The Devil in Disguise

Eric burst in through the bedroom door, Sookie thrown over his shoulder. He tossed her down onto the bed, and she giggled as she bounced on it.

"Well, good evening to you too," Sookie said, sitting up on her elbows. She took a moment to enjoy his naked magnificence. "Why you going all Viking on me? Looks like you woke up kind of excited."

"What have you been thinking about, lover?"

"Huh?"

"You've been having sexy thoughts. I thought I had risen with Wendy in bed with me. Instead I glance down and am greeted by this fearsome beast."

Just in case she had missed it, he pointed at the part in question. Sookie had no need for him to do so, since there was really no avoiding it. In fact, it was practically poking her in the eye. She also had no concerns about Wendy, as this was the name Eric gave to his massive, 40 inch double-edged broadsword. She had come to accept Wendy as the third person in their marriage.

"I think this has something to do with you," he accused.

"Oh?" Damn blood bond. "Why's that?"

"What have you been doing?"

"I was just watching TV downstairs," Sookie answered innocently, "like you found me. Maybe you had a dirty dream or something."

"The dead do not dream. Were you watching porn?"

"No," Sookie said, taken aback. "I don't watch porn."

"Hm-mm. Were you reading one of your dirty books?"

"Romance novels. And no, I wasn't."

Eric stood there naked at the end of the bed. He put his hands on his hips, displaying himself proudly.

"Then you must have been fantasizing about something. About me, I would suppose."

Sookie snorted. "You're so full of yourself."

"Would you like to be full of me? Were you thinking about me filling you?" He raised an eyebrow, and thrust his hips forward. Sookie remained tight-lipped. "I know how you love it. You know how good it feels, how perfectly I fill you." He took his cock in his hand and stroked. "How good, firm and deep. You know what I can give you."

Sookie rubbed her thighs together as she smirked at him.

"Oh, I know alright."

"Is this what you were thinking about? Were you waiting for me to rise? Were you craving me?"

"No."

"No? So what was it, my sweet Sookie?"

"I was watching a cooking show," she teased. "I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Cooking? I don't think so. I don't get this turned on from second hand cookery." He watched her eyes drift to where he was touching himself. Her mouth opened slightly as she took in a deep breath, and she licked her lips seductively. "But something certainly seems to have whet your appetite, lover. I can feel it."

"Eric." Sookie held out a hand, beckoning him. "Come here."

"No. Tell me," Eric growled. "What were you fantasizing about? Were you touching yourself? You seemed very flushed."

She crawled forwards on her hands and knees, and perched on the edge of the bed so that he was standing in between her parted legs. She ran her hands up and down the backs of his thighs and over his ass, taking her time with her caresses, before she opened her mouth to take him. Her tongue barely brushed the tip before he pulled back.

"Tell me what it was."

"Just give it to me," she said, irritated. She went to grab him but he flicked her hand away.

"Sookie." Eric growled her name.

"Why do you want to know so badly?"

"Whatever it was it has got you exceedingly excited, and I want to know about it. I am curious."

Sookie smirked.

"You're wondering who I was thinking about?"

Eric narrowed his eyes at her. He ran his fingers through her hair, stroking her head, before bunching up and grasping her hair at the base of her neck.

"I know you can only have been thinking of me. Nothing and nobody else can turn you on as I can."

"You're real confident about your abilities."

"Of course I am. I have ways of getting information out of you. You should just save yourself the trouble and come out with it."

"There's nothing to tell," Sookie said, smiling. "I mean, it was a really tasty-looking souffle and all, but I wasn't getting off on it or anything."

He placed a knee on the bed and pushed her down onto her back with his long torso. He kissed her long and leisurely, in the way he knew drove Sookie wild, rubbing his body against hers rhythmically the whole time. As she reached a hand between their bodies, he pulled back, denying her and himself.

"Not until you tell me."

Sookie groaned and rolled her eyes.

"I want it." She looked up at him, pouting. "You do too. Stop teasing me."

Eric rolled off and lay beside her, propping himself up on an elbow.

"You are the one who refuses to reveal this hot fantasy of yours. You are the tease. What is it? Was it so incredibly filthy that you are embarrassed to repeat it? Because I am not easily shocked, my lover. It is not necessary to be concerned about corrupting my innocence. I already know that beneath your quite well-mannered, pure exterior lies a sex-crazed vixen who likes to be pounded so hard she's seeing stars for a week and whose post-coital snuggling routine regularly involves the intimate use of ice packs. You're a wild animal and I can barely keep up with you myself."

"Hey!"

Eric laughed as he traced a finger down her chest and stomach. His hand snaked beneath her top, and Sookie pretended to be insulted, swatting his hand away.

