The Thorn in the Rose

(or, what would happen if Dan Schneider took over the NextGeneration of Harry Potter and made a show of it. Welcome Mary-Sue Rose, love-hate relationships, blatant hatred against mean characters, adults with weird quirks, zero continuity, stupid humour, and all the other Dan clichés.)

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Prologue- pre-Pilot

When Rose wakes up, something is not quite right.

She thinks it might be the way that her clock is tilted to the left, or perhaps it is the way that her teddy bear is shifted just so. But then her eyes fall upon a shadowy figure at the end of her bed, and she lets out an unnecessary girlish scream.

At last, her eyes focus upon a man- her father, she determines after a moment. With a big smile, she asks, "Daddy, what are you doing here?"

"Well, your uncles, aunts, mother, and I have finally saved up enough money to go on a trip overseas, so I came to tell you that you'll be staying with Teddy and Victoire in their mansion for a while," her dad says with a big smile.

"Wait, what?" Rose peers curiously up at her father. "With all of the cousins? Why can't you take us?"

"Silly girl!" her father laughs, patting her head. "You'd ruin our trip! Now, pardon me, my stomach is growling like an angry grizzly who was bitten by a rabid snail at the bottom of the sea!"

With a frown, she watches as her father gallops out of the room. She grabs her suitcase off of the top shelf of her closet and begins to pile her clothing into it, when her brother comes into her room, eating a large piece of pizza. She stares at him. "Hugo! Don't eat food in my room!"

"Don't worry," Hugo recites automatically. "It's gluten-free!"

"I'm going to free your gluten," Rose threatens, but Hugo ignores her and walks over to her, still chomping on his slice of pizza.

"You'd better hurry, Daddy's threatening to leave without you," he warns, taking another bite of his pizza.

"He wouldn't," Rose replies, giving Hugo a smile, "because I'm Rose Weasley and I'm absolutely perfect."

Hugo just nods and smiles, walking out of the room. Flipping her hair, she zips her bag hurriedly and throws it over her shoulder. She puts a spring in her step as she walks, because even when she's just going to be travelling, she has to look good.

Flinging the door open, she steps to the car that is there with absolutely no explanation. For whatever reason, she dismisses it as normal and bursts into song. "We'll be travelin to the Lupins' when we come, we'll be travelin' to the Lupins' when we come…"

"Nice song," Hugo applauds, opening the door for Rose.

With a small hair flip, she hops in and glances around. It has been expanded magically, she deduces, and she grins and flips her hair at all of her cousins. "Hey, the party can start now!"

"Go crawl under a car," Molly growls from the back seat, fiery blue eyes flickering. "No one cares, just get in so we can leave already."

"We've been waiting on you," Lily nods from the backseat. "Your brother almost ate the engine grease, but we didn't want the engine to get slimy, so we didn't let him!"

The car rumbles with laughter that seems to come from the sky, but everyone continues obliviously anyway. Jumping in, Rose slams the door shut.

Mysteriously, the car ride seems to take only seconds, but still no one questions it. They all pile out, gabbling and sounding rather like turkey. Molly is glaring at anyone who looks at her and stepping purposefully on James' toes, James is telling Lily how utterly gorgeous he is, Lily is rolling her eyes at James, Albus is rolling his eyes at everyone, Hugo is eating something (no one bothers to ask what), Lucy is singing a song about flowers, and Roxanne is reciting formulas. Lorcan, one of Luna's kids who has apparently come along, has a Muggle camera in his hands that he's fiddling with. Finally, near the back, Lysander, Luna's other child, is walking along normally. Rose flutters her eyelashes at him, and he grins back.

With a slight skip in his step, James grabs the door, yelling inside, "We're here!"

The first thing they see is a flash of silver, and because of Rose's superior intellect, she automatically deduces that it is a mirror. Finally, the mirror is lowered, and someone complains, "I can't look away right now! Get inside, all of you, or I'm slamming this door in your face!"

They all walk inside slowly, taking in the immense size of the mansion. Teddy waves at them from the stove. "I'm cooking y'all some good ol' fashioned country dinner!"

"Old fashioned is right," Molly mutters. The smell of something akin to burnt rubber wafts over from the oven, and Teddy sends them a large grin.

"Doesn't it smell terrific?"

Molly looks as if she's going to say something else, but James jumps in. "Almost as terrific as I look today."

Lily snorts and elbows him, and Rose wrinkles her nose- with his tousled hair and acne-covered face, James is hardly even handsome.

The only one who is eyeing the stove with anything but distaste is Hugo, who, despite the fact that he has a hot dog in his hands, looks hungrier than ever. Shoving his hotdog behind his back, he says innocently, "Hurry up with that stew, it smells dee-licious!"

Everyone's heads turn in unison. Roxanne is the first to comment, and shoving her glasses up her nose, she tells Hugo, "Hugo, it is scientifically impossible that you would be so hungry that you would want to eat that."

"It smells good," Hugo protests, mouth watering.

At that moment, Dominique Weasley dashes down the stairs, but stops short. "Ew," she cries, "What died in here?"

"It's my old-fashioned cooking," Teddy cries.

"I'll, uh, go eat my carpet then," Dominique holds her stomach. "The cleaner that I use smells better than whatever you're cooking."

Teddy sticks his tongue out at Dominique, and pulls on some potholders to remove his concoction from the oven. It steams, and a putrid green smoke billows off of it, filling the kitchen with a stench. Lysander drops to the ground.

Rose rolls her eyes and stares at Teddy. "Do you think that's healthy?"

"I guess he just couldn't handle the awesome smell of my food," Teddy flexes his muscle, giving a coy smile to anyone in sight. "I'm just that good of a cook."

Scowling, Rose turns back to her cousins, staring at Lysander on the floor. Putting a hand on her hips, she demands, "Someone help him up!"

"Why can't you, Miss Bossy?" Lily imitates her, placing a hand on her hip to show attitude.

"First," Rose tells her, flexing a muscle, "Please show me where my muscles are."

Walking over, Lily feels her arm with a frown. "They're nonexistent," Lily bursts out laughing. "Come here, guys, feel the flabbiness!"

All of them rush over at once, leaving Lysander on the floor. She tries to push them off, but she utterly fails. "Guys, Lysander!"

"Coming," two voices yell at once, and two boys descend the staircase, their steps in unison. Fred and Louis rush in and storm through the crowd of their cousins, grabbing Lysander and slapping him across the face. Once his eyes open, they yell, "Clear," in unison.

