When the sun sets on my twitter timeline, so begins RhiAfterDark. This is the time I'm a bit looser with my slash talk, and sometimes – just sometimes – you might even see a twitterfic. Bedtime Story was the result of one of these. I decided (JoMoFan-Spot decided) that I needed a place to update these spontaneous ficlets in edited, formatted form. This story is rated M in case of future twitterporn, and tagged Edge because, well, it's from me.
Title: Rhi After Dark, Chapter 1: Something Fishy
Warnings: Language, innuendo, dick talk
Summary: Jay is land-bound and Adam lives in the sea, but neither could ask for a better friend. Crackfic-ish.
Narrator: Once upon a time on a vast stretch of sandy beach, there lived a Jay.
Jay: Hi. I'm Jay. And this is my beach.
N: We've already established that.
Jay: Just trying to be helpful.
N: I got it, thanks. Know your role and shut your mouth.
N: Anyway. Not too far from Jay's beach house was a lovely lagoon, where lived a fabulous mermaid named Adam.
Adam: Really? A mermaid? *looks down to see shells on chest, and a red and black fish tail* Oh, for the love of fuck.
N: Make the best of it.
Adam: *sigh* Behold! I am the mystical Siren of the Sea! Luring men to their rocky deaths with my beauty and sweet song!
Jay: More like their boats crash because everyone's running around with busted eardrums. I love you buddy, but Adam, please stop singing.
Adam: *huffs* Oh hey, aren't there people on this timeline that get offended when you use our real names?
N: Yeah, not really caring. This is my goddamn story, I'll call you whatever I fucking well please. And whoever heard of a mermaid called Edge?
Jay: Yeah, because it makes SO much more sense to have one named Adam.
Adam: It's better than Madison, anyway. And what's with the N?
N: It stands for Narrator. Now, lemme narrate. Over the years, Jay and Adam formed a strong bond of friendship. Because Adam couldn't leave the water, Jay would visit Adam's home, and they spent many hours in the open ocean. They whiled away their time swimming or fishing, or simply talking while Adam rested his arms on the side of the raft Jay had built.
Jay: *eyes Adam* This is sweet and all, but do I have to fuck the fish?
Adam: *running hands through hair* Please, you'd love to do me.
N: No. You're different species. Incompatible.
Jay: Does Adam even have a dick?
N: Shit.. I forgot about that. Huh.
Jay: You? Forget about cock? Unlikely.
N: Let's just gloss over that little detail.
Adam: Little? And no! You are not glossing over my penis!
N: Look, I said this won't be twitterporn, you wouldn't be using it anyway. Let's move on. Now, despite this odd friendship, Jay began to long for a different kind of companionship.
Jay: Oh! I have a line. Ahem. My bed sure is lonely. Wait, that's it?
N: Well, I never promised an epic soliloquy. Many people came to the beach, but none really caught Jay's attention.
Jay: Yeah. Beach bums, surfer stoners & body builders aren't my thing.
Adam: *wryly* You don't think long-haired blond surfers totally reek of awesomeness, dude? And we all know you don't go for hardbodies.
Jay: Are you implying I'm a chubby chaser?
Adam: You're always paired with Matt & Jericho. Just sayin.
Jay: *lips quirk* What can i say? Daddy likes something to hold onto. *sweetly* I'm also paired with you, Princess. When's the last time you had a cut six-pack? 2004?
Adam: *gasp* RUDE. I have a great body, thank you very much. *flexes*
Jay: Albeit a dickless body at the moment.
Adam: NOT TRUE! I just.. have to find it is all. *distressed*
N: Are you guys done yet? Ahem. As time passed, Jay grew more and more agitated with his situation, building a frustration that even Adam's sweet, talented mouth couldn't alleviate.
Adam: I thought he wasn't gonna fuck the fish.
N: I was trying to stuff your mouth to shut you up. Apparently, it's not working. Adam, being the gentle-hearted Siren he was, hated to see his friend hurting so.
Adam: Aw, poor Jay. I'll find him someone.*splashes off*
Jay: Was that in the script?
Jay: Oh. Okay. *back to being frustrated*
N: Adam searched the ocean far and wide, peering into ships and boats for that special person who could keep his friend relaxed and happy, someone Jay could take all his stress-
Jay: And frustration!
N: *rolls eyes* and frustration out on. Finally he found just what he was looking for.
Adam: I'm so good.
N: Yes. You are. Hush up. Adam spied a rather pretty boy working as a sailor on a pirate ship. He watched the redhead for a while-
Jay: Ooh, I think I know where this is going!
N: Everyone does. Stop interrupting. He watched the redhead, noting how eager and hardworking he was, always trying to please, but no one paid his efforts any mind. Then something even more special happened. One of the other sailors earned lashes for insubordination, getting tied to the mast and whipped. Adam saw the glitter in the redhead's brown eyes as he watched the lashing, heard the longing sigh escape his chest.
Adam: That's definitely the one.
N: Adam caught the sailor-boy's attention. Having never seen a real live mermaid before, the redhead wanted a closer look, and was easily lured into a dinghy that hung from the side of the ship.
Jay: *snickers* Dinghy.
N: Back on the island, Jay paced the beach, waiting impatiently for Adam's return. He had something to tell him. Jay didn't know why Adam had left him when he needed distraction the most, but he desperately wanted his friend back.
Adam: Aw, you miss me?
Jay: Course i do, Fatso.
N: Ah, breathe in that rad bromance. Anyhow, Jay spied a small boat speeding towards the lagoon, and he ran to tell whoever it was to get away from his friend's home. When he got there, he saw a familiar blonde in the water, pulling the tiny boat by a tow rope.
Adam: Hi! I brought you a present! Look!
N: Jay checked in the dinghy-
N: and saw a pretty, bound redhead. The poor guy was gagged and obviously annoyed, flushed and struggling as he was, but his expression changed when he saw the handsome, studly blonde peering down at him.
Jay: Thank you. *smugface*
N: You're welcome.
Adam: It's a Heath!
Adam: You like? You can unwrap him now.
Jay: I like very much. Thank you, Adam. I think I'll take him as is.
N: Jay hugged his best friend, then hefted the bound, gagged man over his shoulder. In his hurry to get home, Jay almost forgot to tell Adam that while he was gone, Jay had met someone he thought Adam might like. Jay pointed to Adam's favorite sitting rock and trotted off with his new toy. Curious, Adam swam further into his lagoon and to his rock. Sitting there waiting was a gorgeous merman, his purple tail shimmering green in the sunlight, a peridot hue that matched his eyes. Eyes that were now looking at Adam in a way that made him tingle to the tips of his fins.
Jeff: Hi. I'm Jeff.
Adam: *gulps* I think I just found my dick.
Jeff: *smirks* And I think I know where I'm about to hide mine.
N: And they all lived happily ever after.