I sat back resting on my elbows on the blanket and tried to suppress the tears that would surely meet my cheeks soon. I had found him, and now I was going to loose him. I never thought my heart could hurt this much over one person. What was I going to do? How would I be able to take care of myself, let alone my saving Grace? I looked over to him with wide eyes, and began to wonder how he felt. Maybe I should try to envision myself in his shoes. Why I had waited this long to tell him, was beyond me. Fear? Rejection? Two logical reasons in my opinion. He was fidgeting with his hands, and I tried to think of something to say before he would give up and leave.
"I'm sorry" was all I could muster, unfortunately.
"Sorry doesn't mean anything now, does it? It's too late for that." he seethed. A piercing pain shot through my heart as I realized what a horrible person I truly was. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I knew that would send him over the edge. I pushed back the fear that maybe he never wanted me to touch him again. My chest started to tighten, and I could no longer hold back my tears. He looked up at me when I sniffled back more waterworks.
"Why are you crying?" He asked angrily.
"Because I don't know what else to do!" I yelled out. He winced back in surprise at my outburst, but I couldn't keep it in any longer. "I get it, okay? I fucked up. I'm a fucking liar, and a horrible person, who doesn't deserve you. Is that what you want to hear?"
"Jesus Christ, of course not!" He yelled back, and rose from his spot on the blanket beside me. "I don't want to hear anything! None of this should even be happening!" He started to pace back and forth barefoot in the wet sand, making my head whip from side to side watching him. The bottoms of his jeans were now damp.
"What do you want from me, Edward?" I said quietly, as sobs were trying to escape my throat.
"Nothing. Absolutely, positively, fucking nothing, Bella." He stopped pacing to look at me, as I allowed the sobs to come out.
"I...never meant to...hhhurt you" I said between the sobs that were coursing through my shaking frame.
"I never said you meant to, but you did." He was right. I looked at him through wet vision, and saw hurt in his eyes. I wanted to run to him and hold him in my arms forever. Another sob threatened me as I came to the realization, that that would never happen again, and it was all because of me.
"I'm sorry if I'm being too blunt, but it's true" he said quietly, no longer pacing. He had is hand behind his head, no doubt rubbing the tension in his neck. My heart ached on more as I saw the sunset behind him, and how it made his hair glow. Breathtaking.
"Don't worry," I began, "Nothing you can say will ever be as harsh as what I am saying to myself." I looked down to my lap, not wanting to meet his eyes. He shocked me when I felt him grab my hands, and kneel down in front of me. We sat there a moment, both staring at our tangled hands.
"I'm sorry, but I cant..." he trailed off, unable to finish, but I felt my heart stop beating, because I knew what he was trying to say.
"I don't know how to do this..." I held my hand up to cut him off. He looked up at me with watery eyes. Another shot to the heart.
"It isn't for everyone" I stated plainly. He looked at me, and held my eyes with his. He reached up to wipe a tear from my wet cheek bone. As broken as I had become, I needed to end this.
"You should go," I said, as I stood, and freed my hands from his.
"But," He stuttered out.
"But, nothing. This is it. You don't deserve that light."
"Bella, please, don't let it end like this..." His breathing began to pick up.
"You don't want to be apart of us, I get it, so get out." I was surprised at how even I was able to keep my voice, because with each word, I felt my heart ripping further and further apart. He tried to walk towards me, but I backed away.
"Don't blame me for this" he said, starting to get angry again. I didn't blame him, I blamed myself. I was the one who would have to live with myself after what I had done to him.
"I blame myself, Edward, but I'm not going to sit here and let the inevitable drag out."
"Fine." He shoved his hand in his pocket, and used his other to reach in the inside pocket of his coat. I studied him curiously. He set a small box down in the sand, looked up to me, and I saw a tear escape his eye.
I used everything I had left in me, to say the words I needed to say. "Goodbye, Edward." He turned on his heel, and ran back to his truck, never once looking back. I stood there motionless, as I watched him peel out of his parking spot, leaving black marks on the broken pavement. As soon as he was out of site, my body began to shake. I knelt down to the wet sand, and reached for the black velvet box. I slowly opened it, and gasped. Inside was a white gold ring, with a heart at it's center, and an August birthstone in the middle. I closed the box and let my body take its course with sobbing. I whipped my cell phone out, and sent a text to Alice.
He's gone. I'm at the beach. -B
I lay down on the wet ground, and pulled my knees to my chest, trying to hold myself together. I tried to let the waves comfort me. I knew what just happened, was for the best, but I also knew, my heart would never be the same. It would never be whole.
So leave me here alone
Let me bleed all my blood
Clearing my veins through tears of red
Rid myself of your warmth
Leave all the Lights of the World in darkness
Hey guys! This is actually Savannah here! FF has finally decided to cooperate with me, so here is the start of my new story! If it weren't for Monica (Blueking141) I would have shot myself out of frustration! Go read her fics by the way. She is my BETA, a GENIUS, and my inspiration, no doubt.
I will be updating this fic as frequently as possible. I won't disappoint! I update fairly quickly! My first Fic, Captured by Fear and Love, is almost complete, so check it out! This Fic here means a lot to me, and I hope the characters can tug at your heart strings =]
Enjoy, and leave me your thoughts!