A/N - My everlasting love and endless thanks goes to GrayMatters. I swear, if it wasn't for her, I'd probably be rocking in a corner somewhere thanks to this month from hell.
So, yeah. Apparently ya'll liked the lemon. That's cool. I can't say I enjoy writing them yet...but maybe, just maybe this story will help me get over my embarrassment. Or who knows? Maybe the next lemon I write will read something like this: Edward diddled my hoo-hoo until I came. The end.
I talked to Stephenie Meyer. Yep, she's one of my bestie's. We text all the time. I asked her if I could have the rights to Twilight and the bitch said no. We haven't spoken in days. I'm not giving up. One day she'll relent and then I can officially own Edward's ass.
Can you say nom? Om nom nom.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
I slept with Edward.
Edward's cee-oh-cee-kay had been in my vagjayay. But oh! What a pretty peen that boy has. All hard, pink, smooth skin. Unf. No, no I couldn't think like that. I couldn't let myself entertain fantasies about the pretty man who had an even prettier penis.
Fuck my life. Or ya know fuck me, since I'm such a whore.
I couldn't look at him. I couldn't even articulate a normal, rational response to him. I just stuttered my way through variations of I'm okay. I very nearly pulled a Buckwheat.
I'm o-o-o-tay. Wink and smile.
Thankfully, common sense made sure that I didn't make an even bigger ass out of myself.
Jesus, what had I been thinking last night? I mean, yeah, okay, I drank a lot. Like, a lot. And sure, I was a little drunk. My inhibitions were down.
And p.s., have you seen Edward Cullen?
Jesus, Mary and Joseph. That boy is a wet dream come true. And boy did that wet dream come true. And so did I. Come that is. Again and again. Gah.
But that was beside the point. I took advantage of him. The poor guy was dealing with enough emotional baggage to break Atlas's shoulders and I snuck in all ninja-like and seduced him.
I couldn't get out of his bed or his room fast enough. I felt so fucking bad. I offered a piss-poor apology and ran like the hounds of hell were chasing me. Obviously I hadn't thought things through very well, seeing as my room was right next to Edward's and there were very few options in avoiding him.
Yeah. I'm a fucking idiot.
So, I slapped my 'You shall not pass' door-knocker on the knob, locked the door and buried myself under the covers.
The childhood mentality had officially taken over.
If he can't see me, then I'm safe. I'm invisible. It's like I never existed. If I never existed then I didn't sleep with him last night and everything is once again right with the universe.
Shut up. I knew it was stupid, but it was all I had in the moment.
And quit snickering. It hurts my feelings.
"Bella…please," Edward begged through my still locked door. "Talk to me."
I held my breath. Maybe if I made absolutely no noise whatsoever, Edward would believe that aliens abducted me and go away.
Or, you know, that I left the apartment. Whatever. Potato, patahto.
"Bella, I know you're in there. Your keys and purse are still by the door."
"C'mon, B," he whined. "You can't avoid me forever."
Oh why don't you just watch me, Edward. I'm a master at avoidance. I snickered a little before slapping my hand over my mouth.
"Bella. Open the goddamn door."
Oooh, he sounded angry.
I imagined that the vein in his forehead was visible and his cheeks were all flushed, kind of like when he's on the brink of 's O-face is amazeballs. No lie. But that train of thought was not helping and only compounded my guilt. I decided to follow his lead.
"Edward can you not fucking read?" I yelled, trying to sound angry and annoyed. I'm pretty sure I just sounded like a PMSing thirteen-year-old. "You shall not pass! Now go away. I…I'm busy."
"Bella, baby…" he nearly crooned. Gah, not fucking fair dude. Calling me 'baby' did things to me. Like my heart thumped irregularly against my rib cage and my ladybits started tingling.
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" I shrieked, wielding my imaginary Gandalf the Grey staff before covering my head with the blanket again.
I was going to Hell. Or perhaps I was already in Hell. I hadn't decided yet.
