A Mario/Metroid Crossover (hey, stop booing) by Mushroom Scribe
Almost every single character is © Nintendo/Shigeru Miyamoto. Story and crossover elements © me. Rated T for a tiny bit of language and one semi-gory scene (just to be safe). More notes after the chapter.
- Prologue -
Space Hunter's Log, Entry 8686:
"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to Durian, the lair of my newest archenemy. Hostile forces have barred my way at every turn, and yet I must persevere. Pride and boastfulness aside, it is no exaggeration when I state that there is no other life form capable of bringing down this menace to the galaxy. Her reach could in fact stretch over this one and into those far beyond the Federation's protection. The fate of the universe rests on my shoulders.
"One thing that has baffled me throughout this misadventure is the likeness emblazoned on much of the equipment of a lone man. He seems quite ordinary (or even below average), yet he is everywhere. Perhaps he could be the scientist responsible for this travesty of technology? I must inquire further on this matter… in the event I make it off this hunk of space rock alive.
"Perhaps that is cold of me to refer to my homeworld as a rock, but… without my family here that is all it has become to me. A lifeless heap of ore to be plundered. That's all anyone else has ever seen it as, friend and foe alike. How did my life come to this? How did I lose every last person and thing I hold dear, one tragedy after another? Is there any true reason for me to keep fighting the good fight, knowing there is nothing left to personally motivate my actions? I have made it my business to look after my galaxy, but who is going to look after me?
"My trusty laser cannon and Waria armor are my only companions in this quest, and they hold no answers. Blindly, I go now to confront pure evil… and my own certain doom."
- Chapter 1: The Random Menace -
It was a peaceful day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Of course it was – until it wasn't. Most non-peaceful days start out in an entirely different way than they end.
Mario, well-seasoned Italian plumber and hero to law-abiding fungus everywhere, was lounging in a deck chair, Gentleshroom's Quarterly in one hand and a cold fruity drink in the other. Truthfully, he could have used a piña colada, but they didn't manufacture any kind of alcohol in Mushroom World (a crying shame in his opinion). He could think of nothing else he would rather be doing than this – except maybe a casual game of ping-pong.
This is when Luigi ran up, panting and wheezing. Mario smiled as he pushed his sunglasses up to rest on the brim of his hat. "Didn't I tell you that you should start that exercise regimen with me back at the beginning of Summer? Well, didn't I?"
"Mario… we got… we got-"
"We got lazy," Mario finished for him. "I'm all for good food and a stress-free lifestyle, but if my brother can't even take a brisk jog without-"
"We got trouble!"
Instantly, Mario was on his feet, magazine and frosty beverage long forgotten. "Gimme the W's."
"Who is the Koopa Kids – as you probably knew," Luigi told him as he wiped sweat from his brow. "Where is in Pipe Maze. And why… well, your guess is as good as mine, right?"
"Those darned Koopas!" Mario burst out as he jammed his feet into his scuffed leather workboots. "Can't they leave us alone for five friggin' seconds?"
Luigi shrugged as he surreptitiously picked up Mario's abandoned drink and took a sip to wet his now-parched throat. "They did, actually; Dark Land has been quiet for the last couple of months. I wonder what they're up to?"
"No time to psychoanalyze the minds of madmen; we have a kingdom to save!"
Mario and Luigi sprang into action the moment they arrived in the Pipe Maze. It was mayhem. Everywhere they looked, there were Koopalings in tiny airships raining destruction upon the landscape with Bob-Ombs and fireballs. Thus, the two plumbers took to the air and began stomping Paratroopas and other various riffraff.
"Pastaface Plumber and Forgettable Relation!" Bowser Koopa said in his gravelly voice when he spotted them trying to ruin his plans. "Hah! I was expecting you this time!"
"Save your witty repartee for somebody who cares, you lousy lizard!"
Luigi frowned as he took out a Bullet Bill cannon. "I put in just as much work as Mario. Why do I always get second billing – or no billing at all? 'Forgettable relation' indeed!"
A V-formation of Paratroopas dive-bombed them at that instant. Launching himself off a pipe the size of a small recreational vehicle, Mario landed on top of the spearhead, knocking the dazed terrapin to the ground far below. From there he did a quick somersault and bounced onto another three of them as his brother did the same, and by the time they came close to the last few they let out frightened squeaks and turned tail, headed for parts unknown.