"Was that it? Is it too dirty to repeat?"

"No!"

"Well then, maybe it was so lame that you are too ashamed to tell me about it? What were you thinking about us doing? Frolicking in a meadow full of poppies? Or maybe human, Viking me, tearing into your hut, rescuing you from the hands of some dirty Anglo-Saxon warriors."

"No, not that," Sookie said, a smile spreading across her face. She turned on her side to face him, propping herself up. "But you could tell me more about that one. Maybe I could have been forced to marry one of them. You and I have this pledge of love from when we were younger, but then you had to go to war and we were wrenched apart. And he's mean to me, so you come back and kick his ass. Then you claim what's rightfully yours."

Eric shook his head.

"You really do read too many of those tacky novels."

"They're not tacky! They're romantic."

"Whatever. I've read some of them. Whoever heard anyone say they had a 'throbbing manhood'? I never heard such a thing, ever. 'She was teetering on the golden edge'. Edge of what? And why is it golden? As for a 'dripping wet core'..."

Sookie giggled.

"I think your manhood is burgeoning."

"Burgeoning?" He smiled as he leaned his head down to kiss her neck. "If you tell me I'll make it worth your while."

Sookie closed her eyes and sighed.

"What will you give me?"

Eric groaned against her neck. "What do you think? A bunch of carnations? A cute puppy?" His fingers popped the button of her shorts, and he slowly eased the zipper down. "I will give you the best sex of your life," he whispered into her ear. "How about that?" His palm pressed against her belly, and his fingers slid beneath her underwear.

"Ooh." Sookie gasped as his fingers found just the right spot. She threw her leg over his hip. "Alright, I'll tell you."

Eric smiled. She was so easy. "Go on."

"Well, I guess I was thinking of you."

Eric stopped what he was doing, his body completely still. He looked at her with concern.

"You guess?"

"It was, well, I was sorta thinking about..."

"Yeeees?"

"Leif."

Eric looked confused. Then his expression changed to anger.

"Leif? Who the fuck is fucking Leif?"

"You, dumb ass."

"Me? Dumb ass?"

"Uh-huh. Don't you remember that time you tried to disguise yourself, like that was ever even possible," she added, with a roll of her eyes, "when we were in Dallas, and then Jackson?"

Eric's face relaxed as he realized what she was talking about.

"Oh yes," Eric said, his fingers busy again. "Jackson. I remember. I never forgave Bubba for his untimely interruption, in fact, I still resent him for it. To this day l still get angry whenever I hear That's Alright Mama. You were putty in my hands before that lumbering oaf burst in. Absolutely and completely ready to yield."

"Yeah, you keep believing that. There was no way I was doing it with you at Russell Edgington's place."

"Oh, you so were. Come on, Don't Be Cruel. Love Me Tender. Or love me hard, fast and dirty, I don't mind." Sookie didn't laugh at his lame Elvis jokes. "I'm your Big Hunk O' Love."

"You caught me off guard. I'd just been staked. I was vulnerable."

"Excuses, excuses. You wanted me."

"Whatever. Do you remember how you dressed up? You were – oh – you were in disguise." Her back arched and she squirmed in pleasure. For the thousandth time Sookie thanked the Lord that Eric had such long, deft, talented fingers.

"The Devil in Disguise?"

"Just... stop with the Elvis puns. You were in disguise as Leif, remember?"

"Hmm. Sookie, you are wearing too many clothes." He rolled her onto her back and began to tug her shorts down. "What is it, winter or something?"

"You had this suit on, and these cute glasses. You looked kinda sweet and nerdy, and you were all mysterious, like a spy. It was pretty hot."

"Hm-mm."

"Well, I was thinking about Leif, about him being, like, my secret lover."

Eric whipped off her shorts and stopped dead, holding them aloft. Frozen in that pose, in her mind Sookie imagined him as some awesome Ancient Greek marble statue, holding some denim shorts instead of a sword or a trident or whatever.

"What?"

"Like, you know, I was seeing him on the side. Having a secret tryst."

"What?" Eric repeated, the word louder and more drawn out this time, and his accent more pronounced. His bicep bulged as he gripped Sookie's shorts tightly in his hand. "You would have an affair? You were fantasizing about having sex with another man behind my back?"

"Are you crazy? How can I have an affair with another man when that man's you?"

Eric relaxed slightly, but his face still betrayed his displeasure.

"It is still cheating," he mumbled. "You were fantasizing about cheating on me."

"With you! That doesn't count as cheating."

"Hmph." He tossed the shorts in her face and got up from the bed. "I am going to the bar."

"Eric!"

"Don't you have to work tonight too?"