I had to hand it to Edward, he was a persistent little bastard. He kept pleading with me to open the door until he had to get ready and head to the bar. Luckily for me, he owned the damn thing and couldn't shirk the responsibility because his roommate made a clusterfuck of his romantic life. I hadn't heard a peep from Jasper and Emmett all morning and I didn't know if Edward had told them about our situation or if they simply hadn't come home last night.
I wasn't sure which I hoping for. I knew our roll in the hay would come out eventually, so part of me hoped that Edward had divulged it so I wouldn't have to. Then again, I didn't want to face the teasing that I knew would come with the other guys knowing everything.
I groaned loudly and sunk farther into my mattress. This entire situation was my fault, but that didn't mean I couldn't feel sorry for myself. Only I could fuck up so royally. Truly. I don't think there is anyone more qualified to screw up life than Bella fucking Swan.
"Hello?" A timid feminine voice called out from what sounded like the living room. I pulled a corner of my blanket down and peeked out.
"Hello?" I parroted. I wondered if I had officially lost my mind or if my version of Jiminy Cricket had popped by for a visit to tell me what an ass I was. I heard shuffling coming toward my bedroom and decided I should probably get out of bed to investigate.
I mean, it could have been some lady serial killer coming to end me or something. I wasn't completely unwilling to die. A brutal death by the hands of some deranged psychopath seemed on par with death by mortification. So I was cool with that fate; in fact, it seemed like a more noble way to die.
I pulled my door open just as Ladykiller made it to my room. She was taller than me, but not by much. And curvy. We're talking Jessica Rabbit curves, people. Bazoombas out to here and hips to die for. I couldn't see her ass, but I'm pretty sure you'd be able to bounce a quarter off of it. Add in wide, violet-blue eyes and long, wavy, flaxen hair and my murderer was a bombshell.
"Bella?" she questioned shyly.
Huh? Maybe the Jiminy Cricket theory was correct.
"Yes, conscience?" I looked at her more closely. She had on cute little eyeglasses that were just nerdy enough to be trendy and wore what looked like a Hufflepuff hoodie.
My conscience was a fuck-hot geek.
I could totally deal with that.
She laughed quietly while pushing her glasses up, "I'm Rosalie."
Rosalie. Jiminy. Yep, she was definitely my conscience. Man, Pinocchio got the shaft. I'd prefer fuck-hot Rosalie to a talking bug any day.
"I'm Edward's sister."
Oh fuck me up the ass.
Eat shit and die, Disney.
"Meep," I said instead.
Rosalie smiled gently and knowingly down at me and I felt like digging a hole and burying myself alive. At least that way I wouldn't embarrass myself anymore today.
"Edward was really worried and asked me to come by and check on you," she murmured softly. I may have swooned a little on the because really, how fucking sweet was that?
"Oh. Um, well….yeah, come on in," I swept my hand a-la-Vanna White towards my bed. Rosalie shuffled past me and plopped down, sitting all criss-cross-applesauce while playing with the end of her hoodie's sleeves.
We stared at each other in silence for several long and awkward moments. I kept praying that she'd come up with something to say because I was pretty sure 'So I fucked your brother's brains out last night. It was awesome.' would not make a good opening.
"Edward told me what you did for him," Rosalie finally whispered. Jeez, this girl was so soft-spoken. As much as I hated to admit it, from her looks alone I would have thought she'd be pushy, obnoxious and full of herself. Instead she was completely unassuming. Gentle.
Wait, did she just say what I think she said? Did Edward tell his sister that I banged him?
"Er." Wow , Rosalie would seriously start contemplating my lack of brain function if I didn't start speaking actual English soon.
"The way you stood up for him and put Angela in her place?" she murmured all sweet and wide-eyed. "You're kind of my hero, right now."
"Your hero?" I all but squeaked out. "No, Rosalie. I shouldn't be your hero. I did a terribly terrible, awesomely awful thing last night. You should be kicking my ass." I felt like dropping down to my knees and begging her to make it quick but painful. She would definitely want to at least beat the shit out of me if she knew the whole story.
Instead she just laughed. Hard. She even snorted a couple times. I stood there staring at her in confusion, wondering exactly what I said that was so funny.
