A/N: Hey to anyone who might be reading! Im LiveInTheMusic, and this is my very first story. I dont know how long itll be, but im thinking itll be a few chapters. This story is set after the end of Mockingjay, but before the Epilogue. I spent alot of time thinking about this chapter, but i like what i have written. Please please PLEASE review! Like i said, this is my first story. All comments are welcome, negative and possative. Haters are gonna be loved too. Well not really. But you know. Gotta see the glass half full. ANYWAYS. Heres the 1st chapter to the story, Tears for the Broken.
I curled up tightly on my couch. I couldn't get myself to go to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her. I've been like this ever since Peeta left. He came over at the same time he does every night, carrying a loaf of bread. Usually, I'm still out hunting when he comes over. But today, I went out earlier than usual.
I know what tomorrow is. I couldn't handle being out there for too long. Too many memories haunted me, even a day before the horrible event makes its annual appearance.
When Peeta came over, I was the one who opened the door. I felt my heart crumble when I saw him standing there. He looked almost exactly like he did years ago, before Snow took away our happiness. His blond hair fell into his shockingly blue eyes, his hands holding the bread out slightly, a small smile sneaking onto his lips. But just as quickly as it came, it vanished. We just stood there in the door way, staring. Earlier today, when Greasy Sae came over, she had made me take a shower and clean myself up. My hair was in my tight signature braid down my back. I had my good pair of jeans on, and a plain green tee. I knew that Peeta saw what I saw in him in me, because his eyes shown exactly what I was feeling:
Pain. Hurt. Loss. Longing.
He stayed like he always did until dark, drawing the pictures of the people we knew who died into my book. We didn't speak unless we absolutely had too. He was still drawing out Nuts and Volts when I began writing about her without realizing it. I knew that eventually I would have to summon up the memories, but I couldn't help but wish I wouldn't ever have to. I finally realized what I was writing. I hesitated, but knew I had to continue. It brought me to tears remembering the haunted times, but I whipped the pain away quickly before Peeta could notice.
When he finally saw what I wanted him to draw, he froze. I couldn't stop the tears that were quickly streaming down my cheeks. He knew what tomorrow was, too. He would never forget. But that's exactly why I had to do it. I had to finally work through all this pain and suffering. I had to bring up the memories I wanted so badly to forget. Even if I didn't, she would still make a re-appearance in my dreams.
Peeta looked up at me with sad, teary eyes. I avoided his gaze, and then kept writing. I didn't want to miss one little thing about her. I knew it was impossible to, but that didn't matter. She will be appreciated for all she has done.
I wrote about her name and how she loved the flower she was named after. I wrote about her smile, that smile that could bring me happiness even on the worst of days. I wrote about her personality. She cared for even the smallest of creatures. She wouldn't even hurt a fly. I wrote about the sparkle in her eyes that was almost always present, the button nose, her blond hair, the curve of her jaw line, how at such a young age she was so mature. I wrote about how I missed her, how she will always be missed by everyone she knew. I didn't stop until I wrote the last words. I didn't even stop when the tears came out in a never ending stream, winces escaping my lips. Peeta even tried to get me to stop, but I refused. If I stopped, I wouldn't be able to finish. I dug my nails into my left hand, writing the last things about her with my right. I felt my heart break for the millionth as I wrote the rest.
I love you, Prim. Forever you will be missed. Rest In Peace, Little Duck.
I dropped the pen, my hands shaking violently. The sobs came almost instantly, the quiet screams hurting my strained voice. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing the images would just stop. I could see everything that had happened in the past few years repeat itself.
Images of Prim giggling as I tickled her.
Hunting in the woods with Gale.
Prim's name being called at the reaping.
Prim looking so mature after I came back from the first games.
Madge giving me the pin that I would wear in not one, but two Hunger Games.
Finnick dying right in front of my eyes.
Peetas hands closing around my throat.
Rue dying in my arms.