"No, it's my night off. You know it's my night off. Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?" Eric said, grabbing his robe and slipping it on.

"I can't believe you're pissed at me for fantasizing about you dressed up as Leif."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Eric said calmly. "I couldn't care less." Even without the blood bond they shared, it didn't take a genius to see that he was pretty mad. But there was no getting away from the fact that she could also feel his jealous irritation. He wandered out, strutting casually, and padded down to the bathroom. Sookie heard the shower being switched on, and Eric began humming a random cheery tune. She threw herself back down on the bed, and wondered where she'd gone wrong. Could he really be jealous? Of himself?

Sookie told herself that she didn't care. He was the one who was so desperate to know what she'd been day-dreaming about. She'd been watching a show about fashion and seen some model wearing a three-piece olive-brown suit just like the one Eric had been wearing in Jackson. Her mind had wandered. If he didn't like it, she thought, well then he could just go jump, that was his problem.

She pulled on her shorts and stomped her way back downstairs. Determined not to let Eric ruin her evening off, she stuck a pizza in the oven, and grabbed one of her romance novels from a pile on the shelf. She'd brought them over to Eric's house a while back when she started staying over more frequently, for when he was working in his study, or when he was asleep during the day. She was a little embarrassed that he'd read some of them.

By the time Eric had finished getting ready, she was sitting crossed legged on the sofa, The Untamed Heiress in one hand, a slice of pizza in the other.

"I will be quite late tonight," Eric said, slipping on his jacket. "So don't wait up."

"Oh, I won't," Sookie responded without looking at him, pretending to be immersed in her book.

He came over to her, and bent to kiss her on the cheek. She kissed him back, and as he pulled away, she noticed she'd got some sauce on his face. She smiled up at him innocently.

"Enjoy your evening," he said.

"Uh-huh. You too." Sauce face.

Eric grabbed his keys, gave her a final strained smile, and was gone. Sookie tossed the pizza back on the plate beside her, and put her dog-eared paperback down. She leaned her head back and sighed heavily. She momentarily felt guilty, and wished she'd never mentioned stupid Leif. Then she gathered herself, and started grumbling.

"Stupid vampires always so damn grumpy well he can just bite my rosy human ass I don't care..."

She picked her book up again, and resumed her reading. She was washing her dishes an hour or so later when the telephone started ringing, and she dashed into the living room to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Sookie. It's me." It was Pam, and she was sounding grouchy.

"Hi Pam."

"You need to come to the bar," Pam droned, bypassing any pleasantries. "Eric's going crazy or something. He kicked a fang banger in the head and knocked them out completely, just because the boy said Eric was the second most handsome vampire he'd ever met! Well, I wouldn't have cared, of course, but everyone witnessed it and there were a couple of people in from the local news team. Penelope, the weather girl was here, do you know the one?"

"Um, no."

"You do. The red head, with the eyebrows."

"Er-"

"Well, she was here, and we didn't want any unpleasant publicity, so guess who had to take care of it. Go on, who do you think?"

Pam paused, dramatically. Sookie let the silence draw out for a while, quietly huffing to herself, not at all interested in getting involved in any vamp drama that evening.

She sighed loudly. "You?"

"That's right, Sookie, me. I've had to do a lot of glamoring, and it really is quite tiring. You probably don't realize this, but it expends a lot of energy, glamoring in bulk quantities."

"Uh-huh."

"Ten, perhaps twelve, I had to do, in less than half an hour."

"Really." Sookie didn't do a great job of trying to sound interested.

"I went cross-eyed for a while."

"That's, well... what were you calling about again?"

Pam sighed. "After Eric beat this worthless human, he started on Maxwell Lee. He'd handed him a report on our new merchandise range, and Eric rolled it up and beat him with it. He had Maxwell on the floor, stapling pages to his head. He's being an idiot and he won't listen to me."

"Oh."

There was a long silence.

"So?" Pam said finally. "Are you going to get over here or not? He's your damn husband."

"I don't think he really wants to see me right now."

"You two," Pam groaned. Sookie knew that Pam was rolling her eyes. "Always some drama. He's going to wreck the bar, and perhaps kill someone, and I really don't want to have to stay late and clean up his mess. I've got shit to do."

"What am I gonna do? Why would he listen to me anyway? Eric never listens to anyone, you know that."

"You are a distraction. Come on, use your brain, Tinkerbell. You could lift your top up, show him your bosoms."

Sookie sighed heavily. She could hear the faint 'tap tap tap' noise of Pam's nails while she was thinking about it.

"Alright," Sookie groaned. "I mean, not about showing my boobs. But I'll be over soon."

