So you've decided to ruin your life
Part o1


Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Surprisingly enough, that continued mantra was not coming from the lips of another. Instead, it was running through Kotetsu T. Kaburagi's own head.

That made a change. Kotetsu usually didn't need to call himself stupid; other people were only too happy to do it for him.

Now, however, Kotetsu was the only one in his classroom. There was nobody else left to reprimand him (well, there still were people to do that, but they weren't there right that second), so the task had fallen upon him.

It was a good thing nobody else was around, too, or they might have thought he was just a bit insane given he kept banging his head against the wall.

Each thump was accompanied by another internal 'stupid'. He must've been at about sixty 'stupid's by now- not that he was counting or anything; but, hell, if he kept giving his brain cells such a beating he might lose the ability to count altogether.

He was beginning to get a little dizzy, too…

No, wait- dizzy was good! He'd give himself a concussion, and then he wouldn't be able to go on that date with Tomoe tonight, and then…

W-well, anyway- Tomoe wouldn't be angry, would she? If half his head had caved in he couldn't have sex with her for sure!

Kotetsu's eyes widened slightly.

A flush spread across his cheeks.

D-damnit! I thought I told you not to mention the 'sex' word, brain!

Stupid stupid stupid-

"Hey, Kotetsu, stop bullying that poor wall. What did it ever do you?"

"A-antonio?"

Kotetsu whirled around at the sound of his friend's voice and- subsequently- tripped over his own feet. It was inevitable, really, given a brain haemorrhage (possibly) + disorientation + sudden movements generally did not = super fun happy times.

It was something that had been beaten (quite literally) into Kotetsu's head during numerous PE lessons over the past few years.

He'd never look at a soccer ball in the same way again…

"Whoa, watch it there!"

Luckily for Kotetsu, Antonio managed to catch him before the floor had a chance to exchange pleasantries with his face.

"Heh… Thanks." Kotetsu laughed an awkward laugh, pulling himself away from Antonio's steadying arms so he could stand on his own two feet. "You always seem to do that."

"That's because you always seem to fall over," Antonio retorted, smirking. "Has the rest of your body still not caught up with your legs yet?"

"I didn't ask to grow fifty feet taller in the space of two weeks, you know""

"Well, maybe you're not fifty feet quite yet, but give it another month or two and…" Antonio laughed as Kotetsu pouted and folded his arms. "Whatever. I'm still taller than you."

"Some things never change." Kotetsu paused. Then, he groaned. "And some things change way, way too quickly!"

"Um… okay. Does this have something to do with why you were forcefully ejecting your last few brain cells from the inside of your head a few moments ago?"

"No, beating my head against the wall is my hobby now. I do it for fun."

"Well, you always were a weird kid- you and your Mr. Legend socks."

"Leave my socks out of this! This has nothing to do with socks!"

"What's this all about, then?"

It was a little weird, Antonio mused, running into somebody as blithely cheerful as Kotetsu having a mental breakdown when he'd only wanted to find his schoolbag and go home- but he didn't mind. He hadn't spoken to Kotetsu in a while, given his relationship with Tomoe, and-

Tomoe…?

Was that it?

"Hey, man." Antonio rested a hand on Kotetsu's shoulder; trying to be comforting. "Is it lady troubles?"

"You could say that."

"Did you say something stupid to offend her?"

"W-what? No- why would you think that?"

"Because you have a habit of saying very, very stupid things without thinking about it."

"W-well, yeah…" Kotetsu sighed, scratching his cheek; a nervous tic that began whenever he had to discuss something embarrassing (or something he didn't understand. All her ever did in math was scratch the side of his face and stare at the bald spot on the teacher's head). "I-I guess so, but… gahh. I did say something… kind of stupid… b-but it didn't offend her! It might… disappoint her later… though… Damn."

"What did you tell her?" Antonio asked, unable to keep the grin off his face.

Kotetsu's face turned pale.

"Well, her parents are going on a business trip for the next three days and I… I… I-I said I'd hsxwithher."

"You what? I have no idea what you just said, but it sounds illegal."

"No, I-I said I'd have… have… hasxwither."

"I'm afraid I'm still not following you, buddy. I don't speak whatever language that was."

"D-damnit, I said I'd have sex with her!"

There was a long pause- finally broken by Antonio.

"…Congratulations?"

"No! No, it's not 'congratulations' at all!" Kotetsu said, blushing heavily, as his fingers fisted in his hair. "This is the worst thing that has happened to me in my life!"

"Right, well, if you want some advice about sex, I can offer you this."

With jerky, desperate movements, Kotetsu grabbed hold of the front of Antonio's shirt, shaking him violently.

"What? What?"

Antonio laughed, pushing Kotetsu away.

"For the love of God, don't tell Tomoe having sex with her is the worst thing you can imagine happening to you. That might kill the mood."

Kotetsu made a weird squeaking/groaning sound that sounded a little like a hamster being stepped on, then thrown off a cliff. Or maybe both at the same time.

"I-I'm being serious here, Antonio! I really like Tomoe, okay- I mean, really, really like her, but… H-hell- I'm so clumsy, I bet I end up doing something stupid, like… L-like…"

Antonio smiled amusedly. "There aren't that many mistakes you can make, you know; it's just a matter of putting tab A into slot B. Unless you get mixed up and try to stick it in her nose or-"

If Kotetsu's face had been pink before, it was bright red now.

Whoa.

It actually looked like his head was on fire.

"This isn't funny; it seriously, seriously isn't! I-I don't know what to do- o-or what to say, or… or anything! I don't know anything- and I bet I do it wrong, or she doesn't like it, and then…" Kotetsu winced. "She'll laugh at me!"

