I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this. Hestia glued me to the chair by my desk because I wouldn't stop talking, and you're the only person I could think of to write. I don't know why she thought I was so annoying. I was only talking about... you.
It's not what you think! I was saying how annoying you were, and how glad I was to be rid of you! I told her I couldn't wait until I was out of Hogwarts next year and rid of you. How, even if you did stop asking me out I would never ever like you. She said you were less arrogant if I thought about it. Less arrogant? Ha! How stupid did she think I was? Did she really think I would just fall write into you strong, muscled arms. How could I? Imagine it! Me, falling in love with you. You are your always smiling face, with soft black hair that I want to reach over and either mess up more or fix. You and your kind voice, grades almost as good as I... Oh! I mean... I hate you Potter! You're an arrogant, bullying, toerag! I told Hestia that, you know. You know what she replied? "You just miss him, Lils,"! Honestly! Me, miss you?
You know, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and even if that's true, I don't believe it. I love being away from you! I love not having to hear your pleading, or see your stupid pranks, or everyone rattle on about your "damn good Quidditch skills" or "Bloody brilliant dates"! Want to know the one thing I don't love about being away from you? Getting to hate you. I mean, I think I might rather be near you, just so I can hate you, rather than be away with no one to get mad at. I take back what I said. I love being with you. I love arguing with you. I love hating you... no. I don't hate you. Not really. I just wish you'd act your age a little more. I can't believe it!
I don't hate James Potter!
Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder. I never would have admitted that to anyone, let alone you, and on paper as well! But, I am. So James, I think you're an okay guy. I guess I've known for a while, I was just scared of changing the way I acted in case you got the wrong idea. You're really smart actually, and from what I know of Quidditch, pretty good at that too. You're good at lightening hearts, with your pranks and stuff. You make people happy. You make me happy. I feel a little less fear for this new "Dark Lord" out there, I feel a little less sadness of losing both Tuney and Sev, an I feel a little less pressure to be perfect. Oh, no. This wasn't suppose to happen. I'm not suppose to feel this way around you!
I fancy James Potter!
I hope Hestia never reads this. I hope you never read this. Merlin, I hope I'm dreaming this! But I know I'm not, and I know you will. I know I'll send this, just so I can lift more of that weight of perfection and fear. I hope this doesn't scare you away. I hope you still feel the same about me.
Did you know my mum didn't like my dad when they first met either? She said he was too much of a player. I remember being little and listening to mum always tell me their story. I always stopped and asked her when she fell in love with him. "When I realized I had more fun arguing with him and losing, than I did talking with him and watching him leave broken-hearted," is what she said everytime, in a well-rehearsed voice that somehow always held such certainty I never doubted her.
I'm scared James. I know what she means now. I know how she must ave felt, watching you walk away with out your usual smile, just because I said "no". I feel that everytime you walk away. At first I thought I was just upset I had hurt someone. Then, I thought maybe I liked your smile. Now I think I don't like hurting you, at all. I like arguing with you too. I like to see that triumphant smile and look of deep thought etched on your face at the same time. I like to hear your opinion. That's what scares me most. I care more about what you think about something than proving what I believe is right. I'm scared I might love you, James. Even as I write this I know.
I love James Potter.
I really do. I know that this will seem scary, and awkward. I know we're not dating, and you don't even know I like you as I'm writing this. I know my thought process is sudden and hectic, and I know it looks like I just randomly fell in love. But, I think I've loved you for a while. I think I've just been afraid to let someone see through my layers of facades and actually see that I'm nor unbreakable. I'm not going to ask you to tell me you love me, or even fancy me back. I'm not asking you to invite me to Hogsmeade again, even though it's been nearly a year since you've asked me. All I'm asking is that you reply. Please, let me know you received this letter. Please.
Lily Marie Evans
Author's Note: Hey, sorry for not posting anything in... months! I'm drowning in Biology, Algebra, and advanced Lit, as well as Show Choir, Drama, (ex) boyfriends, and the guy I've loved for nearly three years. Ahhh! My brain hurts thinking about it! Anyway, this was actually based on the letters I write the a fore mentioned guy. Tell me (in a REVIEW) if you think I should write James reaction, reply, or whatever. Thanks for Reading!