"Excellent," Pam said, before hanging up abruptly.

Sookie drove straight to Fangtasia, grumbling the whole way. She parked and knocked on the back door. It was opened by a cheery Maxwell Lee.

"Hello Sookie."

"Oh, hey Maxwell." She looked at him strangely, checking for signs of injury. He was smiling, no traces of having been beaten with a report or having anything stapled to his head. He was immaculately dressed as always, his suit and shirt nicely crisp and pressed, his tie perfectly straight. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he answered simply. He eyed her suspiciously as she continued to stare at him. "Did you come to see Eric?"

"Uh-huh." Sookie shrugged it off. She figured he must have healed already, and straightened himself up after the beating. And that weird look he was giving her she put down to the odd way most of the vamps regarded her. Other than Eric and Pam and Bill, they all just considered her to be another completely irrelevant human, pretty much.

"Well," he gestured with a sweep of his arm, "come in then. I believe he's out in the bar."

"Is he still mad?" Sookie asked, stepping in.

"Excuse me?"

"Pam said he was pretty angry."

Maxwell Lee just shrugged as if she'd described just another ordinary evening at Fangtasia. He closed the door behind them, and wandered back down the corridor, shaking his head as he went, leaving Sookie to find her own way. She went through into the bar area and had a look around. The place was crowded, and Eric wasn't sitting at his usual table. She considered going around out front to look for Pam, but headed for the bar instead.

"I'll have a white wine spritzer, please," she said to the pink-haired human girl who was tending the bar. All that pizza had made her thirsty. She sat herself on a stool and had another look around. Eric was nowhere to be seen. Other than that, everything seemed completely normal, well, as normal as it got in Fangtasia, and the patrons seemed to be having a good time; tourists, fang bangers, guys from the nearby Barksdale Air Force Base, people dressed up like vamps, and a few real vamps. No one looked injured, and there was no broken furniture.

"Here you go," Pink Hair said. "On the house, of course."

Sookie smiled guiltily. She allowed herself a quick dip into the girl's head, hoping to get some information about what had been going on here tonight, but all she was thinking about was how ordinary Sookie looked, and wondering how it was possible for so many vampires, including her master, to have such a keen interest. She got to wondering about the possibility of some wild bedroom behavior, and Sookie put her shields back up.

"Thanks," she sighed, before sipping on her drink.

She knew that Eric was nearby somewhere, since she could feel his presence. Her hormones did that weird humming thing, and there was a kind of electricity charging her body, making the hairs on her arms and back of her neck stand on end. Sometimes she felt like their bond kept her in a constant state of arousal and readiness to get screwed by him. Then she remembered that time when she took it upon herself to break their bond, and the result was that she didn't feel all that much different. After that little incident and realization, she'd just accepted the fact that she wanted to bone him constantly, and embraced it.

She decided to sit and enjoy her drink for a while, and if Pam or Eric didn't turn up, she'd take a quick look around then go back to Eric's.

Fuckin' vamps.

"I'll have a TrueBlood, B positive," a familiar voice said beside her. She turned her head to see Eric. No, not Eric, Leif. He was wearing a charcoal gray suit, which fit him like a glove, Sookie noted, as her wide eyes took him in, with a darker gray shirt and black tie. His hair was braided, pulled back into that severe style, and he was also wearing the black-rimmed spectacles that she enjoyed so much.

Sookie thought she heard her panties explode, but it might have just been someone nearby popping a cork. He raised an eyebrow at her from behind his glasses.

"Can I help you?"

"Huh?" Sookie responded blankly, her head cocked to one side, checking out the fit of his pants.

"You have been undressing me with your eyes, and your expression has begun to glaze over. I was wondering if there was something I could help you with."

"Oh, oh no," Sookie stammered, realizing she must have been staring at him for a while, open mouthed. "Sorry." She turned around again, and sipped at her drink, looking at him shiftily out of the corner of her eyes. A wide smile spread across her face, and she tried to contain her excitement. "You new to the area?" She turned again, but he'd gone. Grinning excitedly, she had a quick scan around, but couldn't see him.

Milkshake by Kelis came on. It was one of her favorites. Sookie took another large swig of her spritzer, gathered some courage, and slid down from the stool.

"Would you look after this for me please?" she said, handing the waitress her purse. The girl nodded and stowed it under the bar. With a mischievous grin, Sookie shimmied over to the small dance floor, where a few others were strutting their stuff. She had no idea where Eric was, but she was sure he was watching from somewhere nearby.

