For disclaimer go to the first chapter!
A/N: Thank you to every single one of you who reviewed each and every one of you brought a smile to my face. And the ones who PMed me, a special thank you to you guys it's nice to see how much you guys seem to care about this story.
A/N2: Usually I update once a week, sometimes a try to update earlier but only when I'm completely free. Someone asked me that so I just thought to answer that here so if anyone else was wondering… but enough with me. Enjoy?
Can you imagine how I was feeling now that I was sure that Rosalie was the one for me? How did I know that? Easy, she made my heart scream so loud that even a deaf person would be able to hear it. She managed to make all rational thoughts disappear to the point that I couldn't think of anything else but her, it didn't matter what she did for a living or the way she was. God, what an irony! Why did I have to fall in love with a woman so out of reach? I never imagined myself with a woman so complicated, I swear, all I wanted was an normal relationship.
I left the flat not knowing where to go. I kept thinking about everything that just happened. It's a crazy thing isn't it? I few days ago my life was completely ordinary, you could even say it was boring, but even then it was great! And suddenly, everything changed. Now all I had was a headache about to split my head open and the feeling of emptiness inside of me. And to make matters worse all I wanted to do was cry… actually I was already crying. People coming and going on a busy avenue but I was feeling lonely, lost and scared. I have this certainty that she is the only one that'll make me truly happy and no one else will be able replace her, ever and I know for sure that she will never be mine. Have you ever felt something of this magnitude? I sure hope not, because I'll tell you something: It's horrible and inhumane! If there's a God, why does he do something like this to people? I didn't need to meet her! I was just fine without knowing her.
Getting in my car, I sat there with my hands on the steering wheel for a few minutes. Looking out on the street not really absorbing what my eyes were looking at, the closed window making me feel safe. Just wishing I could stay in there forever. I lowered my head until it touched my hands still resting on the steering wheel. Remembering Rosalie's heart beating as quickly as mine was, of her eyes when she finally gave up and let herself be consumed by me and reaching a perfect climax. I could see in those emeralds how out of control a made her. I know she wanted me as much as I wanted her… or was she like that with all of her clients? I looked up realizing I was just a few feet away from her. What if I saw her next client going in? I was totally losing it. How would I freaking know who her next client would be? I just looked wary to every man walking down the street, especially the ones who went inside the building. I was having trouble breathing with the possibility that she could be with a client already. I couldn't just stay there and keep on torturing myself, so I rolled down the window, turned the ignition and left. I kept driving around with no real destination, turned on the radio to try distracting myself but it wasn't one of my best ideas. I seemed like the radio wasn't on my side, every song that played seemed to somehow fit my mood or the situation I was in and changing stations didn't seem to work.
"Dammit! Emmett was right! Now I'll never be able to forget you!" I screamed or whispered. I'm not sure… whatever… I was crying and feeling kind of numb that's all I knew for sure. "Where am I going to find you now? Maybe in my dreams?" I punched the steering wheel like a normal angry person would… ok fine… I'll admit, maybe it was like a complete lunatic. "I wanted so bad to feel the taste of your lips. I know you wanted to kiss me too! I just know it!" I wiped the tears that were stopping me from seeing the road properly. "Dream… that'll have to do it" I whispered or sighed… not sure either. "Why couldn't it be simple? You touching me made me feel so good! I could've stayed forever just holding you! I would move mountains for you, if only your eyes showed me some hope! But you'll never want me the way I want you!" I shouted trying to alleviate the turmoil of emotions. "I'll have to let you go every time. There's no place for me in your life, I know that…" I said my voice disappearing with every word.
It had been a perfect night except for the fact that I paid for it and the certainty that I was madly in love with a… with a… you know! Don't make me say it. We can also excuse the fact that I was lost, I mean literally, I was driving around for so long that didn't know my way home. Oh, and the fact that the woman I loved had triple personality, a pimp and she despised me. We can't forget that the songs on the radio made me even more depressed. So… wasn't it a perfect night? And on a perfect night like this one, I'm here narrating my sorrow, driving around with no destination? Well, I think it's safe to say that I need therapy.
