Letters From a Broken Girl
Sum: Slightly AU. After years of bullying Rachel and dealing with her parent's abuse, Quinn begins to try and be better for everyone. Guilt ridden, and depressed Quinn begins to write her letters about everything she's going through and how sorry she is. Something happens, and Quinn winds up in a come at the hospital and Rachel ends up with the box of letters. Can Rachel understand what the girl goes through and find forgiveness, or will she just see it as another attempt to earn her trust and humiliate her?
Warning: Self-Mutilation, Language, Child Abuse
It's been two months and still her heart ached whenever Rachel would hold hands with the giant, or kiss him in the hall. Sure she hasn't always been friends with the singer, but since Finn broke up with her before Nationals last year, Quinn has seen a new light. Perhaps it was due to the amount of abuse she was suffering at the hands of her parents; maybe it was because she still felt guilty about giving Beth up for adaption. Or maybe, it was because deep in her heart Rachel wouldn't give her another chance. Either way, Quinn began to write letters to the singer, sometimes she'd write two or three letters a day to the girl. There was never anything she left out of them.
A shoebox laid beneath her bed filled with letters all addressed to Rachel*. Explaining to her everything that has happened, that is happening to her, her feelings for the brunette, how she feels guilty about Beth, sorry for pushing her friends away, how she's taken to cutting up her arm to try and ease the guilt and sadness. But Rachel would never know about any of that, hence why she's keeping them in a box, away from reality.
Her eyes were locked on the back of her head. Her eyes full of sorrow and regret, and when Rachel glanced back at the blonde, she rolled her eyes and turned back to the lesson Mr. Shue was giving the Glee club. Thankfully the bell rang and the class was dismissed.
Quinn took a deep breath and approached the small brunette before she could leave with Finn. "Rachel, wait," she asked a tone of plead in her voice.
Sighing, Rachel turned to Finn and told him to wait outside while she talked to Quinn. Turning her attention back to the blonde, Rachel folded her arms and asked, "What is it, Quinn?"
"Can't we talk about this? I'm sorry, okay? Tell me what to do to show you, and I'll do it. Please believe me; I want to be your friend."
"It's a little too late for that Quinn. I've tried and frankly every time we become friends, you shoot me down and leave me feeling humiliated. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of seeing you acting like you care when you don't. It hurts too much to care about you, when you don't care about me. I'm sorry, but I can't be your friend." Rachel finished and Quinn could detect a sense of regret in her voice, but with the look in Rachel's eyes, Quinn shook it off.
"Alright, Rach. I give, I won't reach out to you anymore, and I'll leave you alone and go about my business. Good luck with Finn and Glee club this year. I'm sure you guys will do just fine without me." Quinn said as she picked up her bag and left the choir room before Rachel could register what was happening.
Quinn slowly walked home that night after hanging out in the park with her best friend: the razor blade. Walking down the street, she paused by a normal sized, white house with two cars in the driveway. She looked around to see if anyone saw her, seeing the close is clear, she walked up to the sidewalk and stood outside the house. It was her house. Before Quinn knew it, the scene in front of her changed when she saw three figures in the glass window before her.
Rachel was hugging her two dads and talking about how her dad went. Quinn could see the shine in her eyes as she told her dads about Glee club and the new solo she received for Sectionals. Watching the scene of the happy family in front of her, tears welled up in her eyes. She longed to be loved by her parents, to have someone to take care of her and love her for who she is.
Biting her lip, Quinn tore her eyes away from the scene and began to finish the walk to her house. What she didn't see was a small brunette looking out the window watching her walk down the sidewalk with a look of pure concern etched into her features.
As soon as she opened up the front door she was roughly grabbed by her upper arm and thrown into the closest wall by the door. Banging against the wall, she looked up and saw the hateful eyes of both her parents. "Where have you been?" Judy asked as she took a swig of alcohol, while Russell still kept his grip tight on her arms.
"I-I had to stay after school… Mr. S-Shue needed to talk to me," she managed to lie between her fear of what will happen to her if they knew she was outside Rachel's house again.
"Don't lie to me, Bitch," Judy yelled as she slapped her across the face.
"I'm… I'm not lying." She stuttered as her body shook.
"I saw you outside that dyke's house, Quinn," Russell said.
Quinn's eyes widened in fear as he grabbed both of her hands and shoved them above her head. Then used his other hand to her waist where he shoved his hand beneath her jean line and past her underwear. Shaking her head, Quinn began to try and resist against her father which just caused Russell to be turned on even more. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she didn't know what to do to get him off.
Closing her eyes, she prayed to be anywhere but here, where her father was raping her and her mother was laughing at her. She couldn't understand what she ever did to receive this from her parents, but every night she was in this situation. Her father, physically abusing her and her mother throwing insults at her and laughing at the pain she was in. Thankfully, they stopped after about fifteen minutes of excruciating pain and left her there trembling on the wooden floor.
