Tony had finally broken down and allowed Ziva to pick a movie for movie night that Friday. He had put his foot down when she hinted at The Sound of Music (he really didn't feel like having any of the songs stuck in his head for the remainder of the weekend), so she picked The Wizard of Oz. Not exactly better, but her third chose was Grease and Tony really hated that movie.
"I've always wanted to live in Munchkin Land," Palmer stated with a smile on his face, sitting cross legged on the floor, holding a pillow to his chest.
"I'm sure they would accept you Palmer," Tony replied standing in front of the DVD player, glancing back at Jimmy. "Gremlins and Munchkins are pretty much cut from the same cloth."
"Ha, ha DiNozzo," Palmer retorted throwing the pillow at Tony's back.
"Hey, no throwing pillows after the last incident," Tony said pointing at Palmer. "I really liked that lamp, too," he muttered under his breath turning back to his DVD player.
"Tony I don't understand why I am making popcorn. It's you're place," McGee called from the kitchen.
"Somebody has got to set up the movie, McRedenbacher," Tony called back and McGee huffed in response.
"Is Gibbs going to be here this time?" Ziva asked from the easy chair, her legs curled underneath her body.
"If he was gonna be here he would have beaten Palmer," Tony replied putting the DVD in the tray.
"Hey," Palmer protested looking around for another pillow.
"I'm afraid Jethro had a late conference call in MTAC," Ducky informed the group from Tony's recliner.
"That's an excuse if I ever…"
"Ya think DiNozzo," a gruff voice said from behind Tony. He straightened, slowly turning, noticing Ziva springing to her feet. He thought he heard Jimmy say, very quietly, "Score."
"Hey boss, always a pleasure to see you on movie night," Tony said flashing his thousand-watt grin.
"Uh-huh," Gibbs grunted moving toward the now vacated easy chair.
"Come on, McGee. What's taking you so long," Abby called sitting against the far side of Tony's couch, a Caf-Pow! in her hands.
"I can't carry all these bowls," he shouted back.
"I will help," Ziva said and rushed into Tony's kitchen to help McGee. A few seconds later they entered the living room, each carrying two, large bowls of popcorn.
"No drinks?" Tony asked cocking an eyebrow.
"Tony I only have two hands."
"You're a genius. Why don't you create a couple bionic ones?"
"'We can rebuild him. We have the technology…'" Palmer said from the floor.
"Bigger, stronger, nerdier," Tony finished flashing McGee a huge smile.
"Shut up, Palmer, Tony," McGee snapped handing a bowl to Palmer before taking a seat next to Abby.
"I'll get drinks," Palmer said springing to his feet, knocking the bowl sitting on his lap onto the floor, spilling popcorn kernels everywhere.
"Again, Palmer," Tony said rolling his eyes. "I swear, I'm gonna buy you a feed bag." Red faced, Jimmy rushed into the kitchen mumbling apologies. "Palmer, you didn't even…"
"What, what do you guys want?" Jimmy asked ducking his head back into the room.
"I'm good Jimmy," Abby said holding up her Caf-Pow!
"I would like water," Ziva replied taking a seat on the floor, picking up the remainder of the popcorn in Jimmy's bowl.
"Beer," Gibbs and Tony said at almost the exact same time.
"Beer's fine," McGee answered slowly.
"Anthony, do you still have that sparkling water that your fraternity brother sent you from Norway?" Ducky asked curiously.
"Yeah, Ducky, you're the only one that drinks it," Tony said with a small smile on his face, taking a seat next to Ziva.
"Oh, then I shall have a bottle of that," Ducky responded and Jimmy nodded, eyeing Tony for a second, before disappearing into the kitchen again. He returned a few seconds later, fumbling with several bottles. The water bottle slipped from his fingers, Ziva snatching it out of thin air.
"Thanks," Jimmy said quietly, handing Gibbs and McGee their beer. He moved onto DiNozzo and Ducky, giving each their beverages before stopping next to Tony.
"What?" Tony asked looking up at Jimmy.
"It's just…" Jimmy trailed off, looking around uncomfortable. "Don't, don't I usually sit on the floor? Rules and all."
"Tonight, you can have the couch."
