So yeah...I don't want to get into why i started this story. It's dark; warning, there is cutting and self-abuse. I know I have other stories promised, and others to update, but I felt i needed to get this started.

This first chapter isn't much, but I wrote it; under angst; at 2 AM.

Well, don't be shy! Review and tell me what you think!


As Tamaki recalled the events of the day, the razor gleamed in the moonlight shining from the window; the only light in the room; as it waited patiently to do the dirty work.

Huddled in the darkness, everything stupid he'd done flashed through his mind. His day had just kept getting worse and worse and worse….

EARLIER THAT DAY:

Tamaki tapped his pencil on his desk in anticipation as his teacher passed back the math test from last week. He had studied long and hard, and had even had Haruhi and Kyoya review with him again and again. He really needed to get his grades up in this class; he didn't want to fail. His hopes for passing disappeared when the teacher slapped the test paper onto his desk. At the top was a big, red, "F".

"No! I couldn't have failed! There must be some mistake!" Tamaki cried in despair. The teacher paused and looked back at her distressed pupil.

"Sit down, Suoh-san. It's my job to teach you; you have to study and learn the lesson yourself. If you refuse to do so, then I'm sorry, it's not my fault." The teacher finished passing out the tests without another word. Tamaki sat in shocked silence until the bell rang.

The rest of his classes went horribly. He had had homework the previous night in all of his subjects- but discovered that he left the completed papers at home.

At lunch he ended up turning around too sharply and tripped over his own feet. He dropped his tray and some of the snobbier students snickered at his expense.

"Wow...I still can't believe he's the chairman's son!" whispered one student. "He's such a klutz!"

"Not to mention a moron!" chimed another. "You should've seen him freak out this morning when he failed his test!"

Tamaki pretended that he didn't hear any of the rude comments. In his heart, however, they stung. In his mind, they stuck. He knew they were true; he was a shameful excuse for a Suoh, though he tried constantly to prove himself. Though he knew his father loved him, he still felt that he never did anything that was good enough for him. The prince held back tears as he picked up his tray and whatever of the food he spilled. All around him, comments buzzed.

"Why's he doing the servants' job?"

"Doesn't he know we have people to clean that up?"

"Ew, and he's the one the girls fawn over?"

Deciding against getting fresh food, Tamaki instead dumped the garbage and left the room. He dragged himself down a few hallways to a classroom that was empty except for a certain Kyoya Otori. He was writing in his notebook, relishing the peace and quiet- quiet, that is until the Host Club king barged in. Kyoya readied himself for babbling and any nonsense ideas Tamaki usually had, he put his pen down and looked up.

However, something was... different. Tamaki was silent. He could see by the look in his friend's eyes that he was upset. However, rather than pushing it, he simply allowed him to sit in the desk next to him and quietly sulk.

The rest of the day slowly crept by, mainly uneventful; Tamaki tried to pay attention and maintain his composure.

"It's just a bad day." He told himself. "No need to get upset, right?"

At long last, the final bell rang. Relieved, he rushed out of his foreign language class and dashed to Music Room #3, eager for club activities to start. However, when he got there, the room was without decoration; and according to the schedule, today was supposed to be set up as Hawaiian Paradise. He could feel his anger growing.

"WHAT IS THIS? Where are the palm trees? The sand? Those fruity drinks in coconuts!" As he raved on and on about what's missing, the "little-devil" twins, Hikaru and Kaoru, appeared, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Take it easy boss." They chorused.

Tamaki spun around. "How can I relax when our theme is missing? Why isn't this place all Hawaiian-like?"

"Hey, take it easy. It isn't our fault." Kaoru said.

"After all, wasn't it your turn to set up for the day?" Hikaru added.

Tamaki froze before going into his infamous Dark Corner.

"Great, another failure to add to the day's list..."

Eventually he got over himself in time to open the club for business. He even begun to got over the forgotten theme. Of course, he would've have done so faster, had Hikaru and Kaoru not teased him for about half an hour about not being able to see Haruhi in a hula outfit like they'd planned. Nevertheless, he went on with the club activities, chatting with one of his usual clients. However, she wasn't much for talking that day; she looked a little down, her face turned towards the floor.

"My princess, what seems to trouble you?" he asked, cupping her chin in his usual "princely" manner. The girl sighed, turning her face away from him.

"Some boys wouldn't stop saying that I looked like a horse during History class this afternoon…" Her cheeks burned red with embarrassment.

He smiled gently, knowing just what to say. "My dear, you shouldn't let mean comment get you down. What do those nasty boys know anyhow?"

The girl smiled as well, her cheeks still red, this time for a different reason. "I guess you're right. I shouldn't listen to them!" Her face we bright now with happiness.

"Besides, even if you were a horse, you'd be the most gorgeous horse in the world!" The smile instantly disappeared as the overly-sensitive girl began to cry.

"So I really DO look like a horse!" she wailed. Tears poured down her face as she jumped up and ran from the prince.

