Shaun IS Madame Bovary

And then Shaun and Madame Bovary flitted around the town of Yonville in a compromised state of mind. "Oooooh bugger!" cried Shaun as he tripped over a stray cat who was actually a drunk and passed out Desmond. "Oh hey," said Desmond." Madame Bovary was delighted. "Oh, wondrous fate!" she cried. "Who is this strapping young gentleman?" "Oh, well, I'm just a wandering man, a rebel without a cause." Shaun made a disgruntled noise. "Fuck you, Desmond. I'm taking you back to the Animus." "NOOOOOOOOOO," Desmond bellowed and sprouted wings and took to the skies. Madame Bovary clapped. "Oh, a turtle dove!" she shrieked. Before Desmond flew out of reach, Shaun clasped onto his ankles. Madame Bovary's shriek of pleasure still emitted from Shaun's mouth as they dangled over the expanse of country beyond the weeping, disconsolate Yonville. "Why ME!" they heard Yonville sappily cry out after them, but the pair didn't care, because such matters did not concern them. Shaun may have muttered, under this breath, "What a loser," but that was as much care they exerted, as they were not close with Flaubert, or familiar with his literary choices, and if they were, they would probably condemn him to be mayor of such a lame-ass town.

Desmond flew them both to the Eiffel Tower, where they rested on the highest level. They picnicked on croissants and other French pastry shit that Shaun had smuggled five days ago when he was cruising in Rouen. Five-day old squashed goods were, in fact, very tasty, and the rest of the crumbs they fed to birds. Then, a hazy figure too big to be a bird was spotted in the distance, and eventually, they could make out Ezio Auditore being carried in the talons of a half dozen hawks. "LUNCH!" Ezio exclaimed, and pounced on the crumbs with gusto.

Desmond's next shout downed a passing plane and a few geese. "Grandpa-pa!"

"So not bene," Ezio muttered and made like Batman and used his fancy, shmansy weaps' to make it down the monument, all fly and shit.

"I'm bored," said Shaun.

"Well, let's have sex or something, I don't know," Desmond answered as nonchalant as he could muster, which was like 1.5% of all the nonchalance there ever was.

"I'd rather start devouring this piece of shit landmark out from under us than ever fornicate with you, Miles."

Desmond sighed. "Fine."

They made it all the way to the bottom, and when they did, Shaun birthed New France.

The End.