"Really?" Palmer's eyes lit up only to darken a second later. "What's wrong with it?" he asked suspiciously.
"You split something didn't you?"
"Palmer, I don't spill things like you," Tony said patiently. "Just sit down."
"Okay." Jimmy carefully lowered himself into the cushion, glanced behind him for a second to see if he were sitting in anything, and then plopped down and brought his knees up to his chest.
"Are we ready?" Tony asked to everyone snatching the remote from off the floor. "We are about to watch a classic. 1939, Judy Garland, Margaret Hamilton, Frank Morgan: a movie about a girl who just wants to go over the…"
"Just play the damn movie, DiNozzo," Gibbs snapped popping the top off his beer.
"On it, boss," Tony said and hit play…
Abby had been aware of Judy Garland singing about rainbows and a tornado before she fell asleep. Or she thought she fell asleep. She wasn't sure, but it was very bright where she was standing.
"Hello," she called looking around blinking rapidly. "Hello?" the scene slowly came into view, a familiar boat on top of a pair of legs wearing a pair of red, leather, platform boots.
"Cute," Abby said heading toward the boots, the unmistakable sound of flatulence following her. She stopped, turning to see Bert trotting along in her wake. "Bert? You're alive?"
"Really Abby?" a familiar voice came from the little, stuffed animal.
"Do I look like a hippo to you?" Bert asked sounding very irritated.
"Do you really want an honest answer?" Abby asked with some uncertainty.
"Could you at least get rid of the noises I make when I walk?"
"But that's Bert's best feature," Abby said quickly gesturing toward McGee. "Plus, this is my dream, or whatever it is, so suck it up."
"Suck it up?" McGee grumbled.
"Hey, Bert's never this whiney," Abby snapped pointing at the hippo.
"I'm not Bert," McGee pointed out impatiently.
"For the purposes of this dream you are."
McGee huffed a sigh and said, "Fine, Abby."
"Thank you. So, where are we? And who's that?" she pointed at the crushed person. "And is that Gibbs' boat?"
"I don't know. It's your dream. What's the last thing you remember?"
"Watching The Wizard…" she trailed off gasping. "That's what this is." She spun in a circle, taking in her own version of The Wizard of Oz. It the distance was a great, hulking, Gothic style structure (probably a castle) a deep, midnight blue. The flowers were all deep reds and blacks and purples. She glanced down, noticing the black and red checkered dress she wore, skulls decorating the skirt, with long, black, lacy sleeves, her hair in pigtails. In her hand was her parasol and on her back was her coffin backpack. She looked up again noticing a figure approaching from the distance.
"Huh, I expected more than just one," Abby muttered glancing down at McGee.
"Munchkins, McGee, Munchkins. And he's not even little."
"No, Abigail, I am not."
"Ducky?" Abby said squinting just as Ducky came into view. He was wearing a big, black top hat and monocle, with a black, three-piece suit, his coattail hanging down to just below his knees. He was carrying a dark cane with a skull handle.
"I have to say, I like this suit," Ducky said beaming, looking down at his clothes. "Where on earth did you come up with it?"
"A combination of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Alice in Wonderland," Abby answered biting her lip.
"Well, I like it. It makes me look dashing," Ducky said looking up. His smile fell when he noticed the legs sticking out from underneath Gibbs' boat. "Oh dear."
"Who is it?" Abby asked turning to look at the body.
"I have no idea, but I can say with certainty they are dead."
"Oh, did I do it?"
"I don't know dear, but whoever did needs to be brought to justice," Ducky said slowly.
"But, in the movie she's evil," Abby pointed out.
"Innocent until proven guilty my dear," Ducky responded pointing at Abby.
"I was really hoping to sing the song," Abby said under her breath.
"Wait a minute, I thought the good witch showed up before the coroner," McGee said from the ground.
"Whose dream is this McGee?" Abby snapped looking down at the hippo.
"Yours, but jeez I would love to see some accuracy," McGee retorted.
"Who are you Tony?" the hippo glared at her. "Okay fine." Abby squeezed her eyes shut, thinking a minute (she figured, since it was a dream, she could conjure whatever she wanted), and then opened her eyes in time to see a bat flying toward her.