"Except for my hair," Louis complains, putting a stray piece back into place. "Living here is going to mess up my regular shampooing, isn't it? To get the correct moisture, I have to shampoo every other hour—"

"Shut up and let's eat," Teddy calls, taking the foil off of his newly cooked meal.

Rose thinks that it looks like vomit. Soon after, Molly yells, "Teddy, this looks like pig vomit."

"It does not," Teddy protests.

Finally setting down her mirror, Victoire confirms, "It kind of does."

"I brought bread and peanut butter," Hugo hisses to his cousins. "Wanna picnic upstairs?"

Dumping their plates in the trashcan, all of the cousins (along with Lysander and Lorcan) follow Hugo up the stairs, leaving a very disappointed Teddy.

EPISODE 1: THE EPISODE CALLED 'PILOT' IN WHICH WE MEET MARY-SUE

One morning, Rose wakes up in the bedroom she shares with Lily to find that her hair is wet. Sitting up, she immediately shrieks, "LILY!"

"What?" Lily shakes herself awake, staring over at Rose. "Has the purple mushroom… and the jellybean… they ate your hair…"

"Why is my hair wet?" Rose screams. "I swear, I thought sharing a room with you might be decent, but you just can't stand it, can you? You always have to prank me, no matter what!"

"Actually, Rose," Lily says icily, "I didn't prank… you…" Her eyelids close and flutter open again. "In case you couldn't tell, I've been asleep. I don't know how to prank people in my sleep, sorry. Uncle George hasn't taught me that skill yet."

"Then who did?" Rose climbs out of the bed, walking over to the mirror. When she sees her reflection, she screams.

"Maybe the swamp monster did it," Lily mutters happily, falling back onto her bed.

But no, her hair is not green. It is a brilliant, vivid purple that is still quite wet, and it looks like something that would be found on a children's Muggle TV show. Rose lets out another scream, but this one is interrupted by a chuckle.

"Like your hair?" someone asks evilly. Looking up, Rose sees Molly standing there, a smug smile on her face as if to say Mission Accomplished.

"You did this?" Rose shrieks, raking her fingers through her hair and screaming again when her fingers come up purple. "You did this to me?"

"No, of course not," Molly smirks, flipping her perfect red curls, "I only just asked if you liked your hair. I never said that I did it. Don't make assumptions."

With that, Molly stalks out, leaving Rose to seethe in anger. Lily pipes up after a second. "She did it."

"She so did it," Rose agrees after a minute. "And now I have to undo it."

"How exactly do you plan on doing that?" Lily asks, smiling sweetly, but she can see the hints of evil still on her face.

"I'm going to take a shower," Rose announces, staring at the purple dye on her hands in disdain.

"Have fun," Lily calls with a wink.

Somehow, the shower is skipped and she remembers nothing until she is standing in front of the mirror, fully dressed. But then she starts to hear yelling that she doesn't remember hearing before. Curiously, she presses her ear to the door.

"What are you even doing here, Scamander?" the girl's voice asks- it must be Lily, she determines.

"Talking to you," the guy's voice retorts, and since she's Rose and she knows everything, she immediately determines that it must be Lorcan. "I want my USB back, and I know that you took it. Give it back or I'll have to go through your drawers."

Lily giggles before saying sharply, "I don't have your USB."

"Why not? You take everything else," Lorcan hisses through his teeth (or so it sounds), glaring at her. "I remember that time that you stole my homework from two years ago just so that you could cheat—"

"I did nothing that you can prove," Lily smirks, staring at him. "Anyway, I don't know why I would want your stupid USB, anyway. Does it have all of your nerdy little secrets?"

"You're insufferable," Lorcan huffs, standing up. "I don't even know why I bother trying to reason with you."

"Me neither," Lily smirks at him.

It's then that Rose bursts out. Lily and Lorcan immediately scream at the sight of her, but they calm down after a second. She fluffs her newly purple coloured hair. "Is it that bad?"

Checking the mirror again, she finds that her hair is now a considerably darker shade of purple, probably caused by her dark red hair absorbing the dye. Sighing, she puts the towel back on her head. "It's that bad."

Ignoring Rose, Lorcan shoots Lily one final glare. "I hate you."

"I hate you too," Lily smirks as Lorcan storms out, finally walking over to Rose. "Uh, you could dye it back?"

"I don't think so," Rose complains, holding the hair tightly in her hand before releasing it. "I think that what this calls for is a big hot cauldron of totally called for revenge!"

"I'll get Lorcan and Lysander," Lily grins. "You get anyone else who is willing to come."

Five minutes later, they meet back in the room. Rose has Victoire, who is fluffing her hair, Hugo with a huge burger, Louis, who is gelling his hair, Lucy, who is singing about unicorns, Roxanne, who is toting a textbook, and James, who won't stop going on about how sexy he is. Lily has Lorcan and Lysander.

All of them plop down on the rug, and Rose asks quickly, "Okay, any revenge ideas?"

"Unicorns," Lucy laughs. "They can poke holes with their unihorns! Get it, unicorn, unihorn?"

"Hilarious," Rose says dryly. "Now, let's get down to business. Do any of you know any good revenge plans?"

"Chip their nails," Victoire pipes up. "Or steal their clothes!"

"Take their food away, or at least hide the good things," Hugo burps.

Louis gasps, as if he's remembering something truly terrible. "Hide their hair gel!"

"Break their cameras," Lorcan chimes in.

"Unicorns are always the answer," Lucy sings, glancing around. "That or lions. I bet that Aslan would have the answer, then you wouldn't even need us!"

Resisting the urge to bang her head on the table, Rose asks calmly, "Any normal revenge plans?"

"Pick me," Lysander says with a charming smile. "How about we humiliate her through a song? We write a song, sing it for her, and then she'll probably be a bit embarrassed."

"Brilliant!" Rose exclaims, "Except, well, I don't write songs. Do you know how to write songs?"

"Allow me," Lysander flips his hair, and to everyone's delight, he begins to sing.

"Well, baby, there's this girl named Molly (Molly)
who committed a terrible folly (folly)
she died Rose's hair as purple as grapes
because she's no more mature than a band of apes…"

He trails off, smiling widely. "Am I good or am I good?"

"You're terrific, oh my Merlin!" Rose exclaims, throwing herself at her. "You have to play with me when I sing to Molly, and sing backup, all right?"

"I can't sing lead?" Lysander looks a bit miffed.

"No!" Rose exclaims. "I'm Rose Weasley so I have to always sing lead vocals. Get with the times, Lysander."

"Uh, all right," Lysander responds.

"Can I sing?" Lucy pipes up.