Pretty soon she'd found her rhythm, and was winding her hips and shaking her booty like her life depended on it. She lost herself in the moment, closing her eyes, and imagined his gaze on her, with eyes full of lust and hunger and the promise of hot, passionate, primal sex. In her head she was just dancing for him alone, but she knew that she was attracting a few more admiring glances than Eric would be happy with. The thought of it only added to her excitement and enjoyment. She wound her hips even more provocatively than before, raising her arms, letting her top scoot up so that some of the tanned flesh of her stomach was showing.

Soon enough, the song was over, and another slower tune came on that Sookie wasn't so familiar with. She came back to reality, and looking around, saw a number of males, and a few females, casting some very admiring glances her way. Her mental guard was down, and Sookie was flooded with a tangled mess of sexual thoughts.

Take a look at that ass.

Wow, I'd pay good money to see that dance done naked.

I'm totally going to get some of that action tonight. She's definitely up for it.

Skank.

"Oops," Sookie said quietly to herself.

"Hey sweet thing," a voice suddenly said from behind her. Startled, she turned around. It was some young guy in a plaid shirt, swaying on his feet. "You wanna dance with me?"

"Um-"

"Yo dude, this chick is so not interested in you." Another guy appeared, looking similarly inebriated. "Are you, baby?" He stepped closer, and grabbed her by the elbow.

"Hey!"

Before she knew it had even happened, the two men were on the floor moaning and clutching various parts of their bodies, and she was whisked off her feet. When she came to a standstill, mere seconds later, she was in a dark corner, pressed up against a wall. Eric was looking down at her, and he was definitely displeased.

"Young ladies such as yourself should be careful when dancing like that in such an establishment as this," he said, his nostrils flaring. He pushed his glasses back up his nose with a finger. "People often take such seductive moves as an invitation for something else."

Sookie finally caught her breath.

"Maybe that's exactly what my intention was." She ran her hand over his chest. "Were you watching me?"

"Yes."

"In the shadows? I couldn't see you."

"I prefer to be more subtle than those fools when admiring the view. It was certainly quite a show you were putting on. I couldn't tear my eyes away."

"I was dancing for you," she whispered, leaning up to him, breathing against his lips. "I knew you'd enjoy it."

"You don't even know me," he responded, his words caressing her mouth. "How would you know what I want?"

Sookie smiled at him. He would make a great actor, she thought. Thousands of years of experience trying to blend in, pretending to be something he wasn't. It was paying off big time for her right now.

"I feel like I've seen you somewhere," Sookie said. "Like I've felt your eyes on me before. I think you watched me dance, and you took care of me."

"Did I?"

"A mysterious stranger, watching over me. I feel safe with you."

"You should never feel safe with a vampire," Eric said, bracing a hand against the wall, pressing his body closer to hers. "Have you any idea how dangerous we are?"

"Oh yes," Sookie laughed. "I know very well, thank you. I happen to be married to one. A great, strong, powerful, incredibly sexy vampire by the name of Eric Northman." She batted her eyelashes. "Do you know him?"

Eric became suddenly alert, and looked around anxiously. He seemed so genuinely on edge that Sookie had a look around herself.

"You are married to the great Eric Northman? You are his smart, delicious, deadly cunning and seductive telepathic wife, Sookie Stackhouse?"

Sookie fought back her laughter.

"That's me."

"I certainly do know him, and I know of you. He has a reputation for being the greatest lover who ever walked the Earth, and the most esteemed and feared fighter. Apparently he also has a fantastic, award-winning ass. Are these rumors true?"

"Absolutely. But looking at you in this suit, I bet you could give him a run for his money in the ass department." She ran a hand underneath his jacket, over his hip, and slid her palm over his backside. She gave a little squeeze. "Oh yeah, not bad at all."

"I worked out a lot before I was turned," Eric said with a wink. "I've heard Eric Northman is the jealous, possessive type. I suppose all we vampires are. I am presuming he would not be too happy about you fondling a stranger's bottom in a public place. His own bar, in fact."

Sookie leaned up to whisper in his ear.

"He'll never know."

"Are you quite sure about that?" Eric thought about mentioning the cameras, the vamps who would report everything to him, the fact that he would be able to smell another vampire on her, as well as the fact that he would be able to sense her guilt later, but he decided not to bother. It was a lot of effort to go to just to keep up the authenticity of the moment, and might put a damper on things. Plus, it might be better if she didn't know. Just in case.

"He's not here. And I'm kinda lonely."

Sookie knew that this was a cheesy line, but she used it anyway. She also knew that if this was a real situation, and she was fondling some random vampire's ass in Fangtasia, Eric would totally find out about it straight away. Not only would he want to know what was making her feel so amorous, just like earlier, but someone would see and no doubt tell him, and she would be in big trouble. She was pretty sure there were cameras around, too, and that he'd be able to catch the scent of another vamp on her.