Kissing Peeta for the first time.
Peetas fathers warm smile as I traded with him.
My mother's lifeless eyes after Prim died.
Gale leaving me.
Haymitch hugging me tightly.
Effies pink hair.
Coin dying because of my arrow.
Peeta holding me close.
The mutts from the first game.
Gale kissing me.
Watching the bombing of District 12 on that stupid TV in 13.
Peeta giving me his locket.
Peeta giving me the pearl.
Peeta kissing me.
Peeta smiling in the cave, his eyes shining bright.
Peeta comforting me.
Peeta kissing me on the back of my neck.
I heard a blood curdling scream. I cover my ears, just to realize I was the one who made it. I felt Peeta take me into a hug. I felt my whole body shake with fear, with shock. This was the first time since he got back from 13, that he actually held me. That he actually touched me without retreating quickly.
I felt his lips press to the top of my head, whispering my name gently. The tears rolled quickly down my cheeks, my sobs muffled by Peetas' shoulder.
He gently clutched my hair, moving his head to my shoulder. "Oh Katniss.. I'm so sorry.. I'm so so sorry." he whispered, his voice cracking. I felt my chest tighten when he said my name. I rapped my arms tightly around his neck. We just sat there, holding each other and crying over the loss of everyone we knew.
He left shortly after. He almost had another episode. And I almost forgot what it felt like to be seen in his eyes as a mutt.
Once I let go from hugging him, his eye brows furrowed in confusion, but his eyes were a stormy blue. "My family's dead." he said, more like a statement then a question. "I'm sorry..." I checked out, tears starting to build in my eyes again. "It was of your doing," he began, his eyes closing tightly. "Real or not real?" I felt my eyes widen, my heart race faster.
I didn't know how to answer him. It was partly my fault, but then again, it wasn't. "Uh.. Urm.." "Real or not real?" he asked louder, his eyes flashing open, anger and fury making them a dark grey, and he glared at me. "Both!" I yelled, glaring back at him. I knew instantly that my response shocked him, because his eyes turned back into the blue color I couldn't help but love. "Both.." I state, a lot quieter, dropping my gaze to my shaking hands. I didn't wait for him to say anything before I continued speaking. "If it wasn't for me in the first games, they wouldn't be dead right now. If I didn't pull out those berries, we wouldn't be here right now. The rebellion would've still went on, but we wouldn't be the ones involved. You could've came back here as a single Victor and lived your life out. With your family. You wouldn't have been hijacked," I paused, stealing a quick glance at Peeta. The crazy look he had before was gone; his hands were close to mine, looking like they wanted to comfort me. He looked like he was about to cry, the pain in his eyes was unbearable. I looked at my hands and continued talking. "If it weren't for me, millions of people would be alive. But because of me, there all dead. Look at this book, Peeta. It's filled with people who died because of me." I stopped talking to whip away the tears on my cheeks. Peeta had a tear rolling down his cheek, too. But it didn't stop me from saying the truth about what should've happened, and I looked directly into those piercing blue eyes when I said, "I never should've made it out of that arena alive. You should have won. Alone. I should be dead right now." Peeta closed his eyes tightly, a wince escaping his lips. There were tears quickly rolling down his cheeks, and he opened his eyes and looked at me. He mumbled, "That's nothing but lies." then got up and left, slamming the door before I could say anything else. No explanation. No 'I missed you.' Nothing. He didn't come back to get his colored pencils, or his charcoal, either.
So here I am, confused, hurt, and dying inside. And I can't help but feel that the only thing I have to hold onto is the pencils. Yet, there was still a spark before Peeta left. When he hugged me close, I felt the old Peeta. The one who used to smile when he saw me, not have to grip onto something to ward off the memories the Capitol messed with. The one who's lips where way to familiar to me. I knew, right from that moment, that the boy with the bread was coming home, back to me where he belongs.
A/N: Hope you liked! REVIEW!(: