Disclaimer: As much as I love this show, I don't own any of the characters. That honor belongs to Eric Kripke, Sera Gamble and Co.
A.N: I don't really have much to say this time around, except Happy Supernatural Friday! Dunno, about anyone else, but I'm looking forward to the second episode tonight! Just wrote out this little one-shot today as I had more in my head during the scene. (One of the rare times, coming up with a title is hard...)
Summary: Tag to 7.01: Meet the New Boss. An extended conversation of Dean finding out that Sam is indeed having trouble with his hell memories.
"I know you think Cas is gone."
Dean leisurely took a sip of his drink, "That's cause he is."
"He's not. He's in there somewhere, Dean, I know it", Sam stated vehemently. He wasn't ready to give up on Cas. What kind of hypocrite would he be if he did?
Dean gave him a look, "No you don't."
Sam sighed and admitted, "Okay, I don't." He could admit that but that didn't mean he had to give up so he added, "...but I was pretty far gone sometimes myself and you never gave up on me."
"Yea and it turns out you are about the same open book as you always been. Hallucinations really?" Dean eyed his young brother with disapproval, "I had to find out from Death? I mean, really?"
Sam sighed again, "What was I suppose to do?"
"How about not lie? How about tell me you've got crazy crap climbing those walls?" asked Dean as he poured himself more of a drink.
"Why?" shrugged Sam and Dean looked at him with a warning in his eyes but he ignored it and continued, "You can't help. You've had a lot of stuff swinging your way lately and I thought…what, I thought why burst the one good bubble you've got left."
Dean paused here and really looked at Sam suspiciously. Sam stared back at him.
Dean's eyes narrowed almost daring Sam to deny his next words, "Were you listening to us out there, earlier? Cause, no offense, those words sound suspiciously familiar. Too familiar."
Sam looked away briefly, his tell. He wouldn't deny it.
"Eavesdropping is beneath you, Sam."
"I wasn't eavesdropping. At least I didn't mean too. I just caught the tail end of your conversation and besides you were talking about me. If I had come in, you would have stopped."
"Dean, look, I'm sorry for eavesdropping, I am, but I heard that you thought everything was great. I wasn't going to destroy that. If it makes you feel any better, I was coming to tell you, but then I heard what you said and…."
"And you should have told me anyway!" Dean slammed his drink on the counter.
Sam pressed his lips together, stubbornly, "You would have done no less if it was you in my shoes. I apologize for keeping this from you yes, but I'm not going to apologize for keeping it from to give you peace of mind when you would have done the same thing."
Dean huffed, "It's the same thing."
"No, it isn't, and besides it's under control."
"What is? What is exactly is under control?" asked Dean.
"I know what's real and what's not."
"Sam…." Dean growled a warning.
Sam cut him off before he started, "Look we can debate this when we find Cas."
Dean got sidetrack by the computer catching his attention, "What the...?"
Sam tensed, "What?" He wasn't sure if he should start backing out of the room if Dean got sidetracked by...Sam did not want to go there.
"Cas?" Sam asked taking a long step to stand over Dean's shoulder. They watched the video camera footage.
Sam was shocked. Castiel wasn't acting like himself. Especially that smirk before the feed went out. It looked inhuman on his face. Well, Castiel wasn't human to start with, but the point still stands. Sam was more determined than ever to try to reach Cas, even if his brother had checked out on him, with what he hoped was temporarily, but with Dean you'd never know.
Speaking of his brother….
Dean casually leaned back taking another sip of his drink gesturing to the screen, "Like I said, Cas we know is gone."
"We still have to try, Dean", Sam spoke softly straightening, "We owe him that much."
"We don't owe him jack."
"He's our friend, Dean. He just slipped down a dark road. Friends help each when one slips, or at the very least attempts to."
"Speaking of which, sit down Sam." Dean ordered.
Sam took a step towards the door, "We can debate this later, Dean", he repeated eager to try to contact Cas.