"Whoa," Abby said when the bat landed and morphed into Director Shepard. She was wearing a floor length, black gown made from a layered material. Her red hair was done up in a bun, with white and black streaks running across the top. In hand was a folded Japanese style fan.
"Hello, Abby," Shepard said giving her a smile, her lipstick a dark black.
"Hi, Director Shepard," Abby said waving.
"A bat, Abby? So, I'm a vampire."
"No, that's just how you get around. You don't suck blood or anything, that's just creepy." Shepard just smiled and shook her head.
"So, you are trying to figure out who killed her," Shepard said nodding toward the boat crushed body.
"I guess," Abby said shrugging.
"Then you must go visit The Wizard, at The Great Cellar of Oz," Jenny said and gestured toward the 'castle' in the distance. "Just bring him coffee, he hates when you don't bring him coffee."
"I knew it," Abby whispered. She always knew Gibbs was a wizard.
"Wait, wasn't the wizard a fake…"
"I am not above muzzling you," Abby said quietly pointing at the hippo. McGee huffed again, sitting down with an audible fart.
"Okay, so, here are the shoes," Shepard said and the platforms appeared on Abby's feet.
"But Director Shepard, I can't wear evidence," Abby balked looking down at the shoes.
"Abby, it's a dream."
"But consistency. I'd never wear evidence no matter how cute it is." And those boots were cute.
"Abby, as McGee pointed out, it's also accuracy. You wear the boots, just like Dorothy wore the slippers."
"Fine," Abby said with a sigh. She then pointed at Shepard and added, "If this wrecks the case this will be your fault."
"I'll take full responsibility Abby," Jenny assured the forensic scientist with a smile. "So just, follow the… blood red road. Blood red? Really?"
"It's prettier," Abby said with a shrug starting down the road, but stopped when she was called back.
"I thought the wicked witch appeared," McGee pointed out getting to his feet.
"Fine," Abby whispered and a bolt of lightning hit the boat. Standing on top was a familiar figure wearing a royal purple lab coat, his buzzed hair matching. He was carrying a pearl staff, a blood red ruby encasing an eyeball on top of the handle. Atop his lip was ghastly, purple mustache.
"Chip?" she spat backing up a few steps.
"I told you, it's Charles," he snapped before clearing his throat. "I meant," he sighed, "give me your boots my lovely…" he trailed off and said, "Just give me the damn boots."
"They are so not your color," Abby said backing away some more.
"You crushed this person with the boat…" Chip pointed down.
"I didn't do it," Abby defended herself.
"Fine, whoever did it, killed them; they're my boots, so give them to me."
"No, they are on my feet and the only evidence to solve this murder. Except the boat, and the feet they were on. I just need to get them to the lab to test them. And you are not invited."
"Fine, I will…" Chip trailed off. "Don't make me say it." Abby stared at him expectantly. He snorted and said, "I'll get you my pretty and you're little dog, too."
"Hey, he's a hippo," Abby corrected.
"No, I am an NCIS special agent," Tim corrected her.
"Timmy, shush. Toto didn't talk and neither should Bert."
"I am not Bert."
"Can I go?" Chip asked getting everyone's attention.
"Yeah, go," Abby said waving him away. Lightning struck again and he was gone. "So, what now?"
"Just follow the road, Abby," Shepard said gesturing toward the road.
"Will you sing the song?" Abby asked softly, giving Shepard a small smile.
"Fine, I'll sing it myself," Abby muttered and placed the tip of her toe on the tip of the red road mumbling, "Follow the blood red road. Follow the blood red road." She walked in a concentric circle, still mumbling the song, cutting off when McGee said, "Just follow the road, Abby."
"Fine," she snapped and stopped going in a circle, moving toward the center. "Come on Timmy. Bye, Ducky, Madam Director."
"Good bye Abigail, Timothy. Good luck," Ducky called waving. Shepard waved also, both continuing the gesture until they were out of sight…
Abby heard another sigh from behind her. She stopped, finally fed up with the noises, and looked down at McGee, "What?"
"I can't keep up with you," McGee said sitting down with another fart. In fact, pretty much whatever movements he made resulted in a fart. It would have been funny had McGee not complained about it every time. "Look at these stubby little legs." He held one leg up.