Rose and Lily exchange a glance before Rose ventures carefully, "I didn't know that you could even sing, Lucy. Well, maybe if you—"

Without warning, Lucy bursts into song. "A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view…"

Enthralled, everyone listens for a second, but then Rose joins in because everyone obviously likes her better. By the end, everyone claps. Rose grins. "Sure, you can join us."

Lysander nods again. "All right."

But he doesn't seem to be so all right when the next morning at 7 am, she bounces on his bed with Lily, screaming at him to wake up. He blinks tiredly. "Are you serious?"

"No, my dad's godfather is Sirius," Lily barks out a laugh, and Lysander rolls his eyes, sitting up.

"It's far too early," he mutters.

"We have a song to write!" Rose informs him. "So get up off your lazy bum and come write a song with me and Lily."

"Lily and I," Lorcan mutters from the other side of the room, turning over in his sleep. Laughter resounds again.

Lysander sits up further, then his eyes widen. With a frown, he asks quickly, "Mind waiting outside for a bit?"

"Why?" Rose and Lily sing, staring at him.

"Just wait outside," Lysander demands, his face going dark red.

Giggling, the two girls step outside. After a few minutes, a more relieved and less-tired-looking Lysander comes outside, frowning at both of them when they giggle again. He sighs, falling against the wall. "Let's write this song."

"You're writing a song?" Lucy comes up, smiling hugely. "How about you write it about unicorns and sparkles and cupcakes? Ooh, and Narnia!"

They all stare at her for a second, looking as if they don't believe her. Her cerulean eyes are wide with delight.

Lily is the first to speak. "You're insane."

"Are you trying to say something?" Lucy shrinks back, looking hurt. Her face crumples up, darkening a little bit in sadness.

"No, she's not," Rose gives Lily a sharp glare, telling her that Lucy is far too innocent and Lily probably shouldn't be insulting her, if anyone. "We're not writing a song; we were just… uh… going to…"

"Going to talk about spiders," Lily smirks. "Spiders and snakes and ghosts and scary stories…"

"Oh, I'm going then," Lucy's eyes widen. "I don't like talking about scary things!"

Lysander and Rose give Lily a how-did-you-know look, but Lily just shrugs. "Let's write us a song, then!"

After hours that pass by like minutes and a few jugs of random chocolate-banana milk that came out of nowhere, they have something. Lysander reads the cheesy lyrics aloud, and Lily and Rose squeal like it is a Top 10 hit.

"I think we've got something here," Rose squeals. "Oh my Merlin, we're going to take her down a few notches, the bi—bink!"

"She's such a bink," Lily agrees. "So, let's go find her!"

Carrying pianos that they somehow had the funding for, microphones that apparently work in a mansion, and drums to make them look cute, the girls throw on random too-short dresses and head downstairs, Lysander closely following them. Of course, everyone else has absolutely nothing else to do, so they're all mulling about down there, looking bored as always.

"Ahem," Rose says, but then she realises that her microphone isn't on. She clears her throat again because that's so attractive, finally gaining the attention of everyone in the room. With a smirk, she says, "This is for my wonderful cousin, Molly! I really hope you like it, Molly!"

They start to sing, and of course, since they're such good singers everyone's attention is riveted on them. Rose gives a little booty shake and grins as she sings the lyrics that are so obviously about her cousin.

Molly bites her lip, and shakes her head. Somewhere in the audience, Molly whispers to the girl beside her something about how Rose had kissed her boyfriend the year before. Memories flood Rose's head- she had done that, hadn't she? She'd kissed Molly's boyfriend because he was good-looking and he'd merely smiled at Rose.

But no, Rose won't let this bring her down. Molly had dyed her hair purple, after all, and that was far worse than anything that Rose had ever done to Molly! She gives them a playful eyebrow raise and watches as the crowd goes wild.

Biting her lip, an upset-looking Molly flees from the crowd, Dominique at her side.

Rose just pumps her fist into the air and exchanges a smirk with Lily.

Victory.

EPISODE 2: THE EPISODE IN WHICH THE PLOT THICKENS

"Look," Lily tells Rose calmly, "I know we're all popular now and stuff, but we're going to have to do something really fab if we want to be more popular."

Rose chews her gum thoughtfully. "Like what? Show everyone how we're way better than Molly once again?"

"Exactly, but how do we do that?" Rose muses. "I mean, we've already done far too many songs; it might get kind of boring."

"True," Lily bites on her lip. "We could prank them! Come into Molly and Dominique's room at night and dump some of Teddy's delicious food on their heads."

"Teddy's food isn't delicious," Rose objects.

"That's the point," Lily stomps her foot, annoyed. "It was sarcasm."

"Oh," the smile secretively slips back onto Rose's glowing face. "But uh, that plan seems kind of mean…"

"Who cares? They're kind of mean," Lily retorts angrily. "Okay, so it's a plan, then? Yay! Let's go talk to Teddy." And she dashes off without giving Rose a say in the matter at all, which is also kind of mean. But Rose doesn't mention it.

Once they get down there, Rose lets out a high-pitched scream . Lily stares at her in disdain until she looks ahead and joins in the screaming.

Teddy and Victoire jerk apart looking confused. Once they see Rose and Lily, Teddy raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"Uh, we just wanted some of your… delicious cooking…" Rose nearly vomits, her mind still flashing back to Teddy and Victoire snogging.

"There are some leftovers in the fridge," Teddy grins. "I knew you'd be coming back for seconds! Now, leave us to it." He leans forward again and presses his lips to Victoire's.

Feeling sick, Rose and Lily sneak away, trying not to do anything stupid. But before they can sneak away, Teddy calls, "Wait!"

"What?" Rose and Lily spin around in unison.

"There's someone here, one of your friends, I suppose," Teddy smirks a little. "He's waiting in the parlour. Probably heard about my cooking and wanted to stay as well. I'm quite famous."

"Who?" Rose wonders curiously, exchanging a glance with Lily as if to say 'who would dare to come stay with us?'

"Go see for yourself," Teddy shrugs, turning back around to kiss Victoire.

Curiously, the two girls walk to the parlour. As soon as they get there, they let out yet another scream, probably startling everyone in the house. But they can't help it, obviously, because sitting right in front of them is the gorgeous but jerk-ish Scorpius Malfoy.

"I'm sorry that my sexiness startled you," Scorpius smirks, getting up and running a hand through his hair. "I only came over because I'm bored and I heard that the party was here. Is that true?"

"Why, yes it is," Rose strikes a pose, ignoring Lily's stricken expression.

"Yes," Lily agrees, "the party is here, but maybe you weren't invited."

