DAMNATION

by Nadia Blackrose

Full Summary

To love her, means to commit the greatest of crimes. To adore her, means to bend his sense of justice. To protect her means to die, sacrifice his everything just to win a place in her heart for one and last night...

Author's Notes:

This is a novel-fic that unfolds between the episodes 24-25 and some time after the end. The purpose of this story is to bridge some plot holes within the main universe, and also states some deeper theories that take the plot of Death Note to a deeper level of understanding.

I can assure you that there will be twists and mind games, so I stick to the canon. My only addition is one rule not existing in the canon story.

No further disclaimers and big author notes will be put, as they ruin the pace of the story.

I do not own Death Note. Just my concept. And no money is made from this figment of my imagination.

Last but not least, feedback is greatly appreciated and will motivate me to update faster. Also, advice on my writing style will be followed by heart.

Onto the first installment now.


Chapter 1

PILOT

a. Preface

Misa Misa did die for Light, didn't she?

Lies.

To justify my theory above, let me remind you of Misa's obsessive devotion. How strongly she claimed that she wouldn't be able to exist in a world without Light, and how fiercely believed she would be lost in despair. She had assured everyone she would commit suicide if there was something to happen to him. And all her states proved to be absolutely false. For she went on with her life however empty and hollow it was during Light's absence. Misa Misa managed to live one more year and almost two weeks after stupid and reckless Matsuda broke the news to her about Light's passing away.

She finally died, of course, and this led everyone to believe that she gave up on that special day due to her romanticism. Partially logical so far.

Did you ever wonder why she chose the 14th February as her death date? It was Valentine's day, the most would reason. Think it over, and take a closer look on the year. It's 2013 now and she was still alive by that time. Why choosing the Valentine's day one year after Light's death? Light closed his eyes on January 28, if you remember well, so Valentine's day of 2012 was about to come pretty soon. She could have ended her life then, if she desired so. One whole year is such a considerable amount of time to survive without the one you love, and postpone something you have already planned. Especially for someone so romantic and hypersensitive like Misa Misa.

Let me tell you, then, the bitter truth behind Misa's suicide:

Misa actually died for L, the world's greatest detective, the mind, the person, the true love of her life. She wanted to join him in the other world, become one with him for all eternity . And this was supposed to remain a secret, on the grounds that L was still alive at the eyes of the outside world.

To make this clear, she accidentally regained some of her previous memories, by touching a small piece of paper from a death note. It was found in the most unimaginable place , when she subconsciously felt the urge to visit her old house, the one she had lived with her family before they got killed. That devastating piece of paper was enclosed in a strange envelope, and the touch itself was fatal enough to evoke her innermost experiences from the back of her mind. Then, she choked at the reminiscence of the most significant truth of her life, and assumed she deserved to be punished for denying the absolute love she had been offered, once. She regretted for choosing the wrong side, and realized that L was right in everything he had told her.

L did die for Misa Misa a long time ago. It was her turn to express her gratitude. L sacrificed his everything for a young woman, that's the way he proved his love.

And for Misa, the thought of living at someone's expense was too much for her heart to bear. Especially when she remembered that she had loved him, too, and had erased him from her mind intentionally, just to forget the one and only night spent alone with him. It was the price she had to pay to atone for her sin towards her god : Light. And the most terrifying thing is that she did it by taking advantage of the most forbidden, unmentioned rule in the notebook:

If you want to erase one specific memory while keeping ownership of the note, you must sacrifice all lifespan gained while being saved by a Shinigami. In case you want to forfeit ownership, it is advised to do it permanently. Otherwise, that memory will return, too, the next time a death note is touched.

That was the rule, more or less.

Kinda weird, don't you think? Misa was the only one saved by a Shinigami, so she had the privilege to use this rule. That's why she never mentioned L after his death, without sparing him a single thought. She just kept on living her life with Light as if he never existed. She could only recall Ryuzaki being L, and was indifferent to him. She was also satisfied with L's death, since Light was free to make his dreams come true. Last but not least, Misa was unable to have any recollection of that crucial night she spent with L. And that is the worst part,for things could have been entirely different right now. So many lives would be saved, and Kira would have become an unpleasant memory in the place of L..

I guess you must be wondering already how I get to know all of these things. Let me introduce you myself, then.

My name is of no importance. You can just refer to me as M, and in case you are someone who fell upon this piece of paper, you will not be able to get the real message. You can just think it's another loveletter, and throw it away. I advise you to avoid doing so, and instead of that hand it over to the new L. Just find a way, whatever way. It will help him to understand better the hidden nature of his predecessor, and teach him of the actual method to surpass him. And keep your mouth shut before spreading the word that the original L is dead. It's honorable enough for you to learn the actual truth behind the events of the death note and the characters involved in.

Now, If you are the one meant to read this, you already know by now that the actuall M died in the process of uncovering the original Kira, so you can catch the meaning for yourself. You seem to be a good replacement of L, and I can say I am glad for that. Light's exploitation of the name L turned out to be a mere sacrilege, and this could only lead to his downfall. That's the real reason he died. And I learned that the hard way.