Antonio raised a brow. "Doesn't she already?"

"A-antonio!"

"But, hey, it's okay. Girls like guys who can make them laugh."

"At the moment that doesn't seem to be a plus! I don't want her to laugh at me when I'm try to f… f…" But it appeared Kotetsu had hit a mental roadblock. He remained stuck on his words for a few moments, stuttering helplessly like a fish out of water.

Being a good friend, Antonio decided to help Kotetsu out.

"Fuck?"

"E-exactly, um, yeah… I don't want her to laugh at me when I'm doing that! I'd die- I'd seriously die!"

"Oh no, don't do that. Tomoe seems like a pretty nice girl; I don't she's into necrophilia."

"ARGH."

Antonio hadn't known it was possible to scream in such a clipped, controlled way, but Kotetsu- who was now tugging at his hair with such force it was a small wonder he hadn't pulled it all out- had just managed it.

Alright.

Maybe that was a sign he should stop teasing Kotetsu now, before he went prematurely grey.

"Hey, calm down," said Antonio, voice calm and comforting. "You should be happy. It shows that Tomoe really likes you, doesn't it?"

"Y-yeah, I guess…"

"And if she likes you that much, I'm sure she won't split up with you when-" Oops, not 'when'. Antonio tried to backpedal frantically, hoping Kotetsu hadn't noticed, "-if she finds out you're less than amazing at sex; and you've never even done it before, so you might be good at it. You've got to be good at something."

"Whoa. Thanks for your amazing, overwhelming support."

"No problem. You've got to stay optimistic."

And with that, Antonio gave Kotetsu a thumbs up.

Kotetsu only sighed, pulling the brim of his hat down over his face.

"I bet I activate my powers by accident halfway through and crush her head like a grape. That'd go down well with her family- 'oh, hey, Mr and Mrs Amamiya, I'm sorry your daughter's come home from her date with me horribly, physically scarred, but we were having sex and I got a bit excited and I kind of smashed open her skull.'"

Antonio sighed. "That's not being optimistic at all. 'Sides, after all this time, I thought you could control your powers better than that?"

"U-um, yeah, most of the time, b-but when I get kind of… O-once, when I was looking through some magazines to, er, relieve some tension, they kinda…"

Kotetsu suddenly became incredibly interested in his school tie; twisting it about so tightly it looked like he was going to strangle himself. His face was hidden by his hat, Antonio was sure Kotetsu was blushing.

Antonio couldn't suppress a snigger- and, before long, his sniggers had turned into real laughter.

"So, let me get this straight. You accidentally activated your powers when you were jerking off once?"

"Let's not talk about this!"

"Wouldn't that be really dangerous, though? I mean, what if you pulled it off or-"

"Shutting up, you are shutting up right now! La, la, la, I can't hear you!"

Antonio smiled as he watched Kotetsu banging his head against the wall once more, fingers jammed so far into his ears it was a wonder he hadn't deafened himself.

"Don't do that," said Antonio after a short pause. "You'll put a dent in the wall and then you'll have to pay for it."

"Sometimes you have to break things to save others!"

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"I'm going to crack open my skull before my date with Tomoe tonight, and then she won't split up with me over memories of me being shit at sex- she'll split up with me 'cause I'll have died and she'll never have to know!"

"…Right."

Watching Kotetsu attempting to commit suicide (in a very ineffectual manner, at that) was amusing enough for the first ten seconds, but after a while it just got old.

Antonio took hold of Kotetsu's shoulder, spinning him around, and glared at him.

"Kotetsu T. Kaburagi, if Tomoe wanted you dead she wouldn't have been following you around for weeks on end desperately trying to make up an excuse to talk to you! Tomoe is in love with you, okay- and it's really amazing you figured that out and you've even got to the sex part of a relationship given you're so incredibly dense! If you really feel you can't do it tell Tomoe, she'll understand- but stop bashing your head against the wall. That won't solve anything."

Kotetsu looked at Antonio with wide eyes. His hair was a complete mess and his face was flushed; chest rising and falling with heavy breathing. Overall, he looked like a wreck and-

Were those bags under his eyes?

Had he been losing sleep over this?

Poor kid.

Poor, stupid, naïve Kotetsu.

"Tomoe will like you whatever you do because she's just as stupidly nice as you are. That's why you're so well-suited together. So stop hanging around here with me and go and see her, damn it."

Kotetsu paused.

Then, he nodded.

"Y-yeah… Thanks, Antonio. I was… really freaking out over there… I guess being hit around by you was more effective than hitting my head on the wall!"

"I never hit you."

"But you wanted to."

"Of course I did. You're incredibly annoying."

"Ahaha, thanks." Kotetsu smiled- looking a little sheepish. "You know… I-I think… I do want to… to be with Tomoe… I definitely do, but…" He bit his lower lip- and then narrowed his eyes. "Right. No 'but's. I can do this. I'm going to be a hero some day- so this should be no problem, ihihi!"

"That's the spirit! You go find Tomoe and live up to the nickname 'Wild Tiger'!"

Kotetsu laughed nervously. "W-well, I think that's taking things a bit too far…"


a/n: Kotetsu/Tomoe because… I don't know, when most people do sex scenes they usually try and make them really hot, but I wanted to see if I could do one and make it funny/awkward/cute instead XD And I get the mental image Kotetsu really would freak out about something like this, stemming from the whole 'I don't want to disappoint people!' thing he seems to have going on XD Next part is finished, I just need to edit it. It's not really very graphic so this story will remain a T~

As always, feedback is nice, but not necessary ^_^''

~renahhchen xoxoxo