For the comic readers. Remember than Daniel Way said this in an interview:
"The two boxes are the two sides to Deadpool. The badass killing machine side and the funny guy side.
But which side is which?"
This = Wade.
This = White Box.
This = Yellow Box.
(I don't know if that's how that's spelled.)
"You want me to take out Wolverine? Are you freaking nuts?"
Yes, I pouted. I whined. I crossed my arms and jutted my lip out and tried my very hardest at looking sullen. Very hard to do when you're wearing a mask.
"Wolverine doesn't die," I said. "Are you stupid?"
WTF? This kid was 15, pimply, and a gamer and he wanted me to take out Wolver-freaking-ine?
Sounds kinda shady to me. . .
You don't say?
"If anyone can kill him it's you," the kid said in a nerdy, squeaky voice. "I'll pay you 30 grand. I must confirm the rumors of his healing factor!"
"I'll give it a shot, bro. No promises. I get paid up front."
"Half now, half later."
I sighed. Why did the geeks always make it difficult?
"Fine," I said. "Half now, half later." I cracked my knuckles.
You never crack your knuckles.
I do sometimes.
Shut up. "Better hope no one's home in the mansion tonight."
POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW. Logan looked at me with one of those Bitch-Did-You-Just-Shoot-Me looks. He sighed.
"You're getting blood on my carpet, bub."
Shit. He called me bub. Now I know I'm in trouble.
"I . . . have to be somewhere else." I took a break for it, running from the room before he could slash me. I'm so sick of being slashed. Especially by him. I slammed the door behind me.
"Mr. Wilson. This is a private room, you realize?"
Oooooh, I know that voice. And so does another part of my body.
I turn my head slowly. Shes in her undies, yes! Those are some. Tits. And her body. . .
"Hell-O, Emma!" I said, rubbing my hands together.
Even if you never stood a chance.
What's that supposed to mean?
Emma Frost raised an eyebrow. "Mr. Wilson. If you'd please get out of my room –"
"How about in the bed?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows.
*30 seconds later*
There was a crash, and Emma Frosts door has been splintered in two by a flying Deadpool. Note to self: Do NOT try and seduce women who can turn into a living diamond.
Shit! Now Logan will come to see the commotion, he'll see me, and I'll be slashed.
I ran to another room, opening the heavy door and slamming it behind me. Music played loudly from the apartment, and no one was in sight. I gave a breath of relief.
Dragging my feet, I followed the source of the music to the bedroom door. I kicked the cracked door open.
"Ahhhh! Oh my Lord! What the Hell? WHAT THE HELL?"
Son of a bitch!
Now THAT'S a rack!
I spun around, not wanting to see anymore of Gambit's tallywacker, though I wouldn't have minded seeing more of Rouge's –
Easy there, champ. This isn't a porno.
Right. Well, I got out of there – if Logan didn't hear that scream, then he was deaf. Which he is not.
I ran downstairs, intending to get away from the bedrooms, avoiding getting slashed, and a pair of automated doors opened. I ran into them. Everything was quiet. No Logan. The doors shut heavily, and suddenly the lights cut on. I was in a city! Wow, Chuck X really outdid himself. . .
"Watch it!" I was sprayed with ice-cold-freakin-water. I looked up, soggy, to see that Storm chick fly by, followed by the Cyclops guy on foot, with the furry guy right behind him. I ducked out of the way, not intending to be taken down by a boy scout nor a blue kitty, and ran for the door.
Gotta love that danger room.
I ran for the kitchen, saw a backdoor, and started for it. I slipped on something – a banana peel! Oh, you have got to be kidding? You fanfiction people just get a good laugh, ahahahaha.
Everything went black thanks to a stupid banana.
"I think he's waking up." I opened my eyes to see two teenagers standing over me. I jumped up. "Where's Wolverine?"
"On his way down –"
I took off running through the foyer, screaming like a little girl just for dramatic affect. I went right through Kitty and her boyfriend of the week, before coming to a screeching halt in the living room. Logan was sitting on the couch, drinking a beer.
"You – you're not looking for me?" I asked.
He gulped some beer. "Nope."
"You mean to tell me," I started, out of breath. "I've been all over this mansion, and you weren't even chasing me?"
"That would be right."
I paused, looking at him. Then I grabbed him by the throat.
"I SAW GAMBITS TALLYWACKER YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!"
"Well? Did you kill him?" The nerd asked eagerly as I came back for the rest of my cash.
"Sure did," I said, collecting my fee. "Choked him till he turned blue."
"Oh, yeah," I added thoughtfully, heading for the door. "I was headed out the door just as his healing factor allowed him to come back to life, and I accidently dropped a paper that had your full name, phone number, and street address on it. I'll lock your front door on my way out – not like it will help."
I love a happy ending.