Tamaki, face turning beet-red with embarrassment, chased after her. "No! That's not what I meant! Come back! I'm sorry, I- ummph!" He hadn't watched where he was running and ended up running into Haruhi as she was carrying a tray of hot tea. The hot liquid spilled onto both of them as Haruhi toppled backwards to the floor – landing on her hand.

Tamaki winced as he heard a cracking sound. He instantly came to her aid.

"HARUHI! Haruhi are you ok? Are you hurt?"

Groaning in pain, she flexed the wrist that she fell on before wincing herself. "Ah! I think my wrist is sprained!"

At this point, all the attention in the room was focused on Haruhi. A crowd had gathered around them while other watched from where they 's thoughts raced wildly as he helped the injured girl to her feet. He could feel the heat of the eyes on him. The silence cut through him; he knew it was all his fault.

"Takashi, is Haru-chan gonna be ok?" Hunny asked Mori, breaking the nerve-wracking silence.

"It's ok! I've got this!" Tamaki shouted as he rushed Haruhi out of the room, dragging her down the hall to the infirmary.


"Haruhi…does it still hurt?"

He two hosts sat on a cot in the infirmary, Haruhi's arm bandaged and in a sling. She impatiently rolled her eyes; this was the third time in the past ten minutes he asked this question.

"Senpai, I'm fine." she said simply.

"HARUHI!" suddenly came a voice from the door. The two of them looked up to see Haruhi's transvestite father, Ranka, standing in the doorway, wearing a light green dress that went well with his long reddish hair. He rushed over and knocked Tamaki to the floor. "Haruhi, my dear child, the nurse called me and told me what happened! I immediately left work and rushed over! Does it still hurt? Do you need any pain medications?" He crushed her in a hug. "How did this even happen?"

She struggled to breathe under the crushing grip of her father's embrace. "Dad, I'm fine. Tamaki-Senpai was in a rush and neither of us were watching where we were-"

Ranka exploded at Tamaki. "So it's YOUR fault my precious Haruhi is hurt! I knew you were trouble since I met you! Why I ought to-"

"Dad!" Haruhi interjected. "Relax. I just need to go to the hospital for x-rays."

"Then we'll go right now! Come on, my darling!" He made a point to smack Tamaki in the head with his white pocketbook before rushing his daughter from the room.

Tamaki stayed where he was on the floor for a moment, contemplating what had happened. He knew that he deserved what Ranka had done to him; afterall, it was his carelessness that caused Haruhi's injury. Getting up from the floor, he decided to call for a car and head home; he was too embarrassed to go back to the club today after what had transpired.


During the ride home, he gazed out the window, still dwelling on his stupid mistakes throughout the day. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't bring himself to let go...of anything.

Once he got in the front door of the Suoh's second estate, one of the maids immediately came up to him. "Young Master? Your father is here to see you." Before he could reply, she led him into the dining room, where his father was, indeed, seated at the head of the table, waiting for him.

"Father? What are you doing here?" he asked. His father was silent for a moment before looking at him.

"Sit down, Tamaki." Tamaki obeyed, sitting down at the other end of the long table. From his father's grave tone of voice, he could tell whatever he had to say wasn't very good. "Son…I know my visit is…unexpected…but…I felt I must tell you as soon as I could…"

"Tell me what?"

"Let me finish…Tamaki, I received word this morning that…your mother…has passed away…"

Tamaki's jaw dropped as his eyes met his father's, seeing the pain in them before his own began to well up with tears. Without a word, he bolted from the room and raced up the stairs to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

"WHY?" He screamed as he flung himself on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably into his pillow. Could this day get any worse?

Yes it could.

About an hour later, he sat on the edge of his bed, the last of his tears dripping out, when he heard his father's voice from downstairs. Curious, he left his room and sat on the edge of the stairs and listened hard. His father was on the phone with his grandmother.

"Yes, I know, Mom…no, I plan to let Tamaki fly to France for the funeral, after all she was his….What? No! I couldn't do that to him! He needs to properly say his goodbyes…Mom, please don't start that again. I know you never liked her, nor do you like Tamaki, but…yes Ma'am I know he's not the brightest of boys, but that doesn't' t give you right to call him useless…yes Mom I shouldn't have said that, I do apologize, but you know I do care for my son…"

That's all Tamaki had to hear.

But that doesn't give you the right to call him useless. Those words echoed in his brain. All day long he had been telling himself that here and there, but now that it came from someone else, it seemed to hit harder. Part of him wanted to pick up the phone to hear what else his grandmother was saying, but deep down he knew he didn't need to hear her cruel insults towards him and his now desceased mother. Fresh tears dripping down his cheeks, the prince retreated back to his room.

That's how the usually overjoyed Host Club prince ended up sitting on the floor of his room with a sharp, bloody knife – again.

The tears poured from his eyes, landing on his wrist. They mixed with the blood and the wound stung from the salt. Tamaki hissed through his teeth. "Never again…" he quietly vowed as he reached for a bandage to wrap around his new cut. He pulled down his shirt sleeve, covering the evidence. "Never ever again!" But in the back of his mind, he knew that he'd do it again tomorrow.


Well there's chapter one!

Please gimme at least 5-10 reviews for the next chapter!

-NellieTodd