I Can Stop the Bleeding
Kingdom Hearts and its characters do not belong to me.
I felt a comfortable warmth around me, which was strange cause the last thing I remembered was bundling up under my covers cause I was freezing.
I blinked open my eyes and my face was against something firm, but comfortable.
I heard Axel's voice and didn't think anything of it.
I nodded my head. I felt his hand against my forehead.
"Your fever's gone. Are you feeling better?"
His hand being so close made something tug at my memory but I didn't pay it any attention.
He chuckled, and the subtle movement made me move.
Oh. He's on the bed somewhere. That's why.
I shut my eyes.
"What time is it?"
How long have I been asleep?
"It's 8. You've been asleep for four hours."
His voice being so close should've alarmed me. It didn't.
I could hear a thumping in my ear.
Why is my heartbeat so loud?
I felt a soft pressure traipsing up and down my spine.
What is that?
Finally, my grogginess wore off and I was able to take in my surroundings.
I had fallen asleep with my head on Axel's chest. The thumping in my ear was his heartbeat. The soft pressure on my back was his fingers.
This is heaven.
I didn't want to move. I had to.
I sat up, feeling very embarrassed.
"S-sorry about that. I was kinda out of it earlier."
It had to be my wishful thinking, but it felt like Axel was reluctant to let go.
"It's fine Roxas. Don't worry about it."
It meant nothing to him!
I gripped my arm trying to hold back my tears.
Why don't you love me!
"Roxas? Are you sure you're feeling better?"
His kindness made me wanna cry even more.
He reached for me and I flinched away from his touch.
Don't! You'll just make it worse!
"Roxas? What's wrong?"
I could hear the concern and hurt in his voice.
"Nothing. I'm fine. I just don't want to get you sick. You should go."
Leave! Before I break!
I could hear my voice shaking.
"I won't get sick Roxas. I want to stay."
His words rang full of truth.
My tears spilled. I gripped my arm tighter.
He was really worried now.
Stop it! Don't act like you care when you don't!
I put as much venom into my voice as I could.
He was shocked.
PLEASE JUST GO! IT HURTS!
I looked up at him through my tears; he was scared.
Good. Maybe he'll leave without any questions.
"I don't want you here Axel. Not now. I need to be alone. I need… time."
Please just say okay and leave.
"What happened Roxas? What'd I do?"
He's making this so hard…
"Why do I need to explain myself to you? I just want to be left the hell alone Axel!"
He gasped. My heart broke.
Stay. Hold me. Say everything's going to be okay.
No. Go. Just go.
He didn't say anything. I continued to cry and grip my arm.
He stood up.
"Okay Roxas. If that's what you want, I'll leave. Call me when you feel better."
Sadness saturated his voice and I didn't understand why.
When my door shut I broke down and started choking out sobs.
What the hell? What the fucking hell!
I was confused. I had no idea what had happened to make Roxas act like that.
'Why do I need to explain myself to you? I just want to be left the hell alone Axel!'
Those words sent a knife through my heart.
I didn't know what to do or say to change his mind.
I couldn't stay. Leaving nearly killed me.
When I shut the door I heard him sobbing.
It took everything in me not to run in there and hold him.
He doesn't want me here. I have to respect that.
I forced myself to walk home and not turn back.
The last time he said he needed time things turned out just fine.
Everything will be okay.
I walked into my house and headed for the living room.
My mom turned around when I entered the room. Her and Dad were exchanging presents.
"Hey sweetie. Is Roxas feeling better?"
I couldn't find my voice.
She got a good look at my face.
I collapsed onto the couch and covered my face with my hands.
"He sent me away. He said he wanted to be left alone and to give him time."
She got up off the floor to come sit next to me.
She put her arms around me and I leaned into her embrace.
Dad wasn't sure what to do.
He could easily be emotional and caring with Mom, but it was weird to do the same with me.
I understood. I would've found it weird too.
"What am I supposed to do Mom?"
She patted my shoulder and made me sit up and look at her.
"I think… You should tell him how you feel."
I was shocked and automatically shook my head.
"I can't do that."
She looked me straight in the eye.
"Yes you can. Give him all the time he needs, and the next time you see him tell him how you feel."
I was still doubtful so she continued to reassure me.
"Axel, you're never gonna find out how he feels until you tell him how you feel."
I knew what she said was the truth but I didn't wanna risk our friendship.
It has to be done.
"Okay Mom. Next time I see him I'll tell him."
She smiled and kissed me on the forehead before getting up and going back to Dad.
I went upstairs to my room to think things over.
My phone vibrated.
Axel… Can u come back… I need u…
I didn't take any time to think. I ran down the stairs and out of the house.
I was sitting on my bathroom floor watching my wrist bleed.
I couldn't control myself any longer.
After Axel left, and the pain bubbled to the surface, the urge to cut myself was greater than ever.
I didn't want to do it though. I didn't wanna disappoint Axel more than I already had.
