AUTHOR: Amber/Minttown1 (email@example.com)
CATEGORY: Vignette, angst, post-ep
SPOILERS: The X-Files episode "Jump The Shark".
SUMMARY: Jimmy and Yves say goodbye after the events of "Jump The Shark".
ARCHIVE: If you'd like to, just let me know where.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from The X-Files or The Lone Gunmen. They belong to Fox and Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions, or so I assume.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is first person, from Yves's perspective, talking place mere moments after "Jump The Shark". Special thanks to Percy for insisting I write this.
"I love you."
When those words are spoken to your back, are you supposed to turn around? Run into the arms of this person who has no idea that those three words are almost keeping you from going on in life and doing what you have to do? I can't stay here.
And he has no right. No right to say that, to try to trap me and keep me here.
Then I remember who it is that is speaking. He's an awful liar. I don't know if he has an ulterior motive in his body. And even if he is trying to keep me here, it's because he wants me to be here, not because he doesn't want me to be there.
No, that made no sense.
And neither did what he said. He has no idea. He's just scared. And it's understandable. We're standing in the graveyard where his three best friends have just been buried. And I'm leaving too.
But I wish he wouldn't have said that.
And it's starting to rain. I was already walking away, and I refuse to turn around. I'm going to keep going. I should have been at the airport an hour ago.
"Yves, Lois, damnit!" And something in his voice makes me turn around and wait.
He's all but running to catch up to where I'm standing. Walter Skinner and Dana Scully are watching us now, and I think, not for the first time, that I wouldn't like her.
"You can't leave," he says, pleading now, his momentary anger gone.
"I can't stay." I also can't meet his eyes.
"We promised them, Yves, that we'd keep fighting."
"No, you promised them, Jimmy."
"What am I supposed to do by myself?"
"I don't know." We're both wet now. I realize for the first time in years that I'm truly cold. I've lost three people I love, whether I ever wanted to acknowledge it or not. And here's Jimmy, my last real human connection, begging me not to leave. The grief and the love and the pain are too much and I can feel tears burning in my eyes.
"Goodbye, Jimmy." I start to walk away again, and he grabs my shoulder. Naturally, I shrug him off and keep walking.
He's in front of me, a hand on each shoulder now, holding me in place. I just stand there. There's nothing he can say to change my mind now.
"I mean it when I say I love you." He isn't being fair.
"You don't know me, Jimmy." Yet he knows me better than any other person left alive in this world.
I'm in self-preservation mode, I'm not crying anymore, and now he looks like he's going to. I care, and I don't want to.
You can live your entire life and never want to need anyone, then four men can make you want need to want everything.
I need to want to stay. I need to want to be with him. I need to want some sense of normalcy. I need to want him, but I don't.
I can feel his hands on the sides of my face. And he's kissing me now, and it's awkward and inappropriate, but I never really cared what was appropriate.
It ends too soon, and when I open my eyes Jimmy's gone, and I turn to see him almost running so that he can be the one to leave, not me.
Dana Scully is staring at me. I wonder if I look as bad as she does now. The rain is pouring now, and I don't care. I look one last time at the coffins lined up. John Byers, Richard Langly, Melvin Frohike.
"So damned senseless," I whisper. I have to leave. Jimmy's gone now, and I should have been at the airport an hour ago.