Title: Five Conversations Cordelia Never Had (But Should Have)
Author: gleefulmusings (formerly xanzpet)
Beta: mysterious_daze
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season Three AU.
Characters: Angel, Buffy, Cordelia, Giles, Oz, Xander
Rating: FR-7 (K)
Warning(s): Spoilers for Lover's Walk.
Distribution: Please ask first. Please do not screencap this story, save it to hard drives, exchange with others, or translate into other languages without written consent.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, lyrics, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Snippets of dialogue may be incorporated from the original canonical episode(s) and belong to their respective authors/creators. The original characters and plot are the property of the author(s). The author(s) is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor should any be inferred. No profit is being made.

Summary: A series of five brief conversations Cordelia has with some of her former friends after she breaks up with Xander.

"Cordelia, I know you are in pain, but I expected more maturity from you."

"Really? You've never said more than a handful of words to me in the past three years, and now you think you have the right to lecture me on my love life? Save your passive-aggressive Earl Grey attitude for someone who cares."

"Oz has forgiven Willow."

"Well, good for him. Maybe they'll run off into the sunset and she can have a litter in a nice, dusty burrow."

"Is there no hope?"

"Xander made his choice. He has to live with the consequences. How's that for maturity?"


"For what? That our respective others decided to swap spit before the cartoon vampire came back to threaten them some more? Sorry you led me there and I fell through the floor? Sorry that now you know that we're the second choices? Sorry because you feel guilty for taking Willow back and now she's put you up to talking to me about Xander?"



"I understand how you feel."

"Sure you do. Because you have your own tragic epic love which will echo throughout time and blah blah blah. Spare me your saga, Angel. It was a high school romance which ended with my complete humiliation. Only the first in a long series, it would appear. Why do you even care?"

"You and Xander are my friends."

"Really? Since when? All you do is fight with Xander over Buffy, and you don't even know when a beautiful cheerleader is flirting with you. I never thought someone could be more clueless than Xander, but I stand corrected."

"If you love him, you should be with him."

"Hi, Pot? This is Kettle. You're black."

"He really misses you."

"Well, duh. Of course he does."

"Cordy, I don't understand why you just can't get over it. It was only a kiss. He knows how badly he hurt you, and he's devastated. He hates himself! Can't you give him another chance?"

"Why should I, Buffy? I gave up a lot. I got him better clothes, made him marginally popular, got trashed by own friends, and a steel bar through my stomach. What is it you think I owe him?"

"He thinks you never loved him."

"Then he never knew me at all."

"Where's the jewelry?"


"The jewelry. You give jewelry. It's what you do. You gave me that necklace and you gave Buffy that bracelet. I can't possibly take you back without you giving me a gift you can't afford. And I also want my necklace back, by the way. In addition to more jewelry."

"Uh...I told Willow that she needs kissing lessons and a Tic-Tac?"

"That's a start. Get me my necklace after school. Here's a list of even more appropriate gifts, ranked in order of preference, and all of my sizes and colors. It's coordinated with a map of the mall and a price-tier. Now, let's find a utility closet and, after, we'll go shatter some of Harmony's illusions."