Fandom: Glee, Season Two, AU
Warning(s): Naughty language and sexual thoughts.
Distribution: Please ask first. Please do not screencap this story, save it to hard drives, exchange with others, or translate into other languages without written consent.
Feedback: Con-crit is always welcome; flames are ridiculed and put on display.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, lyrics, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Snippets of dialogue may be incorporated from the original canonical episode(s) and belong to their respective authors/creators. The original characters and plot are the property of the author(s). The author(s) is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor should any be inferred. No profit is being made.
Summary: Sam's Quest for Kurt is interrupted by two cockblockers and a disturbingly sweet Noah Puckerman. Sequel to Icebreaker; second of what can be termed the iVerse.
Author's Note: I'm thrilled that so many people responded favorably to Icebreaker. There were many requests for me to continue the story, and while I had no plans to make it a multichapter, I decided a follow-up was in order. So welcome to the iVerse, a series of one-shots which will explore the Hevans relationship I've created. This installment is pretty sappy, but I think Kurt and Sam would be pretty sappy (and adorable!) if they got together. Schmoop-haters beware.
His third week into his tenure at McKinley High saw Sam Evans realize three unalienable truths. One: he was hopelessly and desperately in love with Kurt Hummel. Two: only Kurt was ignorant of this fact. Three: Mercedes Jones and Finn Hudson absolutely despised him.
Facts one and three didn't trouble him. He hadn't expected to fall in love with anyone until college and was quite content with that supposition. So while the awesomeness that was Kurt had come as a surprise, it was nevertheless a welcome one. As for Finn and Mercedes, he couldn't have cared less. He wanted to be liked, but he wasn't going to carry a cross because two people took issue with his orientation. Well, that was his assumption. He was pretty sure that it was his desire for Kurt which irked Mercedes, but he was certain it was the fact that he was gay that so bothered Finn. And for that, Sam had no time.
Still, it was kind of annoying. Finn had all but set himself to be his new best friend until he discovered that Sam Evans liked boys. Sam was pissed off that he had so thoroughly misjudged Finn, because he had thought the other boy was cool at first. But then Sam had met Kurt and it was like a big gay love bomb exploded. From that moment forward, all that concerned Sam was how to get Kurt to give him a chance. Finn had been supremely perplexed by this, so Sam had written him off.
Except Finn wouldn't go away.
Every time he turned around, Finn was watching him. Whenever he tried to get Kurt alone for a moment, Finn suddenly appeared and shepherded Kurt away. It was really fucking obnoxious, and the most ridiculous part was that it was patently obvious that Kurt knew exactly what Finn was doing and was vastly amused by it.
Sam could deal with Mercedes easily, because it was apparent from the beginning that she was all bark and no bite. He had known people like her before, ones who liked to throw around the ghetto card and talk a big game, but who would crumble if the threat became real. She would glare at him whenever he caught her eye and he would calmly return the stare, which so unseated her she quickly gave up in favor of leaning over and whispering frantically to Kurt whenever Kurt would look at him. That Kurt would just roll his eyes and shake his head at his best friend's blathering gave Sam hope.
Sam just didn't understand why Kurt was so completely oblivious to his intentions. It was maddening! He had thought he had made himself clear that first day in the choir room. Sam had flirted, Kurt had flirted back pretty heavily, and mutual interest had been declared.
Or so he had thought.
By now they should have at least been holding hands. Although Sam had rather been hoping for some over-the-clothes molestation. But there was no groping of any kind!
No, Kurt was constantly surrounded by his impenetrable harem, which for some reason included Noah Puckerman. From the gossip Sam had been able to ferret out, the association was rather new, apparently having taken place over the summer. Up until the end of the previous school year, Kurt and Puck had been mortal enemies but were now the best of friends. They were so sickeningly sweet about it, too, that it gave people diabetes. They certainly made Sam want to puke.
Sam grimaced as his subtle stalking was interrupted by Puck sauntering up to Kurt's locker.
Kurt looked up and smiled. "Good morning, Noah. How's the herpes?" he asked, before thrusting a cardboard cup at the other boy.