Scorpius snorts, but then another voice breaks the silence, this one louder and (in Rose's opinion) more irritating. "Well, well, what do we have here?" Molly Weasley sings, sauntering up to all of them and smirking. "Would that be a Malfoy I see?"

"Why, yes it is, Weasley," Scorpius retorts.

She rolls her eyes. "Go die in a hole. Anyway, I came here to tell the two of you- Lily and Molly- that you'd better watch your backs." Molly smiles sweetly.

"Aren't you a ball of sunshine?" Scorpius remarks darkly.

"Always," she retorts. "Goodbye, Malfoy." The redhead turns, her sleek red curls spilling over her shoulders as she walks. Biting her lip, Rose watches Scorpius watch her and is immediately reminded of last year, but she ignores the guilt once again.

"You know you want to snog me," Scorpius calls in desperation. Then, without another glance cast Molly or Lily's way, he stalks off, looking entirely unhappy. Behind her hand, Rose sniggers.

"Shall we take this to our room, then?" Rose motions to the food. "It seems as if our cousin needs a nice smelly dose of reality."

Giggling, Lily nods and the two of them dash up the stairs, being careful not to spill the food.

The day passes by, and Rose can nearly feel her heart beating inside of her chest. She hears Lily gigging a lot, and she shushes Lily a lot. But they manage to make it through the day without letting word of their new prank out to anyone.

Then the night falls over them like a dark blanket. Beneath the star-studded sky, they creep out and walk over to Molly and Dominique's ajar window. Lily creaks it open, jumping back whenever it makes a noise (much to Rose's disdain).

"Just open it," Rose hisses, stomping her foot.

Finally, the window opens enough for the girls to crawl through. Lily jumps in first, having no qualms about breaking into their cousins' bedroom. Swallowing her doubts about the plan, Rose follows close behind, passing the food through the window to Lily before tumbling through the window to the ground.

"Shush," Lily hisses at her cousin. "You're being loud."

Rolling her eyes, Rose grabs the scooper and scoops a huge glob of the food up. She grins at Lily. "You ready for this?"

Taking hold of the other scooper, Lily grins back at Rose. "I was born ready."

In unison, they tilt the scoopers so that the nasty food slides down the scoopers. The two let out shrieks of delight as the food plops against their cousins' faces, causing them to turn over in their sleep. Shoveling more scoops out, they watch as their cousins' faces slowly become buried in the nastiness that is their cousin-in-law's cooking. Finally, Molly wakes up, and her scream awakens Dominique as well, who joins in the screaming.

"Are you serious right now?" Molly seethes. "I hate you two!"

But Rose and Lily merely giggle, snapping a photo with Lily's wizarding camera before running off. They climb back into bed quickly and doze off within seconds.

When Rose wakes up in the morning, she walks immediately over to the mirror and rubs her face. It looks exactly the same as before- no stray meat, nothing of the like. Smiling, she descends the stairs, feeling on top of the world and as if she's gotten one up on Molly Weasley.

That is, until she finds Scorpius Malfoy in her pathway.

"Look," Scorpius tells her, not even bothering with a greeting or anything of the like. "You shouldn't have done that to Molly last night."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rose replies innocently.

"Don't play innocent with me," he hisses, crossing his arms. "I know it was you and Lily that snuck into Molly's room last night. You two have had something against her for ages, but she's never really done anything to you other than dying your hair. It still looks great, by the way."

"Shut up," she bites her lip. "I didn't ask for your opinion, and I don't have a grudge against Molly. You don't know what you're talking about."

But as he walks away, shaking his head, she feels guilt flood her again.

EPISODE 3: THE ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY BUT FUNNY EPISODE THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT

"Guess what?" Lily says when she wakes up one day.

"What?" Rose mumbles in her sleep.

"Today's the Ham Festival," Lily sings, getting out of her bed. "And we should all go! They have free ham!"

"You're being serious," Rose mumbles, turning over and burying her head in her pillow. "Go get Hugo; he eats anything that doesn't eat him first. I'm sure he'll go with you."

But that does not satisfy Lily. Dashing over to Rose, she rips the pillow out from under Rose's head. "That. Is. Not. The. Point. THERE IS FREE HAM! How can I resist? How can you resist? You can't, so we're going."

Sleepily, Rose removes herself from her bed and stares at her tangled mess of purple hair. "But my hair is still purple."

"Maybe pigs like purple hair!" Lily protests. "Maybe ham likes purple hair!"

"Maybe my purple hair doesn't want to go to the Ham Festival," Rose protests, rubbing her hair between her fingers.

"Maybe the Ham doesn't care," Lily shrugs on a jacket, looking at Rose. "Maybe the Ham is just sitting there waiting for someone to eat it, okay? And we're available!"

"I'm not," Rose groans, but her cousin leaves the room without listening to Rose's opinion at all so she shrugs on some clothes and dashes down the stairs.

"Guess what," Lily announces, "we're going to the Ham Festival! Who's in?" Obviously everyone knows who they are, because there is no one who can compete with the awesomeness of Rose and Lily.

His previous argument with Rose forgotten for no reason whatsoever, Scorpius' face lights up. "I'm in!"

Molly nods in agreement despite the fact that she hates Rose and Molly, and Hugo nearly falls out of his chair in excitement. Placing a strand of his hair back into place, Louis relents. James volunteers himself as well, and Lysander, Lucy, and Lorcan follow.

Victoire plumps up her lips in her personal mirror. "No thanks. I'm on a no-carb diet. It takes work to look this good, you know."

Fred, Teddy, Roxanne, and Dominique agree to stay with her while the rest go on. So they start their walk, because the magical car has disappeared somehow.

After an hour that seems like only minutes, they arrive at this building that is in the shape of a ham because obviously all normal buildings are shaped like hams. Lily runs at it, hugging it tightly to her. "Quick, snap a pic!"

Someone does, but when she pulls away from the building, she's covered in paint.

"Wet paint," Lorcan sniggers, pointing at the sign on the building.

"Shove off, Scamander," Lily hisses, shoving his arm and marching into the building, wet ham shirt and all.

The rest of them follow suit, but somehow, the first thing to greet them is a large ham. "Take a photo with me," he demands of Lysander, who backs up, looking vaguely disturbed.

"No thanks," Lysander tells him, but he's interrupted by the ham.

"Take a photo with me," the ham demands.

Looking a bit scared, Lysander nods. "Okay, okay." Lily whips out her wizarding camera and snaps a silly picture of Lysander with the ham.

"That'll be five bucks," the ham demands, extending a white-sleeved arm.

"You're kidding me," Lysander stares at him.

"Not trying to tickle your hambone," the ham laughs at his own corny jokes.