Mario landed on the lip of another pipe and shook his fist skyward. "I'm comin' to clobber you, Koopa!"
The enormous gecko-turtle-dragon hybrid creature threw back his head and laughed, exposing row upon row of lethal-looking fangs. "You and what army, faucet freak? Princess Toadstool has only got a whopping two guys she'll send out to do her dirty work! I, on the other hand, came amply prepared!"
"So did I!" Mario's hand strayed to his pockets, where he knew he had at least one power-up left; maybe even a few if he was lucky. But he hesitated a moment too long.
That little "observe" came from one of the Koopaling ships – it was already upon them before Mario realized the pilot was Wendy, his only daughter. Her teeth bared in a sinister grin, she guided it directly at his head. The brothers were quicker than that, however, and they both executed an Olympic-grade high jump at the right moment to clear her attack.
Mario's timing was off, though, and he ended up landing next to her in the cockpit, though facing backward. They stared at each other, blinked – and the lizard girl screamed.
"IGGY!" the bossman barked. "Go help your sister!"
"But King Dad, I was just about to demolish-"
"Do I look like a tyrant who cares? Do as I say or I'm cutting your allowance in half!"
Meanwhile, Wendy was kicking Mario in the head with her cute little pink high-heels and trying to steer her ship at the same time. She wasn't doing particularly well at either. "Get outta here, you creep! I don't believe in giving free rides to strangers!"
"You're a lousy pilot!" he accused as he fought to protect his face from the worst of the damage. "And your shoes don't match your hairbow!"
Wendy stopped dead still and glared at him. Then, to his utter amazement, her large, pouty bottom lip began to tremble. "But I… I worked really hard at picking these out. I thought I looked nice."
Flabbergasted – and sensing true peril – Mario gulped. "Well… okay, so maybe they do match. One has white polka-dots and the other doesn't, but they're the same shade of pink, and- hey, what do I know about fashion? Do you see what I'm wearing? Overalls! Who the hell wears overalls anymore?"
"You horrible, horrible cad! How could you say an insensitive thing like that to a lady? You'll pay for this – I swear you will!"
And that was when she suddenly spun the wheel, turning the ship upside down. Luckily for her, she was a conscientious driver and always buckled her safety belt. Unluckily for Mario, he never got the chance to do the same.
"LUUUIIIGIII!" he bellowed as he fell down, down, down into the mess of pipes below.
"Mario – crap! I'm comin', Bro!"
As Mario plummeted to his death, he reflected that he wished the whole Koopa family would just up and croak already so he wouldn't have to keep suffering through such headaches. More specifically, he wished he never, ever laid eyes on Wendy O. Koopa again.
The plumber only had about an instant to wonder about the odd sight he saw heading in his direction (or that he was heading in the direction of, as it were). Since when were there translucent-rainbow pipes? Most of the ones he'd seen in and around the kingdom were green, blue or yellow. Maybe red once in a while.
Then he was falling into it and the time to find its color fascinating was over.
Mario had grown all too used to it over the years, being sucked through a Warp Zone. It had been how he and his brother had landed themselves in the Mushroom Kingdom to begin with. Now, however, in addition to the sensations of being upside down while tumbling end over end, he also felt like he was being turned inside out and all of his colors were being reversed. Mario had never felt so strange, which was saying a lot for a plumber who talked to fungus and used flowers to shoot fire from his fingertips on a regular basis.
As with all Warp Zones, the journey came to an end when he was spit out the other side of the pipe. Question was, where had this journey brought him?
Slowly, Mario stood, pushing his feet into the soil beneath him. It was spongy and moist. As his eyes adjusted to the low light, he realized it was brighter up ahead… wherever up ahead was.
"Forget this," he sighed. "I'm in no mood to seek out new life and new civilizations. Time to go home."
But that didn't seem as if it would work out. The pipe was nowhere to be found. Mario spent a goodly amount of time searching for it with no luck; it was simply gone as if it had never existed. What in the name of Allen Wrench was going on?
"But they always have two ends," he babbled to himself, still running his hands over the craggy cave wall. "Every time, you go in one end and come out the other. So I should be able to go back…"
Exploration seemed to have decided they were going to spend an afternoon together after all.