"We gonna debate this now", Dean reached out and grabbed his brother's arm, "Sit down, Sam."
Sam eyed him before taking a step and sinking down opposite of Dean. He waited as Dean studied him taking another drink.
"The next time you have a hallucination, you better darn well tell me about it." There was no room for argument in Dean's voice.
But Sam being Sam, ignored this, "To what end and purpose?" A flutter of worry passed through Sam as he thought that Dean would very well chuck his glass at his head.
Dean's eyes flashed, "To what end and purpose?" he repeated Sam's question with a measure of contempt, "How about so that all the ducks are in a row and the right hand knows what the left is doing! Pick one! Both, either, or!"
Sam nodded understandingly, "Dean, I only wanted to make your life easier. You cannot fault me for that. You cannot, not when you have done just as crazy to make mine easier to bear. I will not apologize for doing a basic human thing. I'm sorry it hurt you, yes. And I wanted to tell you, like I said, I was coming to tell you, but if I can can ease one less burden, than I will do that without apology." Sam lifted his chin, daring Dean to argue his point, which was pointless in Sam's eyes.
Dean started at him a long moment, his face pinched. Even he could not argue that point. Sam was right he would have done no less, but Sam needed to understand that it was better that he tell him. That he needed to be told. He spoke slowly, "All the same, I need to know what is going on, so that I know and can plan accordingly."
"There is nothing about this that you can plan!" Sam cried exasperated.
"You are missing the point, Sam, either willingly or not." Stated Dean with a calmness he wasn't aware he had at the moment, "Think about this from my view. If you were me, wouldn't you want to know what is going on with the people close to you? You have wanted to."
"Even if it hurts?" Sam asked lowering his gaze.
"Yes. Remember when I made my deal, I didn't tell you right away." Dean spoke gently, "I know that hurt you though I felt the same way you felt now."
Sam was stone silent and unmoving until his nod was slow in coming but it came.
"Then think about what I'm asking you." Dean pressed continuing on, as he sat forward in his seat, closing the laptop, to study Sam for a sign that he was getting what he was saying, "I don't know what I can do to help you, but if I know, the least I can do is be there."
"It hits randomly." Sam admitted.
"Well, maybe I'll be there at times." Dean amended, "But I'm sure you'd feel better knowing that someone got your back."
Sam nodded, "Yea, I would."
"And I feel better knowing that I got your back. This is a two-way street, Sam. Let us try to remember that, though chances are we'll have a variation of this conversation for the rest of our lives", Dean's mouth twitched at his joke.
Sam looked up with a slight twitch of his own mouth. There was a moment of lightheartedness, before Dean continued, "Then if I can't do anything else, then let me do that. Let me know and be there. Let me attempt to help you though it or whatever you think I can do. But I need to know it order to even attempt. You following me?"
Sam's gave a light smile and a nod, "Yeah. I follow you."
Dean gazed at him a long moment before slowly nodding, "Wonderful." He sat back in his chair, lifting the laptop back up.
There was a moment of silence that followed before Sam broke it, looking at the door briefly, "We done?"
Dean glanced over the laptop, "You got somewhere to be?"
"Thought maybe I'd try to contact Cas."
Dean snorted looking back at the screen, "If you want to waste your precious time, be my guest."
"You can't be as aloof about this as you are making yourself out to be." Sam commented.
Dean gave that cynical smile of his, "Oh, yes I can. I'm gonna shut my piehole and drink and gonna watch some Asian cartoon porn and act like the world's about to explode because it is!"
Sam rolled his eyes.
"Now, if you want to join me in some…"
"No." Sam was out of his seat so fast and out the door before Dean could say or do anything else but blink.
Dean sat there a few moments looking at an empty chair. His eyes marked the trail that Sam left behind, looking at the door before blinking and using his mouse and clicking something on the screen, turning back to it. He poured more drink into his glass and sat back.
"Your loss", he murmured before toasting the screen as asian music started.