Rolling her eyes, Molly comes out of the crowd and grabs a kitchen knife from her bag (no one bothers to question why she has it, she just does). To the ham, she announces, "I have a knife."

"And what are you going to do with that, little girl?" the ham asks sharply.

In one fluid motion, she jumps at the ham, attacking it rapidly with her knife. The ham screams and tries to get out of her path of destruction, but the ham is no match for Molly Weasley the Second.

"Molly," Rose yells. "Molly, it's not an actual ham! You can't go around attacking random people in ham costumes!"

"Watch me," Molly yells back at her.

They dash forward, the lot of them, and take hold of Molly's pale forearms, dragging her off the ham.

"We'll see if I ever allow you people to take photos with a ham again," the ham sniffs, wrapping its arms around itself to hold the shorn costume together. Molly just grins and waves her silver knife back and forth in a jolly manner.

"Do you want us to get kicked out?" Lily hisses, not looking nearly as amused as everyone else.

"Yes, basically," Molly smirks. Grabbing Scorpius' arm, she says, "Come on, Malfoy; let's go get some ham and terrorize some random people in costumes."

Rose is ashamed to admit that for once, she agrees with Molly. Getting kicked out would be an incredibly positive thing.

But Lily doesn't seem to think so. She drags Rose, Lysander, and Lorcan around the room to sample different types of ham. The three of them send each other identical 'save me' glances, but none of them can really do anything.

As they walk around, they end up running into Molly and Scorpius. Rose doesn't want to look at him, because for some reason, there is a small gnawing jealousy in the back of her mind, and as hard as she tries to ignore it, it doesn't seem to want to go away. She doesn't look into his frozen steel eyes. But then she feels Lysander's strong, warm hand on her shoulder and she smiles slightly.

"Hello, wonderful people," Molly says, her sarcasm nearly venomous.

"What do you want?" Lorcan questions, raising an eyebrow.

Molly just shrugs, twirling a curl around her finger. "Well, since little Lily Luna here is such a pig, I thought she might be interested in the bacon eating contest that they're running. It'd bring such a great honour to the family and all."

Not seeming offended in the least, Lily's eyes widen and she grins. "Bacon-eating contest? At the ham festival? Have I died and gone to heaven?"

"There's also a cash prize, but I'd appreciate it if you gave me a tiny tip just for suggesting you to it and all," Molly folds her hands at the bottom of her stomach, smiling slyly.

"Sure!" Lily yelps.

"She won't either," Rose objects. "She might've found it on her own-"

"But she didn't," Molly shrugs. "And it starts in five minutes, so I doubt she would've."

Rose bites her lip at her cousin's foolproof reasoning and shrugs. All of them march over to the booth, Lily nearly skipping, and eventually make it over there. On a couple of different plates, there are huge piles of bacon.

A porky man makes his way over to them. Tipping his hat, he asks, "Who's going to be shakin' their bacon today?" But when no one laughs or even looks the slightest bit amused, he flushes. "My apologies, I believe I've forgotten my manners. I'm Mr. Pigg."

"Mr. Pigg?" Molly stares dubiously at him, a hint of a sparkle in her blue eyes. "Your name is Mr. Pigg and you work at the ham festival?"

"Yes, yes," Mr. Pigg smoothes his suit, giving her a sharp glare. "Very unoriginal there, I've heard that a thousand times before. Anyway, who's going to be chowing down today?"

"That would be me!" Lily volunteers herself, grinning from ear to ear. "I'm always prepared for some smokin' bacon, and lots of it." Smirking a little bit, she licks her lips, bounding up onto the platform. Mr. Pigg raises an eyebrow at her before turning back to the lot of them. "Anyone else?"

Rose's heart skips a beat, and without stopping to consider the consequences like the reckless Gryffindor she is, she says boldly, "I'll do it."

Collective gasps are heard from around the room. Putting her hands on her super-thin hips, Rose asks angrily, "What?"

"I've never seen you eat more than one piece of bacon," Lysander laughs.

Everyone else joins in the laughter. Scoffing, Rose brushes a piece of perfect dark scarlet hair behind her ear. "That's because… stop laughing! I'll show all of you!"

Time passes quickly until she's finally on the platform. They ding a bell, and she glances at Lily, who immediately begins stuffing bacon into her mouth. Rose stares at the greasy bacon strips until they blend together into an array of dark red and green.

Everyone else is far ahead, that much she can assume just from the constant munching. Delicately, she picks up a piece of bacon and holds it between her index finger and her thumb before taking a single bite. She tries to eat the rest, really, she does, but the greasiness overwhelms her and she only ends up eating about two pieces before the timer sounds.

"Our champion," the announcer calls, "Lilyyyyyy Potter!"

Lily beams at the audience, her face showing her obvious euphoria, and at first Rose feels bad for even attempting to beat her, but then, they hand her the prize cash.

Molly immediately saunters up beside her cousin and drapes an arm around the girl's neck. With a grin, she says, "How about a small tip for your favourite cousin, hear?"

"Here," Lily giggles, handing Molly a five dollar bill out of the wad of cash. "Have a good time!"

Molly stands there for a second, stricken, and without warning, Rose and Lily burst into song.

Maybe this could be a good life, Rose thinks as she sings.

EPISODE 4: THE EPISODE THAT IS IGNORED ONCE IT'S OVER

They lay out under the stars, Rose and Lily. Lily asks tentatively, "Rosie, have you ever kissed anyone?"

Snorting, Rose looks over at her cousin. "Of course. Multiple times, actually. Why, haven't you?"

"No reason," Lily looks back up at the stars. "So, uh, did you know that the stars are always exploding, but we never see it? The sun could've exploded already and we wouldn't know for a good few days."

"That's not depressing at all, Lils," Rose giggles, hitting her cousin's shoulder. "Let's talk about something happy. Like, do you like anyone?"

"Not really," Lily mumbles, her cheeks heating up a bit.

"Ooh, look, my baby cousin's in love," Rose teases. "I didn't know five year olds could fall in love!"

"Shut up," Lily hisses at her cousin. "I'm not in love! I don't really even know what love is."

But her words are wistful, as if she wishes that she could be in love. Rose glances over at her, but puts her head back down into the grass, deciding that it is better not to ask.

They fall asleep under the stars, and when they wake up, they have to trudge back to the house through hot sun and prickly grass. Once they get back to the house, Rose glances around. "Where the heck is everyone? Chiz, I want some breakfast, they're meant to fix it for me!"

"I'll fix it for you," Lily retorts, waggling her eyebrows.

"Lily," Rose rolls her eyes. "Get down here, people!"