I turned on music hoping it would distract me. It didn't.
I thought about Axel hoping that my feelings for him would be numb the pain. They didn't.
The pain and need wouldn't leave me.
Just one little cut. That's all. It'll be the last time.
That's what I told myself as I walked across my bedroom to my bathroom.
It felt like my body had a mind of its own as my hand grasped my razor.
As I touched the blade to my skin, I started trembling as I anticipated the pain.
My breath hitched as I cut into the scared skin. It had been so long and I was no longer used to it.
I waited for the release. It never came. I still hurt; the wound had made it worse.
I started crying again.
I dug into my pocket with my uninjured arm and typed out a text.
Axel… Can u come back… I need u…
I didn't wait for a reply. I knew he would come.
He's going to be so mad.
No. He'll say everything's gonna be okay. Then he'll get mad.
I'm in love with an idiot…
Ten minutes later Axel came running through my bedroom door.
I didn't answer. He found me right away.
I saw his eyes cloud with sadness, disappointment, worry, and something else I couldn't name.
"Axel I'm so sorry."
His eyes only held that emotion I couldn't name when I said that.
He knelt down and took my arm into his lap like that first night.
"Ssh. It's okay Roxas. I'm not mad. I'm just glad you texted me."
He started cleaning the wound.
"A-aren't you disappointed?"
He looked at me. His eyes vexed me.
"Yes, but I'm not mad. I could never be mad at you Roxas."
I felt a little better when he said that.
"Do you know why I'm disappointed?"
I shook my head.
"No not really."
He nodded I didn't think so.
"Every time you cut into yourself, it hurts me so much Roxas."
I didn't understand.
"W-well I'm your best friend. It makes sense."
He shook his head.
Stop getting your hopes up!
He finished bandaging my wrist.
He brought my arm up to his lips and kissed my wrist.
"You're more than a friend Roxas. I'm in love with you."
I froze. My breathing stopped.
"I liked you as soon as I met you and since then I've slowly fallen in love you."
Is this real? Am I dreaming?
I'm not sure what expression my face held.
He took my face in hands and leaned forward.
My heart went wild.
He stopped an inch away from my lips to gauge my reaction.
I couldn't speak. I couldn't move.
He leaned in that last inch and gently kissed me.
He pulled away and looked at me.
I was like stone. I could barely think let alone speak.
Axel loves me? But I thought he said we were just friends?
"… Just… friends…?"
I meant to say the whole sentence, but that's all I could manage.
Pain pooled in his eyes and turned away from me.
"Fine. I understand. I'll be going then. Goodbye Roxas."
He walked out the door.
I was still frozen on my bathroom floor.
I could hear rain pelting my window.
Axel loves me?
I got up off my floor and ran for the front door.
I passed my dad in the kitchen.
I ignored him. I had to get to Axel.
I ran outside into the pouring rain and ran after his retreating figure.
He stopped and turned around.
"Why Roxas? I'm not going to be pathetic like Hayner and stick around to be hurt every day."
I kept walking towards him.
"Don't go Axel."
I was crying again. I doubt he could tell due to the rain.
"I shouldn't have told you. You should go back inside so you don't get sick again."
I grabbed his hand. He tried to pull away. I held on.
"Not until you listen to me Axel!"
He glared at me.
"I don't need to hear it Roxas! I can't just be your friend anymore! It hurts too much!"
He tried to pull his hand away again. I held tighter.
"I'm not gonna say I want to stay friends with you. I was going to say that I feel the same way."
He stopped trying to pull his hand away.
He sounded shocked.
"I love you too Axel. I have for a long time."
He narrowed his eyes.
"Then why did you say we were just friends?"
"I meant to ask why you said we were just friends but it didn't come out that way. If you hadn't said that I would've told you how I felt a long time ago."
I looked away.
"I didn't realize I liked you at the time…"
"That's cause you're an idiot."
He turned to say something but I was tired of talk.
I stood on my tip toes and kissed him.
He was shocked at first but then he wrapped his hands around me tightly.
He kissed me back with such ferocity that I almost pulled away, but then the kiss slowly became gentler.
I melted into him; finally getting what I wanted.
He flicked his tongue over my lip, making me gasp.
When my mouth opened, he slowly slid his tongue into my mouth.
I responded by moving my own tongue against his, reveling in the contact.
I ran my hands through his hair, and melded my body against his.
In response he pulled me tighter.
He nibbled on my lip making me moan.
He broke the kiss, we both gasped for air.
He leaned his forehead against mine.
I couldn't speak so I nodded.
"Roxas, I love you."
I pecked his lips before responding.
"I love you too Axel."
I felt impervious to the rain as Axel pulled me into his embrace.
The pain had faded away.
I have been waiting to do this chapter since day one!
I'm so happy with how it's turned out and how many people love it!
If I ended it here would I have an angry mob beating down my door?
Or do you guys want more?
Writing more wouldn't be a problem I'm not sure how I would end it.
Reviews please. :O)