"You are joking."

"Not in the least."

"And who, exactly, is playing me?"

"Well, for now I'm playing us both. I was kind of hoping you'd join in."

"As myself?"

"But of course."

"Are the others in on this as well?"

"Maybe."

"Jack…"

"Yes. Yes, okay? They're all in on it."

"And you're alright with that? Our…relationship…out there, for all to see?"

"Well, to be fair, it's not 'for all.' It's just Gwen, Toshiko, and Owen."

"You actually created a Facebook account for this very reason?"

"I did."

"And the others?"

"Well, Gwen and Tosh. Owen already had one."

"That figures."

"So are you going to join me, or am I going to have to keep playing you too?"

"Not going to happen."

"I already created the other account, so you'd only have to log in with the name and password and…be you."

"You're not going to sway me, sir."

"You'd love it, Ianto. Right now you're at level three in the clean trait."

"What on Earth does that mean?"

"It means you're a clean freak. You're always cleaning and scrubbing anything you can get your hands on."

"Is that how you view me, sir? I'm just a cleaning machine?"

"Aw, don't be like that. You're also wild in bed."

"I'm what? Surely there's not really a trait for that?"

"Well, no…but I'm level four in great kisser…so…"

"So you're able to get me into bed at a moment's notice."

"Something like that."

"You're insatiable, sir."

"No, you just can't resist my charms."

"Well, you and your charms have a conference call with UNIT in ten minutes."

"Oh, that reminds me. There's a red beret your Sim keeps thinking about."

"Please tell me you've not bought it."

"Not yet, but I want to. Woohoo in a UNIT cap. That's hot, Ianto."

"I believe you may have lost your mind."

~fin~