Author's Note: The ending of iLove You nearly made me cry. It was beautiful and heartfelt and sweet and sentimental and wow.
I mean, I saw the breakup coming (because, I hate to say it, but Dan Schneider kind of made it painfully obvious in one of his blog posts), but still, wow. I honestly felt a twinge in my heart when Freddie told Sam he loved her, and then there was that dramatic pause before Sam said it back to him in such a sweet tone.
Anyway, of course I was inspired to write an emotional little Seddie oneshot after watching that episode. Hope you like it! :)
Disclaimer: iCarly © Dan Schneider
The sound of their lips tearing apart seemed to solidify the reality of what had just happened between them. Freddie could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he stared at his girlfriend — his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.
"We're not very good at this, are we?"
It was such an unsure and completely un-Samlike thing to ask that Freddie couldn't stop himself from crinkling his eyebrows together and drawing his head back from her.
"Not good at what?" he asked, because he genuinely had no idea what she meant.
She diverted her gaze from him then, lightly pressing her teeth against her bottom lip. He could tell that her mind was reeling with a multitude of feelings. She was confused; she was overwhelmed; she was, whether she'd ever admit or not, a little bit hurt.
And Freddie knew all of this because, well…he was currently feeling all of that stuff, too.
Sam's lips loosened as she finally looked at him again. Her eyes were sparkling with something Freddie had never truly seen from her before.
Her mouth began to open, and she let out a noise that sounded like an 'I-', but whatever she was about to say was left a mystery to Freddie as the obnoxious elevator bell went off, and up went the metal door.
Neither one of them moved.
Freddie swallowed, realizing suddenly that his throat was beginning to tighten. He squeezed Sam's waist for some kind of comfort, but all that did was strike a sensitive chord within his heart. He smiled a broken smile, and Sam did the same. His hands slipped off her waist then, and he turned and started to take a step off the elevator, but a hand colliding against his chest stopped him suddenly.
Sam had pushed him, a bit roughly, back into the elevator with her, and just when Freddie was about to ask her what she was doing, she pressed the button that led to the top floor. The elevator bell chimed again, and down came the metal door.
"One last date," she explained, finally. "You know, before we…" She trailed off, but it didn't matter anyway, because she didn't have to finish that sentence for him to know where it was heading.
Before we break up.
As the elevator ascended, the space between them quickly grew thick with awkward tension. Freddie let out a soft sigh as he leaned against the wall, sticking his thumbs in his pockets. He kept his head forward, as did Sam, and the seconds ticked by slower than Freddie could've ever imagined.
When the door finally slid open again, Freddie saw an all-too familiar setting. He pushed himself off the wall and awkwardly turned to look at Sam. She pursed her lips and held up her hand, gesturing for him to walk.
They stepped off the elevator together and walked down the hallway. Sam's presence beside him felt almost overwhelming to Freddie now; he was painfully aware that this was all very awkward and weird. He felt a twitch in his fingers, an anticipating urge to reach over and take Sam's hand, gently cup it and squeeze it and run his fingers over her soft skin.
But he suppressed it all, because it just wouldn't feel right anymore, even if they, technically, hadn't officially ended their relationship yet.
Sam stopped walking when they reached the end of the hallway. She stood there, waiting for Freddie to do the honors, and so he did. He walked over to the window and unlocked it. The cold air hit his face as he pushed the window open.
Freddie turned back to look at Sam, who had a solemn look on her face now, one that Freddie knew was definitely matching his own. He smiled politely as he held out his hand.
And Sam cracked a smile then — a real one — as she shook her head a bit.
"So why aren't you walking, Benson?" she asked, and it lightened the mood completely. Freddie's broken smile exploded into a real one, and he let out a small laugh.
Same old Sam.
He stepped through the open window, onto the hard ground of the fire escape — where else? — and turned back to Sam. She grasped the side of the window, about to swing her leg over, when Freddie acted on his impulse and reached for her free hand. He tugged her towards him, and her leg slipped over the ledge. She toppled against Freddie's chest, and his arms instinctively wrapped around Sam's waist to catch her.
"Close one," Sam muttered as she picked herself up, but she was so close to him now that Freddie could feel her breath touching his lips.
"Yeah," he whispered back.
And they suddenly kissed again, harshly, desperately, both of them clinging on to this moment as though it would literally be the last moment they'd ever share together — and in a way, it was. It was the last time they'd ever be together as a couple…for a while, at least. Right?
Sam's hands, instead of clinging to Freddie's shoulders the way they usually did, came up to clasp over the back of his neck. She squeezed hard, pulling him as close as physically possible. Freddie felt like his heart was on fire as he ran his hands from Sam's waist up her back, pressing his palms through her hair.
