"First rule! Don't wander off!" the Doctor yelled as he entered the TARDIS, slamming the door behind him. "Amy I could understand, but I thought you knew better!"
"Sweetie, you're overreacting," River said, an apologetic smirk on her well made-up face.
"You could have gotten killed," the Doctor said through clenched teeth while stalking towards River, his wagging pointer finger outstretched.
"But look at me!" River countered. The Doctor took a step back, turning his back toward her in refusal. River stepped forward and placed a warm, comforting hand on his shoulder, causing the Doctor's eyes to meet hers in response. "Sweetie, look at me. I'm still alive! I'm competent enough to handle any arising problems on my own, thank you." The Doctor opened his mouth to argue, but River placed a finger on his lips, shushing him. "This regeneration is bossy," she said, mostly to herself. "If only I could get you to loosen up a little…" River began tracing her hand down from the Doctor's lips and underneath the lapel of his tweed jacket. Clearly disturbed by this attempt to remove him of his garments, the Doctor stepped back.
"No, NO! River- I don't- you know I-" the Time Lord stuttered as River leaned against the console disappointedly.
"You're what? Self-conscious? I don't think so. You're certainly the most confident man I've ever seen. And judging by the bulge in your trousers I've seen occasionally as-of-late, I'd say you have no reason to have any concerns in regards to size…" River paused, taking in the delicious blush that had spread over the Doctor's face. "Is it simply that you're out of practice?" The Doctor's jaw dropped in faux alarm. "Oh, I'll soon fix that!"
Ignoring stammering pleas from her beloved time traveller, River grabbed the Doctor by the arm and led him through the complex hallways of the TARDIS. During her stay onboard the time machine, River had stumbled across a room that she found quite suspicious: some sort of sex dungeon. River drew it's door open and threw the Doctor down onto the stone floor, hastily locking the door behind her.