"Yeah?" Lorcan shows up, smiling sweetly at Rose. Rose tries to pretend that she does not see the hurt in Lily's eyes, the pure anger or jealousy or something and she thinks absently that maybe Lily loves Lorcan.

And maybe it's time for her to do something about it.

"Nothing, I think that Lily wanted to talk to you," Rose smiles coyly, looking from Lorcan to Lily.

"About what?" Lorcan's face contorts a little bit, but he tries to hide it.

Lily shrugs a little bit. "Uh, nothing…" Her face heats up.

"You look a little bit red," Lorcan informs her. "Are you positive that you're all right? You might be getting ill, and that is never a good thing…"

"I'm fine, Scamander," she hisses. "Just leave me alone and go back to your nubby chiz or whatever they call it in the States."

"I was just asking!" Lorcan hisses, glaring back at her. "Can't you just think for a second that maybe I'm asking because I don't want you to get sick, instead of always being on the defensive—"

"I'll show you defensive," Lily retorts, glaring back at him."You see, maybe things won't always go your way—"

"They don't, they don't ever, and I don't know what you're talking about," he frowns, crossing his arms.

Finally, Rose decides that this can't go on and she breaks in. "Guys, guys!"

They both look at her, as if they think that they're doing nothing wrong. "What?"

"Don't fight," she says worriedly, smiling at the both of them. They give her dirty looks, and she doesn't know what else to say other than, "Do you guys want to go out somewhere?"

Of course, at that very moment, everyone begins to drift in. As they come in, they yell one by one, "I'm in!" until, of course, the whole room is in and Rose's expression obviously says, "what have I started?"

"I wasn't really planning on all these people," she admits.

"I don't care what you were planning; we're going somewhere," Molly retorts, scowling from ear to ear. Then she turns to the rest of the crowd with a smirk. "Get your bags, people. We're going to Diagon Alley for ice cream."

"Are you serious?" Rose stares at her cousin with dismay.

"No, that would be Lily's father's godfather," Molly tells Rose in a deadpan voice. "Anyway, go do something with your face to make it look better and get back down here so that we can leave or we're leaving without you."

Throwing Molly a quick scowl, she runs up the stairs and puts on some makeup. By the time she gets back downstairs, everyone is ready to leave and Lily and Lorcan are fighting again.

"Stop fighting," she tries to tell them, but once again, they ignore her. She pouts a little bit.

As they head out the door, Lysander grabs her shoulder. "They don't listen to anyone. Chill out a little bit and stop thinking about it. If they want to kill each other, they will, and there's really no way that we can stop it."

But once they get there, she is able to relax a bit more. Everyone gets ice cream, and the taste of the chocolate is sweet to her tongue. She almost forgets about the impending feud.

That is, until the fighting starts back up again and Lorcan yells across the table, "At least I've had my first kiss- unlike you!"

Lily's jaw nearly drops to the ground as she looks at Lorcan. Everyone is staring at her, waiting to see what she will do next. In a cool, calculated voice, she says, "You haven't kissed anyone either, you liar."

Lorcan stands up out of his seat. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Lily stands up too.

Then in one quick, swift move, she leans over and kisses Lorcan quickly on the lips, clinging to his face. Once she pulls away, she tells him with a small smile, "Well, there, now we've both had our first kisses."

Rose sits there in shock for a moment, suddenly becoming aware of the fact that everyone is clapping and that Lily is running as fast as she possibly can away from everyone.

She doesn't bother to go after her. Instead, she concentrates on the look on Lorcan's face- that combination of confusion and happiness- and she realises with a start that maybe they are pretty good for each other.

EPISODE 5: THE EPISODE IN WHICH THERE IS A DISTINCT GOOD AND BAD GUY

One morning, Rose finds herself freezing cold and shaking everywhere. She doesn't know what is wrong, but she screams anyway. Lily's eyes fly open, but once she looks over at Rose, she bursts into laughter.

"What is funny?" Rose demands, shaking again and finally opening her eyes.

Once she looks down, she screams.

"You fell asleep in the tub," Lily laughs. "In a tub of freezing cold water, no less."

"Lily, I didn't fall asleep in a tub!" Rose shrieks. "Someone put me into a tub of freezing cold water while I was sleeping!" Quickly, she jumps out, feeling numbness in her limbs and shaking.

"Oh, go get in the warm shower then," Lily tells her. "But I don't know who would do that…"

"Molly, obviously!" Rose shrieks. "She wanted to make a Rose-sicle! I doubt that I'd taste good, though; I would probably taste like strawberries."

Peering at her, Lily raises an eyebrow. "Why would you think that Molly would do something like this?"

"Because she does horrid things to me all of the time!" Rose shrieks, stomping her freezing foot and shaking again.

"Maybe you started it," Lily shrugs, raising an eyebrow. "I don't know, I'm just making some suggestions! Maybe you did start it!"

"I didn't start anything," Rose huffs, "because I'm Rose Weasley. I'm a Gryffindor and I'm absolutely perfect, all right. Now leave me alone while I go shower."

Once she gets out, Lily smirks. "Are you up for a little cold dose of revenge?"

"You have a plan that fast?" Rose asks, cuddling up in her hoodie and frowning.

"No," Lily smirks over at Rose, but then frowns a little bit. "You come up with the plans, remember? I just help you to carry them out because I'm much sneakier than you could ever hope to be."

"Untrue," Rose scowls, but she laughs anyway, because she's Rose Weasley and everything amuses her.

"So true," Lily tells her. "Anyway, I'm just wondering, but would the fact that James managed to snag a vial of Polyjuice Potion be of interest to you?"

"You're kidding," Rose says, her head snapping up.

"Would I kid you?" Lily responds slyly.

After a moment, they both jump up in unison and begin to run to James' room. They start banging on the door until he opens it, and then they begin to bang on his face. Not amused, he pushes them back, giving them a scowl. "What are you two doing awake? It's early, and I'm not that sexy in the morning, though my bedhair might beg to differ—"

"Get out of the way," Lily demands. "I need to find something in your room, so move, please."

"What do you need to find?" James wonders.

But she doesn't tell him. Instead, she shoves him out of the way and barrels into his room. Looking like a searing flame, she digs through his stuff until she unearths a cordial of the desired substance- the Polyjuice Potion that she has been searching for.

"This is it!" she shrieks, jumping off James' bed. "Thanks, James, you're the best!" she calls cordially before fleeing the room, Rose close at her heels.

