"You know, I have always wanted to be a cop," I said. Hanson smiled at me. "Just like my father? I want to be one to." We were in his car, well technically his fathers car, driving to school. Its 1978 and I am sixteen years old. "Ms. Mathews is my first period teacher today," Hanson said. She is my first period tomorrow, and she is not a nice person. "It's A day right?" "Yeah it is. So who do you have first today?" He asked with a grin I couldn't ignore. I put my arms around his neck. "Depends," I said. He smiled at me. The bell rang and we got out of his car. I grabbed my backpack and had it open, ready for it to be checked. All our metal detectors don't work, so they have to check our bags too. I felt his breath against my neck. "I have never skipped before," he said. "Neither have I."
"Just one period" he whispered. We don't do anything in home room, so what could happen? "Where," I asked? "behind the bleachers." That was the only place no one ever looked. He grabbed my hand and we started walking into the school. Boys went through one door, girls the other. I opened my bag just enough for the teacher to see. She let me go. Hanson grabbed my hand back and we walked to the field to sit behind the bleachers. Once we got there we heard footsteps. "This isn't maybe such a good idea," He said paranoid. I grabbed his cheek and brought his lips to mine, hoping to comfort him. His lips were like a soft field of grass that I could get lost in, speaking a thousand broken words. His hair was long enough for me to knot my hands in. I was small enough to jump onto his lap and not hurt him. He kissed his way down my cheek, and to my ear. "I think I love you Jane," he said. "I know I love you," I whisspred back. This time when his lips were on mine they were hard. As if he wanted me that much. They ran from down my collar bone to my neck, where he refused to let me go. I unbuttoned his shirt so his wife beater was showing. I balled my fist on the sleeve. My arms were trapped around his neck, and tangled in his hair. His arms were wrapped around, and my ches was against his. He was breathing heavily. "I want you to meet my father," he sqid. "I don't think he will like me. An adopted kid with a criminal record down the wall, he probably found me when I ran away from that foster home."
"The thing is Jane, he doesn't judge all that much."
I smiled. "Are your eyes from your moms side or your dads side," I asked. "I don't know, know one has brown eyes in my family."
I smiled then rested my head on his shoulder. "Valentines day is coming up" he said. "I know."
"And I need a date."
"Are you asking me to the valentines day dance?"
I kissed him then looked him straite in the eyes. "Of course I will go with you Tommy."
He layed his back down and looked at the sky. I was still on his lap. I got up and layed next to him. "Do you ever wonder who created us?" I asked. "Sometimes. Who ever did knows whats about happen, I guess."
"I don't think that they knew I would fall in love with you. A juvenile delinquent with a nerd? Come on, I don't think god saw that coming."
"You believe in a god?"
I shook my head. "No, god cant be real. Its kind of like a fairy tale for adults to believe in when they realize that santa isn't real and they don't want to let go of fairy tales."
"You raise a good point."
The bell rang and we had to get to class. We walked across the field without anyone noticing. "Bye" he said in the hallway. I smiled at him. I pecked him on the lips. "Bye," I whispered. I walked away going to Calculus. "Oh my god you guys are so cute together," my friend, Taylor, said catching up to me. "Taylor, I love him," I said. "Your such a hopeless romantic."
"I know, he just never leaves my mind."
"Didn't you guys meet in at the cop station?"
"His mom dropped him off there because he was going to help his dad. The only open seat was next to me, and I was in handcuffs. He was uncomftorable but I greeted him anyways. He was in a star treck shirt, and I couldn't resist. I said hey to him and he quietly had said hello. I was blunt. I told him I wasn't a murderer or drug dealer, I told him I was there because i was questioned by the cops about a kid that OD'd and I was scared, and I was apparently suspicious. Found out he in my Brit Lit class we bcame partners for a project, and we fell in love."
Taylor smiled. "I want a girlfriend." Taylor was gay, but my best friend from pre school. Hell, we ran around in dipers together. She has had one girlfriend, and they met at a gay women's bar when she was in seventh grade. They broke up last year. "So your over Gabbie?" She nodded. "I cant believe she wasn't even gay!"
"Yeah, well you got to watch out for that."
"I wish I like men."