She decided to just go with it.

"A beauty like you should never be lonely, and your husband must be a fool to leave you alone and wanting. Is he a fool, Sookie?"

She pondered her response to that question. Eric looked down at her, eyebrow raised, waiting.

"No, he's really smart, actually. He always gets the history questions right on Jeopardy!"

Eric thought about reminding her about how good he was on geography, the arts, science and politics, as well as many other different topics, too, but he decided to keep quiet. It wasn't relevant to the fantasy, but he might bring it up later.

"He can't always be around when I'm feeling in the mood for company," Sookie continued. "He's busy. He's got important vampire shit to do."

"If you were mine," Eric said, slowly tracing a finger down her cheek and across her jaw, "I would never let you out of my sight. If I really had to, then I would make sure to keep you fully satisfied, so that you were not finding yourself searching for the company of other vampires while I was gone. Does he not satisfy you?"

"He, um-" Sookie paused for thought again, wondering how she should answer such a question. "He does, but even for a vamp like him, I'm quite a handful."

"Oh, I'll bet," Eric smirked, his eyes focusing on her chest. "And how I would love to get my hands on you."

Sookie pushed her hips forward, and rubbed herself against his thigh.

"Well, why don't you?" she whispered seductively.

"Because I am a gentleman, and you are a married woman."

"And you're afraid of my husband," Sookie said, smiling.

"He is quite terrifying. I think if he were to catch us I would meet an absolutely horrific final death."

"You're probably right," Sookie said. "But I'll make sure it was worth it." She slid her hands under his jacket, running her fingers over his firm body. "What's your name?"

"Don't you want to keep this encounter anonymous?"

"It's hardly anonymous, since you know who I am. Plus I want to know what I should be screaming, later on. Hot mysterious guy with glasses is such a mouthful."

Eric smirked.

"My name is Leif. And yes, I am quite a mouthful."

"Hmm, Leif. What is that, Scandinavian?"

"No. My parents were hippies. I had a sister called Tree."

"Oh," Sookie smiled. "How cute. To be honest, though, I'm not really interested in your family history. I just wanna know what you look like naked."

"It's quite an impressive sight."

"I'll bet. Take me," Sookie whispered against his ear. "I'm yours tonight, Leif. Only yours."

Again, Sookie knew it was a cheesy line, and she was pretty sure it'd been lifted straight from that romance novel she'd been reading earlier, but she didn't care. She decided that actions spoke louder than words, anyway, and stroked his dick through his black dress pants. She pressed her palm to his erection, tracing the hard flesh with her fingers, eliciting a deep, rumbling groan from him. As she stroked, she leaned up to kiss him, before nipping at his bottom lip, then lightly biting his chin and neck.

"You are reckless," Eric growled. He gripped her around the waist, and then she was lifted off the floor and was whisked off her feet again. The suddenness of it made her shriek, and by the time they were still again, she felt a little dizzy.

"I wish you'd warn me when you do that. I'm not used to vamp speed."

She opened her eyes and blinked, but she realized wherever they were, it was completely dark. Eric was standing very close, and she could tell they were in a confined space, maybe a closet.

"I'm sorry. Next time I will give prior warning."

"Where are we?" Sookie asked. Her eyes were getting used to the darkness, and with the small amount of light coming in through the cracks around the door, she could just about see. She had a quick glance around, squinting. It was some kind of storage closet, with a few boxes and other random items. She caught a glimpse of some glittery Halloween decorations sticking out of a nearby cardboard box.

"We are safe here. No one will find us, or hear us." He leaned down and kissed her neck. His hand made its way up her t-shirt, and he cupped and massaged her breast.

"And here I was thinking you were such a noble gentleman, Leif."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" He went to remove his glasses, but Sookie stopped him.

"Leave 'em on, cowboy. When we were in Jackson, you were my courteous hero. You look like a mild-mannered professor or something."

"When we were in Jackson I seem to remember a rather dirty encounter, when you fed from me. Don't you recall that?"

"No, Leif," Sookie said firmly. "That wasn't you. You left after I passed out. The one who came all over my back was definitely Eric Northman."

Sookie felt Eric smile against her neck.

"Oh yes, of course, my mistake. I would never do something as uncouth as that. You are married to such a beastly deviant, Sookie."

"I know. But he has a really big dick, and a nice car, so I let it slide."

Eric kissed along her jawline, and then his lips were on hers, and they were kissing furiously. While they kissed, Eric shrugged off his jacket and threw it over a nearby box, and Sookie whipped off his tie. She tugged his shirt out of his pants and began fumbling to undo the buttons.