Adjusting the waistband of his overalls, Mario stomped off toward the glow. As he went, he saw all kinds of creatures that he had no name for crawling along the walls, or swimming in brackish water. Finally, he came to the glow… and was stunned to see something he had no word for.
It was a huge, round blue dome. Moreover, it was bowing outward from the biggest mess of technology he'd ever seen – certainly more than he'd ever seen in the Mushroom Kingdom, where they were still working on electricity and running water. Metal gleamed and wiring hummed, and smaller lights blinked statuses that he couldn't decipher. He pushed a hand into the blue dome and it was cool to the touch. He knocked; no answer. Then he punched it harder-
And it irised open. Mario's arms whirled as he fought to keep his balance, but it was a fight he did not win and through the door he tumbled. He did, however, manage to make himself spin so he could watch the door iris shut behind him… and disappear. Well, it didn't really disappear, but the other side showed no indication that there was a door there, and being that he didn't have a photographic memory he likely wouldn't remember where it had been if he went back to find it later.
At the last second, Mario managed to reach out and snag a platform that was protruding from the wall. It was a long way down. Should he keep going, or change direction and head for the ceiling? Maybe he should try to rip that door back open anyway – if he remembered which identical stretch of wall was the door. On the other hand, what would it matter if it just took him back to where the pipe wasn't?
Then an earthquake and piercing wail of an alarm seemed to ask him to make up his mind quickly. Had he been discovered? Was he about to end up in some crazy dungeon, or worse? Running a hand down his face, he glanced both upward and downward to see if either one of them was suddenly more appealing. No such luck.
As he was still debating, he saw a gleam of blue out of the corner of his eye; it was another door, far, far down at the bottom of this strange vertical shaft. Maybe that was the way he should be heading. Where there's a door, there's the possibility of an exit.
He had just tentatively hopped down one or two platforms and was starting to decide that maybe they were all sturdy enough to support his weight when he saw a whirling, glinting object heading straight for him. An attack! That's what it had to be, right? A big, shiny cannonball! But then the cannonball dropped onto the ledge in front of him and straightened out into a humanoid form, one only slightly taller than he was. It was like a metallic sunset, oranges and yellows and reds glinting from every facet except the greenish visor in the helmet – for now Mario was reasonably sure this was a person in a suit and not some weird kind of robot.
As he stood there, dumbfounded, the creature's arm raised and pointed what might possibly have been a cannon directly at his face. Obviously this wasn't a surprise birthday party. The creature's free hand (or the only one it had?) touched the side of its helmet, and a clear, no-nonsense voice barked, "Give me a reason to let you live."
English – great! That didn't mean he was out of the woods yet, but it was a place to start from. "Uhh… because I have unpaid parking tickets?"
An audible sigh of annoyance. Maybe humor wasn't going to be his best bet. "Do you have a ship?"
"Ship? You mean like the S.S. Minnow? 'Fraid not."
The helmet swiveled down to watch as that recently-used door at the bottom suddenly decided to explode. "This place is about to turn itself into a cinder, tenderfoot. If you can keep up, I'll give you a lift as far as Police Headquarters. Then you're on your own." With a widened stance, the being started to look up to judge its best route, then glanced sideways again. "But I'm warning you – try any funny business and you'll have enough new breathing holes that your enormous nose will no longer be necessary."
Mario frowned at the insult to his appearance but nodded. Now was not the time for vanity.
He quickly realized what this odd personage had meant by "if you can keep up", because he'd never seen anyone or anything move that fast. Every jump well-executed, every landing a perfect ten. Once or twice, the height of the jump hadn't been enough but a quick grab on the ledge's lip and a heave meant standing and readying for another leap.
When he saw the heavy boots slam into the wall itself and propel the rest of the body upward, spinning end over end, his jaw dropped. Even with all his experience, he'd never seen anybody do that – even an Olympic gymnast! They'd puke!
Not that Mario felt he was outclassed. On the contrary; if there was one thing he got even better at during his stay in the Mushroom Kingdom it was jumping. Jumping over lava, jumping from airship to airship… jumping for joy when Bowser's latest plans were foiled once more. If only he had this kind of technique back when he was in track and field in high school!
Finally they reached an elevator, and his would-be rescuer gave an impatient sigh and waited the extra second it took him to get to it. Then the helmet angled upward, and somehow the elevator knew this was its cue to ascend. They were on little more than a glowing disc that shot up a hollow tube. As it moved, he asked, "So, uh… why are we trying not to be blown to bits?"