Rosalie's scent was entrenched on me; the memory of her eyes glued to mine was still painfully clear in my mind, tormenting me, reason and hope fighting between each other to see which one would prevail.
Shit! I had sex with her. The painful desire making me have trouble to sleep and burning my skin within every waking moment was satiated! Anyone would be screaming with joy! But not me, I wanted much more than just that, I wanted more than she ever would give. I wanted love.
Before realizing, my subconscious took me to La Push. I parked my car, and while getting out of the car I could already see the waves crashing against the rocks and made my way close to the shore. The water was caressing my feet, looking around I could distinguish a few locals, couples holding hands, laughing and treading love vows. They were free; none of them had triple personalities. It didn't look like any of them had a single problem to deal with in their peaceful lives. The memory of New Year's night came to mind, the first time I saw Rosalie, right here almost on the same spot. I think it was in that moment I fell in love with her, since then I can't think of anyone or anything else for that matter. Can you imagine how it is to fall so hard for someone, just by looking at them? The problem is to later find out that the one we fell for is a… you know. What could I do? How can you win over a woman like Rosalie? Or better yet, how can you forget a woman like Rosalie? 'I think I better leave before I throw myself on the ocean'. Drowning must suck. I was feeling like the last human being on earth or maybe the unluckiest human on the earth. It definitely isn't a nice feeling. I'm not dramatic, okay? I'm being dramatic and yes, there is a difference!
I went back to my car and drove home. After getting in the house I saw Emmett sitting on the couch in living room watching a movie, as he saw me he paused it immediately and just stood there looking at me like a lost puppy. I ignored him… not because I was still upset with him, but because my brain was boiling with all the things running through my mind, thinking about the few hours I spent with Rosalie. I sat beside him on the couch my eyes not focusing on anything.
"Are you still mad at me, sis?" he asked fidgeting. "I swear I didn't do it on purpose!" he bumped his shoulder on mine trying to get my attention. "Please don't ignore me."
"What?" I said distracted. He was talking to me but I wasn't hearing a word he was saying.
"You're not ignoring me?"
I ran my hands through my hair and shook my head.
"I had sex with her" I said without thinking. No filter, remember?
"With the whore?" he also said without thinking, it's probably genetic.
"Repeat that again and you won't see another sunrise." I said deadly serious. I know she… she is a… you know, but I don't like saying it or hear someone saying it.
"Sorry, Bells. But tell me!" he threw me one of those anxious looks every gossiper has. "How was sleeping with her? Bella! Did you spend all your money?"
"Calm down, Emmett!" I said. My head was still spinning with everything that happened tonight. Taking a deep breath I rested my head on the back of the couch. "It was amazing. And yes, all my money is gone." I smiled sheepishly; after all I never thought I would spend money to have someone. "I'm broke, even more than you are!" I said playfully hitting his arm. "I don't know if what I did was right, Em. My head hurts just thinking about it."
"How does she do it? Did she make a strip tease for you? Taking her clothes off nice and slow, huh?" he was almost drooling.
"Shut up, asshole!" I couldn't help but smirk at his stupid face. "I'm not telling you anything, it was wonderful, that's detail enough. Drop it!"
Suddenly Emmett got all serious. He analyzed me for few seconds, so I asked him what was wrong with my eyes. He understood.
"How are you feeling, Bella?"
I think it was the first time he asked me something not playing around; I always thought he couldn't take anything serious. That took me by surprise; I didn't know how to answer that. How was I feeling? Lost? Crazy in love? Hopeless of ever seeing her again? If you thought 'yes' than you couldn't be more right, but impossible love happens all the time. It couldn't be that hard to live with a little tragic love.
"I don't know, Emmy." I said looking at him vaguely. "I just don't know".