"Oh, God, that is so rich. And so Edward," Rosalie coughed out between guffaws. "Okay. Alright. I'm okay," she said while wiping tears from her eyes. "Oh! I know what this calls for!" I continued to watch her in confusion as she leapt off of my bed and went scurrying towards the kitchen.
I mean, was it just me, or did none of that make sense?
I heard cabinets opening and being slammed closed. I heard clinking and little snorting laughs echoing down the hall. I fell back on my bed and sighed. I had decided that nothing in my life made sense and perhaps I should just go with the flow.
Rosalie appeared a few seconds later juggling wine glasses and several bottles.
"Girls night?" she questioned with a raised brow and a smirk that looked an awful lot like her brother's.
Meh, as long as I'm going to hell…
"Okay, okay…back up," I was a little tipsy and wanted to make sure I remembered ever delicious morsel of information Rosalie was offering. "What did you just say?" I was also pretty sure I had A.D.H.D. because I had completely spaced out thinking about the scruff along Edward's jaw.
What? That shit felt ah-may-zing against my neck. I bet it would feel even better against my thighs and my…
"I said," Rosalie paused to take another gulp of her wine, "that Edward has trouble communing, no wait, combining…shit, that's not right either. Edward has trouble com-mun-icating his feelings. Yeah. That." She nodded decisively before giggling.
"Well he is a man, don't they all have that malfunction?" I mumbled into my empty glass before shoving it back in Rosalie's face for a refill.
"Well, yeah, I mean, I think so at least," she said before tipping the second bottle and emptying it into my glass. "But Edward actually has a good reason." Her voice turned a little somber and I sat up straight at the sound of it.
"Why?" I whispered. All of a sudden things felt very serious and people always whisper when shit gets real.
"Oh, Bella," Rosalie whispered with her lower lip trembling a bit. "He's just been through so much."
Her sad face made me feel all emotional. My eyes misted over and I felt the beginning of a sob-fest build in my chest.
"What happened to my poor boy?" I whimpered, scooting a little closer to my new forever best friend and clutching her hand.
"Okay, okay. You know how Edward's name is Edward Anthony Masen Cullen?" she said while swaying a little but managing to keep eye contact. Serious conversations require eye contact.
"No, but I do now," I whispered in return, swaying along with her.
"Right," she nodded. "Well, Edward's dad's name was Edward Anthony Masen and my mom named Edward after him."
"Tell me more," I pleaded. For a split second I thought about busting out some Grease but quickly shook off the thought. Serious conversations do not warrant random singing. Instead I squeezed her hand gently and stayed silent.
"Edward Masen was a bad man," Rosalie whispered. After a deep breath and a long sigh she continued, "He cheated on mom all the time. Apparently he never wanted to be a father or some stupid shit and instead of telling her that he went out and dipped his wick in anything that moved!" Her voice kept getting louder and my heart ached for their mother.
What an asshole. Stupid men with their stupid penises.
"So mom finds out, right?" At her look, I nodded. "She kicked his sorry ass to the curb and filed for divorce. It was really tough for her and Edward after that. She worked like, three jobs to make ends meet and they were barely staying afloat." I kept nodding while searching my bed for a tissue or something. I found a sock and blew my nose into it, motioning for to continue with my glass. "Well, one day Edward fell off the slide at daycare and cracked his head open and they had to rush him to the emergency room and that's where our mom met my dad." I smiled at the dreamy grin on her face, thankful that her story seemed to be getting happier.
Tipsy Bella and sad stories simply do not mix.
"Edward was three at the time and mom says she fell in love with dad when he picked Edward up and cuddled him after stitching up his head. My dad says he couldn't stand seeing such a cute little boy cry the way Edward was, so he picked him up and rocked him while making funny faces and stuff." I may have swooned at the image myself. "Anyway," Rosalie waved her hand in the air as if it would help her get back on track. "They started dating shortly after that and got married about six months later. Well, Edward Masen didn't like that so much," I mirrored her angry expression by narrowing my eyes and huffing along with her.