"What do you want me to do, carry you?" Abby asked with a sigh.
He was quiet for a second, contemplating, but finally took and breath and said, "No I don't want to be carried."
"Then quit whining," Abby said and started moving again. She heard another sigh as McGee dragged himself up and followed her, passing gas with each step.
They walked for a few more minutes, neither saying a word, but both stopped when they heard a familiar voice call, "Hello? Anybody? Kinda hanging here."
"Abby, I'm over here," he called back his hand popping up above a row of broken corn stalks. Abby scooped McGee up without thinking and quickly headed toward Tony's hand. She skidded to a halt in front of a post, looking up at Tony.
He had on a dark, black bomber jacket and matching pants, his feet crammed into combat boots. He had his sunglasses on over his eyes and a black NCIS cap on; all perfectly normal for Tony except the straw poking out of his clothing.
"Get me down, now," Tony said trying and failing to free himself.
"Okay, okay," Abby said quickly setting McGee down before moving behind Tony. She spotted a nail, jammed into his back, and bent it down. He spilled onto the ground, into a heap, popping up a few seconds later.
"The Scarecrow? Really?"
"I have a brain, Abbs."
"I know," Abby said shortly.
"Then why," he gestured to himself, "this."
"Actually, Tony, it's debatable whether or not you have a brain," McGee said looking up at DiNozzo.
"Who said that?" Tony looking around. "It sounded like McGee. Where's he? Is he The Lion? He's The Lion isn't he?"
"Um," Abby started glancing down at the hippo. "He's not."
"Well, where is he?"
"Right here, DiNozzo." Tony's eyes dropped to stare at McGee, both widening at the sight.
"Don't say it."
Tony burst out laughing, smacking his knee with his hand. When he was able to take a breath he said, "Abby, give him a squeeze."
"No, Abby, no," McGee said backing away from her.
"Come on McGee," Abby responded moving toward him.
"Leave me alone," Tim snapped and ran away as fast as his little legs would carry him, flatulence marking his every step.
"That's too funny," Tony called after him. Abby was pretty sure McGee's comeback rhymed with 'Yuck You.'
"So, Tony wanna come with us?"
"Where you going?"
"To the Cellar of Oz to see Gibbs to find out who killed some person with his boat. He can give you a…"
"Don't say it," Tony warned her waving his hand to shut her up. Abby snapped her mouth shut, nodded, and headed toward the road again. Tony followed in her wake, and she couldn't help muttering the words to 'If I only had a brain.'
"Nobody wants to sing with me," she said under her breath. She turned to pout at Tony. "Please Tony, one song."
"Please," she whispered her pout deepening, resting her chin on her intertwined fingers. "Please."
"Yes. Okay Tony, sing."
"Yeah, Tony, sing," McGee said moving to stand next to Abby.
"Shut up, McHippo." Tony stood for a moment, trying to think of the lyrics, his eyebrows rising when music emanated from nowhere. " Abbs, really?"
He rolled his eyes and sang, "'If I only had a brain.' There, I sang it."
"That wasn't singing it," Abby snapped shaking her head.
"Abby, I don't know the words. That's all you're getting from me."
"Fine," Abby relented throwing her hands in the air. "You don't have to sing it." the music died down. "Let's just go."
"Hey, I bet you Ziva is the Tin Man," Tony said as they set out down the blood red road again.
"Ziva isn't heartless," Abby pointed out. "She's just, not very good at showing her emotions."
"Whatever, she's the Tin Man."
"If I didn't know any better DiNozzo I'd say you've thought about this a lot," McGee said with a smile in his voice.
"Shut up, McGassy. Nobody asked you."
"Boys, act your age," Abby said pointing between the two.
"Abby, I am a farting hippo," McGee replied. "And Tony is a brainless Scarecrow."
"Hey, I'm right here."
"How do you want us to act?" McGee continued as if Tony hadn't said anything. Abby decided not to answer and continued on her way…
Abby didn't know what was worse: McGee complaining about flatulence and stubby legs or Tony complaining about all his straw falling out. She was seriously debating whether or not to just abandon the two and find Gibbs on her own, but thought better of it. She might need them later.
They were walking down a path, large, dark willows on either side of them, when the complaining turned into the usual Tony/Tim banter.