"Hey, just making conversaNGH!"
"Listen and listen well, maggot," the being snapped while clutching the lapel of his shirt and lifting him off the surface of the elevator. "I'm saving your life here. I don't like you, we aren't friends – I sure as space junk don't trust you. In fact, my working theory is that you're behind all this. So until you've proven otherwise, consider yourself in my custody."
"Behind all WHAT?" he rasped. Then he was dropped so he could properly rub his strangled throat. "I don't have a single clue as to how I got here, or even where 'here' is, so me taking a wild guess? I'm not behind anything. I'm just a blue-collar schlub who went down the wrong pipe."
"Save it. Anybody can talk a good game. I've heard plenty of tall tales in every police holding unit across the galaxy, and they all sound like yours: 'wrong place wrong time', 'I don't even know how to fire a plasma beam', 'she was like that when I found her, I swear'. Pathetic."
He squinted up at the visor, trying to see inside it. Nothing doing; it was almost totally opaque. How could they see him, or anything else? Then he sputtered, "Wait… galaxy? So we're in space?"
"No," the creature sighed with waning patience. "We are on a planet. If we don't completely fail to escape with our tails intact, we will be in space very shortly, so cross your fingers."
"And you're a cop?"
A light chuckle. "Space Hunter. I capture criminals and undesirables and bring them in to the police for bounty. Strictly for hire, and at a strictly lofty price."
Mario raised his eyebrows. "Really? 'Cause I have a lizard infestation problem back home that me and my friends could use a little assistance with."
With that, the voice turned cold – somehow. As if it hadn't been cold before. "I doubt you could afford me." The quality of the light changed, and the stranger's posture shifted into one of action. "Okay, we're almost there. Fall behind and you will be destroyed with the rest of this region. According to my readings on radiation levels, we only have… less than two minutes to clear its atmosphere before the reactor goes critical and we all fry."
"Two minutes? How far away is your ship?"
"Running? Maybe a minute and a half."
"No way! We'll be flotsam and jetsam! We-"
"We will be fine. Or I will be; I have a speed booster equipped." Another sigh. "Hop on."
"Hop on… what? Your back?"
"You'll never keep up with me when I shift into boost-mode. If you value your life, HOLD STILL or I will shrug you off and you can eat my stardust."
Seeing that the being was crouching to shoot off in some direction or other, Mario hopped up and locked his arms and legs around its waist and shoulders. He was doing his best to stay away from the neck so as not to choke his only ally in this bizarre location, but then he realized it probably wouldn't matter through an armored suit. "Ready when you are."
The tube fell away, and Mario saw a chamber. Then he didn't see it, because they had raced through. He had a glimpse of another vertical chamber before he suddenly felt like he was going to hurl, because his host was flipping through the air from foothold to foothold, compensating for his weight with the greatest of ease. In no time they were at the top, blasting through doors and walls alike. He blinked again… and they had exited the cave.
"It's raining," he observed.
"Damn. Ruined my plans for a casual picnic in yonder meadow." Then he was dumped unceremoniously to the ground – except he suddenly found he was sitting on a huge, gleaming metal platform. "Get in."
"Get in what?" A door opened in the floor. "Oh." In he got. His rescuer followed, sealing the door behind them, and dashed past to a room he suddenly realized was the cockpit. "So this is your ride? Nice, I guess – not that I've been in many spaceships."
"Yeah, thanks. Hang onto something. Or don't, and end up with whiplash and a few cracked molars. See if I care."
Mario braced himself in the narrow doorway behind the cockpit and prayed to any local deities that might be listening that he made it out alive. Then he was nearly flattened into a pancake when they lifted off.
"How fffast does thhhis thing ggggo?" he drawled.
"Faster than you can think, slug brain." Seemed as if that suit also protected its pilot from the forces associated with escaping from a gravitational field. Neato.
"Howww mmmannny mmmiles to the gaaallonnn doesss shhhe gettt?"
"Will you shut your gaping airlock for one minute?"
They stayed silent until they were at a safe distance from the planet's surface, and the g-force began to lessen around Mario's body. Shortly thereafter, the entire ship shook. "Whoa!" he yelped. "What's going on, are we blowing up?"
