Title: Unfairly Kinda Gay
Author: gleefulmusings (formerly xanzpet)
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season Two AU.
Rating: FR-15 (T)
Warning(s): Language, sexual situations.
Distribution: Please ask first. Please do not screencap this story, save it to hard drives, exchange with others, or translate into other languages without written consent.
Feedback: Con-crit is always welcome; flames are ridiculed and put on display.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, lyrics, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Snippets of dialogue may be incorporated from the original canonical episode(s) and belong to their respective authors/creators. The original characters and plot are the property of the author(s). The author(s) is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor should any be inferred. No profit is being made.
Summary: Xander thinks Angel is incredibly unfair…and definitely kind of gay.
There were things about Angel which Xander just didn't understand.
Oh, he knew all about the drinking blood and the suffering and the endless torment throughout time and whatever, but it was the small innocuous things which confused him.
Like, what was up with the hair?
It was always gelled to perfection, as if anything less would have been an affront not only to the vampire, but the world in general. Yeah, it was spiky and kind of glossy and it always looked good.
Xander didn't understand that either. How did Angel manage to get his hair perfect every single time without benefit of a mirror?
Sometimes, in the universe of Cool in which Angel was the sun and Xander himself a distant dwarf star, he thought that perfect hair was the most unfair thing in existence.
Also unfair was that body. Now that just wasn't right.
It wasn't like Angel worked out or watched what he ate. He just looked like that, like a living, unbreathing god carved from ivory. It was completely undeserved! And that he was so smug about it was galling.
Oh, some might have called it confidence rather than arrogance, but then why did Angel always answer the door to his creepy mansion in an unbuttoned silk shirt? What the hell was the point of wearing a shirt if you were going to leave it unbuttoned?
To show off!
He was showing off his abs of steel and the long torso and the broad expanse of skin which somehow rendered the silk shirt cheap, because he knew people would look. Angel liked when people looked at him, no matter how he protested otherwise.
The idea of a vain vampire was kinda gay.
Also kinda gay was the way Angel had snuck up behind him and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, picking him up by it like he was a rag doll or a kitten.
It was kinda gay the way that Angel had slammed him up against the wall and trapped him there, staring into his eyes as if awaiting an answer to an unasked question. Or was he waiting for permission?
But didn't the whole scruff thing kind of negate consent?
Xander was just a smidge past not caring.
And it was completely unfair and extremely gay when Angel bent down and stole a kiss, like they were schoolgirls out behind the P.E. shed during recess.
Although the idea of two girls stealing a kiss at recess was pretty hot.
And Angel was pretty hot, in a really unfair and utterly gay way.
And the way Xander went weak at the knees like a blushing virgin was completely unfair. But not gay! It was just because Angel was taller and stronger and kind of forcing him. Right!
It was unfair, and not at all hot.
And the way he moaned into Angel's mouth, like the vampire's lips were crème brulée, was completely heterosexual, because it was just unnatural for another man's lips to be that soft and that tasty and that…yielding, like he imagined a girl's would be, if he actually ever got to kiss a girl.
So Xander was confused, that was all.
And Angel's plaintive whine which escaped their pressed mouths? Yup. Unfair and gay.
But his unsure and unsteady fingers grasping at Angel's zipper? The way they caused Angel to gasp like a little boy told a filthy joke in the middle of Mass? That was totally fair.
And Xander didn't care if it was gay.