"Hey, DiNozzo, you think you'll be as smart as Lincoln?" McGee asked huffing behind Abby. Tony flipped the hippo off as he started collecting straw again.
"You're hysterical McGee," Tony snapped moving further along, still collecting straw, a light breeze blowing some of it just out of his reach. He chased after it, his boots clomping against the ground, only to disappear from view. It was quiet for a few seconds and then they heard a shout of surprise.
"Tony," Abby called and followed the shout, McGee struggling to keep up. She skidded to a halt a few feet from Tony, who was on the ground looking up at a bowie knife wielding Ziva.
She was made of form fitting tin, her dark hair in an unmovable braid down her back. She was wearing a pair of black cargo pants and a dark tank top, her boots matching. Her dark eyes were glaring at Abby, though Abby realized the rest of her couldn't move.
Ziva mumbled something unintelligible, her eyes pointing toward something to her left. She looked back at Abby, mumbled again, and pointed at the same something.
"What's she saying?" Abby asked looking around. "Ziva, what are you saying?"
"She's saying let's leave her," Tony replied moving away from the Mossad Officer. She let loose a barely audible scream.
"No, there's an oil can on that stump," McGee said moving toward the stump.
"Oh," Abby responded and followed him, grabbing the oil can. She looked at Ziva and decided to start with her mouth, just like in the movie. Once her jaw was well oiled, Ziva flashed Tony a glare and said, "Leave me here?"
"Hey, you have a knife so…" Tony left his words hanging in the air.
"I shall use it on you if you do not shut it," Ziva snapped as Abby worked on her joints, lifting her pant legs so she didn't get oil on them. Once Ziva was moving around, putting her knife through her belt loop, she began working out the kinks in her body.
"I cannot believe you made me the 'Tinman' Abby," Ziva said exasperated, continuing her stretches. Abby noticed Tony and, with a jolt of jealousy, McGee watching her. She nudged both: one with her foot, the other with her arm, and they broke away from Ziva. The Mossad Officer had a smirk on her face.
"You want me to bang on your chest, prove you have no heart?" Tony asked wriggling his eyebrows. Ziva punched him in the arm, sending straw flying everywhere. "HEY!" he hurried to collect the straw, looking outraged.
"Sorry Ziva, I'm not in control," Abby said sheepishly, shrugging.
"Understatement," McGee said causing Ziva to jump and pull her knife, looking down. "Hey, put that away, I'm made of stuffing."
"McGee?" Ziva eyed the hippo cautiously, lowering her knife slightly.
"Yeah, Abby made me Bert," McGee responded slowly, his beady eyes rolling.
"It's him, Z," Tony said returning to the others. "That is our lovely McGee, our Probie, our Timmy."
Abby could tell McGee was about to say something, but his words were cut off when a flash of lightning hit. Abby rolled her eyes when Chip appeared, shaking her head. She never even got to hear Ziva sing the song.
"Oh, yeah, forgot to mention Chip is the wicked witch," Abby mumbled glaring at her ex assistant.
"Chip," Tony said his lip curling in on itself.
"Tony," Chip greeted the other man before tossing a ball of fire at him. Tony popped back, the fire nearly missing his leg.
"Hey," Ziva shouted throwing her knife at Chip, just missing him as the knife slammed into a tree. It waved back and forth for a second before going still. Chip was gone, his laughter still echoing through the air. Ziva growled as she stalked forward and yanked her knife free.
"Let's keep going before he comes back," McGee suggested looking up at Abby.
"Yeah," she agreed and started back toward the path, McGee, Tony, and Ziva following her. "Any chance we're going to sing?" she asked hopefully.
"I was almost set on fire," Tony said under his breath. "I'm not singing. And I hate this dream."
"Me neither, Abbs," McGee grumbled trying to keep up.
"I would, if I had not been made the Tinman," Ziva replied putting her knife back in her belt loop.
"Fine," she said quietly with a sigh.
"I wonder who The Lion is," Tony thought out loud as they continued on…
"Abby," Ziva called as they walked deeper into Abby's forest. Abby wasn't sure if she should be saying 'Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my' or 'Vampires, Werewolves, and Zombies, oh my.' It was her dream and she'd had some weird ass dreams in her time. Who knew what was in her forest?
