Okay, gangs, are y'all ready for another fanfic? (lifts finger) Great! Let's begin.
This is going to be my first try at a series of one-shots. And, no, not lovey-dovey ones of Dr C/Susan or Link/Susan 'cuz I don't support a smidgen of that (yeah, I know. I'm such a jerk). It's actually going to be about the friendship of BOB, Dr C, and Link. As several of you know, I love Dr C to pieces, but I also love the three together to pieces, labeling them as "my boys."
So cross your fingers in the hopes that this goes well and enjoy the show.
Somewhere in the 90s...
It was an average morning at Area 52. Nothing special. No new monsters. No special news from Monger. Dr. Cockroach sat at the metal table alone and was trying to find something to write down for a complex formula but couldn't. Of course, when you're hungry, your thinking isn't exactly at its best. And everybody knew if the cockroach man was hungry he wasn't exactly in the best mood either.
"Doc!" A too familiar voice echoed across the monstrous room. "Guess what? Guess what?"
Heaven help us. Dr. Cockroach thought, irritated and rolling his bulbous eyes. "What, B.O.B.?"
"I had this really crazy dream!" B.O.B. exclaimed. "Can you tell me what it meant?"
"I'm a scientist, B.O.B.; not a psychic."
"Okay, here goes. Ahem, so last night I dreamt that I was somewhere in Hong Kong with you and Link and some Asian lady named Holly. And we were standing at the Eiffel Tower like 'okay, now what?'
"Then I saw the Invisible Man at the top twirling around like he was Quasimodo or something. He gave some long speech. I can't remember what all he said but he said he conquered the world. And the music from that devil part in Fantasia began playing. And he started laughing like crazy, kinda like how you laugh."
The Eiffel Tower is in Paris. Dr. Cockroach thought boringly, taking notes. If you twirled around on that, you'd probably fall off. The music for that part is called "A Night On Bald Mountain." Epic, amazing piece of music. It's the pagan Russian black god Tchernobog, not a devil. Looks like one though. Listen, I like laughing like that.
"And then he married Holly at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Link got hit by a rocket ship and turned into a ghost that haunted us for the rest of our lives. Monger caught you and kept you chained like a mad dog here. But...you resurrected Princess Anastasia before that, and I got to marry her."
The Tower's in Italy. Since when do people get run over by rocket ships? Mad dog, eh? That's Grand Duchess Anastasia. A Franken-bride. Ridiculous.
"Now what does it mean?"
Our beloved scientist rolled his eyes once more. There was no stopping this boy.
"Well, B.O.B., it-"
"Don't start yet. We have to get you your psychic gear!"
An hour after breakfast, everything was set up. An old cheap Christmas snowglobe was set in the middle of the table. As for astrology, a discarded packet of glow-in-the-dark star stickers were placed high on the walls courtesy of Link and Insectosaurus. B.O.B. stood at one side of the table with his one eye shut tightly, crossing his fingers and praying to fate that something good would happen. At the other end sat Dr. Cockroach. Several plastic girls' play rings that were too small lay on his fingers. A soiled paisley bandana was tied around his antennae. He brooded. He had never felt more ridiculous in his life.
"Okay, Madame Cockroach. We ready?"
Link sighed in annoyance at the blob and sympathy for the scientist. He threw a switch that dimmed the facility lights. Taking in a deep breath, Doc began a chant:
Asante sana, squash banana,
Cuprum, plumbum, causticum,
"Madame Cockroach, why are that Santa and reindeer in the middle of the globe?" B.O.B. interrupted.
"They help him see the past, present, and future." Link quickly answered. "They're the spirits of psychic-ology."
"Cool! No wonder he knows if you've been bad or good."
Hickory, dickory, dock!
"Let's see..." Dr. Cockroach began. He closed his eyes in a meditating stance. "Come forth, spirits. Come forth.
"Ah, here it is! The Invisible Man has found this woman named Holly-Holly Tam to be exact-at the Eiffel Tower while on a world cruise on a rocket ship, married her at the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and are now honey mooning in Hong Kong. He is now a great international leader, his subjects having 'A Night On Bald Mountain' as their phone ringtones."
"Wow!" B.O.B. cried.
"Shush, B.O.B.. We don't want the spirits to go away. Unfortunately, ghosts from Link's past are coming to haunt him. We're going to escape to Russia, find the lost remains of the Romanovs, and resurrect Anastasia. Monger is going to find us, and everybody finds their way out except me."
Dr. Cockroach had enough. "And you and Anastasia got married and lived happily ever after. The End!" He finished quickly. He gratefully ripped off the bandana and got the tight plastic bands off, his fingers white-purple from the lack of blood circulation.
"That was AWESOME!" B.O.B. cheered. Link and Dr. Cockroach shook their heads. "I'm gonna have the best future in the world!"