"My mom was pregnant with me and my dad, well, he didn't want little Edward to feel left out you know? Mom was a Cullen, I would be a Cullen but then there was poor Edward who was all on his own as a Masen. So mom and dad asked her ex-husband to let Edward be adopted and change his name. I guess male pride or whatever made him balk at it or whatever and he said no. He said he was ready to be a father and wanted to spend time with Edward."
I gasped loudly. I wasn't sure exactly why, but it seemed like the right thing to do in the moment.
"I know, right? Stupid bastard," Rosalie agreed while nodding angrily. "So he took my mom and dad to court and got visitation rights and all that jazz. For a few years, he'd take Edward every other weekend and fill his head with garbage about how mom never really wanted him and that my dad only dealt with him because he wanted to be with mom. It was sick."
I gasped again but this time it was because my heart hurt. Poor Edward.
"Then he met Elizabeth, a young secretary that worked in his office and all but forgot about my brother. He never called anymore or came by to visit and my brother was only six, you know? He didn't understand what was going on. Edward had already been acting out because of all the lies he had been told, so when his dad deserted him it got much worse. He blamed our mom for making his dad go away and he hated our dad. They ended up having to put him in counseling and everything." Rosalie hiccupped and set her glass down in the floor before laying back on my bed. I followed her example and joined her once I discarded my own glass and turned to face her.
"Therapy helped and a few months later the bastard relinquished his rights and let Carlisle, that's our dad's name by the way, anyway, he let him adopt Edward. The only good thing that man ever did for my brother was sit him down and explain himself. He told Edward that he lied about our mom and that when he met Elizabeth and realized what real love was that he knew he had to let him and mom go. He wanted them to be as happy as he was with Elizabeth and that he wanted Edward to have a real father. Someone to tuck him in every night and be at all of his sporting events and stuff." Her sigh was long and drawn out and I opened my arms, letting her snuggle in before stroking her hair.
"Anyway, with some time and stuff, things got better. Edward accepted our dad as his father and we were one big happy family. Like Norman Rockwell happy." Rosalie snuggled a little closer and sighed contentedly. "But Edward has a hard time letting people in, even to this day. I think it's lingering abandonment issues or something."
"That's completely understandable," I murmured while staring up at my ceiling. I couldn't shake the image of a six-year-old Edward feeling lost and alone. I just wanted to hug the shit out of him.
"Yeah, it really is," Rosalie said. "And then if you add in the three whores that make up his serious girlfriends, it makes even more sense. First there was Tanya in high school. She and Edward dated for nearly three years. He worshiped her. I mean, he treated that bitch like a fucking princess. But Edward was a closet romantic at heart and had decided that he wanted to save himself for marriage, which I mean, c'mon, that's just so sweet."
I nodded in agreement smiling widely at the thought of a young Edward being all idealistic and sweet. My smile faltered a little when last night's events popped into my mind. There was no way Edward was a virgin. He knew how to work what his mama gave him and did so with mind-blowing efficiency. My bits started to tingle again just at the memory.
I pulled away from the cuddle session with my new bestie and sat up. I chewed on my lip before looking down at Rosalie, noticing that once again her pretty blue eyes seemed sad.
"What happened?" I asked while pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. Rosalie sighed before sitting up and running her fingers through her hair.
"Tanya thought he was stupid. She said saving yourself for marriage was prudish and unrealistic. She pressured Edward a lot, telling him that he didn't love her enough and shit when he'd turn down her advances. Then she ended up boning one of his teammates in the locker room after a football game." Rosalie glowered at my bedspread. "Edward walked in on them. He was crushed."
"Oh my God," I whimpered while rubbing my chest to soothe the ache for my poor boy.
"Yeah. It was awful. And as if that wasn't enough, she bragged about it. She told the whole school that Edward was a pussy and that she went out and found a real man to fuck her senseless. Everyone believed Edward was gay for months," she punched one of my pillow several times. I just sat there shaking my head incredulously.
Who could do something like that?
Obviously a nasty, skanky whore whose bagingo is probably herpes-infested and has teeth. That's who.
"Yeah, so Edward went off to college feeling like he had to prove his masculinity or something. I don't know all of the details, because we're a few years apart and I wasn't there, but he's told me a lot of it. He sort of threw himself into the fraternity scene and crap. You know, lots of drinking and lots of random hook-ups. He basically went from being Prince Charming to Captain Douchebag." Rosalie's face twisted a little in disgust but I couldn't find it in me to feel the same.
I mean, yeah, ew. But still, with everything he'd gone through, I thought it was understandable. I'd probably jump on the Ho Train too if I had to deal with that much shit.
"He acted like that until his junior year when I came to UW. He hated the idea of me living in the dorm with some random stranger. I've never been so good with people," she shrugged self-depreciatively before continuing. "So he talked our parents into an apartment for the two of us and cleaned up his act. He says it's because he didn't want his horrible behavior to rub off on me but I think he was tired of it all anyway. That's when he met Carmen." The way she spat her name made me cringe in anticipation.
"Carmen was your textbook gold-digger. All she saw was Edward's nice car, nice clothes and fancy apartment. I guess it wouldn't take a genius to figure out that our family was well-off." She rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath that sounded like and she definitely wasn't a genius. "She was always asking Edward for stuff. New clothes, fancy jewelry and shit like that. And Edward was so blind to it. He just gave her everything she wanted, no matter what it cost him. To this day I don't know whether he was trying to make up for his prior man-whore behavior or if he really thought she was in love with him. Regardless, he blew through his savings pretty fucking quickly and when he told her that he just couldn't afford to keep spending all of his money on trivial things, she dropped his ass like a hot potato."
"What a bitch!" I exclaimed, irrationally angry on Edward's behalf. My poor boy sure knew how to pick 'em.
Yeah, because seducing the man after he was forced to witness his ex in all of her marital bliss was soooo much better, Swan.
Yeah, that thought sobered me up pretty quickly. Rosalie was oblivious to my growing distress and continued her storytelling after pouring us both another glass of wine. I took several long gulps while listening. I may have been trying to drown my guilt with the red alcohol.
"I couldn't agree more," she stated before tipping her glass in a mock-salute. "After that clusterfuck, he stayed single for a while. That's when he met Emmett and Jasper and they were the three amigos almost instantaneously. It was a bromance written in the stars. Well, until Edward met Angela and you've met that cunt-o-saurus and then Jasper met Maria. Luckily they both had Em to lean on when those relationships went up in smoke. They leased this apartment together along with their friend Mike, who recently got married and then you answered their ad and the rest is, as they say, history."
I sighed heavily while my shoulders slumped. I had to tell Rosalie what I had done and I just knew she'd be adding my name to her list of evil whores that had screwed her brother over. I took another long pull of my wine and prepared myself to spill my dark and dirty secret.
"And now Edward feels like a complete asshole because he didn't tell you how he felt about you before you guys knocked boots," Rosalie commented off-handedly and I choked painfully on my wine. I coughed and gasped while tears clouded my vision. "Shit, Bella! Are you okay?" she shrieked while pounding me on the back.
"Ha-how he-e feh-felt about me?" I coughed out through gasping breaths.
"Ah, shit! Yeah, he told me that you thought you took advantage of him last night because he didn't tell you about his feelings beforehand and he asked me to make sure you were okay and try to keep you from flipping the fuck out and taking off before he got home from work," she rushed to explain but kept beating on my back like I was a dirty rug or something.
"Rose-Rosalie! St-stop!" I begged while swatting at her fist-of-fury.
"Oh, right. Sorry," she smiled sheepishly. Once she stopped pounding the ever-loving hell out of me, I faced her with wide eyes.
"Edward has feelings for me?" I sort of squeaked.
"Uh, yeah," Rosalie grimaced before scrubbing her cheeks roughly. "Fuck, I wasn't supposed to say that. He wanted to tell you himself."
"Edward has feelings for me," I mumbled again trying to wrap my head around the idea.