"Yeah, Ziva," Abby said looking back at the 'Tin' Mossad Officer.
"We are going to see The Wizard, yes?"
"Who is it?"
"Get this," Tony answered for Abby, a smile on his face. "It's Gibbs."
"Why am I not surprised?" Ziva responded just as a furry creature wandered out of the woods.
"Hey guys," a familiar voice said and they all stopped to see Jimmy Palmer staring back at him. He was covered entirely in fur, a tail sticking out of the back of his black slacks. He had on a matching sweater vest and a maroon turtle neck, his feet bare and shaped like paws. His mane, usually golden like a lion, was red and black. His eyes were behind his signature round glasses that always reminded Abby of Harry Potter.
"Hi Jimmy," Abby said waving at him.
"I was wondering why I had a tail," he said glancing behind him.
"Abby made you The Cowardly Lion," Tony responded trying hard not to laugh.
"She what?" Jimmy's green eyes widened as he looked down again. He let out a huffed breath, looked up, and said, "I'll have you know, I am not that big of a coward. I can't believe you see me as The Lion Abby." Abby could see the hurt in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jimmy, but if it's any consolation I made Tony The Scarecrow and Ziva The Tinman." Abby said shrugging.
"It's not," Jimmy snapped looking down again.
"So singing is…" Palmer glared at her. "Never mind."
"Can we go?" McGee said from the ground causing Palmer to yelp and jump back.
"Glad to see how brave you are, Jimmy," Tony stated quietly, smiling.
"Shut up," Palmer grumbled before looking down at McGee again. "She made you…?"
"Don't start, Palmer," McGee snapped before storming away from the group.
"He's sensitive about being Bert," Abby whispered slowly.
"I heard that," Tim called over his shoulder. Abby shrugged again before chasing after McGee, her friends following her.
"We are going to see Gibbs," Ziva answered Palmer's unasked question.
"He gets to be The Wizard?" Palmer asked unsurprised.
"Yep," Tony replied.
"And Doctor Mallard?"
"Yeah, Abbs, where is The Duckster?" Tony asked curiously.
"He's the coroner," Abby replied.
"And Sheppard is Glenda," Tim added with a nod.
"I wonder if Glenda and The Wizard ever… Ow. Stop hitting me, Ziva, you're gonna knock my arm off," Tony grumbled collecting some loose straw.
"Can you two just act…?" Abby cut off when a winged figure landed in front of them. His wings were a dark, navy blue coming from two slits in the back of his black jean jacket. He had jeans on and a pair of black biker boots, his inky, black hair standing up all over his head.
"Hi Abby," he said smiling.
"Mikel?" Abby said her eyes widening…
"The Flying Monkey, how nice?" Tony commented drily reaching out and grabbing Abby's arm. Abby shook his hand off saying, "Go away, Mikel."
"Abby, you put me in your dream. I knew you loved me," Mikel said moving toward them. Abby backed up a few steps, running into Palmer.
"What do you want, Mikel?" Ziva demanded stepping in front of Abby, Tony moving on her other side while McGee barred his teeth… or lack of teeth.
"I need you to come with me, Abby," Mikel said moving a couple steps closer to the group.
"You will not take her," Ziva growled pushing Abby back so her back was against Palmer.
"Besides, The Flying Monkeys don't even show up until after The Wizard sends them away the first time," McGee pointed out with an eye roll.
"Abbs, when's the last time you've seen The Wizard of Oz?" Tony asked sparing her a single glance.
"A while," Abby answered looking up at Mikel. "And nobody likes having their mistakes pointed out, Timmy."
"Look, I can either take you or have Charles show up and take you," Mikel said impatiently, getting the group's attention again.
"Look, Mikel, I don't…" Abby was grabbed from behind, swooping into the air with a surprised scream.
"Abby," he heard the others call. She looked down at them for a second before looking up at a second Mikel. "There are two of you?" she asked in disbelief.
"More than two," he responded and Abby looked down to see the others get attacked by several Mikel's, one grabbing McGee from the ground. Abby had enough time to see Tony get some straw ripped out before she was whisked away…
She was brought to a dark, windowless house. She recognized some of the criminals they put away as guards, walking back and forth to keep out people. Mikel and Mikel escorted Abby and McGee into the house and up a set of stairs.
