Disclaimer: I do not own this, I make no monetary profit from writing it.
A/N: Hey everybody another change of pace. This is a side fic to go along with Just As I Can Be Cruel by chemical-love. Its a very dark story but one which I enjoy nonetheless. As for this fic, its pure dialogue meant to be from Sarah's point of view regarding her situation in Just As I Can Be Cruel. I can just imagine her years after being subjected to Underground culture, tired but still fierce of heart. Anyway hope you enjoy. -Rei
"Do I have to marry someone when I grow up Mama?"
"Yes beloved you will. One day you will marry a princess, and have little princes, and princesses of your own."
"Well then I want to be in love, like you and Papa are. I want to be happy with the princess I marry."
"Don't mistake what your father and I have as love Toby."
"But, but Papa loves you Mama, don't you love Papa?"
"I'm not going to lie to you Toby, you need to know the truth, or you will make the same mistake his majesty made with me. Your Papa loves the idea of love. He loves the idea of someone wanting what is best for him, and above all else wanting to make him happy."
"Isn't that what love is Mama?"
"Yes honey it is, but in order to love someone you have to be willing to put their happiness before your own, even it means sacrificing what makes you happy. It means telling them the truth no matter how much that truth might hurt them, forgiving the ones that you love when they hurt you, and if required letting them go when they can't forgive you. Your father has yet to do that."
"But Papa forgave you when you ran away from him, didn't he?"
"No, he just didn't want to go through the humiliation of another wife running away from him, like your birth mother did."
"Karen was bad."
"Does that make what his majesty did right Toby? Does that justify trapping me, holding my friends and myself prisoner, raping me, beating me, and because he has married me, does that make it justified?"
"No Toby, it doesn't. You're father has already told you what you are to do if someone were to force their attentions upon you. Now imagine if you were married to that person who your father told you to defend yourself against as best you can until you could get help."
"How is it different?"
"You're supposed to obey your husband. Papa said so. If you didn't disobey, Papa wouldn't hit you."
"I see your point little love, it isn't fair or right but those are the rules here. That leads us back at you question of love. The one thing your father would have of me, even above giving you siblings, is my love. I would go as so far as to say if he could, your sire would order me love him. Now, Toby can you love someone who has taken almost everything from you? Can you learn to love someone who doesn't care if they continue to do you harm because they want to be happy? Would you pardon them, even though no matter how much they apologize, they will continue hurting you?"
"I don't think so."
"Me neither. I cannot forget, I cannot forgive, and because I can do neither of these things, I will never love your father."
"Never is a long time Mama."
"Yes, but forever is even longer. I will forever be trapped here, in a gilded cage married to the person who has done me the most harm, and at his complete mercy. Though what has past is not all his majesty's to blame, the end result still remains. My heart is barren save my love for you, little prince. And I dread the day when you are faced with the same choice as your father."