Once they get back to the bedroom, Rose picks it up and examines the colour of it. It looks nasty, and from the numerous stories that her parents tell, she assumes that it tastes just the same. "Imagine we can infuse this with something tasty and not cooked by Teddy so that it tastes better?" Rose wonders, turning the cordial upside down and then back again.

"Wait," Lily laughs, taking a glance at the gross substance. "You think that we're going to drink this?"

"Oh, right," Rose remembers suddenly, tumbling off the bed onto the floor. "We are going to drink this, because it's part of my brilliant, flawless plan that I just came up with in the last five seconds."

"I'm not drinking that," Lily stares at the putrid substance in distaste. "It looks like something that Dad's fat orange cat upchucked on the rug and then Hugo ate it and it came out his—"

"Too much information and too gross of a mental picture," Rose replies. "Now anyway, I'm going to transform into Molly via this potion, and you will transform into… uh… Dominique, I guess. Then I'll go to Scorpius and tell him all these false things, and we will see who the bad guy is then, won't we? And it won't be me, because I'll be Victorious!"

"Like those girls who go to a performing arts school?" Lily laughs.

"What?" Rose shoots her a confused look.

At once, Lily freezes up, then tells her cousin awkwardly, "I have no idea what I just said."

"Anyway, you need to go pull one of Dominique's hairs," Rose commands her cousin.

Frowning, Lily stares at her cousin. "Are you kidding? Dominique will murder me and—heck, who cares. I can stick up for myself. I got this. You're going for one of Molly's hairs, then? Good luck."

As hard as she tries, Rose can't seem to get a hair off Molly's head. Molly always seems to be one step ahead of her. When she tries to sneak into Molly's room, Molly slams the door in her face. When she tries to snatch one up while Molly's in the pool, Molly jumps in, soaking Rose in water.

In the end, Rose has to wait until Molly has dozed off to sleep to snag a hair. She creeps into the room, trying to make as little noise as possible. However, as soon as she gets over Molly's head, Molly turns over.

Sighing, Rose creeps to the other side, and Molly turns over again. The system continues until finally, Molly grows sick of it and reaches to the middle of the bed, pulling a hair out of the girl's head.

Molly sighs, and Rose tenses, but then her cousin rolls over and falls back asleep. Grinning in victory, Rose dashes out of the room. Immediately, she adds the hair to a portion of the potion and leaves it to brew, excited about her completely flawless plan.

In the morning, she drinks it, and remembers that she had forgotten about this flaw in the plan- the potion tastes horrible. But she downs it nonetheless, and she starts to feel the effects almost immediately.

Her red waves become lighter and tighten into tighter curls. She shoots up considerably, and her boobs shrink a bit, much to her displeasure. Her skin lightens, and when she looks in the mirror, she sees a perfect replica of her cousin.

She screams.

"Shut up, Rose," someone hisses, stepping out of the background. She gasps upon seeing Dominique, but then realises that it has to be Lily. Scowling at her cousin, she asks, "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting ready," Lily laughs, and it sounds weird coming from Dominique's body. "Dom's off at the grocery store or something, so I'll go distract Molly while you and Scorpius go chat. Ta-ta!"

Sighing, Rose walks off, biting her lip in anxiety. This was one thing she had never planned on doing- disguising herself as a cousin to mess up all chances her cousin has with him?

As she stood outside the door to where she knew Scorpius ate his breakfast, she hesitates. Thoughts start to run through her head, and she considers how she would feel if one of her cousins did the same thing to her. Then she stops and bites her lip.

As much as Molly's made her life heck, Rose can't bring herself to do it.

Stopping at the door, she turns around, running a hand through her curls as they darken and lengthen back to how long they were before.

She doesn't notice Molly above her, watching her every move.

EPISODE 6: THE ROMANTIC DRAMA EPISODE

On a sunshiny day, Rose kisses Scorpius underneath a tree. He pulls away after a second and stares at her as if she is insane.

"Are you insane?" he echoes her thoughts perfectly, staring at her with accusing eyes.

"No," Rose grins at him. "I think that I might like you, because you're so sexy, and you don't have any weird habits! Did you know that Lysander sleeps with a teddy bear at night?" She giggles childishly, and really, she's starting to feel like a child.

"I'm sorry, Mo- Rose," he manages to spit out after a second, "but I'm dating someone else."

That's when Molly storms outside, hands on her hips and looking indignant. "Scorpius, what the heck do you think you're doing?"

"I was just talking to Rose," Scorpius puts his hand on her back and kisses her temple. At his touch, she relaxes visibly, but she still glares daggers at Rose.

"Just talking," Molly repeats, scoffing at Rose.

Rose throws up her hands. "Hey, I didn't do anything!" Scorpius gives her that look as if to say don't lie, you did do something.

Right then, as if she's just trying to poke at Rose's fragile heart, Molly leans over and kisses Scorpius. Scorpius kisses her back, wrapping his fingers in her shining hair, and Rose can do nothing but stand and watch in shock for a moment.

It's then that she decides to do something, but she can't bring herself to say the words that have been pressing at her mind for ages upon ages. Instead, she just stares at the two of them, hot tears pressing at the corners of her eyes.

Finally, through her tears, she manages to say, "Don't swallow each other."

Then with that, she runs off, not feeling up to staying and watching their little escapades.

She stays out in the garden for hours, just laying in the fields. James comes out there once and talks about how sexy he is for an hour, as if that is going to cheer her up. Victoire offers her a mirror, but stops their conversation halfway and says, "Whoops, I have to go snog Teddy now."

Frowning, Rose wonders absently if she is just the type of girl that is always going to be alone, probably for the rest of her life.

The stars twinkle above her, and it is almost as if they're making fun of her.

"What are you doing out here?" a belligerent voice calls, and she turns to see an indignant Lily.

Rose groans, turning over onto her side. "Go away."

"Lysander's been looking for you for half an hour now," Lily informs her cousin, frowning in a condescending manner that almost makes Rose want to hit her cousin. "Shall I go get him and tell him to come out here?"

"It would be nice," Rose remarks. Despite the fact that she honestly doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, she supposes that Lysander would be the best at cheering her up and pitying her in that weak way that she sort of adores.

Five minutes later, Lysander is bounding out the door. He comes to rest next to her, and he smiles at her weakly. "How's life?"

"Horrible," she blushes, glancing down at the ground. "I sort of snogged Malfoy and found out that he's in love with Molly and they're dating. But the problem is that I think I might like him, a lot. At least, I used to. I'm so confused!" She leans over and buries her head into his shoulder.

"Oh," she feels Lysander shift beside her, but other than the small muttering, he is silent.

Confused, she shoots up, glaring at him with accusing eyes. "Where's my sympathy, Lysander? I expected you to cheer me up!"

