Thank you for sticking with us!
Lots of love!
Tunnel of Love
Waking up to three text messages wasn't the way I planned to start my day, but the incessant buzzing was starting to annoy me. I rolled, to reach out for my Blackberry. No coffee, no Charlie. The first text answered my question.
Bells, Gone Fishin'
Wow, he was a man of so many words. I opened the next message.
Jesus, they pay for these texts! Why don't they fill those bitches up!
I opened the last message; the one that woke me.
My stomach dropped.
'You were on my mind at least nine tenths of yesterday
It seemed as if perhaps I'd gone insane.
What is it about you that has commandeered my brain?'
Was he fucking kidding me?
He was trying to use Kimya Dawson to win me over?
Fucking hell, I'm not Juno!
I checked the time- 9.35am.
Having a whole day off work in a Charlie-free house was going to be… relaxing. And quiet.
After typing in a quick text to Charlie to acknowledge his departure and letting Angela know I was still alive, I jumped into the shower, dressed and waded down to the kitchen.
As I walked in, I tossed my phone onto the counter, where it landed with a slight clatter, and began to dig through my cupboards in search of some breakfast.
When I'd pulled out a bagel, spread some cream cheese over it and rested at the counter, my phone decided to vibrate.
'Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?'
Landslide? Really, Edward?
I let my phone fall back onto the counter and grabbed myself a glass of orange juice on my way to go and watch some crappy morning television.
Jeremy Kyle obviously entertained me as the next time I looked up at the clock, it was 1pm and somebody was banging on the front door. I got up and jogged to it.
"Cow, don't you ever check your phone? I do worry, you know! You could've been dead or anything!" She said, stepping over the threshold and making her way to the living room.
"Come in," I mumbled, ungrateful for my disturbance of peace.
"You know, I'm starting to think Edwards changing you. You always reply to my text, always. Even if you're being a sarcastic bitch you reply!"
"Calm down, woman! You're going to give yourself a migraine or something."
"Don't tell me to calm down! I thought you were dead!"
"I replied to your text this morning, Angela. The last time we spoke was, what? Four hours ago, at most?"
"It's your day off, you never do anything on your day off, so I was at a loss to imagine whatever could have distracted you! Excuse me for worrying!"
"Well… I'm alive. Surprise!"
"Don't get funny with me, B!"
"Love you, Ang."
"I love you too, now, why are you moping around watching a grown man shout at teenagers for not being proper parents?"
And just like that, she went onto a completely different, calmer, subject. She was like a human switch.
"Because, Ang, you know sooner or later, half the girls we went to school with will end up on here. We get to watch Jeremy tell them the things we never could."
That made Angela laugh. I wasn't sure why, because I was being serious.
"Oh, B," she sat smiling at me.
"You're hiding something. Talk to me."
Why did she have to know me so well?
"It's nothing, really-"
"It's something. So tell me."
Why did I answer my door?
I decided to just get it over and done with, because I knew she wasn't one to give up.
"Right, well, me and Edward were together the other day, then I came home and text him. Then he never text back. He always texts me back and, so, it upset me. No. It's angered me. Because he ignored me for a whole god-damn day then he has the nerve, the absolute nerve, to start quoting me soppy song lyrics, to me, in texts today? Maybe this means something? What do you think?" I asked Angela. Without waiting for a reply, I powered on, "I think that maybe he was screwing someone and he didn't want me to know about it and he spent the next day with her… Or, maybe, he could've just simply lost his phone? I mean, you never know, right? People always lose things at amusement parks? Right? They do, don't they? Ergh, maybe it had something to do with Jessica? She's dying to get her nails into Edwards back for a second time, I can bet on it. But then I could just be completely wrong. But I doubt I am, right? I mean... One of those things has got to be true?" It came out as a question rather than a confident statement.
I gasped in realization and carried on without taking air, "Maybe it was Carlisle! He could've said something to Edward which meant Edward stopped speaking to me until he could. Oh, Edward. I hope I didn't get him into trouble. Do you think I did? I hope not. Seriously. Oh no, would I get fired? What if I get fired, Ang? I need the money! Oh, fuck."
I finally stopped to drag in some needed oxygen.
"Ang. Hello? Ang? You're not helping by sitting there gaping at me, you know? I need your opinion!"
"Then sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up, Isabella Marie Swan. Now think about everything you've just blabbed to me and then think again and maybe a third time, just for good measure. Did any of what you just said to me, make any sense whatsoever? Was I meant to take all of that in? Are you being serious? Sweet Jesus, what has he done to you!"
So, I spent the next two hours confiding in my best friend.
I cried, I shouted, I laughed, but most of all realised how stupidly in love I was with Edward.
He had wormed his way into my brain and stuck himself there. He refused to leave.