Let's get to some point now.

Unbeknownst to the majority of people, my writing skills are far superior to the speaking ones. It always helped me to organize my thoughts, and gave me some time to use some more sophisticated vocabulary. So don't try to figure out whether I am truly Misa just by judging from my writing ,you will fail miserably. Just take my word, whoever I am.

Or else, you can just call me the second Kira, the original owner of the second notebook fell from the sky. The one who made the eye deal twice and got saved by a Shinigami on more than one occasions. The one who was actually responsible for L's death, and got away with all accusations due to L's actions and wishes. That is my confession, and I feel more brave than ever, for I will have been dead by the time you're reading this. Suicide is the only crime where the murderer and the victim are punished at the same time. That's what I deserve, and we all know that.

For now I have realised that L really did everything for me, just to save me from getting arrested in the future. He had known from the very beginning how to trigger the chain of events that brought us to the current state. He did it through precarious thinking. And regardless of the fact that he lost his life, he won the war- that was his plan all along. There is also a small chance that he secretly wanted to punish me by presenting me the truth, knowing that I would presumably take on my life after such a revelation. He had even told me he wanted to prevent this from happening and that's why he had unveiled my future destiny. He was hard to read, let alone comprehend his true intentions behind the end he got to choose for himself, or the end he made me to choose.

But all the same, I got to know him better than anyone else.

L died for Misa's sake, and Misa Misa repayed his sacrifice by erasing the most important night of her life. She never appreciated his words, because she was too blinded to see that Light would never love her in return, too single-minded to conclude that L was the true genius who had showed her an alternative path to follow. And Misa only chose to forget her true love...

This is a story of an ancient tragedy in a modern world, a tale of infinite pain and agony. An act where the gods laughed and spit in our mortal faces. And the meaning is only one:

In the end, we are just tools in their cold and frozen hands.

I will also refer to myself in the third person, like I always did for the biggest part.

This is the last tale of Misa Misa...

B. Intro

He had watched her several times through the countless monitors surrounding his solitary, somewhat monotonous life, when he wanted to take a break from his non-stop, meticulous surveillance business thing. At times, you could even see his unspeakably emotionless lips might form a discreet smile,not one of those which might adorn his average, mediocre appearance, but one of the smiles that could make him look more like a human.

She was more or less well-known among the cycles of the Japanese show biz system, as a model, as an actress, as a bit of everything you might say. For there was nothing, she could do in the world of art without being hugely successful, conversely to the fact that her talent was not in line with her intelligence, which can only be put down to luck. There was something in her aura, radiating self-confidence, cuteness, charm. She had a unique mincing manner, a bright, alluring smile, but above everything she had luck. For Misa, Amane was really lucky to have been granted such delicate beauty, the strongest weapon to open all the doors of fame and glory, without making a single effort, just by attracting the people around her with her divine grace.

He, on the other side, might have had a reputation which was not restricted by the boundaries of Japan, but he always pulled the strings from the backstage, covered under a fine veil of mystery and safety. Everyone had heard of the notorious L, the x factor, the best investigator alive, but at the same time no one truly knew him, because he had chosen for this isolation of his. Perhaps, he was nothing more than a hiding coward, the most malicious would reason, but little did he care about the other's opinion, without this implying that he devalued people.

He was just reluctant to succumb to their dumb, wryly comments, if he ever revealed his true identity, or made an appearance in public. That was because people would hardly believe that behind the odd-looking man (with the unusual sitting manners and the huge appetite for candies) lies a strong and gifted brain such as his. It was more than impossible for him to be acceptable to a group of ordinary individuals, when he didn't meet the criteria of today's modern society: beauty, a certain lifestyle, good taste in clothing, and of course, some considerable "natural" manners. And even though he possessed wealth, the most attracting temptation, he never tried to show off or take advantage of his status.

After all, being special was a blessing and a curse at the same time, since an ordinary man would hardly be able to capture his complicated way of thinking, and accept him the way he is. Just for him, L Lawliet, the man, the person, and not only because he was L, the famous detective.

Consequently, L had never come close to other humans, had never engaged in personal relationships, had never gone out with friends to the cinema.

On the other hand, his job demanded protection of himself, prevention from emotional pain and coverage from his enemies, since too many desired to get a rid of him. So, he was free of worries and consuming thoughts, fully devoted into solving numerous difficult cases, only the ones that piqued his interest.

And it seemed that revealing himself was not necessary at all. At least, he wouldn't do it if it wasn't for some special reason, like facing an intriguing challenge that might uplift his ego, make him rack his brains just for a change, for the fun of it.