"I wish that Hanson didn't want me to meet his dad."
I nodded walking into Ms. Ribbons room right when the bell rang. "Yep"
"Wasn't he the one that told Hanson to stay away from you."
"Yep. Back in freshman year."
"You've dug yourself a deep hole. When did you guys start dating?"
"January freshman year."
"Put your personal conversations to an end," screeched our teacher. I yawned. I was tierd. "Jane we do not yawn in this class," said the teacher. "Yeah she is just tierd from talking to her boyfriend until like two in the morning," said a random kid named Kavon. "And twenty bucks says Kavon's high right now. What were you doing last night?"
"Fucking my girl friend."
I kept my mouth shut, it was the only thing I was good at.
It was valentines day. Hanson and his dad rolled around my apartment building picking me up, in a swat car. "Good evening Jane" he greeted. I quietly said hello in return. "Hanson tells me that your parents are foster parents."
"Yes they are. I have eight other kids living with me."
"Are you the oldest?"
"No, Mathew is the oldest, he is seventeen."
We arrived at school. "Now Jane, keep a good eye on Hanson, I don't want him to get in trouble."
"Will do sir."
Hanson and I got out of the car. "You look gorgeous tonight," He said smiling at me. I was in a slick red dress that fell to my ankles, sleeveless. Yet I was in converse. "You look really nice Hanson," I returned. He smiled at me. He put an arm around my shoulder. We walked through the metal detectors. You could here the music coming out of the gym. It was one of the slow dances, only exception by Paramour. It's a cute song. We walked in. This wasn't the valentines day I was looking forward to. "Lets get out of here," I said. Hanson and I walked to behind the bleachers. "I know I love you" he said sweeping me into his arms. He kissed me. I kissed him in return. My hands started to get carried away. He took his lips off of mine. "Lets go somewhere, I have an idea." My hands slipped into his. We started to walk out if the bleachers when two boys approached us. "Tommy your in dangoures teretory dating her and all," said one of them. Hanson shrugged. "Why are you dating a square like him, don't you want some of this" he asked. "I like squares," I said. The kid smiled. He put his hands on my shoulders. "Get your hands off of her" said Hanson.
"Come on you can share"
Hanson grabbed the boy -whom was obviously high- by the collar. The kid pushed back. I felt the sweat of his hand cross my left cheek, tattooing himself into me. Something cold roled down my face. I felt the grass beneath me, and Hanson at my side. He looked the kid. The kid kicked him in the nuts, but Hanson didn't react. They walked away laughing. He helped me up, and we walked to the front. The dance was over and mostly everyone was gone. I had ice on my eye and Hanson was holding me. His warmth against me made me feel complete. "You know that those guys are just insecure right?" I asked him. "Yeah," he responded. We sat to the ground, his arm around me, and we just stared up at the stars. It was a clear night. Hanson and I were silent, but that doesn't mean that there were no words being spoken. Hours had passed without us realizing. In silence him and I walked to the front steps. While sitting he was the first one to speak. "I had a real nice time" he said. I smiled. "I did to." At three in the morning a cop car came rolling up. No Mr. Hanson, but two other uniformed police officers. He bursted into tears. His father was dead, that was obvious. He grabbed my hand and pulled me with him. We were behind the bleachers and he put his lips on mine. They were hard. He was crying. I held him close to me. He pulled my shirt off. And the next thing I knew I was lying with him on the fake grass, behind the bleechers. We made a blanket out of our clothes that we wrapped ourselves in.
It was March 3rd. I was in the girls bathroom throwing up. I must be getting sick, but I have been throwing up for the past three days. I was indinile, but I was pregnant. I had brought a pregnancy test with me not intending to use it. I decided to try. I peed on the stick, put it in my pocket and went back to lit. I sat down. Ten minutes past and I looked. There was a small pink plus sign on the white area. How was I going to tell Hanson. The fact that this baby was conceived on his fathers death date was bad enough. Abortion is not an option. This baby deserves a voice. But the question is, how will I tell tom? This baby needs a father, and he isn't in the space to be a father. But I cant be a mother, or I don't know what will happen. I am not getting an abortion, no matter what the courts say.