I cried some more knowing that he could never truly feel the same way and when the tears dried, the anger started to build again. What had he done to me?
After I reassured Angela that I would indeed be fine with Buffy as company, she left, hugging me on the way out.
"He'll realise what he's missing soon enough, Bells. Love you," she whispered to me as she left.
Three episodes and twelve slayed -vampires later, Charlie came home with the day's haul of fish.
"Not bad, huh?" he waved the stinking bag in front of me. I started to retch.
"Get out and take your fish hands with you," I playfully hid behind the cushions, until he headed to the kitchen.
I glanced at my phone for what could possibly be the millionth time today; the damn green light was still blinking away.
I continued to watch TV and observed how everyone in Sunnydale lost their memories; perhaps Edward had lost his, too.
Nah. He messaged me ridiculous song lyrics this morning, so there's definitely no memory loss there!
Just then, Michelle Branch started up Goodbye to You and the cartoon light bulb above my head clicked on.
I grabbed my phone and prepared myself to send a text.
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again.
Goodbye to you, B x
Ha! Take that Edward Cullen, that's you told!
Oh shit! I didn't think this through.
I have a shift tomorrow, what am I going to say to him?
I buried my face into the cushion and let out my frustration.
Why do I never think things through before doing them?
"Do I even want to know?" Charlie's voice interrupted my muffled screaming.
"Probably not," I grumbled, "Even if I did tell you, you'd only pretend to listen and then ignore me for the whole week and then go on like…"
"Ok, sorry I asked!" he interjected, "I'm leaving! See! I'm going! Have fun with… that."
Charlie pointed awkwardly at the cushion I was still gripping on to.
I threw it at him as he was leaving.
"I'll be er… Out for the night Bells," he shouted as he left.
"Great," I replied, my voice still subdued by the cushion in front of my face.
I shoved it away, desperate to try and find something to do rather than sit here for the rest of the evening.
After raiding the refrigerator and learning that I really couldn't be fucked to cook a proper meal, for myself, I grabbed some tomato tinned soup and began to simmer it over the stove, in a pan.
Waiting for it to finally heat up, I cut off some bread and arranged a spoon, neatly, on a place mat at the table.
Dinner for one.
I eventually grabbed my soup and sank down into my seat, slowly dipping the bread in and bringing it to my mouth.
It tasted good. Warm. Quite comforting.
I suppose I never quite realized how big this house seemed with just one person in it. It seemed lonely, in a way.
The sound of You Are by Cara Salimando started to come from the living room which made me freeze, spoon mid-way to my mouth.
I jumped up, jogging my way into the living and stopping dead as soon as I saw the name on the screen.
Paha. He could do one.
It cut off after a few more rings and I sat staring at it for a few minutes.
Then it started ringing again.
Sure enough, it was Edward.
I didn't want to answer. So I decided to just sing along with Cara instead. Her song was surprisingly accurate.
"You're my anchor, darling, sink me. Come on pull me apart, make it hurt. Come and play with my heart, swear to make it worse. Honestly, you're so handsome when you're mean and no-one is better at ruining me than you are."
I let it ring off and busied myself with tidying up my soup bowl and crumbs that I'd left in the kitchen. By the time I'd slumped back on the sofa, my blackberry had gained a voicemail message.
After a few moments hesitation, I decided to brave it and dialed the voicemail number. The sound of the posh-voicemail-woman come through my speaker.
"You have one new message, who called today at 19.00 hours. To hear the message, please press 1."
I took a breath and pressed 1.
"New Message," the posh woman announced.
She was making me even more nervous.
The tone of the speaker changed and I could hear ragged breathing. Even though I knew it was a recorded message, it still made me catch my own breath.
"Bella. I," shuffling and a few clinks sounded in the background, "I don't know what to say… Other than… I know you… And you know me. Mostly... But what I'm trying to say is that we both know each other enough to know what we both want. So I can't just let someone tell me what I can and can't have. It doesn't work like that. It's never worked like that and it won't start. I need… I need you. I need to see the way your pink cheeks blush every time I compliment you. And the way you get angry with me and that little line appears and furrows above your nose. The way you taste…" he went quiet, but I could still hear his shallow breathing, "He can't tell me not to see you, he can't- because it isn't right…"the line went dead.
"Who's he?" I spoke a loud, expecting an answer from a dead connection, "Who?"
"To save this message, press 1. To return this call, press 2. To delete this message, press 3."
"Oh fuck off you stupid posh woman! You cut Edward off, you stupid cow! Fuck!"
I flopped back onto the sofa and tears fell from my eyes without me even noticing.
I wasn't upset. I was angry.
I wasn't angry because the posh woman cut Edward off, I was angry because Edward was creating something within me, which was new and frightening and I didn't like it one bit.