There's a knock on the outer door, and Sherlock doesn't look up from the two test tubes in his hand (as if they'll explode if he looks away; they just might). The knock come again, followed by the loud buzzer. Where is John? Sherlock thinks with a minute furrow of his brow. He vaguely remembers the jingle of keys nearly an hour ago, must have gone out.

The knock again. Sherlock doesn't move, instead shouting in a voice that could shake dust from his landlady's ceiling if she'd had any: "MRS. HUDSON!"

No reply. Maybe John had spirited her away with him on whatever flight of fancy had seized him. Sherlock huffed spitefully, but did not move.

"Sherlock," comes a sing-song voice from the street, wafting in through the open front windows, "if you don't open your door, I'm going to blast it in."

Sherlock is at the window in an instant, test tubes miraculously in their holders and not tumbling their contents all over Mrs. Hudson's good floors. "River, you wouldn't dare," Sherlock hisses through the window, his curly head poking out through dense curtains.

"Oh, I would, though," the woman says through smirking painted lips.

It takes the work of thirty-three seconds for Sherlock to gallop down the stairs and yank the door open, glaring two holes into her grinning face.

"Diary," he says harshly, holding out one hand.

She rolls her eyes. "Can't I come in?"

"Not until I know when you're from."

"All right, all right," she sighs wistfully (tossing her hair back over her shoulder as she digs in her bag for the blue book). She stares levelly at him when she holds it in the detective's direction. "Where's your boy?"

"I'm not my husband's keeper," he murmurs without thinking.

"Husbands!" River says with a bright smile. "Congratulations, Mister and Mister Holmes."

Sherlock winces, but says nothing more as he flips through the diary. Seeming satisfied, he nods and hands the book back. "All right, come in."

He doesn't bother cleaning up for her, or offering her a seat. She unloops her holster and throws the gun into John's armchair, taking a quick look about the place as Sherlock resumes his position at the kitchen table experiment. River smiles fondly at the mess; the stacks of old newspapers, the empty boxes of nicotine patches, last night's takeaway boxes on Sherlock's desk. Then, taking a seat in Sherlock's chair, she crosses her legs and waits.

"I'm not going to ask what you want," he says at last, adding a bit of the left tube into the right.

"Are you trying to deduce me, Mister Holmes?" River asks, smiling with a cock of her head.

"I wouldn't give you the pleasure, Miss Song." He can't hide the flicker of a smirk.

"It's Torchwood," she says at last.

"There's a surprise," Sherlock murmurs, setting one of the tubes aside to concentrate on the other. "Song and Harkness. I heard you made quite the mess of that business with the spectral dog in Devon."

"I would have the Doctor on it, but he's not answering me at the moment," River says, toying with her hair and trying not to look miffed at the issue.

"Lover's spat?" Sherlock asks, and this time he does smile.

"Oh, you are the world's greatest detective," she utters with mock surprise.

"What does Torchwood want with me?" he asks, finally turning to face her.

"Aren't we going to wait for your husband?" she asks furtively, the corner of her lip curling happily.

"Lover's spat," he reiterates, and he's suddenly moving about and picking up bits of clothing he's left behind. "I take it this has something to do with the disappearance of Miss Carfax?"

River gives a wonderful laugh, re-buckles her gun belt, and they're out the door together in under three minutes.

AN: Welcome to my Wholock One-Liners! These are going to be several short fics in the "Two Doctors" verse of mine, most of which are too short for their own stories (IMO). Most of these were suggestions given to me over on my tumblr (I'm shoelessone over there, come say hi!) and are awfully tiny. But fun! All the fics will be related to the 'verse, but not in any necessary order (a bit wibbly-wobbly, soz!). So, I hope you enjoy, leave us some love, and don't forget to stay awesome!