"What if once you get a taste of Leif, you never want to go back to this impressively endowed Northman?" Eric said, teasingly. Sookie just laughed, and he stopped what he was doing and looked down at her expectantly.

"Huh?" Sookie was still breathing heavily from their long, intense kiss. "Come on, get your pants off." She kissed him again, and began undoing his belt.

"What if you want me more?"

"What are you talking about?" Sookie said, unzipping his pants. She slipped her hand down the front and had a good feel. "You're just my sweet piece of ass. This is just closet sex. You're cute and all, but you can't replace my hot Viking, sorry Leif."

Eric grinned, and Sookie could see his fangs gleaming. He lifted her shirt off over her head.

"Well, I will have to settle for dirty closet sex, then, if that is all I can get."

Sookie smiled, and wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him for all she was worth. He grabbed her ass and massaged it in both his hands, pressing her body more closely to his. They both moaned into each other's mouths as they kissed. She slid a hand down his boxers and continued to pleasure him, her fingers circling and gripping him firmly, working him in a way she knew he loved as best she could in the confines of a dark closet. Eric moaned more desperately this time.

"Fuck."

"You're pretty big, Leif," Sookie breathed. Eric slid his fingers underneath the cup of her bra, slipping it down over her breast. He massaged it in his hand, and teased her nipple with his long thumb.

"I'm six foot four and a half."

Before she could correct him, he bent his head down, and his mouth fixed on her breast. He sucked hard on her nipple, and the sensation sent shivers through her body, all of which seemed to travel southwards and gather between her legs. All rational and coherent thought went out of the window as Sookie felt the sharp sting of his fangs pressing against her delicate and sensitive skin. He hardly bit her, piercing just enough to draw a couple of tiny drops of blood, which he swept away with a flick of his tongue across her nipple, making her gasp.

"You taste absolutely delicious," Eric said. "I can see why Eric comes in his pants when he drinks from you. Bite me back. I have a feeling that is going to make my balls explode."

"Soon, Leif. Don't be so pushy."

"We have to be quick. Someone might come in at any moment and catch us at it."

"What, you mean if someone needs that box full of crepe paper bats? If we're caught then it's definitely final death for you, sweet cheeks." She grabbed herself another handful of ass. "We'd better make the most of it."

Eric easily unhooked her bra like the expert bra-unhooker he was, and slipped it off. He bent down to give her breasts some more attention, using his hands, tongue and teeth to whip Sookie up into a frenzy.

"Ten minutes in a closet with these is definitely worth it. My award winning ass pales in comparison."

He hooked his fingers into the sides of her panties, and kissed down her body while he tugged them down her smooth, tanned legs. Then he was kneeling in front of her, his hands gripping her hips. He took the glasses off, and this time Sookie didn't stop him, since she didn't want them to get in the way of business. His mouth traveled lower, finally reaching its intended destination. Sookie groaned with pleasure at the intense sensations his lips and tongue began eliciting. He rolled his head, his tongue swirling and probing.

"Oh God, Leif. That feels so good."

She gripped onto his head and pressed herself closer to his mouth, grinding against him. It took her hardly any time at all to be close to her release, she could feel it build and build with every single flick of his tongue. As she began to moan more desperately, he lifted her leg at the knee. His other hand snaked up her other leg, then his fingers were inside her, and Sookie had a whole heap of other sensations to get all worked up about. He pumped them in and out of her, and when she was midway through the orgasm pulsing through her body, his mouth was on her inner thigh and he bit down, and sucked. Sookie cried out again and writhed with pleasure as the orgasm kept on coming.

"Oh, wow," Sookie said drowsily, as she finally came back down to earth. "This closet sex might have to be a regular thing with us, Leif."

She felt Eric lick at the puncture marks. He stood, lifted her and pressed her up against the wall with his body.

"You can back out of this torrid sexual liaison with a strange vampire at any time," Eric said. "Just say the word."

"No way," Sookie said. "After that performance?"

"Oh, there's much more to come."

"I was hoping so. Now you'd better fuck me or I'm gonna be seriously pissed at you, Leif."

Eric smirked as he brought a hand down between them and with a quick movement, pushed up into her. Sookie cried out, moaning loudly, before glancing at the door.

"I think you want us to get caught," Eric said, "and for me to meet my final death at the hands of your jealous husband."

"Not before we've finished."

He pushed up again, and Sookie gritted her teeth and dug her fingers into his shoulders.

"More."

Eric gripped her underneath her thighs and set about pounding her with a steady rhythm. Sookie gripped on for dear life, moaning out loud with every delicious thrust of his hips.

"Am I better than Eric?"

"What?" Sookie gasped.

