This is my first ever Supernatural fic, and if you can't tell by the end of it, I am in love with Cas. This is my take on his thoughts during the Season 6 finale. I hope you enjoy, and criticism and reviews are always appreciated.
This is un-betaed, so all mistakes are my own.
Disclaimer: I do no own Supernatural. If I did, Cas wouldn't technically be dead now, even if Crazy Cas/leviathan thingy is pretty awesome.
Castiel has been through a lot. More than practically any angel, and certainly more than every human. He has in fact, been both, which is already more than most could say. He's been in and led armies in heaven. He's heard God's orders, and those of his brothers, and has followed them to the letter. But he's also rejected orders. He has full out rebelled and fought against them. His brothers and sisters have gone from following him, to hunting him, and back to following. In between this whole fiasco, he slowly and painfully became human.
Bobby at one point told him not to complain, least of all to him. It was the first moment Castiel clearly saw that the humans had no clue what he had lost. For them. Everything for them. Yes, Bobby no longer had the use of his legs, but Cas could no longer heal, hear his sibling's songs, he wasn't impervious to mortal injuries, and damn it, he couldn't FLY! They understood that he had fallen, but they couldn't comprehend what that entailed. He'd given up so much for a race that would never appreciate the magnitude of what that meant. And to top it off, he had not only come back from the dead, but had returned to heaven and continued fighting for them.
It would have been so easy to step back in line and follow Raphael. To allow the apocalypse to re-start. His powers were fully restored; he'd have an army of his own to command by heaven's decree. His older brother was so much more powerful, and had their father's archaic orders on his side. Angels were nothing if not set in their commanded path. But Castiel continued to fight: did what was necessary to save the human race.
To save the Winchesters.
But in the end, when he really and truly needed them, they condemned him. Called him a monster.
It was amazing and infuriating to see how blind they were when things weren't black and white. When things weren't according to them.
According to Dean.
They yell and pout and get angry that he's working with a demon. Working with Crowley. But had they not done the same? He can hear their argument now. Dean would claim that things were different. That they had no choice. But Castiel knows that circumstances are the same. Just as it was then, he is trying to avert the apocalypse. The only difference is the hunters are not at the helm. They are not the ones fighting. They are not the ones leading brothers and sisters to slaughter. They don't understand that he is doing everything in his capability to keep everybody safe, and if he can manage, even Raphael's side. He would do anything to keep at least one more brother alive.
For a brief moment, he wishes they would just listen. Take a few minutes and allow him to speak un-interrupted. Take a few seconds after that to process before judging. But he knows them all too well, and knows that that would never happen. They have a stubborn streak that rivals Raphael's.
So he breaks Sam's wall, and they will never understand how much that hurts him to do. But it is necessary, and he hopes that it will be enough of a distraction to allow him to get this job done. Because he wants all of this to be over more than anyone, and he wants to fix Sam, but most of all, he just wants his family to stand behind him and be whole.