They broke apart just as abruptly as they began, and this time, they didn't linger near each other to savor the intimacy. They let go of each other completely, and Freddie took a step back. He ran a hand through his hair, clenching his fingers through the strands a bit harder than necessary.
This was all too much. His head was spinning; his heart was pounding; his breathing was quickening.
It really hit him then.
"Sam," he said, loudly, scaring her a little bit as she jumped slightly. He dropped his hand, and it slapped against the side of his leg. He stared at her, looking right in her eyes. She was tense and nervous, he knew, but there was still a flicker of hope in her eyes.
Then, out of nowhere, she took a step towards him, and he felt his breath hitch inside his throat. She slipped her arms between his and crushed her chest against his own. Her scent filled every one of his senses, and just like that, his head was spinning again. He remained frozen for a moment, though, frozen and numb, just like the night she'd kissed him during the lock-in.
He brought up his hands and wrapped them around her frame. He could feel her fingers curving, digging into his shoulders, and while her grasp tightened, his became much softer as he allowed his body to finally relax in her hold. He closed his eyes, breathing in her scent that smelled like shampoo and honey ham.
"Look at the bright side," he heard her say, her chest vibrating against his as she spoke. "At least your mom'll be happy."
Freddie pulled back from the embrace, so abruptly that Sam nearly stumbled with him before she even had the chance to release him as well. This was all so crazy; he was getting dizzy and he had to sit down. So he did, right on the ledge, where Sam had sat when they first…
He dropped his head in his hands, because he was just so emotionally drained that it was suddenly making him feel physically exhausted. But a hand brushing against his knee caused him to lift his head back up and turn to Sam, who'd taken a seat next to him.
"I wonder how Carly will take the news," she said, though it seemed like she was wondering about it more to herself than she was to him.
He placed his hand on top of Sam's, and he could feel her fingers clench briefly, before loosening altogether, allowing him to slip his fingers between hers.
"She'll probably feel really bad on the outside," Freddie spoke at last, "but on the inside, she'll be totally relieved."
"Yeah," Sam agreed, and there was a pause, before she added lightheartedly, "So that's why I gotta get workin' on my juicy break-up story."
Freddie let out an amused noise and smiled again. Knowing Sam, it was definitely going to be one brutally cruel and convincing story, complete with Freddie crying and Sam physically mauling him nearly to death in the end.
And he'd play along, of course. Kind of as a favor to her.
The sky suddenly flashed with a clear strip of lightning, and as another sharp wind whipped past him, Freddie closed his eyes and breathed in the air. It smelled cool, wet, refreshing; on the verge of light and cleansing rain.
When Freddie opened his eyes again, his curiosity got the better of him, and he glanced over at Sam. From the corner of his eye, he could see her doing the same thing. They simultaneously turned their heads towards each other, and while both of them clearly wanted to say something, to somehow alleviate this strong tension between them, the silence somehow said it all.
"So," Sam said.
"So," Freddie said.
Their hands were beginning to untangle, gently pulling apart. Both of them knew that they should let go completely. The problem, though, was that neither one of them wanted to make that first move.
But then Sam let out a sigh that sounded tired and defeated and sort of just done.
"I should probably get home," she said in practically a whisper.
"But it's not midnight yet," Freddie wanted to say, but again his throat was tightening. He swallowed the lump that was forming inside it; it felt thick and heavy.
Their hands slipped apart, crumbling, like two pieces of a puzzle that they'd been trying so hard to smash together, but knew that they just didn't fit.
"Yeah, your mom's probably…" Freddie started, but he trailed off. Probably what? Worried? Probably not. It didn't matter anyway.
He watched as Sam stood up, the movement so slow and surreal that he felt like he was watching her through someone else's eyes. This wasn't really happening, right? This couldn't possibly be the official end of them, right?
"So, I'll…" Sam said, causing Freddie's panic to temporarily subside. "I'll, uh, you know. See you around."
Freddie stared up at her, and he couldn't help but notice that the light from the hallway behind her seemed to be giving her this sort of wonderfully beautiful glow. Like an angel — which was one of the most ironic things ever, he knew, considering that Sam Puckett was far, far from an angel.
With one final surge of courage searing through his body, Freddie stood up, and Sam's eyes widened the slightest bit. He took her hand again, leading her away from the window, to the middle of the fire escape.
He brought up her hand and placed it on his shoulder for her. He took her by the waist with his other hand; he took a step closer to her, their shoes bumping together, and then, gently, he began to sway.
"I'll always love you, you know," he whispered, and God, did he mean it.
And just as thunder crashed somewhere in the distance, loudly rumbling through the sky, Sam suddenly broke down. She pressed her ear to the comfort of Freddie's chest, listening to his throbbing heartbeat, as the two of them danced in the dark to the rain's calm rhythm.