Title: If Your Heart's Not In It
Main characters: James Diamond, Logan Mitchell
Side characters: Carlos, Kendall
Warning: Slash Jagan
Summary: After been dating for few months, James felt Logan had changed.
A/N: The song is 'If Your Heart's Not In It' by Westlife. Another sugary story. Hope it doesn't fail much?
I'm missing you, eventhough you're right here by my side…
After been dating for few months, James felt Logan had changed. Although the genius was sitting next to him, the one he was clinging to right then, James didn't feel like having the Logan Mitchell he used to know.
It was not like they didn't talk. They did, but the conversation was either too short, boring, or too formal. Logan seemed to be closer with Kendall, and even Carlos. When they were together in their shared room, Logan would just open his book and ignore him completely. It made James lonely. It didn't make many differences whether they were dating or still just friends, worse even if he carefully compared it.
Cause lately it seems the distance between us is growing too wide...
I'm so afraid that you're saying it is over, the last thing that I wanna hear…
He silently cried at night, afraid that Logan didn't love him anymore. The boy meant the world to James. He couldn't imagine what would happen to him if he didn't have Logan anymore. However, the more time passing, the more hurt James got, and the pain was slowly becoming unbearable. It was killing him and… James finally decided that he would initiate the break up.
Not that James wanted this, he just wanted to know how Logan would react. He hoped the genius would realize that he had been taking him for granted.
Eventhough there was this possibility that Logan would agree, James's heart broke with the thought alone. Risk taken, he needed to get over this.
Therefore James wrote a simple message for Logan. It was a song which Logan once said he liked very much.
But if your heart's not in it for real, please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone, it's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you, anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay, I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it
You say that you love me but Baby sometimes you're just saying the words
If you've got somethin' to tell me, don't keep it inside, let it be heard
I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over, I'll make it easy for you
How I wish I could take us back in time
But it's gone too far now we can't rewind
(And there's nothing that I can do to stop me losin' you)
I can't make you change your mind
Logan came home only to find his lover's bed unoccupied. He began to worry. The sun had set since an hour ago. Where on the earth would James be right now?
Logan was being oblivious to James recently, he knew that. The pretty boy didn't deserve such treatment, but… he couldn't help it. Logan wished he had courage to share everything that's been in my mind.
While wandering over the room, his eyes suddenly fell on a folded paper on the small table near the bed. Logan started to feel uneasy. Cautiously, he unfolded the paper and read it.
"Hey, I really like this song. The melody is very calming and soothing." Logan once said when they were lying on the bed, doing nothing but enjoying each other's presence and listening to James's iPod.
"Yeah, but the lyrics are so sad. I don't like it," James replied at that time.
Logan hurriedly ran outside the room. Carlos was the first thing he saw, as the boy was watching TV in the living room. "Carlos did you see James?"
"He went out few minutes ago. He seemed upset. What happened?"
As Carlos finished asking, the door was opened, revealing Kendall. "What's with James? He's heading rooftop and has he been crying?"
In instant, Logan was out, running as fast as he could to the elevators, reaching for the highest floor, the rooftop. He breathed sigh of relief as the man he loved was there, back on him.
"James, get back here. I need to tell you I love you…"
"…but Baby sometimes, you're just saying the words…" James sang the lines of the song softly, without even turning to face his lover. Logan's heart ached. James's voice was shaking, telling him that Kendall was right.
"No. I really am saying the truth. I'm sorry for being jerk lately, but it's not that my love's gone. It's not that my heart's not in it for real. I just… don't know what to do around you. I just… I want to do loving things normal couples do, but it somehow feels awkward. I started to get nervous all the time when we're together, and somehow I kind of avoided you. Stupid me… I know. I'm just afraid you'll end up hating me..." Logan confessed, face blushing.
James slowly turned, his face wet with tears. He eyed Logan, searching sincerity and honesty he needed. And when he found them, he smiled slightly.
"For someone so smart you're so stupid. I can never hate you." The pretty boy pouted.
"So are you. I can never say 'it is over'." Logan walked closer and encircled the taller with his arms. "James Diamond I love you and I'm not only saying the words."
"So don't ignore me anymore?"
"Next time if you want to do loving things normal couples do, just do it. No matter how awkward it might be, just don't ever hesitate."
"Really?" A smirk formed its way on the shorter boy's lips. "What if one day I turned into an animal and attacked you? You don't mind that?"
"Like I don't want you to attack me?" James laughed as he leaned over to give Logan a sweet kiss, their very first kiss together. "In return you have to let me attack you too," he murmured, intensifying the kiss until they were both out of breath.
They both went back to their room arm in arm. When Logan saw James's letter resting on the bed, he quickly tore the paper into pieces and put it into the trash bin. "If I couldn't get you back just now, perhaps I would really hate the song."
James raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you once say you like it that the melody is very calming and soothing?"
"Yeah. But you used its lyrics to break up with me."
The pretty boy only giggled, holding his lover's arm tighter. "It suited my feelings well."
"I'll make sure you won't have to feel like that again. My heart is so in it, okay?"
Since then, Logan paid his full attention to James only, prioritizing him over Kendall, Carlos, and books, the last one was by James's own request. Logan couldn't argue with that, because he had wanted to spend time together as much as the latter wanted. Logan was not going to shy away from James anymore, and thus the touches and kisses they shared no longer felt awkward. Both were very happy with how their relationship worked and wished they could stay happy together forever.
A/N: I wonder why I keep making James cry in every of my fic? Dx Thanks for everyone who's reading!