-Major spoilers for 7.01 and 7.02. No slash intended-

I'm Still Here


I fought them as hard as I could, using every ounce of strength I possessed to keep them away from my friends. No, no, they would not harm them they…They're so strong. I caught a glimpse of Dean, still standing there, still with me.

Dean, why aren't you running? Why aren't you getting away from me? They'll hurt you, they'll kill you! They'll-

The claws at the back of my soul dug in deeper, grabbing my shoulders, tearing me away from my physical form.

"Can't fight us…" They hissed.

"Let go, Castiel…"

"Our will be done…"

"Take him."

"Take him."


I was falling, tumbling into black, thick nothingness, my wings slowing my descent by a fraction. No, no, this couldn't be happening. I couldn't let them hurt Dean! There was so much I needed to do. I needed to fix Sam, I needed to convey to Dean how sorry I am for my damnable actions.

Now, I was scared, terrified of just where I was. Was I dead? Was I dying? What was happening to me? So I said the only thing that I could think to; the one thing that could bring me comfort in this terrible world.


A pointless waste of energy, but it was all I could think to say. I'd betrayed him, turned him away, told him I didn't care about him anymore and he still stayed with me. He still helped me. I wanted my friend!

"DEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" I screamed, stripped of any composure.

I landed hard, stars dancing in front of my eyes, head throbbing, wing broken. I gasped raggedly, opening my eyes, sickeningly dizzy, bleeding and naked.

When my eyes focused I was in a banned cell, laying on a freezing concrete floor, shivering. A single orb of light encircled me, not enough to see where this hall ended, bit enough to show I was surrounded by more, like some sort of prison. I looked around, sitting up with effort, head aching.

"Hello?" I whispered. I wasn't certain as to what I expected in return. "Hello!" My voice was weak, trembling with my body, terrified.

Something slithered around me in the dark where I couldn't see. I backed against the wall, wincing, trying to hold my wing to lessen the pain.

"Castiel…" I looked up, trying to find the source of the voice.

"Hello?" I squeaked, sounding like a frightened child. "Who's there?"

"We're here, and you're dead," the one voice was now three, two men and one woman, the sound harsh in my ears. I knew them. They were the same that had forced my hand and murdered those innocent people. The leviathan.

"No," I tried to sound brave. Maybe if I pretended not to be afraid the way Dean did they'd be frightened too. "You have stolen my vessel. I am-"

"Nothing!" They said. I winced. "You are nothing, Castiel. You are a weakling, dirt, a pathetic excuse for a living thing. You should be honored to host us."

"No, no, I am an angel of the-" They laughed at me.

"Lord? What Lord?" I stared at the floor, shamed. "We are you masters, now. In fact, we think we should reward you for bringing us to such a delectable world." The cell door opened. I didn't move. I waited for something terrible to happen. I shook my head.


"But Castiel," they cooed, goading me. "You could be happy here…" I looked up. Beyond the door of this penitentiary was a vast grassy meadow, a gentle wind blowing against flower petals, sunshine warming every blade, the so clear and beautiful. No pain, no fear, no evil, my mistakes gone…but what really made me take that jolt toward it...? Dean. He held his hand out to me, smiling, peace in his eyes that I had never seen before.

"C'mon, Cas," he said, smiling. Sam appeared behind him, just as at ease. He looked at his older brother, smiling warmly.

"We don't remember Hell here, Cas," he said. "It's like it never happened."

"Come with us," Dean urged. "If you come with us we can be a family again. I forgive you for what you did, Cas."

Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at him, bit because he forgave my sins, but because…because it wasn't real. He wasn't really there, neither was Sam. It was all an illusion that I so desperately wanted to let myself believe, but…but it was a lie, and my friends were still out there with these things, not with me.

"It's not real," I gulped. "It's not real." I looked away, crying.

"The slave doesn't want his reward?" They snarled. "Fine."

The meadow disappeared, melting into fire and brimstone, surrounded by shrieks of agony and inhuman laughter. Hell.

Meat hooks swung down, clutching into Dean's shoulder and side, chains tightening around his wrists and ankles, hauling into the burning pit and in front of Alistair, who immediately started to cut and carve into him.

"NO!" I screamed, but it was drowned out by his screaming.

"DEAN!" Sam yelled, cut off by a chain snaking around his neck and yanking him hard. He clutched at it, writhing, stopping beside my brother, who put a hand on his shoulder. Sam whimpered, jerking away, petrified. "No, no, please, no! Cas, help!"

Lucifer looked at me, grinning. "This is all your fault."

"SAAM!" Dean screamed as Alistair sliced through his shirt and his skin. His eyes met mine, agonized and spilling tears. "CAS! Cas, you can save me! Save me again, please! You can save me and Sam, PLEASE!" The scar on his shoulder glowed hot, the one I gave him when I saved him before… "CAS, PLEASE!" I turned away, sobbing.

"No, no, you're not real. It's not real" I cried, my heart mangling when seeing Dean's wounds, listening to his screams, shutting my eyes as he and Sam screamed my name. "It's not real…"

The heat behind me faded away, the leviathan above me laughing, humiliating me. "You're using images from my mind," I whispered. "This is my mind, you can't do what you want with it."

"Silence!" They bellowed.