"Shit. Yes, he has feelings for you. He figured it out when cunt-o-saurus dropped off the invitation and he maybe, kind of freaked out a little bit because you guys are friends and roommates and he didn't want to fuck everything up. But then he said that you were so nice and sweet and things just sort of happened and then this morning you ran away and wouldn't talk to him so he called me and begged me to help him out and he's my brother and I love him and I'd do anything to see him happy…" Rosalie rambled on, her pitch rising with each word as she tried to explain.
"Okay, okay. I hear you. I get it, I think. Calm down, sweetie." I patted her shoulder encouraging her to take deep breaths while I marveled at my new-found discovery.
Edward Cullen had feelings for me. I didn't take advantage of him in his emotional distress. No, last night wasn't a shameful thing. It was amazing and incredible and right.
And he meant it when he called me 'baby.'
"Oh my God, Edward Cullen likes me!" I squealed like a teenage girl. Rosalie nodded quickly with a smile lighting up her pretty features.
"Yeah, he really does," she stated emphatically. I couldn't contain my own grin and I bounced on the bed excitedly for several moments.
"This calls for a party, Rosie Posie!" I shrieked before racing out of the room in search of my phone.
Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, the fucking Adonis impersonator extraordinaire, had feelings for me. I wasn't a man-eating bitch that preyed on unsuspecting boys. And I was going to celebrate those facts with my best girl and my new best friend forever.
After explaining the situation, although carefully omitting the part about Edward's birth father to Alice, she was kind enough to bring several more bottles of wine to my impromptu party. When we were done with the appropriate squealing and jumping around, we turned our attention to the newest member of our chick squad. It dawned on me that during our lengthy discussion about Edward's past, Rosalie hadn't really told me much about herself at all. That just wouldn't do, not at all. I wanted to know all about my new best friend.
And I told her so.
"There's really not much to say," she mumbled bashfully.
"Bullshit," Alice responded and I nodded in agreement.
"Yeah. You're awesome," I said before resting my head against her shoulder. Rosalie snorted and shook her head before sighing.
"No, really. Bella you remember me telling you that I'm not so good with people?" I nodded while twisting a strand of her golden hair around my finger. I could see little bursts of that amazing bronze color her brother had dispersed throughout it. Rosalie was so pretty. "Well, I wasn't lying. I'm a nerd. I'm awkward and I don't do so well in social situations. My brother is like, my closest friend and I spend way too much time with my nose stuck in a book. I'm weird," Rosalie finished, her voice quiet and kind of sad.
"Oh my fucknuggets." Alice snorted into her wine glass. At both my and Rosalie's questioning stares, she continued, "You two are like soul sisters or something."
"Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo…" I sang under my breath, smiling fondly at the memory of Edward and my boys serenading me in our kitchen. A rush of awareness washed over me and I realized that was the exact moment Edward became more than just my roommate, more than just my friend. The moment he sang to me and made a complete fool out of himself was the moment he sort of captured my heart. I was surprised I hadn't realized it earlier.
I blinked rapidly beforeI tilted my head in confusion and looked over at Rosalie, who wore an equally puzzled expression. Alice huffed and gestured between the two of us emphatically.
"You really don't see it, Bella?" She asked with a raised brow, but continued before I could respond. "The gorgeous Rosalie," Alice said while cupping the pretty girl's cheeks, "claims to be a socially-awkward book nerd who only has one close friend that happens to be her brother." She shook her head and pinched Rosalie's cheek playfully before placing her hands on my face and leveling me with her serious gaze. "And you, my equally gorgeous, dear, sweet Bella are a socially-awkward book nerd with only one close friend. One that you've known since you were in diapers. I'm practically your sister."
"Hey!" I protested before smacking her hands away in jest. "I'm friends with the boys too."
"Ah, yes. How could I forget the boys?" Alice snarked. "Hey Rosie?" she questioned while maintaining eye-contact with me.
"Yeah, Ali?" Rosalie giggled at my best girl's antics.
"Are you close with Edward's other roommates?" Alice smirked, presumably because she already knew the answer.