Puck's eyes lighted with joy before closing as he breathed in deeply the aroma. "Thanks, Little Dude! You didn't have to do this."
Kurt shrugged. "I was in the mood for a latte anyway. It's certainly not as though I went out of my way for you." He raised an eyebrow. "Because that would never happen."
Puck grinned and sidled up even more closely. "Course not, babe," he purred, "but still, I should thank you properly." He cocked his own eyebrow. "Any ideas on how I could do that?"
"Yes," Kurt snapped, rolling his eyes. "Please desist utilizing that horrid Axe body spray. It makes you smell like a barnyard."
"You mean it makes me smell like a man," Puck countered, chest puffing with macho pride.
"A man who works in a barnyard. Whenever you approach, I look around for spider webs heralding the arrival of Some Pig. And then you appear." He batted his eyelashes. "Who says there's no truth in advertising?"
Sam waited for the explosion, sure that Kurt had gone too far, only to be shocked and distressed when Puck threw back his head and laughed uproariously. And then he put. His. Arm. Around. Kurt's. Shoulders.
And the worst part was that Kurt sank against Puck's side, cuddled him closely, shut his eyes, and released a pleasant humming noise as Puck slurped his coffee and glared at anyone who dared look at them the wrong way.
"So what are you doing tonight, babe?" Puck asked.
Sam blinked owlishly. No. Absolutely not. There was no way Puck was asking Kurt out on a date! He had to stop this. He had to do something! He had to…crawl into a hollow log and die.
Kurt opened his eyes, turned on his heel, and placed his hand behind Puck's neck, his fingernails lightly grazing the tender skin and making Puck all but kick his leg in bliss.
"Santana and I have...plans."
Puck's eyes snapped open as all the color bled from his face. He shuddered and shook his head. "I don't get you two."
"You really don't want to."
Puck snorted. "No shit. The longer Quinn and I don't know what goes on inside your heads, the longer we won't have to sleep in shifts."
Kurt peered up at him from beneath his lashes and gave him a coy smile. "Why, Noah. You make my relationship with Santana sound so sinister. Thank you." He bared his teeth. "But it's not as though we're evil demigods plotting to replace low-level government bureaucrats with our own personal minions to ease our way into becoming the overlords of the earth."
Puck's eyes widened. So did Sam's. Because Kurt and Santana could and totally would do that.
"Which we're not, of course," Kurt said pleasantly, beaming.
Sam didn't realize until he released his breath that he had been waiting to exhale.
"Uh, yeah," Puck said dumbly, blinking.
Kurt lovingly patted his chest before kissing him softly on the cheek.
Sam knew that Kurt kissed everyone on the cheek – well, the girls, at least – so he wasn't too worried. Until Puck started blushing.
"You're adorable," Kurt cooed.
Puck made some stupid aw, shucks face and shuffled his feet. Sam wanted to punch him in the dick.
Sam released a soft whine as he watched Brittany literally bounce over to Kurt and begin petting him. No fair! Why couldn't he pet Kurt?
Brittany looked at Puck and frowned. "Are you dating my dolphin?" she asked baldly. "Because I don't think I like that. Kurt doesn't need to have a baby right now."
Puck gaped at her as Kurt snickered and drew her flush against him. She laid her head on his shoulder and beamed when he kissed her forehead.
"Noah and I aren't dating, sweetness. We're just friends."
She looked at him dubiously. "Puck has friends?"
"Not nice," Kurt mildly scolded. "Noah's a good man. He's made mistakes and owned up to them. Glee Club has to stick together, remember?"
She nodded, blushing lightly. "Sorry, Puck. I guess you're okay, but I won't let you hurt Kurt."
"I don't want to hurt Kurt," Puck said softly, "and I won't let anyone else hurt him either."
Brittany soured. "Finn is mean."
"Did he say something to you?" Kurt demanded.
She shook her head. "He doesn't even talk to me anymore. He only talks to Mercedes and gets really quiet whenever Santana or me or Quinn comes around."
Kurt narrowed his eyes. "They're plotting something."
Puck nodded. "Probably something to do with your boy."
Kurt smiled and ducked his head. "Do you really think he likes me?"