"You expect so much of me," Lysander retorts, but he bites his lip the moment that he says it. "I mean… nothing."

"I wanted you here because I thought that you cared enough to make me feel better," Rose spits venomously, glaring at him. "I guess I thought wrong, then."

She starts to walk off into the fields of bright, explosive stars, wondering absently what it would feel like to be a supernova, when someone catches her arm. She turns to glare at Lysander. "Really, what do you want now? I was just about to leave and find someone else to cheer me up—"

"Don't," he retorts. "Do you even realise how beautiful you are?" Leaning forward, he pushes a strand of her hair behind her ear and moves even closer to her.

As his proximity increases, she can't help but notice all the small things about him that she'd never noticed before. His eyes twinkle when he looks at her, his smile is crooked, and he has dimples on both sides of his mouth. His mouth is curved up into a permanent smile.

But the last thing that she notices and the thing that appears the most in her thoughts is that the boy- one of her best friends- is freaking gorgeous.

Leaning in slightly so that she can inhale his scent of smoky forests and roses, she realises how very much she wants to kiss him. Disregarding the fact that she's just playing him, she just does so.

She presses her lips to hers in a flurry of sparks. It seems to shock him at first, but after the first few seconds, he kisses back eagerly.

Then she becomes the one to start the kiss and the one to pull away. Taking his hands off of her face, she tells him sharply, "I'm sorry, Lysander… but I just can't right now. Sorry."

Feeling slightly guilty, she runs back to the house and gets into the bed, feeling the stars collide along with her. Her dreams are filled with Scorpius and Lysander and conflicting emotions.

She wakes up feeling even more tired than when she went to bed, and for once, she just wants to erase all of her memories- even the time when Lysander ran around town in his underpants.

EPISODE 7: THE SEASON FINALE EPISODE

The scene starts the next day at breakfast. Of course, everyone is there, and Teddy and Victoire are snogging passionately by the oven as Teddy's food incinerates to ashes. Irritated, Rose walks over and turns off the oven.

"Your food is burning," she tells them irritably. "Maybe if you'd eat that, you'd have no need to swallow each other."

At the table, Molly arches an eyebrow. "Bitter much?"

"I don't care what you say," Rose spits, but she stabs at her eggs (that she had to cook herself) nonetheless and glares at Molly before redirecting her glare back to Teddy and Victoire.

Then Lily and Lorcan descend the staircase, caught up in yet another of their famous arguments. Rose glares at them as well- how can they be the perfect couple and not even realise it? She suddenly comes up with a plan, and despite how ridiculous it sounds even in her head, she decides that it's probably best just to give it a try.

Sauntering over, she smirks at them. "How are you liking your little argument?"

"It's just wonderful," Lily rolls her eyes at Rose. "Are you serious right now?"

"Obviously," Rose deadpans. "No, I just have a simple little question for me. Promise you'll agree?" She flutters her eyelashes and wills her gaze to become smoldering, because then no one can resist her.

"Uh, sure," Lorcan agrees.

"Why not?" Lily just shrugs.

"You know that time in the ice cream parlour when you two kissed," Rose begins, twiddling her fingers absently, "well, I just have one question. Did you like it?"

"Like it?" Lorcan repeats, looking dumbfounded, and Lily looks too stricken for words.

Before either of them can responds, a loud clashing noise comes from upstairs. They all three run to investigate and find that Teddy has fallen down the stairs. Panicked, Rose immediately drops to her knees and feels his heartbeat, because she's obviously educated in the area of medical expertise now as well.

"His heart is beating, but he's not responding, so you should call a Healer or something!" Rose calls in desperation. "Call Mum, Hugo!"

"I have a better idea," an anxious Victoire says, waving her wand. Then, though she doesn't even say anything, they are suddenly in the lobby of St. Mungo's.

"Take this boy and fix him," is all Victoire demands, but the St. Mungo's people nod as if they know exactly what she is talking about. Teddy is whisked away before their eyes.

Victoire sinks to the ground, and Rose realises with chagrin that it is the first time she has seen Victoire without the mirror. She looks weaker somehow, more vulnerable, and Rose doesn't like it at all.

Across the room, she sees her two best friends talking in low voices, their heads pressed close together. A secret smile makes its way onto Lorcan's face, and he looks as if he's going to laugh, though it's completely inappropriate.

It's then that the Healer walks back into the room. Smiling, he tells them, "It seems as if your friend is going to be completely fine and make a full recovery in no time."

"Whew," Victoire jumps up, beaming from ear to ear. "Good to know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm sure that I look absolutely horrid right now. I'll just go fix that."

Resisting the urge to laugh, she watches as Lily and Lorcan deflate in unison.

"I knew it," Lorcan mutters under his breath.

"I know that you're just an idiot," Lily retorts, frowning over at Lorcan.

He sticks his tongue out at her, and she laughs, settling into his shoulder. He wraps an arm around her and presses a kiss to the top of her head.

"Aw, you're so cute!" Lucy squeals from the corner.

Rose is left wondering first, when this happened and second, why she wasn't clued in. Not to mention, seeing her two best friends together like that hurts. It sends a searing pain through her body, because she has no one to love her like that.

Except…

Her eyes trail away from Molly and Scorpius. Molly's telling him a story of the time that she cut up her teddy bear as a baby, and he's laughing and looking at her as if she's the only thing that ties him to the earth. She tells him stories of her childhood and how she's disappointed her father in any way possible, and he tells her how he's done the same.

Rose resists the urge to throw up, and instead, turns to Lysander with a perfect little smile. She wouldn't want to break up the perfect little couple, so she decides that it is time that she finds someone of her own. Just like in that Muggle song she heard once.

Smiling, she says to him, "Lysander, I think that I love—"

(end of episode and Season 1)

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A/N: Haha, so that was meant to be cheesy, cliché, and generally bad. The end cliffhanger is a Dan cliché and purposeful.

But in case you couldn't tell, most of the characters were paralleled to characters off iCarly, Victorious, and the like. Some minor characters disappeared—this is also purposeful and very stereotypical of Dan.

I had so much fun writing it and planning it with Pearl (PrincessPearl), so if you want to blame someone for the bad quality, go yell at her! But nah, seriously, this is a blatant parody of Dan's shows and so much fun to write.

I actually really want this to be a show now, and I like Rose better than both Tori and Carly, but meh. :P

Tell me your feelings! What do you ship? Which characters did you decide were paralleled? Anything, just come at me and leave a review! This actually took ages to plan out and write, so please, just leave a short review if anything. Also, don't favorite without reviewing, kthanksbye.