Taking a deep breath, Quinn shakily got to her feet and made the long trek up to her bedroom. There she collapsed on her bed and picked up the razor by her pillows and angrily tore it down her arms. Hot tears clouded her vision as she continued to tear up her arm. Nobody likes you. Nobody gives a fuck. Nobody will ever give you a chance. Just end it. Those sayings flooded her mind and with a sigh, she threw the razor across the room and with her arm still bleeding, she grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.
Glancing at the clock she saw that it was ten, her parents would be passed out in their room and she knew Rachel would still be awake. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed the shoebox from underneath her bed and quietly made her way out of the house. Walking down the street, Quinn took in the quietness and the mystery that was brought with the night sky. Houses were dark with sleep and crickets chirped away.
She stopped in front of her house and took it all in. Rachel's bedroom light was still on; no doubt she was working on her MySpace videos. This was the night; never again would she look into those sparkling, brown eyes. Or hear her lovely singing voice, or see her in those stupid animal sweaters. Taking a deep breath, she walked up the front door and rang the doorbell. She didn't wait for the door to answer, but placed the box down and took off running for cover.
Quinn watched the front door open, and Rachel's head poked out looking for whoever it was at the door. Her eyes landed on the shoebox with her name on it and picking it up, she then went into the house. Quinn didn't notice the small smile on her face as she stepped out into the street, and she certainly didn't notice the car coming towards her.
Rachel sat in the middle of her bed with the box staring at her, begging to be opened. Her curiosity got the better of her and she slowly took off the cover. Furrowing her brow, she bit the corner of her bottom lip and went through the pile of envelopes. They all had her name scribbled on the front, complete with a gold star, and had numbers in the top right hand corner of the envelope for ordering. Taking out the first one, she carefully opened the seal and took out the piece of paper addressed to her.
You're probably wondering what these letters are and why it's you that I'm writing to and not Santana or Brittany. Well, the truth is you're probably the only one who would understand and not judge me for everything that I'm about to tell you.
I guess I should start with an apology for everything that I've ever put you through. You never deserved any of the torture and resentment that I sent your way. I was under a lot of pressure from my parents, who wanted me to be the second perfect daughter that they had. But I'm not. I'm not perfect; I make mistakes just like everyone else. I guess the reason I decided to take my frustrations out on you was because you weren't afraid to be yourself and you didn't let anyone get you down, including me. And that, Rachel Berry, makes you braver and stronger than I'll ever be. Once again, I am so terribly sorry for everything. And I know that I'll probably be apologizing for the rest of my life.
There are things that no one knows about me. How I cry myself to sleep every night if I haven't already blacked out from my parent's beatings. How I always strive to be good enough so that maybe one day, I can finally escape. How the only time I feel good enough is when I take my razor to my arm.
All of that didn't matter to me that day I figured out what exactly my feelings for you were. They weren't hatred or jealousy. It was love. I love you, Rachel Barbra Berry. I probably have for the past three years. I was too afraid to tell you because you hated me and it would've only confused you. Believe me, it confuses me too. But I know that I'd do anything you'd ask of me. I stopped the slushies, and the name-calling today, so don't worry about any of that anymore.
I know you don't forgive me, or believe me with this new self-discovery. You think that this is all some kind of joke; I assure you it is nothing of the sort. This is real, and I promise to never hurt you ever again.
I've written you a series of letters to help explain everything, and then maybe you will believe me, and hopefully understand everything. And I can only hope that you won't judge me for my mistakes and the pain I've put you through. But I know the only reason that you'd find these letters is if I manage the courage to deliver them to you. Giving up, is of course the other reason. And frankly, I don't know which one will come first.
Quinn C. Fabray
Rachel lowered the letter and felt wetness on her cheeks. She had been crying. She had no idea what Quinn was dealing with and it all began to make sense now. How she had been standing outside her house earlier, the begging for forgiveness and another chance. Wiping away the tears, she placed the letter back behind the others and closed the box. She couldn't handle anymore tonight, and it was too late already.
The next day, Rachel searched the school for Quinn. She began to worry that maybe it was too late. Why couldn't she have forgiven Quinn earlier? How come it's always too late to be with someone?
Rachel began walking towards her locker and stopped when she saw Santana and Brittany at their lockers. Taking a breath, she steadied herself and walked over to the girls. "Santana, have you seen Quinn today?" She asked, her voice plagued with concern for the blonde.
"You didn't hear hobbit? Q's at the hospital. Apparently a drunk driver hit her last night, she's in a coma, they don't know when she's gonna wake up. Don't worry, midget, Q's a strong girl. She'll be alright." Santana then did something completely out of character; she placed her hand on Rachel's shoulder then walked away with Brittany.
Rachel didn't hesitate to decide to skip the rest of school. She quickly jumped in her car and sped off to the hospital to find Quinn and see what was going on.
A/N: Idea came to me in mythology. Thoughts? Continue? Review please!