"Am I better?"

"Oh God, yes. Yes!"

"Yes?"

"No."

"No?"

"Will you just shut up already?"

Eric grinned.

"Bite me."

Sookie briefly wondered if he meant that as a retort, but then realized what he was really after. She gripped the back of his neck as he continued to pound her into the wall, brought her mouth to his neck, and with a confidence that was only gained by experience, she bit hard, sinking her human teeth into him as far as she dare without making it feel too nasty. Eric cried out, the sound a mixture of pleasure and pain. He thrust harder and faster, and then with one final deep thrust, they were both undone.

"Damn," Sookie said finally, leaning her head back against the wall.

"You have blood all over your mouth," Eric said, kissing her. He pulled her away from the wall, holding her in his arms, keeping them close. "You are a messy eater."

"This closet sex is a messy business."

"Extremely. But also very satisfying."

"Mmm. Leif. Leif, Leif, Leif. You're just as hot as I thought you'd be."

"We could meet again for another secret rendezvous some time. So long as we don't get caught on the way out and I get staked by that evil-looking blonde child of your husband's."

"Oh, Pam's not evil. She's just grouchy. She would definitely stake you though."

Eric put her down and gathered up their clothes. Sookie put her bra and shirt on, while Eric half did up his pants. He draped his jacket over her shoulders, and cautiously opened the door.

"Come on, the coast is clear."

Sookie had a quick look out, before ducking back in again.

"Will you be okay, Leif?"

"I'll be fine."

"You were hot."

"I know. And if I do get caught and sent to my final death, it will have been worth it."

Sookie laughed before leaning up to give him a final kiss, and Eric slapped her behind as she scampered across to the bathroom. She tidied herself up as best she could, grinning to herself all the while. By the time she'd finished and opened the door again, Leif was nowhere to be seen. She wandered down to Eric's office, and knocked.

"Come."

Eric was sitting behind his desk, and he looked up from his paperwork. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and his hair was brushed out after having been washed. She closed the door behind her.

"Hey." She draped his jacket which she'd been carrying over a chair.

"Ah, Sookie. I see that you couldn't keep away. Your dirty book and your pizza just weren't keeping you entertained? Are you sorry for having fantasized about other men, and making me jealous?"

Sookie went over and sat in his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and gave him a quick kiss.

"Yes. And no."

Eric narrowed his eyes at her. He lifted his nose in the air theatrically and sniffed, then took her by the wrist and sniffed her arm.

"What have you been doing, my lover?"

Sookie smiled, and ran her finger over the faint pink mark on his neck where she'd bitten.

"What have you been doing, lover?"

"Well," Eric said, leaning back. "I had magnificent closet sex with a hot, blonde telepath. You?"

"Ah, I must have been in the closet next door, with a cute nerdy spy vamp."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. He was pretty good, too. Hey, did you really staple pieces of paper to Maxwell Lee's head?"

Eric laughed out loud.

"Is that what Pam said? No, I told her to say I was going on some crazed blood-thirsty rampage."

"Her story was really elaborate." She kissed him on the cheek. "Eric?"

"Yes, darling?"

"You're hottest when you're you, but you can put the glasses on sometimes, if you want."

Eric reached into the top drawer of his desk.

"Perhaps next time you can wear them," he said, slipping them on her.

"I don't need glasses."

"Oh, and I do?" Eric said, rolling his eyes. "You can be my sultry yet very professional secretary, Miss Hooty McBoobs."

"What?" Sookie looked both amused and annoyed.

"Miss McBoobs, would you just bend over and pick up that pen?"

"Hooty McBoobs?"

"Miss McBoobs, take this down. Your panties."

"That's so lame. I'm not going to pretend to be someone called Hooty McBoobs."

"Double standards," Eric said, shaking his head. "I give you what you want."

"Alright," Sookie sighed. "I'll be your secretary, Hooty McBoobs, on one condition."

Eric raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?"

"You have to be my domineering, very inappropriate boss, Mr. Plenty O'Toole."

"Fine," Eric said, smiling. "Frankly I don't think that's going to be stretching my acting talents. I think I was made for this part."

"Tomorrow?" Sookie said.

Eric kissed her.

"It's a date, Hooty. Don't be late for work. Mr. O'Toole punishes bad time keeping."

Sookie grinned from ear to ear. Perhaps being Eric's secretary would be some fun after all.


A/N: If you've ever watched 'Secretary' you might get an idea of how that might pan out, minus the pressed worms.

Hope you enjoyed the fun. Thanks to RubySun03 for the brilliant beta-ing and for helping me out with my 'boner' synonyms, and also to the lovely NorthmanMaille for her help as well!