"I do," Sam replied, moving out from behind Puck.
"Dude, were you spying?" Puck barked. "Not cool."
Sam shrugged. "Not intentionally, but whenever I get close to Kurt, one of the Gruesome Twosome steps in and spirits him away." He turned toward the object of his affections. "Hello Angel," he quietly said.
Kurt blushed. "Hello Sam Evans."
Sam wasn't sure what to say next. This wasn't like their first meeting. There was no innuendo, no longing looks. He hadn't realized that Kurt was just as shy as he himself was. From what he had discovered, Kurt had never had a boyfriend before. In fact, last year he had suffered a rather embarrassing crush on the boy who was soon to become his stepbrother. If anything, he would have thought Finn would be relieved to have another guy who was so interested in Kurt.
"Can we talk?" Sam asked.
Kurt nodded. "I'd like that." Slowly, haltingly, he held out his hand.
Just before Sam could grasp it, they were quite rudely interrupted.
"Hi guys!" Mercedes brightly chirped, her eyes hard.
"What's going on here?" Finn asked roughly.
Sam shook his head and was about to unleash his fury upon them but was spared the trouble.
Brittany immediately began screaming at Mercedes, who was so taken aback that she just stood staring at the other girl before allowing Brittany to drag her away. Puck slammed his hand down on Finn's shoulder and guided him down the hall, saying it was about time they caught up on things.
Kurt smirked after them.
Sam raised a brow. "Did you plan that?"
"Perhaps," Kurt said slyly. "Brittany and Noah will take care of them. If Mercedes and Finn don't back off, they'll be dealing with Quinn and Santana. Trust me when I tell you that they don't want to face that option."
Sam grinned. "So you just sacrificed two of your pawns?"
"You always save the bigger guns for more worthy prey."
"Why don't you want to confront them directly?"
"Because hiding two bodies in a town as small as Lima is no easy feat, and I don't want to owe Coach Sylvester another favor."
Said Coach suddenly materialized before them like a demon. "Porcelain, if I hadn't had the portion of my brain that deals with feelings burned away with a Freon gun, I'd be proud of you."
Kurt smirked. "It's all about priorities, Coach. You taught me that." He waved a hand. "I've started freeze-drying some of my evil each morning to preserve it for maximum freshness and impact."
She nodded. "As you should. Carry on with your socially unacceptable homosexual banter." She sauntered away, throwing only one hockey player into the next hall. "Today is a good day."
She then smiled.
Four girls screamed, seven students ran out of the building, and Jacob ben Israel fainted.
Sam stared after her. "She's fun."
"You have no idea."
"I'm pretty sure I don't want to. I don't think I'd survive."
Sam exhaled and wiped his now-sweaty palms on his jeans. "Look, Kurt, I'm pretty new to this whole dating dudes thing. Actually, I'm pretty new to dating in general, so I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes." He swallowed heavily. "What I do know is that I like you. A lot."
"I like you too, Sam," Kurt whispered. "A lot."
Sam gave him a hopeful smile. "So I wasn't misreading anything? I mean, I thought after we met in the choir room that I'd made myself clear, but then I realized I'd never come out and said anything other than I like your ass. Sorry for creeping on you."
Kurt tittered nervously.
"It's an awesome ass," Sam said, grinning, before he faltered. "I should tell you upfront that I'm a huge dork, so if you're looking for suave or…"
Kurt cut him off by placing a finger against Sam's deliciously plump lips. "I could write a novella about what I like about you, and your dorkiness would be at the top of the list."
Sam's eyes softened. "Are you sure?" He closed his eyes. "Please be sure, Kurt."
"Never a doubt in my mind," Kurt replied, leaning forward and brushing his lips against those of Sam.
And it was everything Sam had thought and hoped it would be, everything he had dreamed of: absolutely perfect. Fireworks shot off behind his eyelids, and he could only hope the passion he tried to fuel into his response would communicate his happiness. After Kurt pulled away, Sam reached down and took Kurt's hand in his own, lacing their fingers together.
"May I walk you to your next class?
Kurt smiled. "I've been waiting for you to ask me that for three weeks."