her son has let slip).
He found Donna and Hyde sitting in awkward silence, save for the quiet murmur of the television set. He walked up slowly behind his unaware girlfriend. Hyde, who was facing the door Forman entered through, raised his eyebrows, silently saying "sneaking up on her? Wow, man. That's lame." Forman put a finger to his mouth to shush him, and Hyde crossed his arms.
When Eric was inches behind his girlfriend, he reached out and wrapped his arms around her. She squealed in surprised before she slapped his hand away, calling him a dill hole. Then, realizing that the boy she missed had returned, she hugged him back. "Oh my god, I feel like you've been gone for a month."
"Get a room," Hyde scolded before walking away in annoyance.
"So," Eric laughed cockily, "have fun holding down Camp de Forman?"
"Oh, yeah, it was fantastic." Donna rolled her eyes. She gave him a brief rundown on the awkward weekend, run in with Edna included. "I'm just glad you're back. I missed my twizzler."
"I missed you too," Eric said in a more sweet tone. "Oh, and I love you," He said as if he's just remembered that he was supposed to say it.
Donna rolled her eyes. "I love you too, you jerk."
Laurie picked up her suitcase as Hyde entered the kitchen. "Hey, shrimp."
"Have fun at the funeral, bitch?"
Laurie grinned. "Actually, it was real fun. Pimply Longstocking got himself in trouble." The blond smiled fondly at the memory; "the idiot let a certain little secret slip during a eulogy. God, it was great. Eric is such a wimp."
"He screwed up a eulogy?" Hyde's face lit up. "That's impressive, man."
Laurie started walking through the living room to get to the stairs, Hyde on her tail. "Hey, dork," Laurie said to her brother as they passed behind the couch, "nice job giving mom a nervous breakdown." Of course, she exaggerated just a bit to alarm Donna. Not surprisingly to Laurie, it worked.
"What?" The redhead looked at Eric expectantly, but Laurie's work was done. She didn't care to stay around for the moron's explanation. Instead, she and Hyde headed to her room. Laurie set down her suitcase, unzipped it, and started unloading clothes into her dresser.
"Our stupid cousin put him on the spot to share some memory about…whatever her name was. Pee Pants just stared at him like a little girl who was just outed for stuffing her bra. And then-" Laurie bit her lip to hold back a chuckle, "and then he told our whole family of mourners that Mom drinks." She paused. "I've never felt closer to him."
Hyde smirked and nodded his head. "Man. Red and Kitty must've been pissed."
"Yeah," Laurie said. She grabbed a piece of gum off her dresser and popped it into her mouth.
"I moved all of the stuff in his room," Hyde said when Laurie got pleasantly caught up in memory lane.
"Oh yeah?" Laurie put a hand on her hip. "Even the dolls?"
"Yeah. Donna put them under the sink in the bathroom."
"Pretty good." Laurie nodded to show her approval. "The little girl's probably going to cry."
The boy scoffed. "That'd be cool."
Laurie ignored him, lost in her own thoughts. "Damn, I left my nail polish downstairs."
"And now you have to walk all the way downstairs. Bummer."
With that, Hyde and Laurie, both mocking each other, headed back to the kitchen. Eric shook his head at the passing sound of bickering behind him. "Oh sure," Donna commented, "now that Laurie's here, he's got a bunch of stuff to say."
"Laurie is like a burn magnet. You can't help but mock her." As he spoke, the front door opened and Red walked in with two suitcases.
"You're a good brother," Donna noted before Red had time to say something snaky.
"Hey dumb ass, grab one of these suitcases and take it upstairs." And there it was. Since he didn't want to get in any more trouble, Eric immediately went to grab a bag without even a smart comment. Donna followed in case he happened to discover this room makeover while upstairs.
Hyde grabbed a bottle of root beer and was attempting to pop the cap off when Kitty entered. Kitty being Kitty, a child with a bottle opener worried her, so she took it from him, opened it herself, and handed it back without a second thought. He held the bottle slightly away from him, taken by surprise.
"I'll be right back, kids," Kitty said. "I just have to unpack and then I'll get started on dinner."
Hyde looked at Laurie, thinking what just happened? He shrugged and took a swig of the soda. "So, sleep with any morticians while you were gone?" He said as a conversation starter.
"Morticians are-" Laurie was cut off by a quiet knocking on the sliding door.
"Who is it?" Hyde asked his sister since the counter blocked his view.
"What?" Holy shit, Hyde thought, Edna?
Man, he didn't think she'd actually give their run in a second thought. What, did she think she was imagining things but wanted to check up on her abandoned kid so she could stop thinking about him again?
"Duck," Laurie warned. For once, she was actually acting in someone else's interest. "I'll sop her off. But you owe me." Hyde quickly scrambled to get behind the basement door. He heard Laurie slide the door open.
"Yeah?" Laurie said, smacking gum.
"Are you the Forman girl?"
"Who else would I be?" Laurie said, as if it were a dumb question.
"Is my kid here?"
"Who? The orphan?"
"He's not-look, is Steven here?"
"Nope. Bye, nice talking to you."
"Do you know where he is? I wanted to talk to him."
"I'm not his keeper. Try somewhere else."
"Alright, I get-" now it was Edna's turn to be cut off. Hyde could see Forman rush into the kitchen.
"Dang it, Hyde, where's my action figure collection?" He looked around the room. "Where's Hy-oh, god, Edna. Uh, did I say Hyde, cause I meant hi." Hyde wanted to kick Forman's ass after that. The sixteen year old was hopeless at improvising.
Edna's voice said next "wait, I thought you said he wasn't here."
"Uh…." Forman stammered.
"Let me in." Hyde could hear the sliding door shut.
He could see Edna enter his line of vision, and of course, luck never being on his side, she spotted him within seconds.
"I-I thought-who are you? I thought you looked just like-" Edna stared in shock, letting her jaw go slack.
Okay. Too late for excuses. "Funny," Hyde retorted, "I thought you were too busy staring at the guys on top of you to notice the one in the next room."
"Um…" Forman swallowed. "I'm…going to go find…my dolls-action figures! Man." He scurried out of the room to seek help.
"You can't-" Edna blinked.
Mother and son were both speechless.
A/N: Yu can thank Christineex for the end of this chapter. The "guy in the next room over" line was all hers, and she let me use it. If I didn't have to work that (excellent) line in, about half a page of this chapter would get pushed into chapter 54. Wow. 54 is a lot. So applause for Christine's magnificence! (And nanny girl who always reviews, and the anonymous guest from a chapter back). I've talked to Christine about doing something like "if I get 3 reviews next chapter, this will happen, if I get 4, this other thing will happen, if I get 5, something else, and more, something super great!" But you guys are silent readers so I don't know what you want. I know you guys like it when Hyde gets hurt, but more so sick…but I'd like some new ideas. Input? Ideas? Comments on this chapter? All of the above (please please please?) Thanks for reading and I I'm amazed that the A/N puts this over three pages. Yay! Please review.