"Just a shockwave from Mother Drain's self-destruct." A sigh – of relief this time. "We're okay. We're really okay now… I live to fight another day."
Fingers flew over the keyboard as the ship's pilot set a course for wherever they were headed next. "A construct of the Space Plumbers. Apparently, they used their technological pipework to build an A.I. that would control their defense systems and research into the Goomboids… and it got out of hand. I've always been a firm believer in cosmic karma, anyway."
"Goomboids?" he said weakly. "What in the… do I even wanna know what those are?"
"Maybe it's your turn to answer a question from me," his savior growled as the seat turned to face him directly. "How come your drab attire so closely resembles the uniform of the Space Plumbers? And why is your face all over their equipment? Don't forget I can blow a crater in your abdomen at any time."
Mario took off his cap and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Robocop, I got no clue where this is or why I'm there. All I know is I fell in this clearish rainbow pipe and wound up in someplace that was nowhere NEAR where I started. As for my clothes, it's what all plumbers wear, isn't it? Denim and workboots?"
"So you admit you're one of them. The Space Plumbers."
"No, I'm A plumber. I fix pipes for a living. I have never before nor intend to fix any in outer space, though, so whatever you're talking about is just… craziness, and news to me."
At that, the pilot tilted its head to the side, as if trying to get a new perspective. When the voice spoke again, it had lost some of its previous frost. "Your clothes do seem to be a bit… primitive. Completely inadequate for interplanetary travel. Where did you say you were from again?"
"Brooklyn, originally… but these days I hang my hat in the Mushroom Kingdom."
"Mushroombus Seven, or Five, the capital?"
Mario's brow furrowed. "What? No, Mushroom Kingdom. What are you talking about, five?"
"Planets one through four in that system are uninhabitable wastelands. Any amoeba knows that much at least. Wait…" An arm and an arm cannon folded over its chest. "You're really saying 'kingdom'. But there's no such things as kingdoms, not in this millennium. Could we be talking about some kind of time travel? Dimensional flux?"
"Uhh… sure. Look, I don't know anything about flux capacitors or whatever, but I know something about traveling between worlds, and that was definitely what it felt like when I fell through the pipe. My guess is that home is a long way away by your standard, uh, rocketship."
The stranger nodded. "Right. Well, it's not my problem – which is fine, since I wouldn't even begin to know how to help you – but as I promised, I will bring you with me to the police, who can likely put you in contact with Gaddologic Space Labs. They might be able to help. As for me, now that I've set the autopilot I'm off for a nice long shower and to put my Power-Up Suit through the rinse cycle; I have spent days crawling around the caverns of Delfebes and this thing is pretty ripe."
"Hang on!" Mario yelped as the stranger stood while releasing some locking clamps on the sides of the helmet. "You're just turning me over to the cops? That's not very neighborly, is it?"
"Who said I was your Bob-ombdamn neighbor, son?"
Mario's heart stuck in his throat when he got an eyeful of the face behind the helmet. The fact that his rescuer was a woman was actually about fifth on the list of shocks he received. Higher up was that she was, indeed, his neighbor. Higher up than that…
*To Be Continued!*
NOTES: So yep, I decided not to hang onto the "BIG REVEAL" until chapter 2, just put it right out there. In case you still missed it anyway, we have traveled to a dimension in which Wendy is Samus. What do you think? Did I make a delicious new confection, or a recipe for disaster? Be kind, this is my first crossover, but… I have big plans.
Let's get this out of the way: MOST of the basic plot of the story (from Chapter 5 on) is going to be taken from Metroid Prime, which will probably anger the gods of originality. I'm just putting a Mario twist on it and turning it into a "buddy cop" movie. Needless to say, if you somehow haven't played Prime by now but still care about spoilers, there will be a LOT. On the other hand, I vary from said plot when it suits me, which will anger the purists who want me to actually detail the finding of TWELVE ARTIFACTS and therefore drag this on much longer than any sane writer would. It's one thing in a game where it's presenting a challenge, but to write "And then they found another one… and another one… and ANOTHER one…"
How about, um, no.
I'm messing around with it, and even I am not sure how this is going to end yet because I've only got about half of it written up through the 'rough draft' stage. Also, I threw in a bunch of semi-obscure references to pop culture (especially Nintendo) that may seem campy at times because they are, but it's all in fun, right? I mean, look at the two universes this crossover bridges! See you soon!