"You should call Tanya."
I threw a cushion that was lying on the couch at his face.
"You bastard! That woman is absolutely crazy! How could you do something like that to me? And giving her our address, Emmett? Really!"
"I just wanted to help you." He said smirking.
"Getting me a crazy chick? Thanks! But no thanks."
"She is kind of a nympho" he said the smirk growing on his face.
"She is a what?" I tried to smile at what he said.
"Hey, you are the one who said no to the crazy bitch, not me!" his smile was proud now.
"Oh my God, Emmett! You can only think about sex!"
"So do you, otherwise you wouldn't have had sex with the who…"
I dared him to finish that word with a glare so fierce that it could kill. In that instant everything I was trying to forget came rushing back in, the memory of the moment I spent with Rosalie, or Scarlett. Right now I'm not sure who I had sex with. My daydream was interrupted with the sound of the door opening and closing abruptly. It was Jasper and Edyn rushing in like mad people. I could say that they were almost desperate looking.
"Hey, what's up, man? Are you running from a crazy priest trying to marry you guys?" Asked Emmett.
"Dad is in the hospital. He had a heart attack" my eldest brother informed us. Emmett and I jumped from the couch.
"What!" we asked in unison.
"He was admitted. I just came for a change of clothes" he was paler than usual and his eyes were a little red showing that he'd been crying. "Are you coming?"
"Of course!" we said again in unison. I gave Jasper the car keys. It was too much information to absorb that night I wouldn't be able to drive. Just thinking about losing my father made me sick to my stomach. Even though he was trying to keep his distance from his children after my mom died, our hearts were still connected by the honest love we felt for every member of this family. In that moment all I could think about was my dad, all traces of Rosalie were gone.
We walked towards the garage in silence.
"Is he okay?" I asked Edyn, she walking beside me. Jasper and Emmett were a little ahead of us.
"I think so, Bella" she answered passing her arm on my shoulder. "Everything is going to be okay." She completed noticing the lone tear running down from my eyes.
"How… how did it happen?"
"He was feeling sick. He called a neighbor that took him to the hospital. Then they called Jasper."
When Edyn said that I felt instantly guilty. If I hadn't gone after Rosalie I would have been home with the car and I would have helped him get faster to the hospital. I lowered my head and stayed silent and got in the vehicle. Em held my hand and started crying like a little kid. My dad was everything to us. Our safe harbor, the one that kept us united. We wouldn't know how to live without him. I hugged Emmett trying to comfort him but I wasn't able to keep my own tears at bay.
We got into the hospital and Jasper went to look for the doctor in charge of my father's case. We were informed that he was unstable, so because of that he would be staying for a few days. He was already in a room, so we could take turn to be with him so he wouldn't be alone. We spent the night with lots of coffee and prayer.
On the next day, Emmett and I went home, Jasper refused to leave the hospital. Edyn also had to leave. I took a shower and while Emmett was getting ready to go back, I went to the gym I worked on. I spoke to Leah, my boss and ex-girlfriend. She was very understanding and told me to take all the time a needed. Friends like her are like a blessing in our lives. And Leah is a very dear friend to me now.
On my way back I thought about stopping by the club to talk with Rosalie… I wanted so much to see her. But I changed my mind; she wouldn't care about what was happening to me. The way that woman treated me, she would surely ask 'nicely' for me to go to hell or something like that. In my current state of mind I wouldn't be able to deal with her hostility. With the torment of dad staying in the hospital, all I wanted was for her to hold me, to hear the sound of her voice; just one nice word would be enough. However, I knew that that was impossible.
I went back to the hospital with Emmett and convinced Jasper to go home. He needed to take a shower and rest for a while. Our eldest brother was very attached to dad; he was always the one who took care of him, taking him to his appointment with his therapist every week, the one who controlled dad's medication, reminding him to always take them, because, if we let dad in charge of that he would only take the sleeping pill.
'Till next time… much love to ya… cya xD