Until the case of Kira aroused, one of the most difficult cases he's ever worked on, and then came Light, his altered ago, the one who could undeniably be his successor. Without a single doubt, Kira and Light were exactly the same person. L was more than 90 percent sure about this, although he could lie better than a professional poker player, mentioning just a small percentage. Deep inside, he truly hoped he was mistaken, but even this feeling was something that only Light might make him feel. Friend and foe, innocent and guilty, but above everything, Light was equally intelligent to L. Under different circumstances, they could have been the best of friends. But not in this cruel and harsh reality, this insane dimension named earth.

After some time, as if he was hit by a coincidental stroke of fate, Misa came to the picture as well. She was mad about Light, distant and aggressive towards L, calling him a pervert most of the times...

Until she kissed him on the cheek one day, and uncontrollable, unprecedented feelings took over him. When loneliness had become his best friend, when his main concern was not to have a woman in his life, when he was free of worry and burden, there came her to plague his mind, torment his sanity and alter all the things he had taken for granted.

"I could actually fall for you" he had joked back then, and he knew that from the moment, he'd fall for her, there would be no return.

For love is the most beautiful flower, the most delicious fruit, the most invaluable gift from the gods to all creation. However, when you're not loved in return this flower withers, and the fruit gets rotten, slowly and painfully. That is how you get rotten, too, from misery and pain, for every kiss that won't caress your lips like a gentle dewdrop, for every sweet juice you won't taste from that fruit. And every touch you won't receive feels like a thousand needles piercing your very body, inside out.

"Love is but a fire devouring your soul. Love is decay. It's pure conviction." he used to think often, when he had to deal with cases related to passion crimes, and though he could conceive the complexity of that feeling, he thought that it did not apply to him.

Then, he was mistaken, once in his entire life, and that would cost him so much more...

Because a young woman managed to bring down each one of his almightily defenses, conquering the impregnable fortress of his mind, giving him the final blow which would throw off his inner balance. No, he shouldn't feel like this for her. It was a grave mistake, a tragic one so to speak, to allow himself bow to that feeling, which would only lead him to need things he had totally renounced. He wanted her, longed for her with his everything, against the confusion that prevailed in his inner battle with his logic. Truth has that she was just another criminal, the second Kira. Furthermore, her irrational feelings for Kira were the ones that betrayed her in the first place, and brought her to the scene.

Misa would never become his, since she was showing in every way possible her devotion as well as her obsession with Light. L could see that every time she was dating Light, when he was along with them, playing the role of the intruder, the stranger who destroyed her joyful moments, when he and Light were handcuffed. And that was only because L wanted to ensure that Light wasn't Kira. Light wasn't really interested at Misa. It was more than obvious, and he only wanted to keep her close to him so to inspect her. He was forced to put up with her so that no silly words would come out from her mouth and blow his perfect plan to smithereens. To him, Misa was but another lamb to the altar of sacrifice, a flaw in his miraculous perfection, a stain at the beautiful portrait he wanted to draw with his fantasy.

No matter how hard Light tried to conceal his true intentions. L was constantly there, eyes always watching, observing even the slightest expression of his body language. Light detested Misa, but she was too blind to see. To make matters worse, it seemed that there was no point in Misa being told the truth by L, even if she wasn't smart enough to conclude that L was profoundly jealous...

At the same time, L deeply knew that she'd never set eyes on him, since he didn't possess the appearance of Light, neither he'd ever become her idol: Kira. L was Kira's enemy, so he was an enemy of Misa as well, the second Kira. And if there was a reason for Misa to be absolved from her despicable crimes, that was just her recklessness, which led in no time to her being found. But even so, it was more than obvious that her passion for Kira motivated her, manipulated her in such a graceful manner like a children's puppet. Yes, the infamous Misa was eventually nothing more than a mere puppet.

Oh how deep it hurt L, knowing that the young woman who made him feel like this was but the pawn of such a sinister person. Light was simply using her, fooling her without the slightest embarrassment, and she followed him, nonetheless, obeyed in such a willingness like a small dog, giving herself into his full ownership, indisputably humiliating herself every single moment. As if she had no pride and dignity within her, as if she didn't care whether there was tomorrow or not.

No, that wasn't love, it was nothing more than conspicuous, shameless exploitation. And that could only outrage L's soul, witnessing his one and only desire suffer from the same unfulfilled love for someone else...

It was too selfish and arrogant of him to dispel her illusions, inflicting her more pain. Because Misa was not accustomed to rejection, and learning the truth would kill her worse than the most painful death. It would tear her apart in just a few seconds. She would collapse like a pile of cards, like a castle built on sand. No, she loved her too much to cause her such great harm.

Nevertheless, the voice of his heart commanded him to help her open her eyes, and make her see the world more clearly, with less clouded judgment. After all, L was fully aware that he had not much time left before the final moment came and left his last, dying breath. It was completely hopeless to try and warn her, but dying in deep silent complete was something he wouldn't wish for no one Not even for Light.

Thus, after he and Light broke free of their common handcuffs, and after that fatal kiss of Misa that dramatically changed his life, L finally got the decision to ask her on a date...