The Talk…

"WOMAN, I refuse!" Vegeta yelled for maybe the 50th time.

"I don't care if you refuse, you bastard, Trunks is at the age of where you need to tell him!" Bulma fired back. Vegeta glared at his wife, and she glared back.

"He's a Saiyan prince, he'll find out on his own soon enough." Vegeta replied, smirking.

"He's 12!" Bulma yelled, mortified.

"That doesn't matter, I did it when I was 13."

"Oh please, Vegeta, we all know you lost your virginity to me!" Vegeta huffed, and looked down, embarrassed. Bulma smirked. She knew that she was winning this argument. "Okay, Vegeta, you have to go upstairs and give him the talk right now, or I cut off your access to the gravity room for a month. And you won't be allowed to go play with Goku!"

"We do not play!" Vegeta yelled out. "We train!"

"No, Goku trains, while you get your ass handed to you time and time again." Bulma replied, holding back a giggle when she saw the look on Vegeta's face. Priceless. "Now, go!" she ordered, trying to push him up the stairs.

"But woman, I don't even know how to give the brat 'the talk'!" Vegeta almost whined. Bulma stopped and thought for a second. Did she really want to let Vegeta give her son the talk? I mean, for all we know, he could go in there meaning to give him the talk, and then walk out leaving their only son mentally and emotionally scarred. Yet again, their child was a boy, so, according to all those parenting books, the father should be the one to give Trunks the talk, and not the mother. So yeah…Vegeta would just have to be the one to give their son 'the talk'.

"Um, just…tell him about the birds and the bees…and you'll be fine!" Bulma said uncertainly.

"I don't care about the damned birds and bees, I hate both those creatures, anyway!" Vegeta yelled.

"Oh yes, and let's not get you started on innocent woodland creatures…" Bulma muttered sarcastically. Vegeta glared at her. "Just, GO!" Bulma finally yelled, exasperated, as she tried for the last time to shove him up the stairs. Vegeta begrudgingly complied and tromped up the stairs, very pissed off. He walked to the boy's room, and knocked on the door.

"Let me in, brat!" Vegeta demanded, just wanting to get this over with.

"Wait a second, dad, I'm changing!"

"Do you really think I give a damn?" Vegeta yelled, kicking the door open. Trunks screamed, little girl style.

"DAD! I'M CHANGING!" The nude Trunks screamed, trying desperately to cover himself with his hands.

"Are you a man or a ballerina?" Vegeta demanded, clearly not pleased with his son's scream.

"I'm a man!" Trunks snapped.

"Clearly not, just look at that thing! When is that puberty thing supposed to kick in?" Vegeta asked, smirking.

"It already has!" Trunks whined. Vegeta was about to tell him that in order to be a man he had to be…big..when just then Bulma yelled from downstairs,

"Oh shut it, Vegeta! You know that you're the same size as Trunks, maybe smaller!"

"WOMAN!" Trunks snickered, then realized what his mother said.


"Vegeta, just get on with it!"

"Fine…" he muttered. "Put some clothes on, brat, and then I need to have a little talk with you…" Vegeta turned around, and Trunks shakily put his clothes on. Vegeta turned back around and crossed his arms over his broad chest. Trunks sat down on his bed.

"What is it, dad?" Trunks asked, a little scared.

"Um, well, the woman…wanted me…to give you…"


"Shut the hell up boy, I wasn't finished!"


"I have to give you the damned 'talk'."

"What talk, dad?"

"Umm…well…there's the…bees…and birds…and um…squirrels…and they…um…" Vegeta didn't know where to begin! What was he supposed to say? The Prince of all Saiyans suddenly got an idea.

"Hey, brat!" he called suddenly. Trunks jumped, startled, and turned to look away from his new phone to look at his father.

"Yeah, dad?"

"What is it you humans call it, internet? Yes, internet! Get on that internet of yours for me, now!" he demanded sharply.

"Um, yes sir." Trunks got off of his bed and walked over to his computer, and logged in. He opened up Internet Explorer and stood back. "There you go." Vegeta walked over, and sat in his son's desk chair.

"What now, brat?" he demanded. Trunks looked at his father, wide-eyed.

"You don't know how to use the computer?" he exclaimed, dumbfounded.

"Shut up, boy, I have no time for these stupid contraptions. Now, I need you to…type in 'the talk'." Trunks was nervous, but did as he was told. Vegeta, with help from Trunks, scrolled down through the links and clicked on one that seemed promising.]

"Okay, the talk. Let's see here. Sit down and shut up boy, so I can get this over with."

"Okay, dad." Trunks walked over to his bed again and sat down, very afraid.

"Okay, so here it goes. I'll read it straight from the text." Vegeta cleared his throat. "So, your mother and I met online in a chat room and set up at date via email. We met at a cyber-café and sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to download data from my pen drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a popup appeared saying you've got a male." Vegeta paused, turned around, looked at his son who was staring at him wide eyed and turned back to look at the screen once more.

"What the FUCK did I just read?" Vegeta cried out.

"Um, I don't know dad."

"Damn it, now how am I supposed to explain this to you?" Vegeta yelled, frustrated.

"Um, dad?"

"What is it, boy?"

"Are you trying to give me the sex talk?" Trunks asked, still mortified. Vegeta stared at his son, wide eyed.


"Yeah, pretty much."

"Did you find out through experience?"

"No, but I might this weekend…" Trunks said, smirking. Vegeta smirked too. Like father like son.

"OH NO YOU WON'T!" Bulma called from downstairs. Trunks sighed and Vegeta smirked again. "NOW BOTH OF YOU GET YOUR ASSES IN GEAR SO THAT I CAN PUNISH YOU!" Vegeta and Trunks looked at each other and both nodded once.

"Boy, grab the pop-tarts and meet me in the gravity room."

"Yes, sir."