The house was lit by oil lamps, the walls a maroon color, and sort of smelt like her Grandma Milly's place. Milly was nice and all, but her house always smelt awful. And her dream did nothing to mask the smell.
She was shoved into a room, Chip waiting for her. He turned when the door closed, and she crossed her arms and glared. "This is ridiculous," Abby snapped rolling her eyes.
"You made me The Wicked Witch. This is your fault I'm doing this," Chip said with a shrug. "Besides, I was hoping to set Tony on fire this time, watch him burn, and then maybe throw another boat on your other two friends."
"So, you killed that other witch?"
"No," Chip said sounding annoyed. "A group of the Mikel's did. Idiots couldn't hold the damn thing. But, oh well, now I can take those shoes. Once you're dead, of course."
"Oh for Godsakes," Abby said with an eye roll and a container of Caf-Pow appeared on the small table a few steps from her. She scooped it up and threw the contents at Chip. At first he smirked, but then he frowned.
"Crap," he said under his breath and burst into a puff of smoke.
"That's it?" McGee asked furrowing his eyebrows. "Very anticlimactic if you asked me."
"Yeah, now let's get out of here."
"How? There are guards and a crap load of your crazy ex-boyfriends…" Abby closed her eyes, thought a moment, and then opened them. "Not anymore," she said before opening the door and walking out of the room. McGee followed her down the stairs and outside just as the others came stumbling out of the woods.
"Are you okay?" Abby asked meeting Tony's eyes.
"I'll live, but all your Mikel clones won't. Ziva hacked the crap out of them before they disappeared," Tony responded looking at the house. "Where's Chip?"
"Abby killed him," McGee said quietly. "With a Caf-Pow."
"Okay, let's go find Gibbs."
"What's the point, Chip killed that girl with the boat."
"Come again?" Ziva, Tony, and Jimmy questioned together.
"Someone was smashed by Gibbs' boat, Sheppard sent us to find him with these boots as evidence, but Chip just confessed to us that his cronies killed her," McGee responded giving them the cliff notes version. "But, hey, maybe Gibbs can tell you how to wake you up…" Tim trailed off for a second. "Of course, you kinda already know how to do that."
"Hey, it's worth seeing him in The Wizard getup. Aren't you curious to what you put him in?" Tony asked trying and failing to hide his own curiosity.
"You want to see Gibbs as The Wizard do you not?" Ziva asked giving him a small smile.
"Well… I mean…"
"Okay, let's go," Abby replied with a sigh and started back down the path. "But after that I'm waking up and letting you guys go back to normal."
"You should have just made us normal to begin with," McGee stated puffing as he tried to keep up. Abby took pity on him and scooped him up, cuddling him close as they continued on.
"I can walk," McGee said but couldn't quite mask the relief in his voice.
"Shush," Abby said quietly with a smile on her face…
"Are we there, yet?" Palmer complained from the back of the group.
"Jimmy, if you ask again I shall stick my knife in your eye," Ziva snapped rounding on him, her knife in her hand. He had asked the same question six times already.
"Sorry," Palmer squeaked and fell silent.
"I see the 'castle' over there," Abby said being careful not to wake McGee who had fallen asleep in her arms. She nodded toward the 'castle'. "We're close, Jimmy."
"Abbs, my feet hurt," Tony muttered looking down at the combat boots. "These shoes are awful. I miss mine."
"Do not whine, Tony. I am not afraid to make the same threat I made Palmer," Ziva said in his ear. He turned to her, his face breaking out into a huge smile, and responded, "I'm straw, Z, worst case you just knock some stuffing from my body." Ziva brandished her knife, Tony's eyes widened behind his sunglasses, and he hurried forward to walk next to Abby.
They walked in relative silence the rest of the way, the group stopped in front of the 'castle'. Except, from close up, it really didn't look like a castle. It actually looked a lot like a Gothic style Gibbs' house. With some gargoyles on the roof and a truck in the driveway.
