Star Light, Star Bright
I fell awful. I feel talentless, ugly, ordinary and hopeless. To think that I thought I was different, that I was special and unique. I thought I could make it. I had so much hope that I would follow my dreams and then…then I realized how cookie-cutter I am.
After seeing that performance, seeing what Rachel and I were up against in this stupid state alone showed me that there is no hope. Rachel is pushy. She is ambitious, cutthroat and will give up love, family and even a few limbs to get there. She'll make it, god, will she make it. Me…
If Blaine asked me to stay in Lima with him forever I would. If Dad's health was in jeopardy and he needed someone to help him run the shop for the next thirty years, I would.
But…But those lights…the stage, the audience, the way it felt when I sang out at the Gershwin, it…it fills my soul, floods me with happiness that is so much different than what I get with Blaine, yet equally as fulfilling.
I bowed my head, staring at my phone, tears in my eyes. It was a little late but…but I really needed to hear his voice right now.
"Well, hello," he said after the first two rings. I could hear the smile in his voice and I sighed. God, I needed this. "To what do I owe the pleasure, Mr. Hummel?"
"I, uh…" I cleared my throat, trying to steady it so he wouldn't hear the-
"Baby, what's wrong?" Great, now he was worried. I've worried him. God, why did I open my stupid, girly mouth? "Kurt?"
I sniffed, swallowing hard. "I went to, to that audition tonight…"
"Uh huh, you told me," he said softly, gently. "What happened?"
I told him everything, talking so fast that I had to repeat myself a few times for him to understand me through my tears. "And, God, Blaine, I'm so confused and I feel like throwing away my music books and getting my vocal chords removed!"
Blaine was quiet for a moment, allowing me to take a breath and calm down a little. "Kurt, baby, go outside."
"Outside?" I gulped, sniffing.
"Yes, darling, outside," he said patiently, voice warm.
I put on my coat, noting that it was a lot earlier than I thought it was as I went.
"Dad, I'll be back in a little while!" I called.
"Be back by-"
"One, I know!"
I stepped outside, looking around. "Okay, I'm outside," I said, looking around. "What now?"
"Turn right and walk about, um…two blocks, okay?" I smiled a little, curious.
"I wish the GPS in my car sounded this good," I teased. He chuckled softly. I sniffed again, my nose still running from crying, I was still a little teary-eyed now, but the suspense of this was helping to drive that away.
"Alright, two blocks down," I said.
I turned, looking at the empty sidewalk. "And now?"
He popped up from around the corner, making me jump in surprise. He looked at me, smiling gently as he closed and pocketed his phone.
"Hey." One word, one look, and the tears were back again. He hugged me tight, running his fingers through my hair. "Shh…" He rocked slowly, allowing me to bury my face in his sweater.
"You walked here?" I asked.
"Well, I drove part of the way but…I wanted to surprise you." He looked at me, the warmth in his eyes almost overwhelming. "Come with me." He took my hand, escorting me through the crosswalk.
"Where are we going?" I asked. He simply smiled at me, pausing to right my collar before continuing.
"You'll see." We walked for a few moments in silence, his thumb gently rubbing the back of my hand, squeezing softly.
We stopped in a small park, walking across the wet grass right to the middle, in front of a blanket laid out and ready.
I looked at him. "How fast did you drive?"
"Well, I did eighty in a twenty five and almost made cat pancakes a few times," he said, smiling meekly. He sat down, patting the empty space beside him. I frowned, unsure as to where he was going with this.
"Won't we get wet?" I said, recalling the rain from earlier. He shook his head.
"It's insulated, don't worry. Your designer jeans are safe, my love." I smiled and sat beside him, still feeling heavy and hurt. He laid down, and I moved with him, resting my head on his chest, sighing when he wrapped his arm around me.
"Now what?" I grumped.
He rested his head against mine, staring at the sky. "What do you see up there?"
I pursed my lips, looking around. "I see that the sky cleared up and the showers moved out." He smiled a little.
"And…?" I sighed, deciding to humor him. I looked up at the inky sky.
"I see stars…hundreds of stars," I sighed, feeling that depression sink in again, "that look exactly the same."
"Mmhm," he nodded. "You wanna know what I see?" I looked up at him. "I see stars, just like you said, but I see something else." I frowned a little, curious. "You see that star?" He pointed. I followed his finger, looking up at the North Star.
"That star may look like all the other ones, but it's very special," He smiled a little at me. "You see, those other stars fade and wink out late at night. They fade away into the background. But that star stays bright. Sometimes you can even see it during the day," he explained. "That star is brighter, and far more beautiful than anything else in that sky." He smiled softly. "When I was in Boy Scouts, I got lost a lot," he admitted, blushing a little. "I always looked up, found that star and found my way home." I was still staring at him, slightly confused. His smile turned warm, eyes holding tenderness that he gave me every day.
"Then, one day, I was walking down some stairs and I looked up…" He touched my cheek. "And I saw another star, brighter and more beautiful than anything I'd ever seen, and it led me home."
It was the corniest, cheesiest, sweetest, most heartfelt thing I'd ever heard in my life.
I jumped at him, sending him on his back and me on top of him. I kissed him, long, deep and hard, tangling my fingers in the sparsely gelled parts of his hair. He moaned softly, surprised at the sudden contact. I didn't do this often, but good lord, when I did…
"How is it that in five minutes you can make three hours of self loathing vanish?" I whispered. He shrugged.
"That's what I'm here for. To make you feel better when you're sad," he said softly. I kissed him again. God, I have the most amazing, spectacular, loving boyfriend in the whole world.
"I love you so much," I shook my head, tears in my eyes as I smiled at him. He kissed me gently, holding me close, running his fingers through my hair.
"I love you too, and I'd do anything for you too, you know that right? If anyone slushies you, or picks on you all you have to do is say something and I-"
"Kurt," voice so soft and tender, "I know." I smiled, resting my forehead against his.
"We have a few hours until I have to be in for curfew," I offered slyly. He grinned.
"You wanna go get coffee?" He asked, excited. I folded my lips, looking away.
"I thought we could, ya know, stay here and…?" I ventured. He smiled, holding my waist and rolling over. He was beside me, holding my waist and kissing me slowly, spreading a blush through my cheeks.
"I think I can live with that," he smiled. He held my face again. "You are special, Kurt, just as special as Rachel is, if not more. You'll get into that school, because there's no way the world isn't going to love you just as much as I do." I smiled, continuing our kissing session, feeling something flare back up inside me.