I felt foot steps near me so I put the test away. The kid sitting next to me passed me a note. 'Your pregnant?' it said in scribbled handwriting. He was staring at me, and I simply shook my head. I was, but this wasn't a good thing to start rumours with. I had a class with Hanson next, and I need to tell him. We can skip or something, I don't know. I cant drop out, I am going to the academy after high school. I don't know what to do. I must tell Hanson though. I get out of class and cant find Hanson anywhere. No one has seen him. I go over to a payphone and dial his number. It rings and rings. Right as I am taking the phone away from my ear I hear a faint hello. "Hanson are you okay," I ask. I sound as worried as I am. "I am sick, stomach flu or something."
"You want me to come over?"
"No I am okay."
"I think I am going to drop by."
"No Jane it is fine."
His father just died, would you believe him?
"Okay," I say. I hang up the phone. My next period is the last one, and I figure it will be okay if I miss study skills. I sneak out without anyone noticing. I take the bus to his house. The door is unlocked and I walk in. The housr is cleaner than usual, but it smells like booze. I walk over to his room and knock on his door. I hear another faint yeah and walk in. He smiles. "What are you doing here" he asks?
"Checking up on you"
"You don't have to do that."
"Well I just want to, oh my god Hanson!" I scream at the sight of blood on his sleeve. I know where it is from, but I just don't want to believe. I never knew that he would use this for release. I let out a small gasp but held every tear in. I walked to the bathroom, grabbed some iodine and toilet paper, and walked back in. Shockingly enough, I am first aid and CPR cirtified. I cleaned up the blood to see that the cuts weren't as deep as I had assumed. There was a plus. I poor the iodine raw to his skin. There are ten cuts there. One may or may not need stitches, but the rest are fine, from a physical stand point anyways. I find bandages and wrap his arm. This obviously wasn't a good time to tell him that I am pregnant. I could see the tears falling. I held him close, and put my arms around him. His face was against my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair trying to sooth him. "I am so sorry Hanson. I really am," I say quietly. He cries a tiny bit harder. I hold him tighter. "Hanson, I don't know how to say this, and this isn't the right time, I know that. But you need to know." I take a deep breath. "I'm pregnant." I say this slowly as if it will quicken things. He stares at me. "Really?" he asks. I nod. He doesn't know how to react. He puts his hand on my stomach. "How far?"
"Not even a month."
"I don't know what to say."
"Neither do I" I whisper this. I put my hand on his cheek. I scoot close to him on his bed. "You don't have to say anything." I collapsed my lips softly on his. They fit together like puzzle pieces, cliché, I know, but so true. I fall into his embrace our lips still together. He doesn't back away, and he just pulls me closer. I rest my head on his shoulder. I have his hurt arm in my hand. "You cant do this Hanson," I say. He knows I am talking about his cuts. When he responds its irrelevant to my last statement. "Are you keeping it?" He asks this carefully. "Of course. I am capable of taking care of this baby. These foster homes here suck. Atlanta has been rated the worst, do you think I would put this child in that system?"
"I just, I want to be the dad. Like I don't know if I am ready to be a dad."
"You have nine more months before you have to. This baby needs a father. Just I don't know."
"Jane were moving."
I am speechless so the first thing comes out. "What do you mean your moving?" My voice is trembling. "My mom, and my mom alone, decided that we need to move somewhere else. Somewhere were we can start again. A clean slate. She bought a house in New York. It is in Brooklyn. Our date is April 4th. I'm sorry Jane."
"Hanson. But, how, why, you cant." I feel warm tears come down my face. "Why? Why cant we?" It takes a lot for Hanson to cry. But you couldn't mistake the tears falling from his eyes. "Because I love you. And you're a father now, and I just it looks so bad and I, I don't know. "
"Jane, you know that you can do this without me. You know that you can make this work. Move to New York when you finish high school. Become a cop like you have always wanted to."
I don't have time to think. "We still have a month together," He says as if it will make me feel better. The garage door opens suddenly. "Mom," Hanson mumbles. "I should go."
"Yeah. I'll call you."
As I start to get up he grabs my hand. He kisses me one last time and I leave him with silence.
I am not mad at Hanson, I cant be. This isn't his fault, I just don't want him to go…