"Oh yeah! Emmett and Jasper are great guys," she gushed and Alice laughed victoriously. I couldn't help myself and fell into a fit of giggles along with her.
"I think this could be the beginning of a B-E-A-utiful friendship, my darlings," Alice exclaimed and crushed Rosalie and myself into hug.
A little while and another bottle of wine later, Alice had Rosalie held captive with a curling iron while I drunkenly painted her toes.
"Sho, Rosie Posie, tells ush about the man in your life," Alice slurred. Yeah, Ali was a lightweight on normal occasions and we had been guzzling wine like it was the last drink we'd ever have. I watched Rosalie's eyes widen before I looked back down at her foot.
Shit, how the hell was I supposed to paint her nails black when they kept moving and multiplying on me?
"There isn't any man in my life," Rosalie said before averting her eyes.
"You're lying," I sing-songed. Rosalie kept avoiding my gaze so I scraped my thumbnail down the arch of her foot and gave her my best puppy-dog pout when she glared at me. "You really won't tell your new best friend about your guy?" I whined.
"He's not my guy," she mumbled kind of sadly. Alice finished curling her hair and moved to sit next to me in the floor.
"Dude. Schpill," she demanded drunkenly.
"Yeah. Tell us," I pleaded, holding her foot to my chest and sticking my bottom lip out a little further.
"Guys, it's so stupid. Really." Rosalie sighed and covered her face with her hands. I shook her foot and smiled when she peeked through her fingers at us. "Oh my God, fine! It's Emmett, okay?" she finally acquiesced while throwing her hands up in the air. I gasped, still smiling, as Alice clapped her hands happily.
"That's so sweet. Isn't that so sweet, Ali?" I turned my attention to my best gal and she beamed at me in agreement.
"No! It's not sweet. It's fucking stupid," Rosalie groaned and pulled her foot away from me. Alice and I frowned in response. "Emmett doesn't see me as anything more than Edward's dorky little sister and would never do anything if he did see me as more because Edward would freak the fuck out. And yet I'm still so stupidly in love with his adorable dimples and the weird way he randomly yells at people and things. He's so cute and so sweet and he'll never see me the same way." I scurried to hug her when she began wailing and Alice made us into a girl-hug-sandwich when she joined in.
"I have a plan," Alice whispered several minutes later, sounding much more sober than she did before. Rosalie and I exchanged a wary glance before extracting ourselves from the three-way hug.
"Ali," I warned. I had fallen victim to several of Alice's nefarious plans in the past and was more than a little worried by the devious sparkle in her eyes.
"Oh, c'mon girls," she said with far too much enthusiasm as she scrambled to her feet. "Rosie, you're in love with Emmett and want to catch his attention right?" At Rosalie's nod she continued while pacing around my room, "And Bella, you can't tell me that you don't want to fuck with Edward, just a little bit, for the shit he pulled last night?" At my frown she crossed her arms and huffed. "Bella, come on! He lead you to believe he was pining over his ex before sleeping with you! I mean yeah, he's had shit for luck with relationships and yeah, it was kind of sweet that he sent his sister to check up on you, so I'm not suggesting anything really mean. I just think you ought to mess with him a little bit. Use the new-found information you have for the power of good and help Rosie bag her man!"
I chanced a look in Rosalie's direction and noted that she looked as confused and worried as I felt.
"What the hell are you suggesting, Alice?" I asked while turning my attention back to my clearly insane friend. "I mean, what exactly could we do? Oh, wait, I know! I'm supposed to flirt shamelessly with Edward to keep him from noticing that we've dressed Rosalie up like a Barbie and unleashed her on an unsuspecting Emmett, right?" I snarked sarcastically.
I seriously believe my and Rosalie's twin gasps could be heard around the world when Alice stopped her pacing and faced us, her eyes sparkling with mischief and a dangerous edge to her grin.
"That's exactly what I'm suggesting."
I'm pretty sure the boys are in for a wild ride, but Alice did warn Edward about messing with her girl, so I cant really blame her.
What's your favorite move to get a guy's attention? How do you use your femininely wiles?