"Knock," Palmer whispered from the back. Abby deposited McGee into Tony's unsuspecting arms, the former stirring awake, and stepped forward. She remembered from the movie that the doorbell was out, so she opted to knock. No one answered. She knocked a second time, still nothing.
"Just open the door," Tony said setting Tim down before moving toward the door. He turned the knob and walked inside.
"Tony," Abby whispered after him before rolling her eyes and following. The interior looked just like Gibbs' house always looked, almost as if Abby's subconscious wanted something normal.
"He's probably in the basement," Ziva whispered from behind Abby.
"Let's find out," Abby whispered back scooping McGee up before heading toward the basement door. Before she could open it, it swung open to reveal a familiar face.
He was in a black trench coat, a full black suit, and a black dress shirt. On his head was a black bowler hat and he had an umbrella in his hand. "Gibbs isn't taking visitors right now," Fornell snapped shooing them away from the door.
"Come on, Fornell, just five minutes," Tony said trying to look innocent.
"No, DiNutso," Fornell responded impatiently. "Someone stole his boat, he's in a shitty mood, and I don't think…"
"Just send them down, Tobias!" a gruff, annoyed voice said from the basement.
Fornell rolled his eyes and called back, "You told me to keep people out!"
"I've made an exception!"
"Make up your damn mind, already," Tobias grumbled with another eye roll.
"I heard that!"
"You were meant to!" Fornell stepped aside and allowed the group to pass. They set off down the stairs, Fornell bringing up the rear, all five stopping halfway down the steps.
Gibbs stood in the middle of the basement, glaring at the spot where his boat used to be, looking like Gibbs. The same orange polo shirt, the same black slacks, and the same tan blazer: Abby hadn't even made his hair a different color.
"Really Abbs?" McGee and Tony said together.
"Well that sucked," Tony said snatching McGee from Abby before walking up the steps. Ziva shook her head before following him and Jimmy soon chased after them.
"You know how to get home?" Gibbs asked meeting Abby's eyes.
"Yeah," Abby responded with a sigh.
"Good, and you'd better get the right pizza this time," Gibbs grumbled and at first Abby thought he was talking to her. Until Fornell said, "I know what the hell I am doing, Jethro."
"Really? 'Cause the last time I checked I do not like mushrooms. Onions and pepperoni, Tobias. Onions and pepperoni. Is that so hard to remember?"
"I'm sorry Jethro, but I happen to like mushrooms."
"I'm gonna go," Abby said quietly moving up the steps. Neither older man answered, both continuing to argue reminding Abby of 'Grumpy Old Men'. Abby laughed once before darkness engulfed her.
Abby awoke pillowed against something warm: warm and alive and breathing. She picked her head up, eyes landing on a fast asleep McGee. His head was resting against the back of the couch, Palmer's head pillowed on his other shoulder.
Abby slowly sat up, noticing Gibbs draping a blanket over Tony and Ziva; the latter curled against the former's side. Ducky's chair was empty, the older man turning the movie off. Gibbs turned after covering Tony and Ziva, freezing when he noticing Abby looking at him.
"Hey Gibbs," she whispered with a smile. "I had a weird dream."
"The Wizard of Oz does that to people," he responded with a smile. "You okay to go back to sleep?"
"Yeah, I am," Abby replied curling back up into Tim's side, his arm unconsciously wrapping around her. Gibbs rolled his eyes before throwing a blanket over her and Tim. Ducky grabbed the last one, covering Palmer. As Abby drifted back to sleep, thinking of her friends as characters from the movie, the last thing she heard was Ducky saying, "They are like your children, Jethro."
To which Gibbs responded, a smile in his voice, "I know, Duck…"
Okay, besides the beginning and end, this story was purely crack. I have never done crack before, this is a first, and I wouldn't have even started it had it not been for Benny (he is an enabler of epic proportions :D)
Anyhoo, thanks for reading, I do not own either NCIS or The Wizard of OZ, and if the WoO parts aren't the same as the movie, it is because I haven't seen the movie in three years and Benny has never seen it (I know, I was shocked too. I must make him watch it :D)
P.S. The reason Mike Franks didn't make it into this story is I forgot about him until after it was finished. Then I tried to squeeze him in, but nowhere worked. Perhaps I shall write a second Crack Fic with Franks in it. Someday...