"I am an angel, I have-"


I screamed, feeling my wings bend and crunch, breaking under their whim. I fell to the ground, blood coating my back and pooling around me.

"AHN! Oh…" I shut my eyes, choking and shuddering in agony. I tried to move…tried… The pain was overwhelming, so much that I wretched on the floor, gagging.

"You're nothing," they growled. We could slaughter you right here if the feeble mind and body of your vessel could sustain us."

"Where is he?" I asked, raggedly, coughing. "Where is Jimmy?"

The cell door creaked open again. "Find him yourself." They laughed darkly. "If you can." Their laughter faded away, signaling they had left me alone.

It took a long time before I found the strength to move on my own, standing with difficulty, using the bars to hoist myself up, my mangled limbs weeping bloody tears, shaking as I moved. Hot, salty tears stung my eyes as I walked, trying as hard as I could to keep going.

I had to find him. After everything I'd put him through I had to know he was alright. I had to explain my self and…and apologize.

I staggered down the hall, breathing raggedly, supporting myself with every bar I passed. "JIMMY!" I called, wincing, blood on my lips. "JIMMY!" Silence met me.

I walked for hours on end, possibly days, each step more excruciating than the last. Sometimes I'd trip over nothing, knowing it was them, trying to discourage me. It was working.

I pushed myself up once more, swallowing tears. Have to find him, I told myself. Just find him.

"Jimmy!" My voice was weak, body shaking.


I jumped, looking into the almost pitch-black cell beside me. A figure was curled in the corner, hugging its knees. I swung inside the cell, knees shaking before I fell beside it. "Jimmy?" I whispered. He looked at me, beaten and scared, clothes torn, terrified. "Are you alright?" He shook his head, staring at me.

"What are those things?" He breathed. "Wh-what do they want? Why didn't they leave with the rest?" He looked around. Now, I understood what these cells were for. The souls I had harvested stayed here, put here by the Leviathan proving their dominance, and Jimmy was no exception to this rule.

"Don't worry about them," I assured. "They are my concern, not yours." He shut his eyes, leaning his head back, lips trembling.

"Castiel, could you…could you send me to that place I go to when you're doing something I don't want to see?" He begged, eyes shining. I nodded, gently touching his forehead, trying to convey to him that it would be alright. I would fight this with everything I had, and let him be in peace while I did so.

He closed his eyes, sighing very softly, cheeks swollen and raw.

"It'll be alright, Jimmy," I said. "Everything will be alright."

His whole body seized, mouth opening to a terrible, chilling shriek, tears seeping from under his eyelids, body tensing and seizing.


"We told you!" They cackled. "YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE!" Jimmy vanished as I reached for him, still screaming before-

A scream unlike any other ripped from my throat, a raw, echoing sound. My entire body tensed, sobbing so hard I was choking as…as my wings were torn from my body, bursting to nothing.

I cried, my heated face pressed into the concrete, screaming Dean's name in an effort to bring myself comfort.

"Dean! Dean, help me! DEAAAN!"

"We're beating him right now," they chuckled.

"Nohoh, no…"

"You are powerless, Castiel. You aren't an angel here," they cooed. "You're less than human, less than any demon or monster on this earth. You are here to serve us."

I continued to cry in my delirium, wishing that I had listened to Sam and Dean when they told me…when they told me I would get hurt. "M-my wings," I gulped, feeling that void, feeling so violated and poisoned.

"Only angels have those," they laughed.

"Dean," I moaned, trying to escape them. "Dean…"

"You want to see your precious Dean?" They hissed. The room went black, leaving me in darkness I could never imagine. I whimpered, scared of what they would do next.

Suddenly, a screen burst to life in front of me, like a television. However what I was seeing was what was in front of my own eyes outside of this hellish prison I'd been cast in.

"Cas?" Dean said, right in front of me. I sat up, reaching for him.

I watched my own hands grab his jacket, grinning from ear to ear. "Cas is, hm, he's gone."

"No," I whispered, shaking my head.

"He's, dead."

I watched the horror dawn in my friend's eyes.

"No, Dean, I'm right here!" I called weakly. "I'm not gone, I'm right here!"

The Leviathan threw him across the room and into a table. "DEAN!"

Bobby went next, collapsing on the floor, leaving Dean alone. He looked back at us, still scared. I could hear things moving around me, slithering and clawing on walls that I couldn't see, their eyes glowing in the dark, all rushing to one place.

"Oh, this is going to be so much fun."

There were hundreds of them, thousands, and I had no will to stop them. They laughed collectively, hissing and clicking happily. There were a lot more of them than I anticipated. They were all trying to get to one place, overwhelming me.

I continued to stare at the screen. "Don't hurt him, I begged. Nothing answered.

"WAIT!" The original voices bellowed. "Wait, not YET!"

"…Your vessel's gonna explode, ain't it?" Dean said. My heart started to pound. I looked at all of them, and there were just more coming. I was going to die. They were going to kill me. They were too numerous, even I couldn't-

"We'll be back for you," my voice growled, staggering away from my frightened friend.

"NO!" Dean was my only solace here. I looked up. "LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT OF HERE! I WANT MY FRIEND BACK, PLEASE! PLEASE GIVE ME MY FRIEND BACK!" I covered my ears, the sound around me overwhelming, still floored from my mangled back.

"WAIT!" They weren't talking to me. "Just wait!"